Chapter 5 Corey
COREY
The Baby's First Christmas cookies needed to be perfect.
Absolutely perfect. I piped another tiny swoosh of royal icing onto a bootie-shaped cookie, with my tongue poking out of the corner of my mouth in concentration.
These weren't just any cookies—they were going to the NICU at the hospital, where several tiny humans were celebrating their very first holiday.
My Instagram followers had gone wild when I posted the initial designs, and three local news stations had already called for interviews. Who would have thought my little home bakery could turn me into a minor celebrity? Not me, that's for sure.
But as much as I loved the positive attention my cookies got, there was a whole other side of me that stayed carefully hidden with no attention at all.
The side of me that sometimes felt Little and young and completely detached from the grown-up world.
That side was just for me. The baker side was for everyone else… and me.
I finished the last of the booties and stood back to admire my work.
Forty-eight perfectly decorated sugar cookies were spread across my kitchen counter.
There were little onesies, booties, rattles, and teddy bears in soft pastels.
I might have been a grown-ass man, but I still got the warm fuzzies looking at baby stuff.
My phone buzzed against the countertop, sending a little thrill through me. Was it another order? I should have turned the order form off days ago because I was completely booked through New Year's. But every time that notification sound rang, my heart did a happy dance. And so did my feet.
Someone wants my cookies! Someone thinks I’m good enough! It was intoxicating.
I wiped my hands on my apron and picked up the phone, leaving my signature smudge of frosting behind. The message I expected to be an order wasn’t anything of the sort. It was a notification from the Little/Middle social media group I'd joined under a pseudonym six months ago.
I tapped on the notification, and my jaw dropped as I read the message.
"EXCITING NEWS, LITTLES AND MIDDLES! The Lactin Brotherhood has just announced a partnership with the LOC8 hookup app designed to match lactating men with partners in need of milk!
Whether you're looking for nutrition, comfort, or something more intimate, TLB has you covered. Download now for exclusive early access while it’s still in beta! "
My mouth went dry. The Lactin Brotherhood.
I'd first heard about them after researching why a healthy man like Noah might need a breast pump. Just one of many deep dives into Little spaces I’d been doing lately.
Once I realized it was a thing that existed, I'd been obsessed, unable to think about anything other than what it would be like to be held and fed that way.
To have that kind of nurturing connection with someone.
I'd always been self-conscious about my Little side. Not ashamed but not comfortable being truly open with others. I had my pacifiers and onesies…and some toys that I pulled out when I was having a bad day or felt sad. But that was just for me. It wasn’t something I ever imagined I could really experience with a partner… or a Daddy.
I picked up my phone again and reread the announcement ten times.
Before I could overthink it, I clicked the link to download the TLB app, my heart thumping against my ribs as I opened it up and created a profile.
When I was prompted to identify as either a "supplier" or a "seeker," I almost deleted it right there.
But after a moment of doubt, I hit the seeker button and held my breath.
The next screen asked about preferences.
That was where things got interesting. I wasn’t expecting to choose between options like casual feeding, a nurturing relationship, or drop-offs.
Did I have any dietary restrictions or allergies that needed to be considered by the supplier?
Did I want to meet in public first or prefer private arrangements?
The thoroughness was reassuring, even as it made this all feel a bit too real.
After completing my profile in the best way possible, I hit the search button, curious to see if there were any "suppliers" in my area. I lived in a fairly progressive city, but it still seemed unlikely I’d find someone within a ten-mile radius.
The app loaded a map, and I nearly dropped my phone.
There was a blue dot right on top of my apartment building.
That couldn't be right. The app must be broken or still in beta because it had to be mistaking me as a supplier instead of a seeker. I zoomed in, tapping the screen to make sure I was reading it correctly. But then it showed me as a seeker, as well as a separate supplier.
How was that possible?
Was that…Noah? It couldn't be him. That was crazy. It had to be a coincidence.
As I stared at the screen, I noticed the blue dot for the supplier starting to move. It left its position and began traveling north, then west, then south.
And then my doorbell rang.
I nearly jumped out of my skin as I stared at my door like it might explode. The bell rang again.
"Coming!" My voice cracked, but I took a deep breath, wondering if I was overreacting. I probably was. I had to be.
I hastily untied the apron and ran a hand through my hair, probably just making it worse. Then, with one last deep breath, I opened the door.
Noah stood there, looking even taller than I remembered.
His dark hair was slightly mussed and he wore a simple henley that stretched across his broad chest and shoulders, giving me a nice view of his chest. But what made my stomach drop was that he was holding his phone up with the screen turned toward me, showing the TLB app with my profile highlighted in one hand… and one of my pacifiers in the other.
"Corey." His voice was deeper but soft, like he was being careful not to frighten me. "I think we need to talk."
I opened my mouth, but no words came out.
He knew.
He knew about me being a Little, and apparently, he was a member of the Lactin Brotherhood and knew I was curious.
After a minute of waiting for me to get my bearings, he sighed. "Can I come in?"
I nodded and stepped aside, not sure if I was about to laugh or cry or pass out.
As he walked past me into my apartment, I caught a whiff of his cologne and wanted to press my face against his chest just to breathe him in. But I shook the thought away as quickly as it came. Now was definitely not the time.
Noah glanced around my apartment, taking in the rows of cookies covering every available surface in my kitchen and the box of stockings in the corner.
His eyes lingered on my phone, still open to the TLB app on the counter.
"I was surprised to see a match pop up literally next door.
" He placed my pacifier on the counter. "Thank you for the stockings, by the way, but I’m not sure you meant to include this in one of them. "
“I dropped that?” I swallowed hard, wishing I could disappear and never have to have this conversation. "And the app was…I just downloaded it a few minutes ago." I finally pulled in a full breath and looked him in the eyes. "I was curious. I didn't expect—"
"Someone so close?" He raised an eyebrow. "Neither did I. They had all the suppliers sign up last week, but I didn’t expect to get any matches at all, and then, there you were."
I shifted uncomfortably, unsure what to say. This wasn't how I'd imagined my secret coming out. Not that I'd ever really imagined it coming out at all.
Noah seemed to sense my discomfort, and his expression softened slightly. "Look, I know this is awkward, but if you’re actually looking for milk..." He spread his arms wide, puffing out his chest. "I’m here to help."
"I'm not really sure." My cheeks were burning as my eyes closed. "I've never... I mean, this is all new to me. I just…suspected you were using a milk pump, and that got me researching, and now…"
"Fair enough." Noah nodded slowly then glanced at my kitchen again. "You seem busy. Should we have this conversation another time?"
“No!” The abrupt change of subject caught me off guard, and I was afraid he’d leave before I knew what he wanted. "I mean, I’ve got time now. These are done."
“Okay, then.” He tapped his finger on the ring of the pacifier. “This is yours?”
"Not exac... I mean, I don't..." I wanted to think of a reasonable excuse, but the words wouldn't come.
My legs felt suddenly wobbly, and without thinking, I sank down to the floor of my living room.
My back pressed against the couch, and I had to fight back tears as I was overwhelmed by having my most private secret exposed.
Noah didn't look disgusted at all. He knelt down in front of me and reached for my hand. "Hey, it's okay, sweetheart." His voice was gentler than I'd ever heard it. "I'm not here to judge you. Quite the opposite."
I looked up at him through the tears threatening to spill from my eyes. "I don't know what to say," I whispered. "I've never told anyone about...this part of me."
"Then maybe we start with why you want to be a seeker on the app. And then I’ll tell you why I want to be a supplier. And we’ll see where the conversation goes from there."
Part of me wanted to grab the pacifier, run to my bedroom, and never come out again. But another part squeezed his hand and nodded. "Okay. Let's talk."