Chapter Four
Ben sat down opposite Smoke at the little table on the balcony and took a slug of the whiskey he’d just poured.
“Dare I ask what’s going on with you tonight?”
Ben rolled his eyes. “Ask away. Maybe you can help me figure out the answer.”
“Okay. What the hell is going on with you tonight? I came down to the restaurant earlier thinking we could hang out for a while before you finished work and came to drink whiskey with me. Instead of finding you working your ass off like you usually are, lo and behold you’re sitting having a cozy dinner with Angel, and holding her hand no less. ”
Ben shook his head rapidly. “It wasn’t like that. It wasn’t a cozy dinner, it was a working dinner.”
“And you weren’t holding her hand?”
He sighed. “She was holding my hand, and I was so surprised that I didn’t stop her.”
Smoke pursed his lips and nodded. “Okay, so—even if I buy that—I decide to sit out on the deck and listen to the band, thinking you’ve forgotten all about me and I’ll catch you later, and what do I see, but you bringing her back here.”
“To give her some keys. That was all.”
Smoke raised an eyebrow.
“Okay. That was all I wanted to do.”
“But that wasn’t all that happened?”
Ben nodded. “She asked if I wanted to get into something casual with her while I wait for Charlotte.”
Smoke frowned.
“And … she kissed me.”
Smoke laughed. “She kissed you? Like you couldn’t fend her off? Couldn’t stop her?”
Ben sighed. “She took me by surprise and I … I …”
“You what?”
Ben closed his eyes, remembering the way his arms had closed around her and pulled her to him, remembering the way she’d felt pushed up against him. “I held her. And I liked it! And then I kicked her out!”
“Wow.” Smoke sat back and took a drink.
“Say something more than wow! Tell me what you think?”
“It doesn’t matter what I think. It’s what you think that’s important. How do you feel about it now?”
Ben shrugged. “Confused as hell? I think my body reacted out of, I don’t know, like muscle memory or something. When a woman steps into your arms, you close them around her, right?”
Smoke looked skeptical.
“Don’t look at me like that. You do. Any man would, before his brain had chance to kick in, right?”
Smoke set his glass down on the table. “I don’t know about that, Ben. See, if you like a woman, then you react that way, but if you don’t …”
“No! It’s not about liking her or being interested in her. It’s just instinctive reaction. You’d do the same. I bet you would.”
Smoke pursed his lips and shook his head.
“No. I was put in a similar situation.” His face clouded over.
“By Laura’s friend Leanne. I almost knocked her over trying to get away from her.
I didn’t want her anywhere near me.” He met Ben’s gaze.
“I didn’t want her near me, because I knew—one hundred percent without a doubt knew—that I was in love with Laura and never wanted another woman again. ”
“So, what are you saying?”
Smoke shrugged.
“You’re saying that you didn’t react that way with Leanne because you love Laura. So, if I did react that way to Angel, I can’t love Charlotte?”
“I’m not saying anything, bud. I’m leaving you to draw your own conclusions.”
Ben shook his head vigorously. “I love Charlotte. I always have.”
“Do you even know who Charlotte is anymore? The person you loved was an eighteen-year-old girl. And you were an eighteen-year-old boy.”
Ben met his gaze. “Yes, but …” He buried his face in his hands. “But I still love her. She’s a part of who I am.”
“Is she, though? Is Charlotte a part of who you are? Or is the myth, the legend, the memory a part of you?”
Ben thought about that for a long few moments. “Do you think that’s what it is?”
“Hey, I’m not saying I know anything. I’m just asking the questions.”
Ben nodded. “I’ve never thought about it like that before.
You’re right. I don’t even know who she is now.
She’s led her own life all this time. Hell, she’s been married to someone else for years.
How do I know that I still love her? How does she know that she still loves me?
Are we really just in love with a memory? ”
Smoke leaned back in his chair. “I have no idea, but I think you need to figure it out.”
“Yeah. I guess I do. If she ever even gets in touch.”
~ ~ ~
Angel opened the gate and walked up the path to the little house she was renting.
She unlocked the front door and let herself in.
She went straight to the kitchen and poured herself a big glass of wine.
What on earth had she been thinking? She’d be lucky if Ben didn’t fire her!
She went to stand beside the window and stared out at the little backyard.
Had she really asked him if he wanted to get into something casual with her, while he waited for Charlotte?
She reached up to unfasten the clip that held her hair in place.
She felt better as it fell loose around her shoulders.
She’d never asked a man out in her life before tonight—let alone shamelessly propositioned one like she just had Ben.
He just had this effect on her. She couldn’t help it.
She truly felt that they were perfect for each other.
It was obvious. They worked so well together, they had the same work ethic—she’d never known anyone in the world who put their work ahead of everything else in the same way she did.
Even aside from the work, they got along so well.
They laughed, they understood each other.
She blew out a big sigh. Not to mention the fact that he was gorgeous!
And he was her kind of guy. He wasn’t the in-your-face alpha; he was kind and compassionate.
He looked out for everyone and he got things done.
She went to sit down on the sofa. She’d finally met her perfect match.
And wasn’t it just her luck that he was in love with someone else?
It’d be so much easier for her to accept that, if Charlotte were here.
If she could see Ben with his woman, then it’d be easy.
She’d still admire him from afar, but that’d be all.
She wouldn’t keep having all these stupid fantasies that they could be together.
But no. Charlotte wasn’t here. Ben hadn’t even seen her in years, apart from one time a couple of months ago.
It was like she was competing with a ghost. Except Charlotte was only a ghost to her.
Everyone else—all of Ben’s friends and half of his customers—knew Charlotte and knew that Ben would get back with her someday.
They were all determined not to let another woman near him—at least they were determined not to let Angel near him.
She wanted to be angry at them for that.
They didn’t know, they couldn’t decide what was best for him.
She couldn’t bring herself to be angry at them, though.
If anything, she envied Ben his friends.
They cared so much about him. She would love to be accepted amongst them, to have them want to look out for her, too.
But she was the outsider, the threat, and left out in the cold.
It was lonely, as well as cold. It was always hard to move to a new place and to have to make new friends.
Here in Summer Lake, it seemed even harder.
There was this whole group of friends that she would love to be a part of, but she couldn’t. She wasn’t welcome.
Maybe she should just leave? Give her notice at work and move on.
Would that be better? She took a sip of her wine and shook her head.
No. That would be cowardly. She’d leave Ben in the lurch and she’d hate to do that.
And besides, the way he’d reacted tonight gave her at least the tiniest hope.
He’d said he wasn’t interested in getting into something casual with her.
She cringed at the fact that she’d even suggested it.
He’d said he wasn’t interested, but when she’d stepped in close to kiss him, he’d reacted as though he wanted her.
His arms had given her a different answer than his words.
His arms had closed around her and held her to him.
She sighed. It had felt so good. So right.
But then he’d pushed her away and asked her to leave.
She couldn’t leave. She’d hang on in there, maybe with time he’d realize that there could be something between them.
~ ~ ~