Chapter Fifteen #2
She shook her head slowly. “Mostly, maybe. But you know me, I’m not motivated by avoiding negatives. Part of me is hoping that if we take our time, we will build a solid foundation and become unshakable.”
Ben smiled. “Just when I thought I was going to be able to tell you that you are being cautious for no reason, you come out with a stronger argument.”
She rolled her eyes. “Damn! I wish I hadn’t done that.”
Ben laughed with her. “I do think we need to take our time, but I don’t think we need to take forever either.”
“But what does that mean, Ben? What does that look like? Not forever could mean a week, a month, a year, or anything in between.”
Ben wanted it to mean nothing more than a day, nothing more than this afternoon. “What would you like it to mean?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I think we should take however long it takes, but at the same time I want us to hurry up about it. If this were a new relationship, how long would it take?”
“How long is a piece of string?” Ben asked with a smile. It was something Joe used to say to him when he was small. “I guess all we can do is go with our feelings.”
She nodded. “That and keep being honest with each other.”
“Well, if we’re being honest, there is something I need to ask you.”
“What’s that?”
He hesitated before he spoke, “I want you to forget about Angel. I need you to understand that nothing could happen between me and her. My focus is all on us.” He braced himself, ready for her to argue. She didn’t.
“I’ll be happy to forget about her. Honestly, it will be a relief. I just needed you to know that I’d understand. I’m not going to explain all my reasons again, I think I’ve gone on about it enough. I just needed you to know that if that was what you wanted, then I would want it for you.”
He smiled, feeling relieved and leaned across to put his arm around her shoulders. “It means a lot you know, that you feel that way.”
She turned and looked up into his eyes. “As long as you know I love you, that’s all that matters. Now, what do you say, shall we head up the lake and see how fast this thing can go?”
Ben laughed and opened the throttle. “Hold on tight, here we go.” As they skimmed across the surface of the lake, he felt as though the wind was blowing away all the doubts and fears. If the boat could just go fast enough, they’d be able to leave all the questions behind and sail into a new future.
It was late afternoon by the time they got back to the marina. Once he’d moored the boat, he offered her his hand and helped her up onto the jetty.
“That was so much fun,” said Charlotte with a big smile on her face. “It reminded me of all the time we used to spend on Michael’s boat when we were kids.”
“Yeah, it’s weird now, these days instead of taking all of us out, he takes his son Ethan and April’s son Marcus.” His heart sank when he saw the look on her face. He had a feeling he knew what she was thinking.
“She’d be the same age as Scott, you know.”
Ben nodded. “Oh, believe me, I know. I think about that every time I see Scotty, and I’ve seen him pretty much every day of his whole life.”
Charlotte took hold of his hand and squeezed it as they walked back up the jetty. She didn’t speak. And he was glad of that. There was nothing they could say.
Once they reached the square she smiled at him. “Do you need to get back to work? I can walk home.”
Ben shook his head vigorously. “I don’t need to get back to work. I want to spend the evening with you. If you want me?” He hadn’t meant to word it like that, but the way she looked at him, the way she smiled, told him she did want him. And he wanted her.
“Do you want to come back to the house, then?” She smiled. “It’s funny, I can’t bring myself to call it my house, it’s just the house.”
“Maybe that’s because a part of you knows it’s only temporary.”
“I hope so.”
When they did get back to the house, Charlotte let him in and then smiled at him shyly. “You know what I want to do. But somehow it doesn’t seem right.”
Ben nodded. He felt the same way. What he didn’t understand was why.
In all of his fantasies about what might happen if she came back, they always ended up in bed, usually sooner than later.
He wanted her. He had since the first moment he laid eyes on her again, but he wanted it to be right.
He met her gaze. “Since we’re being totally honest with each other, I’m scared. ”
“Why?”
“Because I want it to be perfect, and also, I suppose, because I feel that when we finally make love to each other again, that’s it.
I’ll be lost. I think I’ve built it up in my mind to be the ultimate commitment, even though I know that’s crazy.
And I don’t want to go there until we’re both really sure. ”
Charlotte smiled. “It’s not crazy. That’s how I feel, too. Maybe we should just wait?”
Ben gave her a rueful smile. “You know I want to kick myself now, right?”
She laughed. “And you think I don’t?”
“I think it’s the right thing to do though.”
She nodded. “So, if I’m not allowed to ravish you, would you like a drink? In fact,” her eyes lit up, “what do you think? Do you want to come sit in the hot tub with me?”
Ben groaned. “You want me to drink with you and sit in the hot tub with you, and not touch you?”
“Who said anything about not touching?” She gave him the smile that still turned him on so much.
“Well, okay then.”
He was starting to wonder what he’d gotten himself into, when she ran upstairs and returned a few moments later wearing a bikini.
He remembered all the times they’d sat naked in the hot tub at Pete’s cabin, and where it always led.
She may not be naked right now, but the sight of her body covered only by a few triangles of fabric, was making him think how quickly she could be naked and how easy it would be to recreate old memories.
He took his shirt off and tried to hide his smile at the way her gaze moved over him hungrily. “I don’t have a swimsuit.”
She smiled. “I don’t mind.”
He took a deep breath—he did. He watched her climb into the water and then started to unbuckle his belt and take off his jeans. He hesitated then climbed in to join her, still wearing his boxers.
She handed him a beer and gave him a little pout. “That’s not fair.”
He laughed. “Come on, it wouldn’t be fair for me to sit here naked while you are wearing a bikini.”
She nodded grudgingly. “I know, but I was hoping.” She slid along to sit beside him and rested her head on his shoulder. Looking up into his eyes, she said, “How long do you think we should wait?” She ran her fingers over his chest as she spoke.
Ben closed his eyes and sucked in a deep breath. “No more than about two minutes, if you carry on like that.”
She chuckled. “Oh good, I’ll keep it up then, shall I?”
Reluctantly he covered her hand with his own. “I can’t be held responsible if you do.” He cupped her cheek in his hand and lowered his lips to hers.
Her eyes widened as she looked up into his eyes.
Her lips parted to let him in as he kissed her hungrily.
Ben couldn’t help it; his hands moved over her while he kissed her.
Her body, her skin felt so familiar under his touch.
So familiar, and yet so new and intriguing.
She was still slender, but she’d filled out as a woman.
She moaned into his mouth as his fingers closed around her breast. The sound spurred him on and he pulled her into his lap.
“Hello?”
Ben’s head jerked up and Charlotte slid back down onto the seat at the sound of footsteps approaching.
“I guess she’s not home. We’ll have to come back.” Ben recognized April’s voice.
“Yeah, that’s Ben’s car. We should probably get out of here and call before we just drop in,” said Eddie.
Ben rolled his eyes at Charlotte as they listened to the footsteps retreat. “Well, you almost met your neighbors.”
She gave him a rueful smile. “We almost did a whole lot more than meet the neighbors.”
“Almost,” he said with a sigh. “Apparently, we are supposed to wait.” He picked up his beer and handed Charlotte’s to her.
“Apparently,” she said with a sigh.