Chapter 17
CHAPTER 17
SAVANNA
“They’re alive!”
Nate and I both look across the restaurant to see Liam sitting at a table, grinning at us, his hands up in the air like he’s just scored a touchdown.
Beside him sits a woman I recognize from the night of the fire, but I’m not sure if she’s Hailey or Quinn. Whoever she is, she’s stunning. Despite still being behind the bar where Nate is getting us both a beer before we join the table, it’s easy to see her beauty.
She has jet black voluminous hair cut with shaggy attitude just past her shoulders. Wisps of hair frame her face, the style saying she doesn’t try too hard, but still makes it look damn good. A sharp jawline, high cheekbones, and pale skin make her standout. With the curves I can see from here, it wouldn’t surprise me if every pair of eyes in the place follow her whenever she moves.
“Remember when you met Liam and Brody, and I warned you about them?” Nate says, drawing my attention back to him. I nod and he continues as he hands me one of the beers, “This might be worse than that.”
I laugh at his sudden apprehension. “I did just fine that night. Don’t worry, I got this too.”
As if to prove my point, I grab his hand and pull him away from the bar, heading towards the table where Liam and the girl sit. The second we’re in their sight, I see the girl elbow Liam in the side, and I know they’re both zeroing in on our linked hands.
“Oh shit. This just got serious. They’re holding hands,” Liam says in a mock whisper loud enough for us to hear. Leave it to him to call us out on it.
“Has this ever happened before?” The woman asks, and I glance at her, awestruck by the color of her eyes. They’re a shade of violet that can’t be anything besides contacts, but they make her striking features stand out even more.
He shakes his head. “Not that I’ve witnessed.”
“Okay, okay. Enough out of the two of you,” Nate says, releasing my hand to pull the chair across from the girl out for me. Someone has put three tables together for all of us and Liam and the woman have chosen the middle table to sit down at. “Can we please not scare her off?”
“Oh!” The woman gasps, turning to Liam as I sit down. “Is this it?”
I’m not sure what she’s talking about, but Liam narrows his eyes and glances between Nate and me before leaning back in his seat to shake his head. “Nah. Not his M.O. He’d do something spectacular, and this isn’t it.”
I look to Nate for some kind of explanation. He raises his beer to his lips, I think to hide a smirk, and doesn’t meet my eyes. Nate would do something spectacular? For what?
Turning back to Liam and the woman, I raise my eyebrows. “I don’t suppose one of you wants to fill me in?”
“You’ll find out soon enough,” Liam supplies cheekily.
The woman adds with a finger in the air, “But when Nate asks you a question, you should definitely say yes.”
My head snaps towards Nate, and I break into a full grin. Nate’s already asked me a question. Two, in fact. I’d bet that Liam means Nate would plan something spectacular for our first date.
My stomach assaults me with butterflies. They’ve been swirling around in there ever since Nate stuttered his way through asking me out. He was so adorable. I’ve seen his neck and face redden before, but they’ve never been the shade of crimson they were when he was trying to get the words out.
With the nerves so obvious, I was pretty sure I knew what was coming. Though I might have looked more composed than Nate, my heart was racing, and my hands were shaking. I’ve thought about Nate a lot over the last week, and I decided that if he were to make a move, I wouldn’t stop him. I don’t think I could, even if I wanted to. There’s this connection between us that is so strong, it’s been near impossible to keep myself from jumping him at times, especially in the moments when we touch accidentally.
Oh hell, even when it isn’t accidental.
I got sprayed with bacon grease the morning before his last shift when we were cooking breakfast, and he went all fireman on me, taking my arm to inspect it and rinse it under cool water. It wasn’t bad at all, probably didn’t even need to be run under water, but Nate was determined so I let him take care of me. It was sweet and innocent until our eyes met and I’m pretty sure if Jordan had walked in thirty seconds later, she would have caught us all over each other.
Maybe tomorrow on our date we’ll get to act on the tension that has been building all week. I would really love it if we did. My thighs have never had such a workout with all the clenching they’ve done around Nate this past week—and at times when he isn’t around. I didn’t know it was possible to drench a pair of panties without someone even touching you, but I’ve found out firsthand that it is.
“Oh shit,” Liam says, surprise evident in his tone. “You actually did it, didn’t you?”
I glance at him and he’s staring at Nate, amusement and pride mixed in his expression. A quick glance at the woman next to him and I see she’s staring at Nate with eyes that are wide and hopeful.
Turning my attention back to Nate, my grin is permanently in place while his eyes dance in amusement, silently asking me if we should tell them, or let them continue to guess. The giggle I give in return is enough to tell him we should let them steep in misery for a while longer, even if it’s obvious.
“What have I missed?” Asks a voice from behind me.
I crane my neck and find a woman with stick straight copper hair cut to her collarbones, parted deeply to the side, side swept bangs covering her forehead. Murky green eyes look around the table expectantly before landing on me.
“Savanna,” she says in greeting, and I suddenly recognize her as the paramedic that was in the back of the ambulance with me. “I’m not sure you remember me, but I’m Hailey.”
“Whoops,” says the woman across from me, who must be Quinn. “Been too focused on whether Nate asked her out, or if they’re on a date right now, to think about introducing myself.”
This perks Hailey up as she takes the chair next to me, her body angled my way. “Did he? Oh, please tell me he did. We’ve all been urging him to do it.”
“Yeah, Nate, did you?” Quinn asks, then her eyes move to me. “I’m Quinn, by the way.”
I nod in acknowledgement, but turn to Nate, my head tilted to the side. “So you have been talking about me,” I say, amusement lacing my tone.
His neck is turning red and it’s all the confirmation I need. Before he can confirm or deny it, Brody shows up and the noise he makes as he falls into the chair next to Quinn is enough that we’re all turning to look at him.
Brody is a giant of a man, and since the day we met I’ve been impressed by the gracefulness of his movements. A stealth that you wouldn’t expect from such a large guy. This is neither of those things, though, and he looks to be in extreme pain as he adjusts in his seat, trying to find a comfortable way to sit.
“What the hell happened to you?” Liam asks, leaning forward to look around Quinn.
“Bailed at Slab,” he says with a groan. “I need alcohol.”
“Slab is a surfing spot in town,” Nate whispers in my ear before I can ask. I realize he’s a lot closer than I thought he was, a jolt of awareness pumping through my body. “There’s a bunch of rocks and if you fall in the wrong spot, you can get caught up in the churning water. This is what happens. Or worse.”
“Let’s see it,” Quinn says beside him.
As Brody leans forward and turns so his shoulder is facing us, he tries to grab his shirt to pull it up, but it’s obviously painful so she helps him out. It’s her that hisses as the scrapes and cuts are shown, deep red and angry, parts of it still bloodied. I can see from my spot that there’s already purple and blue bruises forming.
“You get this looked at?” she asks.
His head shakes minutely. “I’m good. A friend helped clean it out.”
It doesn’t stop her from checking it over, glancing at Hailey every so often as she does. I can feel Nate leaning over the table into me to get a better look at what’s going on. Liam is doing the same to Quinn, though it’s harder for him given she’s got her back turned to him while inspecting Brody.
“I don’t know why you have to surf there, Brody,” Hailey says from beside me, frowning deeply. I’m guessing this has been a topic of conversation prior to today. “It’s so dangerous. Why can’t you surf at one of the other spots?”
Brody grunts when Quinn touches the skin that isn’t scraped, gently prodding and poking him, and I can imagine that it doesn’t feel good the way he cringes away from her.
He manages to turn his head to look at Hailey, even giving her a grin. “You’d understand if you’d come surfing with me.”
“That will never happen,” she retorts, throwing her red hair over her shoulder, but it’s too short so it falls right back to where it was.
Quinn smirks from her seat, but doesn’t look up from what she’s doing. “You know Hailey doesn’t do anything remotely dangerous, why would you even try?”
“I ride with you every shift,” Hailey retorts, garnering a laugh from everyone around the table.
Brody’s laughter turns into a groan.
Quinn looks up now and blows her a kiss. “And you love it because it’s the most thrilling thing you ever do.”
“I would imagine your job comes with a lot of dangerous situations,” I muse. “I mean, maybe you don’t run into burning buildings like these crazy guys, but I can’t imagine everyone you deal with is of sound mind. That can’t always be safe.”
“Oh, I like you so much already,” Hailey says, leaning back in her chair to give me an admiring look.
“Yeah, I might be a little in love with her,” Quinn says appreciatively from the other side of the table, and I catch her looking me up and down with a demure smile. “I do enjoy a beautiful woman, especially one who’s intelligent.”
“Quinn is a shameless flirt,” Liam says from his seat, where he’s been unusually quiet so far. “She’ll flirt with anyone.”
“Pot meet kettle,” she tells him, rolling her eyes as she pulls Brody’s shirt down. He turns back to the table with a groan, and she’s quick to add, “You might have a couple broken ribs. You should really get checked out.”
Brody shakes his head and lifts the hand opposite his hurt side, trying to get the attention of whoever is serving us. I haven’t noticed who it is, but the place isn’t too busy, so I’m surprised no one has been by. Unless Nate was planning on doing it all, and just hasn’t gotten up yet because of Brody’s arrival. I don’t like the thought of him having to do it, especially since he just came off shift at the firehouse this morning and has been working more than I have.
I push up from my chair. “What would you like, Brody? I’ll get it. And Hailey, I’ll grab you something too.” Liam and Quinn already have drinks from when they got here, neither looking ready for another.
“Sit,” Nate says firmly from beside me as he stands. “You’ve been working all day.”
I smile at him. “It’s fine, I don’t mind. You worked all night.”
“Nate, the boss, says sit,” he tells me. Then he raises a hand and brushes a lock of hair behind my ear as he leans in and whispers, “And Nate, the guy you’re going on a date with tomorrow, says enjoy tonight.”
My eyes fall closed as his fingertips gently move down the column of my neck, skirting across the bare skin above my collarbone to my shoulder. It’s innocent, but sensual at the same time. I’m a puddle of mush that can only give a nod of my head.
I feel a little dazed as I open my eyes to find him watching me intently, heat filling his own blue depths. I’m positive if we weren’t standing in the middle of the bar with everyone watching, he would be kissing me right now. Part of me wishes he’d just say screw it and do it anyway.
There’s a throaty quality to my voice when I murmur, “Okay.”
Nate’s eyes flash hotter with that simple word, his nostrils flaring, and I’m certain he’s in the same boat as me. The heat between us keeps intensifying, and if we don’t do something about it soon, I think we may both spontaneously combust.
Thankfully, he has some sense of self-preservation in front of everyone because he steps away from me and quickly gathers orders. I can do nothing but sink back into my chair, still feeling a little incoherent and dreamy from our shared moment.
It takes me a moment or two to realize that everyone is staring at me and not saying a word after Nate leaves. “What?”
“You got it bad,” Liam says, and I know everyone is trying to hold back snickers as my already rosy cheeks, courtesy of Nate, turn scarlet.
Quinn nudges Liam. “She’s totally going to say yes.”
“She already has.”
Liam’s amused gaze watches me over the table. He’s confident in his assessment, and my eyes twinkle with silent confirmation as I lift my beer to hide my smile. I know from some of the conversations I’ve had with both Nate, and Liam, that Nate has had way too much on his plate to even think about dating. To know I’m the one changing that has the butterflies living in my stomach swirling in the most delicious way.
“Whether she has or not, I’m just glad that she’s here tonight,” Hailey says to my right, and I glance over at her with appreciation. “I feel like I’ve heard so much about you, we’re already friends. I’d hoped Nate wouldn’t keep you hidden away.”
My face must show my surprise—or horror, Vincent flashing before my eyes—because Quinn quickly adds, “She doesn’t mean that he’s going to tie you up in a dungeon with whips and chains and keep you to himself. He’s not into that.” She pauses for a moment and looks to Brody like he might have an idea, thinks better of it, and turns to Liam. “Is he? I can’t see it, but it’s always the ones you least suspect.”
“Why are you asking me?” Liam asks, incensed.
Quinn scoffs, as if the answer should be apparent. “You’re his best friend. If anyone knows, it’s you. Brods would never ask, but you… you would.”
He grimaces, shaking his head. “We do not discuss fetishes. I don’t know what he does with his dick, or what he likes having done to it, other than he hasn’t been using it, and really needs to.”
If my bottle had made it to my lips already, Quinn would be covered in beer. I gape at Liam, eyes wide. There seem to be no secrets among this group, a far cry from what I’m used to. Or maybe it’s that there are no secrets when it comes to Liam. He just puts it all out there for anyone to hear.
I don’t hate knowing the information, though. Nate has priorities. Responsibilities. I’ve witnessed him take those very seriously with my own eyes, and it’s only been two weeks. It makes me wonder how long it’s been since he’s really had any fun. Or done anything besides work. Contemplating it makes me even happier that I said yes to a date.
Brody leans over the table, his hand covering his eyes like he can’t believe what he’s hearing. That or he’s just in so much pain he’s not paying attention. Hailey is sitting beside me, and I can see in my peripherals that she’s shaking her head at both Quinn and Liam. The two of them are amusing to me, feeding off one another. I wonder if there’s something going on between them, or if there ever was.
“I’m sure Nate already told you this, but ignore both of them. They’re bad enough on their own, but when they get together it’s next level absurdity,” Hailey says, obviously trying to come to my rescue, but I’m not offended, or concerned in the slightest.
I might not know what Nate likes, or what to expect with him in the bedroom department, but instinct tells me he would never do anything I, or any other woman for that matter, wouldn’t want to do. He’s been far too much of a gentleman for that. Sure, we’ve exchanged looks, and there’ve been a few intimate touches, but he’s had plenty of opportunity to take advantage of me and hasn’t. He always backs off instead of pushing forward.
“This is one reason I worried he’d keep you to himself. But I suppose you’d already met Liam, so throwing the rest of us into the mix wasn’t too unfeasible,” she adds.
Despite my previous thoughts, Hailey bringing up Nate keeping me to himself for the second time makes my hands tremble. Surely, he’s not that kind of guy. He had me meet his two best friends the first night I knew him, and almost two weeks in I’m meeting everyone else from the firehouse. That has to mean he’s not the type of guy that will prevent me from seeing people, right?
“Believe me, he warned me about what I was getting into,” I say, giving her as much of a reassuring chuckle as I can muster.
Vincent managed to isolate me from nearly everyone, though it didn’t happen until later. It’s why I only had my brothers and Maddie by the time I left Colorado. All my other friends slipped away after getting fed up when I declined invitation after invitation to hang out. But with my brothers and Maddie, Vincent knew not to screw with my relationship with them. Much good it did, since I ended up losing them in the end anyway.
My heart aches with sudden homesickness thinking about them. I haven’t spoken with my brothers since before I left. At our last call, Maddie begged me to call her when I got somewhere, but I whispered it was for her own good not to know. For the good of Devin and Connor and my dad. For my safety.
She’d gotten angry. Cursed me up and down, and swore my brothers wouldn’t care what my letters said, or that she was supposed to lie to them about me going east. They’d look for me all over the country, so I was better off calling. I’d considered it. I knew it was a risk, but it wasn’t one I was willing to take.
It was Maddie’s last desperate attempt to stop me from severing all contact. She knew I needed to leave and get out from under Vincent’s thumb. She didn’t know the extent of what was going on between us, but she knew enough.
Far more than either of my brothers, who would have killed him, I’m sure. I made Maddie promise that she wouldn’t let either of them hurt him, if only so Connor and Devin didn’t end up in jail. The same went for my dad, but I know if I start letting my thoughts meander to him, I’ll end up crying.
This isn’t the time or place to be losing myself to tears.
“Nate!” Quinn calls, pulling me back to the present. He’s back from the bar and setting a shot in front of Brody, along with a beer, and a glass of wine for Hailey. “Are you a chains and whips kind of guy?”
Hailey’s wine almost topples over as Nate fumbles from the question.
“Jesus! Are you shitting me right now?” he exclaims, righting the glass just before it ends up in her lap. His eyes are a little wild as they dart around the table, glaring at everyone before landing on me, apology overriding the annoyance.
“Oh fuck,” Liam mutters, leaning into Quinn. “Maybe he is. Just when you think you know a guy.”
Nate flips him the bird, taking his seat beside me, pulling his chair closer to mine before he leans in. “I am so sorry about them. I won’t leave you alone again, I swear.”
I can tell his imagination is running away with ideas of things that might have been said in his absence, so I cover his hand with mine and shake my head. “I’m fine. I told you, I got this.”
Lacing our fingers together, he brings my hand up to his lips and kisses the back of it, his eyes never leaving mine. It has my stomach swirling with heat, my heart taking off in a race. His lips are warm against my cool hands, probably a product of my memories. This—him—washes the rest of them away, and warmth embraces me.
But I can feel the anxiety rolling off him, so I try and ease his worries with a squeeze of his hand.
I know it doesn’t work when he mutters, “All the same, part of me wishes I’d kept you locked in the back office.”
The blood drains from my face, the cold slipping right back into my hands, though this time it’s for a different reason. A wave of nausea hits me at the thought of being locked up anywhere, especially in a small, enclosed space where I can’t escape.
It’s not the memory of the fire, or being stuck in the garbage room, that has my world spinning. It’s the memory of being locked in the basement.
The first time Vincent did it, I don’t think he realized how it would break me. After all was said and done that night, he knew it was the worst kind of punishment he could dole out. I remember that first night so vividly, it’s as if it’s happening to me now.
I’d made plans with friends to go out, but when I told him that afternoon, he’d become furious with me. How dare I make plans without speaking to him first. He’d already accepted an invitation to a friend’s party, and we were both expected to be there. The look in his eye told me I was treading in deep water, but I hadn’t seen one of my friends in over a year since she’d moved away.
I pushed. Even after he told me not to. The next thing I knew he was slamming me against the wall, my head hitting it so hard that the drywall caved. Then I was shoved through the doorway leading to the basement. Somehow I managed to catch myself before I fell down all the stairs, but the resulting bruises didn’t feel very good.
They were nothing compared to the psychological scars inflicted on me that night.
Vincent had gone to the garage where the electrical panel was, and flipped off the lights, so I had no way of seeing. I’d never been a fan of basements, this one in particular, something he was all too aware of. He kept me locked in until the early hours of the morning while he went to the party without me. The same party he’d said I had to be at.
I spent the first hour screaming at him to let me out, shouldering the door to try and get it open, clawing at the bottom to try and rip part of it away and make a hole big enough to fit through. I didn’t even make a dent, only ending up with bruises up and down my arm, my fingertips and nails shredded. It was the most degrading thing he’d ever done to me, making me feel like a dog trying to get out.
More than that, I was scared beyond comprehension. I spent the entire evening crying, though how tears kept coming, I’m not sure. To make things worse, by the time he let me out I was so out of my mind I dove into his waiting arms, begging him to make me feel better.
“Sav,” Nate’s gentle, calm voice breaks through my thoughts, and I feel his hand touch my cheek, making me flinch. “Whoa, hey, it’s okay.”
Focusing on him, I see the concern etched in his face. I try for a smile, but I’m positive it comes across as more of a grimace than anything. The remnants of my lunch from hours ago are churning in my stomach. It’s not often I allow myself to go to that place, never in public, and I can feel the shame creeping through me until my face is so colored I’m surprised Nate isn’t checking my temperature or blood pressure.
“Sorry,” I mutter, dropping my eyes between us. “Spaced out.”
Nate isn’t normally one to pry, something I’ve learned to appreciate about him, but I don’t think I’ve given him a choice this time. His voice is so quiet that I know I’m the only one that can hear him when he asks, “Where did you go?”
I’m keenly aware that more than one set of eyes is on us, and that the table has fallen quiet, adding to my sudden discomfort. I don’t want to make a scene. Sucking in a deep breath, and summoning every bit of strength I can gather, I raise my eyes back to Nate’s and flash him a reassuring smile, this time managing to make it look half decent.
“Locked offices might remind me of burning buildings,” I say, nudging him with my shoulder, and adding a laugh so he knows there’s no harm done by his comment.
It doesn’t work.
His incredibly gorgeous face falls, and he looks stricken as he puts it all together. I can’t help but cringe because I put that look there; it’s better than the alternative. He doesn’t want to know the other horrors I’ve endured, especially in front of a bunch of people.
Dismayed blue eyes stare at me, his fingers gripping my hand tighter as I’m sure the memory flashes through his mind. “Fuck, Savanna, I didn’t—”
“Don’t,” I cut him off, swiping my other hand through the air gently. “You didn’t know. You didn’t do it intentionally.”
As the words leave my mouth, I know how true they are. I know Nate would never do anything to hurt me if he could help it. The devastation in his eyes tells me as much. That’s not something you can fake or hide. It’s killing him to think he put me back into the nightmare of the fire.
“Hey, I’m okay. Because of you,” I say quietly. “Because of you, I’ve got a roof over my head, a job to go to every day, and people that I’m really enjoying spending time with.”
He doesn’t look convinced. I can see the war going on within him. One side saying he should beat himself up for causing me anguish. The other wanting to listen to my words and take them at face value. To trust me.
“I’m sorry,” he croaks, and I watch his Adam's apple bob harshly.
Reaching up, I press my free hand against the side of his face. I wish I could take a moment to savor how the whiskers of his five-o-clock shadow scratch my palm, but I don’t. Instead, I lean in and press my cheek against his other, my lips at his ear.
“I’m here because of you ,” I say, emphasizing that it’s because of him. “Don’t beat yourself up for something you didn’t know. I’m here. Be here with me too.”
I can feel him breathing in deeply, breathing me in, taking in the words that I tell him, and slowly he starts to relax. Part of me wishes I had told him the truth, but another says it would have made him feel even worse.
Maybe I should have told a different lie, but I was on the verge of panic when he pulled me out of my memories, and it was the first thing I could think of that would make sense.
But fuck, I wish I hadn’t made him feel like he feels now.
Nate might act like he has everything together all the time, like he never needs help, but I’ve seen the cracks in that armor. He hates looking like he has a weakness, but he has them, and I’m almost positive that I’m quickly becoming one. I’d do well to remember that the next time I’m triggered by an old memory.
Because there will be a next time. I’m sure of it.