Chapter 2 #2
“Can you really watch him?”
“We live in little fish bowls on a mountainside. Unless we take a stance requiring the use of blinds, yes, I can see him, and he can see me.”
“Oh my god.” Vale sighs. “Now, you can give a show like that hot OnlyFans man you stan.”
“At LuvPounder.” I sigh, the flood between my thighs instant. I’ve been dating a beautiful big dick online for years.
He just doesn’t know it.
“Yes,” Vale rushes out, “and now you can give your own show for a hot neighbor. And your bestie has hooked you up with every dildo made. Time to show off your cocky collection, girl.”
I laugh, stirring my pasta. “Did you hear the part about us working together?”
“Did you ever hear me say office dick is off-limits?”
“You manage a sex shop. It’s your job to work with limitless dicks.”
“True,” she chirps. “But just because you’re rangers together, doesn’t mean you can’t tug his raisin bag.”
I stop, wooden spoon midair. “His what?”
“His raisin bag. Nut sack. Tadpole carrier. His testicles!” Vale laughs. “Some men love it when you tug ’em or tongue ’em. But ask first. Lest you accidentally get kneed and a black eye.”
“Did that happen to you?”
“Once. Though it was my fault. I tongued his balls and reached to finger his ass when he wasn’t ready for a ride up the dirt road.”
“Oh my god.” I half cry, half laugh. “This is the reason why never is my mantra with men. Because I’ll never know what I’m doing.”
“But…” she sings, “it sounds like you’d be pleased if the peeping penis next door played professor to your pussy.”
I turn off the burner. “How many Ps can you fit in one sentence?”
“More like, how many Ps can you fit in one hole?”
“Vale!” I shriek as if someone heard her, glancing toward my empty living room, right next to my lonely bed. It’s an efficiency cabin with five hundred square feet all to myself. “I’m serious. This man is high-key hot, and I have to work with him.”
“Then werk it, girl,” she goads. “That’s right. Get up on that ass.” She sounds winded. “Can you hear me twerking for ya? Cuz I am. And our bouncers, Jace and Grant, are rolling their eyes, but that’s how much I love you.”
“Why don’t you twerk on them?”
“Because one’s married and the other one is too fine to touch. You know, like a Renaissance porn painting in a museum.”
“Hey!” I hear a man’s voice bellow in the background. “I’m fucking art too!”
“Yes, you are, Grant.” Vale must be caught in the crossfire. “And your wife is hella hot, and so is your brother, Jace, but my heart belongs to someone else.”
“Who?” I put my phone on speaker and set it on the counter. Straining my pasta, I note how she hesitates. “Who, Vale? Who’s finally captured your heart?”
Vale has been my best friend since middle school, but now, she’s getting her PhD in Sexuality Studies. Meaning, she studies her fucks, she doesn’t fall in love with them.
“No one I can have.” Her tone drops. “The man I want doesn’t exist. Not like I need him to.” That was cryptic, but she changes the subject. “But your man is right there and ready to play.”
“No, frickin’ way.” I plate my dinner. “If I mess with a man I work with, my career is over. And his life is over, too, if my dad ever finds out.”
“Is that why even I don’t know who your first was?
” Vale always speculates about this, “Because you’re protecting him from your dad?
I mean, I get it. Nash Allen is an accountant who crunches numbers, but he’d crunch necks for you.
So, I swear,” I bet she’s raising her right hand, “if you finally tell me who took your V-card, I’ll never tell your dad, even though he scares me in a weird way. ”
My dad scares me too.
In a loving way.
My parents were young teenagers when I was born.
They were never in love, but they became good friends.
When my dad went to juvie for stealing credit cards to buy diapers for me, my mom never hated him for it.
So when she joined the Army to support us, he supported her until she was killed during her last deployment.
My father became a single dad, and I became a girl with a mom who’ll never come home.
I look so much like her, it’s as if when I lost her, I lost myself, too, and my bully made it worse. I could never tell my dad because he’d kill anyone who hurt me. No hyperbole. He’s already been to jail once for me.
So it’s just me and Dad.
Me, figuring out who I am beyond my parents’ love—my mother’s hugging ghost and my father’s fierce protection.
And my dad, realizing I’m okay now. He’s done his job. I’m a grown woman, learning who I am, and so can he.
I never asked my dad not to date. In fact, I want him to find someone to love. He always seems so alone, kind of like me.
I know he has sex though. Objectively, my dad is good-looking. And obviously, he knows I can have sex too. I’m an adult.
So, I did.
Once.
Years ago.
I had sex with my dad’s best friend, my godfather.
It’s my darkest secret; only he and I know.
“It doesn’t matter who my first was,” I answer Vale, deflecting. “It was one and done. No biggie.”
“No biggie? Are you kidding me?” Vale gushes, “Girl, your first was a Halley’s Comet of virgin sex! You said he gave you two orgasms during your first time, and trust me, that only happens to one pussy every seventy-five years.”
I chew my lip, remembering how I begged my godfather to be my first, not the other way around. Michael was sweet to me. He never acted like my father. We’re too close in age, and he was super attractive. Still is.
I can’t describe the bond I felt with him, but I trusted him, and I was tired of being a virgin.
Embarrassed, actually.
Sad, honestly.
It was my twenty-first birthday, and like Drew Barrymore’s character Josie Grosie in the movie Never Been Kissed, I hadn’t. I wasn’t popular or pretty. In fact, I was the target of a body-shaming bully, and the only ones who defended me were Vale and her twin, Blair.
They got me through high school, and my godfather, Michael, got me through my first time. He stopped my tears when I told him I felt ugly and unloved, and he gave me what I asked for. He made me feel beautiful and powerful, and I never looked back.
It wasn’t romantic love between us. Honestly, I used him, and I think he felt sorry for me, like he was doing me a favor, and now we act as if it never happened.
Why? Because if my dad ever finds out, my godfather is dead. No joke.
Dad will kill him.
I stab my pasta. “Well, it sure feels like my first and only was seventy-five years ago, and I’m ready for the comet to come again.”
“He’s right next door,” Vale prompts.
“He’s a no way, and too perfect, and would never be into a woman like me.”
Vale pauses before her reply.
It’s coming, so I put my fork down.
This is one of the many reasons why she’s my ride or die. This is why we’re always hoes before bros. Vale’s friendship has almost filled the void my mom’s death left behind.
I convinced her to follow her passion, to get her PhD in Sexuality, and she convinced me to follow my dreams, to dig in the dirt.
Sometimes, all you need is a best friend who’ll believe in you until you believe in yourself.
“You’re beautiful, Alena.” Vale soothes my scars. “Fuck that hater in school. He couldn’t handle your hotness. But now, you’re all grown and beautiful and women pay to have a bangin’ body like yours. And men? They’d fucking kill for it.”
She adds, “Like your mystery man next door.”