Chapter 13
Thirteen
Cami
“You never texted after your date,” Jenna accuses as I unlock the door to my apartment.
“I was exhausted,” I say by way of apology. “Yesterday was busy getting ready for today. Don’t you want to hear about my first day of work?”
The door closes behind me and I lock it before toeing off my heels. Ah, that feels better. As my toes sink into the runner that leads from the foyer to the kitchen, I shrug out of the blazer I wore for my first day of work.
My look was professional and polished. A navy skirt suit with a white button-down shirt and nude heels.
You only have one chance to make a favorable first impression. Mom’s voice rings in my ears.
“Not as much as I want to hear about Leif. Were you exhausted because your husband kept you up late?” Jenna asks and I don’t miss the thread of hope in her tone.
I snort. “No. He dropped me at my doorstep and kissed me good night like a gentleman at a very respectable hour.”
I move to the fridge and pull out an apple.
“Ugh, boring. Then, why are you so tired?”
“I can’t sleep,” I admit. I wrinkle my nose as I tell her the truth. “I was nervous about today.”
“How’d it go?” Jenna gentles her tone.
“Good. I mean, the job is going to be a snooze fest but also, not too difficult. The coworkers I met are nice. Friendly. A few of them—two guys and a woman—took me out for drinks afterwards.”
“That’s nice! Cam, at my first day of work, I took coffee orders and spent an absurd number of hours reading through the HR manual.”
I chuckle. “This was way better than that.”
“So, you feel better about it?”
I nod, glancing at the stack of sketchbooks I pulled out last night after my date with Leif. Rattled, nervous, and confused, I was up late sketching. Drawing all the things I can’t put into words. But drawing has always been therapeutic for me. Give me a pencil and a blank piece of paper and I can create something with all the feelings that bottle up inside. From all the thoughts I’m not sure how to express or share. “Yeah,” I tell Jenna.
“Good! I’m glad you met some new people today.”
“Me too. The woman, Maria, is really nice. She’s older and has a two-year-old daughter. Her husband is in the National Guard and is deployed for the next six months.”
“Wow. That must be tough.”
“Right? But her mom is staying with her, so she has the extra support to focus on her career. She became a certified CPA a few months ago.”
“What about the guys?” Jenna asks.
“Tarek and Sam,” I mention my male coworkers. “Seem like good guys. No red flags.”
Jenna snorts. “Glad you got all of that from a few drinks.”
I shrug. “It felt good. Normal. Like a regular thing to do.”
“It is good. And normal,” my sister stresses. “You missed out on too many opportunities to mingle and meet people after things went sideways with Levi. You cut yourself short.”
“Yeah,” I whisper, sitting down at the kitchen island. It’s a small island with two barstools but perfect for me. I take a bite of my apple. “Do you think I’m doing that again?”
“Cutting yourself short?”
“I married a stranger,” I remind her.
“I don’t think Leif is anything like Levi. I don’t think most men are.”
I roll my eyes. “No, most men aren’t infamous rockstars.”
Jenna giggles. “Leif is a professional hockey player though. Can’t you just date a normal guy—like a teacher or a dentist?”
I sigh. “I clearly have a type.”
Jenna chuckles.
“But I don’t want to miss out on opportunities, on social experiences, because I’m a wife .”
“Then, don’t,” Jenna says, as if it’s that easy.
I roll my eyes. “Right. Because Mom continued to explore her career options when she married Dad.”
“Mom also had three kids back-to-back. You’re not even living with your husband, Cam. You’re not obligated to go to all his hockey games and become a WAG. You’re figuring things out, one day at a time. Just, give him, give this a chance. If that’s what you want to do. You said you do. Is it because of Mom? And the way she jumped on the Leif Bang wagon?”
“Partly,” I admit. “You should have seen her face, Jenna. She was so relieved, and I didn’t want to disappoint her again.”
Jenna sighs. “That’s not a good enough reason to stay in a marriage.”
“It’s convenient,” I point out.
Jenna scoffs. “That’s even worse.”
“I know. But partly, there is something between Leif and me. I had fun on our date. He is a good guy. If I wasn’t married to him, I’d date him in a heartbeat.”
Jenna snorts.
“It’s bananas,” I mutter.
“Cam, you can define what it means to be a wife, what it means to be married, for you and Leif. You don’t have to follow the example set by Mom and Dad or anyone else. You set the terms. You and Leif make the rules.”
“You have a point,” I concede.
“I always do. Anyway, I’m meeting my book club tonight.”
I grin, loving that Jenna has maintained a book club with the same girls from college for over four years. “Have fun.”
“Thanks! We read a paranormal romance— The Hunted with vampire Navy SEALS—by S.B. Alexander this month. I’m glad you had a great first day, Cam.”
“Me too. Talk to you later.”
“‘Bye.” Jenna ends the call.
I toss down my phone and bite into my apple. Then, I pull the refrigerator door open again, wondering what I should eat for dinner. I’m not much of a cook and I’m debating between cereal and an omelette when the doorbell rings.
Who would be here at this time of night? Hell, I barely know anyone in this city.
A knock sounds. “Knox? You home?”
Leif. I can’t stop the smile that curls my lips. Is he checking in on me? I like that he stopped by. I stride toward the front door and pull it open.
Leif shuffles back half a step, his eyes dropping down my frame and back to my eyes. “You look…very professional.”
I grin. “You wanted to say librarian, didn’t you?”
“More powerhouse CEO.”
I shake my head and step to the side. “Come on in. What are you doing here?”
He holds up a Tupperware. “Bringing baked goods. For your first day.”
“Oh! That was…thoughtful.”
He smiles. “Homemade too. Mom made it.”
“Please thank Stella for me.” I close the door and take the Tupperware from his hands. “Perfect timing too. I was just wondering what I should eat for dinner.”
Leif frowns. “It’s banana bread.”
“Mm. Excellent!” I hope it has walnuts. It will pair nicely with tea. Dinner problem solved! “Want some? I’m thinking banana bread and tea.”
Leif looks amused. “Sure.” He follows me into the kitchen and slides onto a barstool while I turn on the kettle. “How was your first day?”
“Surprisingly good,” I admit, turning to face him. I drop my elbows to the island and lean forward. Note that his eyes flicker to the buttons on my blouse before flying back to my face.
I bite my bottom lip to keep from smiling. I like that Leif checks me out. I want him to be attracted to me.
His presence—normal and thoughtful and relaxed—puts me at ease. Jenna was right; Leif and I will make the terms of our marriage. Right now, I really am happy to see him.
“Good.” He nods. “I got worried when you didn’t reply to my text.”
I squint, recalling his message just as we ordered drinks at the bar. “Oh, sorry. Some colleagues took me out for celebratory drinks and then my sister Jenna called.”
Leif nods, tapping his fingertips against the ledge of the island. “Where’d you go for drinks?”
I frown. Is he giving me the third degree? “McCullen’s Pub.”
Leif tilts his head. “Ah, I know where that is. Well, there’s a sports pub, called Corks, that’s really good and also walking distance to your office. Just, in the opposite direction.”
I relax as he tosses out the suggestion. Nope, he’s just being considerate and making conversation. “Good to know. Thanks.”
“No problem.”
The kettle whistles and I fix our tea as Leif moves around my kitchen to find a knife and cutting board. He cuts thick slices of banana bread before pulling open the refrigerator door and rummaging around.
“You need more food,” he tells me.
I wrinkle my nose. “I’m not much of a cook.”
“I can see that by the overwhelming number of condiments and nothing else,” he mutters, grabbing the cream cheese.
I stick my tongue out at him, and he smirks.
“I’m an okay cook,” he continues, “so I can do that when we move in together.”
I arch an eyebrow. “That seems rushed, don’t you think?”
Leif shrugs. “We’re married, Cam. And I want us to do this for real.”
I bite the corner of my lip.
I like that he’s here. It’s comfortable, the two of us moving around my kitchen with ease. It feels like we’ve done this before even though it’s the first time. But I just moved into my new place—my first grown-up apartment—and I’m not ready to give that up yet.
I clear my throat and change the subject instead. “How was your day?”
He grins, silently calling me out on my not-so-subtle tactic. “Not bad. I got a workout in. Some of the team was around too. Hey, if you’re not busy next weekend, one of my former teammate’s Axel invited us to dinner at his place.”
“Us?” I pull up short. “Do they know about us?”
“Being married?”
I nod.
“Yeah.” His eyebrows tug together. “That’s okay, right? I mean?—”
“Yes, of course,” I rush to reassure him. To gain some footing in this conversation. “I just don’t know how to navigate this with you.”
“I know.” He turns so he’s facing me. He places a strong, steady hand on my hip. “We’ll figure this out together, okay? I told Axel I’d check with you, but I’d like to have dinner with some of the team next weekend. It will give you a chance to meet them, get to know their wives and families.”
I smile at the idea of meeting more people in Knoxville. “Okay.”
“My mom is going to tag along too,” Leif adds.
I grin. “It will be nice to get to know Stella better.”
Leif snorts. “You say that now.”
“She can’t be worse than Cheryl. I have to show you the venues she’s sending me from Crosslake.”
Leif flexes his fingers on my hip, and I fight the urge to lean into him. Just because my body is insanely attracted to his doesn’t mean I can turn off my brain when he’s around. We need to explore this carefully. Like adults.
“We can have whatever kind of wedding you want. And if you don’t want one, that’s okay too.” Leif leans forward to press a kiss to my cheek before resuming his job of spreading cream cheese on the banana bread. “Also, this weekend, we can go out for dinner. I can show you around the city.”
“I’d like that,” I say, meaning it. I do want to learn more about the city I now call home. And, if I’m being honest, it will be a lot more enjoyable to explore with Leif by my side. I know I’ll have fun with him.
I focus on making our tea, on enjoying this moment with him, on completing my first day of work. Little by little, I relax and begin to consider my future with Leif.
I certainly like spending time with him. I’m one-hundred percent attracted to him. I even want to spend time with his mom and meet his teammates next weekend.
Just because our start wasn’t typical doesn’t mean we don’t stand a chance. We can make our own rules. We can do this on our own terms.
Leif stays for a few hours, and we hang out like a normal couple. We sip our tea, talk about our college years, and sit too close to each other on the couch watching a rerun of How I Met Your Mother.
When it nears eleven PM, Leif kisses me good night. His lips are soft on mine. My hands find his hips and hold. Our connection is intense and leaves me dizzy. Breathless.
After Leif leaves, I make a fresh cup of tea. Then, I sit at the kitchen island and open my sketchbook. I flip through the pages of gowns I’ve created over the past six months. They’re all fashionable designs, with delicate details, for formal events.
My fingers itch, wanting to create, as I pick up the pencil. As I press the point into the paper, my mind clears, my worries ease, and my hands know what to do. I stay up too late, until the side of my hand is smudged with shades of gray. But the wedding dress I draw is the dress of my heart.
It’s unlike any design I’ve ever created and it’s exactly the type of gown I’d wear.
It’s strapless with a full skirt and a simple veil.
It’s lacy, elegant, yet understated. It’s beautiful.
And for the first time, I can envision myself wearing it, walking down the aisle, and exchanging vows with Leif Bang.