Chapter 21
Twenty-One
Cami
“This place is magical,” I say as Leif and I settle into our bedroom at the massive cottage he rented with his friends for Chris and Casey’s wedding. Outside our window, the lake is bathed in moonlight. Pine trees and rich greenery surround the calm lake but in the dark, they look like dancing shadows.
It’s quiet. Serene and peaceful.
Romantic.
“It is. I can’t believe Chris is from here,” Leif remarks, entering our closet where he stored our joint suitcase earlier in the day.
“So is Coach Strauss,” I offer, naming the Coyotes Football Coach. “Harper introduced me to him since she works for the team.”
Leif snaps his fingers. “That’s right. I think he’s attending the wedding, too.”
Since we arrived this morning, we’ve spent the day hanging out on the floating dock with Leif’s friends. I met Hudson’s girlfriend Piper, who I hit it off with immediately. Then, we enjoyed drinks and a wonderful dinner with the bride and groom and their wedding guests.
Tomorrow is the big day, and I can’t wait to get dressed up, slip my hand into Leif’s, and spend hours dancing in his arms under the stars.
“Yeah.” I run my hand over the sweet quilt on the king-sized bed. “If I was from here, I’d never leave.”
“I don’t think Chris intends to anymore,” Leif says, exiting the closet in a pair of sweatpants. “But back in college, he wanted to experience something bigger. This really is a small town.”
“It’s quaint.”
“Sure is,” he agrees, kissing me on the lips.
I wrap my arms around his waist and press my ear against his chest. His skin is warm, and I like listening to his heartbeat. Even and steady. Leif hugs me back and we stand like that, enjoying the moment. It’s so simple, practically nothing. And yet, it’s everything.
I could stand like this all night with my husband. God, it feels amazing to be in love with a man I can count on. Someone I can trust.
“Tonight was fun,” I say.
Leif kisses the top of my head. “Tonight was awesome,” he agrees. “I’m glad you and Piper clicked.”
“She’s hilarious!” I pull back, laughing at some of the stories Piper told me about when she and Hudson grew up as neighbors.
“Yeah, I’m happy for Hudson.”
“He’s happy for you, too,” I reply, liking that Piper shared that tidbit of information.
Leif grins and cups my cheek, brushing this thumb along my cheekbone. “I love you, Cami Coleman. I love being here with you.”
I smile, knowing I have hearts in my eyes. Pushing up on my toes, I clasp Leif’s shoulders and kiss him hard. “I love you too, Leif Bang,” I whisper.
Then, I kiss him slowly. His arms tighten around my frame. We lose ourselves to the moment, to the night, to each other.
And it’s more than magic.
The following morning, I wake bright and early. I open the blinds and look out over the glistening lake. “I could get used to this.”
“You and me both,” Leif replies, coming up behind me and dropping a kiss to my shoulder.
“I can’t believe you already went for a run.” I wrinkle my nose at him. I was certain I’d wake up before him but, in true Leif fashion, he was already working out by the time I opened my eyes.
He shrugs and pinches my ass. “I was hoping you’d still be in bed.”
“I’m sure you were.”
Leif grins. “You sure you’ll be okay on your own today? I know you hit it off with Piper but?—”
“Don’t worry about me,” I cut him off. “I know you have groomsmen duties to attend to. And honestly? I’m looking forward to enjoying the sunshine and the lake. Maybe even checking out the town.”
“Okay.” He kisses my cheek. “But call me if you need anything.”
“First thing I need is coffee,” I admit.
Leif taps my ass. “Hudson already put a fresh pot on the stove.”
“No wonder Piper’s in love with him,” I tease, entering our closet to pull out some clothes.
Leif laughs. “Yeah, I’m sure it’s the coffee.”
I snort and change into a sundress. Leif rinses off quickly in the shower and when he’s dressed, we head downstairs together.
The house is already bustling. Piper, Hudson, James, and Ray huddle around the kitchen table, drinking coffee and eating eggs and pancakes.
“Seriously? I thought I woke up so early!” I tell them.
Ray chuckles. “Not with this crowd.” He gestures toward the table. “This crew subscribes to the five AM club.”
I wrinkle my nose. “Sounds awful.”
“I’m with you, Cam,” Piper says, glancing at me. “I woke up about five minutes ago.”
Ray laughs. “More like two.”
Piper flips him the bird. “Help yourself to some coffee and breakfast,” Piper advises, pointing her fork toward the stove.
“Thanks,” I say, grabbing a plate. Then, I look at Ray. “You went running too?”
“Five miles,” he quips.
“Show-off,” Piper mutters.
Hudson, James, and Leif laugh.
Ray scowls.
I fix a plate for Leif and pass it to him.
He kisses me softly. “Thank you, babe.”
“Oh, God,” Ray moans. “First them”—he gestures toward Piper and Hudson—“and now y’all?” He glares at me and Leif.
I grin. “Can’t help myself, Ray. My man’s got moves.”
The table laughs, even Ray.
“Yeah.” He chuckles. “Laid-back Leif definitely has moves. I’m not sure you’ve seen them all yet, sweet Cami.”
His friends laugh again but Leif narrows his eyes, shooting me a look.
I take a bite of my eggs, trying to puzzle out his look. Ray was ribbing him the night we met so I’m not sure why his teasing bothers Leif now.
“Cami,” Piper says, polishing off her pancakes. “Want to head into town and do some poking around with me? There are some super cute antique shops and specialty food stores I’d like to check out.”
“For sure,” I agree eagerly.
“Great!” She stands, taking her plate with her.
I follow suit. “I saw a cute café on the way in yesterday too.”
“Crane’s Café,” Hudson supplies. “You girls will like it there.”
Leif tugs on my fingertips. I look down at him.
“You good?” he murmurs quietly.
I nod, dropping a quick kiss to his mouth. “I’m good. I’ll see you later.”
“The ceremony is at four PM,” he reminds me. “I think I’ll be busy until then.”
I smile. “Have fun.”
“You too, Knox,” he replies.
“See you guys later,” I say, waving to the table.
“Come on, let’s get out of here,” Piper says, linking my arm with hers and steering me toward her and Hudson’s bedroom. “I just need to change but I’ll be like, two minutes.”
“Take your time,” I say.
“Be right back!” Piper slips into her bedroom.
I wander farther down the hall and find a cute sitting area with beautiful—and fully stocked—bookshelves. I’m about to pull one off the shelf when my phone buzzes in my pocket. It’s literally the reason why I bought this sundress—hidden pockets!
I pull it out and frown when I note Levi’s name on the screen. Another email. What the hell? My pulse quickens and I suck in a sharp breath.
I should delete it. It doesn’t matter what Levi has to say. It doesn’t matter anymore. He’s in my past and I’ve put it behind me.
Still, my curiosity rises.
My thumb hovers over the email and before I can fully talk myself out of it, I tap on his message.
Hey, Cami,
I swear I’m not stalking you or anything. I just want to talk. Please, let me apologize for the shit I caused. Let me at least make things right between us. I know it’s a selfish ask but I’m asking anyway.
Give me a call when you can and we’ll grab a coffee. Then, I won’t bother you again.
Talk soon (I hope),
Levi
His number is under his name, and I stare at it. I know for a fact he doesn’t give his number out to anyone. It’s something he was really selective about back in Spain and I imagine he’s only gotten stricter since becoming sober. The last thing he would want is a bunch of people trying to party hitting him up when he’s trying to get his life on a new path.
What the hell does it mean? Why is he contacting me?
Is it really to make amends? Or does he still think there’s something…there…between us?
No, that doesn’t make sense. And it doesn’t matter.
It doesn’t fucking matter!
I sigh and grip my phone tightly. It buzzes again and I smile when I note Izzy’s name on the screen.
Izzy: Have fun this weekend! I love the photos you sent of your dress! You look hawt, lady, and Leif isn’t going to be able to keep his hands off you.
I snort and take a seat in the armchair.
Me: It’s so cute here! I’ll send more pictures. What are you up to this weekend?
Izzy: Going to meet Mia and Tamara for brunch. Then, a hot date tonight! I met him online though so…sharing my location.
Me: Totally share! Tell the girls I say hello and give them hugs. Call me this week?
Izzy: Obviously. We’ll have to rehash my date.
Me: I can’t wait. xx
I’m about to resume my book perusal when a man’s voice rings out. I remain seated instead.
“Man, I’ve never seen Leif like this,” Ray—I think it’s Ray—says. I squint, as if that will help me hear better. But I’m fairly certain it’s Ray.
“He’s happy, bro,” James replies.
I freeze, my hands gripping the armrests of the chair.
I glance down at my phone in my lap. Levi’s name swims before my eyes. Taunting me.
I slip the phone back into my pocket and pull in a shaky breath.
“Yeah,” Ray says, sounding unconvinced. “I just wonder how much of it is real and how much he’s trying to convince himself.”
What? My heart thrums in my eardrums and I wring my hands.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” James asks and I don’t miss the clip of anger in his tone. It makes me feel marginally—in the tiniest way possible—better.
“Take it easy,” Ray mutters.
“You sound jealous,” James tosses back. His sticking up for Leif, for Leif and me, eases my anger slightly.
“Jesus,” Ray hisses. “I’m not saying it to be a dick.”
A beat of silence passes.
Then, Ray continues. “In all the years you’ve known Leif, what has he ever failed at?”
“Nothing,” James replies instantly. A quick response he didn’t have to think about.
“Exactly. Then, he marries a stranger while drunk in Vegas.”
“And?”
Ray chuckles. “You know Leif, man. He’s been Laid-back Leif since before college, but he’s grown up. When he sets his mind on something, does he throw in the towel or double down?”
James is quiet for too long and my doubt grows. Not in a linear fashion but exponentially.
Why isn’t James saying anything? Why isn’t he sticking up for us?
“Fuck,” James says finally.
I sink deeper in the chair and turn my gaze out the window. Sunlight streams in and the lake beckons. But the magic is gone.
“I don’t know, man,” James says shakily. “He and Cami seem like a good pair, regardless.”
“Maybe,” Ray agrees. “But what challenges have they faced?”
“Now, you sound bitter,” James points out.
“I’m not saying this because of my shit with Dee,” Ray swears. “I’m saying it because Leif is my friend. He doesn’t admit defeat; he never has. I don’t want him fighting so hard for something that won’t last. I don’t want it for him, and I don’t want it for her. Cami’s a sweetheart.”
“Yeah, she is,” James agrees.
“Hey!” Piper’s voice calls out.
“You’re still here?” Ray asks. “I thought y’all went downtown.”
“Nope, I had to get dressed,” Piper answers.
I close my eyes, praying to the universe that none of them discover me sitting here, eavesdropping on their conversation about me.
“Oh, well, have fun,” James says, sounding embarrassed.
“Yeah! I just gotta find Cami. Have you seen her?” Piper asks.
A beat of awkward silence passes.
I open my eyes and pull in a breath, pressing my hand against my chest to ease the gallop of my heart.
“Nope. Maybe she’s out front, waiting for you?” James suggests.
“Maybe. See you later!” Piper says. I hear her footsteps pad down the hallway.
Shit. Now, I’m stuck here.
“Just keep your thoughts to yourself this weekend,” James mutters. “It’s Chris’s wedding and right now, Leif is happy.”
“Yeah,” Ray agrees, sounding distracted. “For now.”
In the next minute, I hear their footsteps retract and I breathe a little easier. I wait a few more minutes before quietly slipping from the sitting room. I slide into a bathroom and close the door behind me.
Facing myself in the mirror, I suck in a deep breath.
“You’re fine. Everything is good. This is right,” I remind myself.
But now, I don’t feel so sure. With Levi’s email burning a hole in my pocket and Ray’s words rattling in my mind, self-doubt fills me.
Is Leif trying to prove a point to himself? Does he want this to work because he doesn’t want to fail? Or because he’s trying too hard to become the man he wants to be—dependable and unshakeable? To me, he already is that guy. But what if he’s trying to convince himself? What if he’s trying to find reasons to love me?
How can he love me after barely two months together? After what I told him transpired with Levi? And now, Levi is emailing me, and I haven’t even shared that news with my husband.
Why haven’t I told Leif? Don’t I trust him?
A knock sounds on the bathroom door. I jump and flip on the faucet. “Yeah?” I call out, running my wrists under the cool water.
“Cami?” Piper asks.
“Yes! Sorry, I’ll be right out.”
“No worries! Take your time. I’m ready when you are.”
“Okay.” But I don’t feel light and happy anymore.
Instead, worry consumes me. Skepticism grows. Unworthiness reigns.
Did Leif make a mistake by committing to me? Did I?
I dry my hands on the towel and pull open the bathroom door.
“I’m sorry, Piper,” I murmur to the friendly face standing before me. “I’m actually not feeling that well.” I press a hand to my stomach.
And it’s not even a lie. Right now, I feel nauseous. My stomach twists painfully and anxiety settles like a lump in my chest.
“Oh, no,” Piper says, looking genuinely concerned.
Leif has wonderful friends. And they—well, at least Ray—don’t think I’m right for him. They’ve known him for years; I’ve known him for a fraction of that time. Could Ray be right? Are they all thinking the same things Ray voiced?
“Do you want me to get Leif? They just left!” She steps toward the front door.
“Oh! No, no, don’t do that. I don’t want him to worry. I’m sure it’s just a stomachache.” I grimace and hate the next words that come out of my mouth. “Do you mind if I pass on shopping?”
“Not at all!” Piper says, taking my elbow and leading me toward the staircase. “You rest.”
I manage a small smile. “Thank you for understanding. If you could avoid mentioning this to any of the guys, I don’t want Leif to come back and miss time with Chris. I’m sure I’ll feel better in no time.”
“No problem. Just remember, the ceremony is at four.”
“Got it,” I promise, climbing the stairs. “Have fun shopping.”
“Get some rest!” Piper says encouragingly.
I nod and make it to the top of the stairs. Then, I enter the bedroom, lock myself in the bathroom, step into the shower, and have a good cry.
It’s cathartic. Necessary.
My feelings are all over the place. My thoughts scattered.
Am I really letting Ray’s assessment throw me for a loop?
Am I really questioning Leif’s love for me?
Do I think he’s trying to prove a point to himself by staying married?
I think back to our conversation at the bar in Knoxville. Leif’s words ring in my head.
I’ve never done a serious relationship thing—my first attempt can’t crash and burn.
Is that still what this is? Or are we past that? Are we truly in love?
Emotionally exhausted, I twist my wet hair in a towel and climb back into bed. I’m relieved when sleep comes, and I take a long nap.
I wake with plenty of time to dress for the wedding, but my head is still a mess. My thoughts unravel in every direction, and I feel sick to my stomach.
Would I feel this way if there wasn’t a kernel of truth to Ray’s assessment?
Would I feel this way if I had told Leif about Levi’s emails?
I pull myself together enough to fix my hair and makeup for the wedding. I dress in a silk, floor-length, cerulean blue dress. I bought it because it reminded me of the color of Leif’s eyes.
Right now, even that realization unnerves me.
Am I trying too hard in our marriage? Is he?
I didn’t think so but…what the hell do I know? I’ve never done this before. I’ve never done anything remotely close to this.
I slide on my strappy sandals and clasp my clutch. I’m relieved the house is still empty so I can head over to the main cottage where the ceremony and reception are being held without anyone intercepting me.
When I arrive, I gasp. The cottage is beautiful. It’s decorated in the most gorgeous flowers I’ve ever seen. The back wall isn’t a wall at all but an open space that leads to the lake. Chairs are already set up, an aisle made down the center. People mill about, sipping on flutes of champagne. I spot a few familiar faces, including Coach Strauss. A string quartet plays off to the side. It’s almost like stepping back in time—a simpler, more peaceful era.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?” a woman next to me asks.
“Gorgeous,” I agree. “I’ve never been here before.”
“It’s a pretty town,” she says.
“Yes. I’m Cami.” I hold out my hand.
She shakes it. “Melissa. Are you bride or groom?”
“Um. Groom,” I say since Leif is one of Chris’s groomsmen. “You?”
“Bride.” She smiles. She’s beautiful. With dark brown eyes, long black hair, and a perfect smile, she could be on the cover of a magazine. She wrinkles her nose and on her, even that looks cute. “Although the groom is a friend too. I used to date one of his groomsmen.” She laughs, as if that time in her life was memorable. Enjoyable.
“Really? Who?” I ask, certain she’s going to say Ray.
She bites the corner of her lip as her eyes focus on the dock.
I follow her line of sight and feel my heart leap into my throat.
The groom and groomsmen have taken their places. Chris looks happy and Leif looks…gorgeous. Sexy. Perfect.
It hits me like a punch to the throat.
I’m in love with my husband and he’s trying to convince himself to love me back. Otherwise, there’s no way he would have stayed with me after I confessed to him about Levi. No man would. In fact, that’s probably why he was distant. Why when I tried to talk to him about the space between us, he changed the subject. Part of him pulled away and added distance while the other part is trying to do the right thing.
The committed, dependable, upstanding man thing.
“Leif Bang,” the woman beside me breathes.
Shut the fuck up. I inhale sharply, glancing at her. But her gaze is still trained on my husband. My fingers curl into the silk at my sides.
Are you for real today, universe? I look up at the sky. Because this is getting a little fucking ridiculous.
I look at Leif and rock back on my heels when I note he’s staring right at me. His gaze shifts to my left and then back again, concern crossing his features.
Son of a bitch.
He dated—dated!—the smoke show standing next to me, looking at him like he’s her next snack.
I’m not good at relationships. That’s what he told me. I wrongly assumed he’d never had one—but did he have one with her?
“There you are!” Piper says, appearing on my left. “Feel better?”
“Much,” I croak, feeling like I want to die.
“Great! We better take our seats. The ceremony is about to start.” She links her arm with mine and tugs me toward the groom’s side.
I turn to look back at the woman, but she’s gone, already seated on the bride’s side.
I take a seat next to Piper and try to keep my breathing as my mind whirls.
It was Leif’s idea to give our marriage a chance. He wanted to try. Why? Because he didn’t want to fail.
I wanted to get an annulment or divorce. Why? Because I told him I didn’t love him.
And at the time—I didn’t. Except now, I do. And this fucking hurts.
Hell, this burns and aches and cuts deeper than any pain I’ve ever known. Even deeper than when Levi disappeared. This hurts on a level I’m unprepared for and for a second, I can’t catch my breath.
The music starts and the bride and her father begin to walk down the aisle. Casey looks stunning. She’s glowing, beaming, happy.
I’m supposed to do this next month. I’m supposed to walk down the aisle to Leif and choose him again. My husband.
Except as I sit and listen to Casey and Chris exchange sincere, heartfelt, handwritten vows, I know I messed up.
Leif and I did it all wrong.
Our marriage in Vegas wasn’t a spontaneous, adventurous leap of faith.
It was the start of a fucking disaster.
Because I fell in love with him and deep down, I know I’ll never be enough. I’ll never be worthy.
Leif just doesn’t want to tell me the truth. Hell, he doesn’t want to admit the truth himself.
So, we’re stuck living a goddamn lie. One I fell for.
One I need to cut ties with. But, how?