12. Nix
12
NIX
After the rest of the week passes, I know one thing for sure: She hasn’t told him. She couldn’t have, or else Colt would burn the city down looking for me. The emails he’s been sending haven’t changed, either, which is another clue. He would’ve sent me another message immediately if he thought for sure I was alive and close enough to where he lives that it’s within walking distance. A long walk, but what else do I have to fill my time?
I walked tonight, since there’s never a guarantee I’ll be able to get a parking space close to their apartment. So I hang out across the street in an alley, staring up at their apartment. Sometimes I lose track of time while I do it, standing for hours. I watch their shadows move across the ceiling and imagine what they’re doing up there. I don’t deserve to be any part of it.
At least one good thing came out of showing her my face: she hasn’t been around the neighborhood since. She learned her lesson. For all I know, she’s more scared of me than she is of the other dangers out there, but that’s fine. It’s better if she hates me, if she’s scared of me. She should be.
I can’t stand the anticipation. Knowing he has to leave at some point. He can’t stay home forever, right? Not my brother. It seems like they spend a lot of time together, but he’s going to need time on his own. He can’t change everything about himself just because of the woman in his life. Even one he’s as obsessed with as he is with Leni.
It feels like a lifetime passes while I wait. Cars roll by, people talk on their phones or text while walking. No one notices me, because people don’t look into the darkness. They don’t want to see what’s in the shadows. I have come to rely on that, and it’s kept me safe all these months. Anonymous.
They may as well not exist. There is one person I need to see, the person I’ve been waiting for every time I stand here and watch. He has to leave her alone sometime. He can’t be with her always.
The front door to the building swings open, and my chest goes tight at the sight of my brother. I’ve seen him so many times, always from a distance, but I’ve never been gladder than I am tonight. He’s on his phone, oblivious, climbing behind the wheel of his car and pulling away without looking toward where I’m waiting for him to go. My blood is pumping, my body seized by anticipation. The longer he’s kept me waiting, the more time I’ve had to plan out what comes next.
I have to force myself to wait a minute, making sure he doesn’t come back, before crossing the street with my head down and my shoulders hunched. Will she be surprised to see me? She shouldn’t be. She should know me well enough by now to know I couldn’t possibly leave things the way they were the last time we saw each other.
The security in this building is a joke. No one bothers to stop me as I cross the lobby, probably because people don’t pay attention to someone who walks with purpose. Another thing I’ve learned, living the way I do. It’s been a real education.
And tonight, Leni will get an education. She’s going to learn she never should have kicked the hornet’s nest. She should’ve left things the way they were instead of coming to look for me. All she did was convince me to do this, because something deep inside her can’t stay away from me any more than I can stay away from her.
She’s so trusting, she doesn’t bother looking through the peephole before opening the door at my knock. How do I know? Because she falls back a step with a gasp when she recognizes me standing in front of her. “Nix! What are you doing here?” Her face goes white as a sheet before she bites her lip, wincing. “I thought you said you didn’t want him?—”
That’s enough out of her. When I lunge, throwing myself into the apartment, her only reaction is to fall back a few stumbling steps. Her mouth opens like she’s about to scream, but I’m too quick, slamming the door shut with one hand and grabbing for her with the other. I have an arm around her waist and a hand over her mouth before she knows what’s happening.
“I told you, didn’t I?” Fuck, I forgot about this. What it’s like to have her so close to me, her body moving against mine, so warm and full and firm. I can fantasize all I want, but there’s not a fantasy in existence that could come close to the real thing. Her muffled cries, her breath hitting the top of my hand, her tits rubbing against my chest. I’m already rigid, straining against my zipper, and it only gets worse the more she wiggles and struggles.
“This is what I’ve been dreaming about all these months.” She stops whimpering and goes silent, listening to me, her eyes still wide with fear that only excites me more. Like every part of her was created to get me off. “Taking you like this. Waiting for him to leave so I could have you the way I want you.”
Now there’s not only fear in her eyes. There’s anger, a hardness that wasn’t there before. Good, let her think she’s strong. Let her think she’s got any say in what’s happening.
Her squeals rise in pitch when I lift her off her feet, which she kicks uselessly in the air. “Where’s your bedroom? Let’s get reacquainted.” She won’t stop screaming behind my hand, tiring herself out when there’s nothing that’s going to stop me. Even if Colt walked in this very minute, it wouldn’t be enough to stop me. Not now I’ve started. I’ve gotten a taste of the forbidden fruit that’s been held back from me all this time. Like whetting my appetite. I only want more, right this minute.
Their bedroom is down the hall, and I’m happy to see the headboard with its iron bars against the wall. It’s perfect for what I have in mind. I feel like I’m living out a dream right now, which I guess I am. A dream that’s been growing for a long time. Having her like this, totally at my mercy, with no one calling the shots but me. Nobody telling me how to touch her or where, just me following my needs.
Dropping her on the bed, I reach behind me to pull the coiled length of vinyl rope from where I tucked it into the back of my jeans. Her gasp fills the room when she sees it, and right away, she tries to scramble backward. “No! Not like this! Why are you doing this?”
I barely hear her, completely focused on what’s about to happen. She manages to back away a little bit, but all it takes is grabbing one of her ankles and pulling hard to make her slide back toward me over the silky striped duvet. “That’s right, keep fighting,” I urge, my heart pounding in anticipation. This is already so good, and it’s only going to get better.
“Please!” she sobs, but she should save her energy. Nothing’s going to stop me now.
It takes no time to grab a hold of her wrists, binding them together with the rope, making her wince in pain when I cinch it tight. “That hurts! You don’t have to do this! Why are you doing this, Nix?”
“I already told you.” Does she think the answer is going to change? I honestly don’t care. I’m having too much fun. “I need this, I need you, all of you,” I confess, not knowing if she is even listening to me.
She’s still kicking and twisting, though, as I move her closer to the head of the bed. She even tries to fight against me, raising her arms so I can’t tie the rope to the headboard, and all I can do is laugh. “All you’re doing is making this take longer than it has to,” I warn, laughing again.
Deeper fear touches her eyes—she might as well be licking my cock. It’s so enticing and exciting to see. “I don’t want to do this. Please, stop!”
I don’t care. It’s never mattered what she wants, not when it comes to this. Nothing has changed. I’m in control of her when it comes to sex. I need that from her, the monster inside me hungers for it.
Once she’s secured, arms over her head, I take a second to admire what I’ve missed out on for too long. Her soft, plaid pajama pants and thin tank top hint at what I’ve already touched, tasted. Her chest is heaving—after all that fighting, her tits have almost worked their way out. Her nipples stand out hard against the cotton, and the sight of them makes my mouth water.
That’s what I want first, leaning over her and pulling the shirt up to her armpits. Her pert nipples are begging to be licked, so that’s what I do, bending down to drag my tongue around one while squeezing the other tit, rolling the nipple between my fingers while she writhes and squirms.
She tastes so good! I can’t help but rub myself through my jeans, aching, dying for the pleasure of being inside her. So hungry for her body, moving down to her navel and back up again with my tongue, nipping and licking, painting her skin.
“You… You shouldn’t do this!” She bucks and rolls like a wave, harder the further down I go. “What if Colt comes back? He won’t be gone long. You have to stop!”
Who does she think she’s kidding? There’s not as much fight in her voice anymore. Already, she’s weak for me. She knows she wants this as much as I do. She can’t help but give in when I make her feel this good.
“If you don’t stop,” I whisper, lifting my head. “I’m going to have to fill your mouth to shut you up. Is that what you want? Are you hoping I’ll give you my cock?”
She closes her mouth, pressing her lips together, shaking her head. Her nostrils flare with every sharp breath, and those breaths only come quicker when I climb between her legs and work my fingers under the waistband of her pants.
“I’ve missed your pussy,” I confess, pulling the pants down along with her thong in one quick motion that makes her gasp louder than ever. A tiny squeal sounds in her throat when I lift her legs and spread them open wide so I can look down at her pink perfection.
It’s even better than I remembered. Shaved smooth, glistening, her little clit poking out from under her hood. “Maybe I’ll just jerk off, staring at this,” I whisper, staring down at the heaven I’ve missed so much. “I could paint your pussy with my cum, and there’s nothing you could do about it.”
Looking into her eyes, I snicker. “But I wouldn’t want to deprive either of us. I need to feel you wrapped around me.”
“Nix…” she moans, eyes welling with tears. I don’t know if I like the sight or the sound more. “Not like this. Please.”
“Your pussy doesn’t feel that way. You should see how wet it is.” I can’t help but reach down to drag a thumb over her bald lips, picking up her essence and bringing it to my tongue. The taste explodes there, turning my mind into a blazing inferno of need. Nothing will satisfy it but the grip of her muscles around me. She’s right—Colt could be back anytime, so this is dangerous. As much as I would love to take hours making her scream, I need to finish what I started.
That means unbuckling my belt and dropping my jeans to my knees. “Remember this?” I ask, laughing at the way she groans with her chin quivering. “Relax. You’re already dripping wet. Don’t pretend you don’t like it.”
When her cheeks flush and her eyes dart away, I know I’m right. Her body loves this, even if her brain tells her she shouldn’t.
She tries to push herself away from me, heels on the bed, when I touch my tip to her core. “That’s right, keep fighting,” I urge with a dark laugh. I barely recognize my own voice. It sounds more like Dad’s than mine, something that should bring all of this to an end. I can’t be like him, yet here I am. Maybe I need to embrace it. “It just makes me want you more.”
“You’re better than this!”
“That’s where you’re wrong,” I whisper before pushing forward, making her cry out in surprise, in pain, I don’t know which. I only know the sound is music to my ears that makes me drive myself deep and hard, grunting in pleasure once I’m buried to the hilt, and she’s gripping me tight with her hot, tight cunt.
It only gets hotter and tighter when I pull back and go deep again, hard enough to make the headboard hit the wall in a quick rhythm. Her teeth are gritted, eyes closed, but she loves it. “Stop fighting it,” I say breathlessly, taking her legs and spreading them wider, grinding my base against her clit.
Her face is red, tight with strain, but she can’t lie to me. Not to the man who’s balls deep inside her heat.
“Too… hard…” she grunts, but I ignore her. This is the way I need it, the way I’ve dreamed of it. I am not going to miss out on this.
In fact, I’m tired of hearing her talk. Her eyes fly open wide when I pull out, only to go even wider when I flip her over. She’s face down on the pillow, arms still above her head, simply twisted now, and I like this better. Her smooth ass up in the air once I pull back on her hips, her pale skin going pink when my hand strikes hard enough for her to scream into her pillow.
Maybe Colt will see that handprint. I told myself I couldn’t mark her, but that was before I got started. I can’t help myself now.
I can take her deeper this way, faster, holding her by the hips and pulling her back to match my strokes. Her ass jiggles in time with our bodies slapping together. Faster, I feel the tension growing, and no matter how she wants to deny it, I feel her getting tighter around me. Her juices are flowing, running down my sack, she’s moaning, and soon I realize she’s pushing back against me. Fucking me the way I’m fucking her.
The way I knew she would.
“This is what you wanted,” I grunt, watching my dick disappear inside her again and again. There is nothing like this feeling of owning her. “This is how you need it.” She’s lucky I don’t have time to do more than this. She wouldn’t walk right for a week.
“Nix!” she screams into the pillow, clenching around me, squealing, driving me insane. “Oh, my god!”
And when she comes, drawing me deep, I barely have time to pull out and take myself in one hand. The sight of my pearly cum splashing her skin is better than any work of art. By the time I’m finished, she’s dripping with me, sloppy and used. This is what she was made for, whether she knows it or not. Made to be used like this.
She falls to one side, sobbing through her gasps for air. “Oh, god,” she moans, quivering, and even that is satisfying. I did that to her. I made her sound that way. Her body sags, wrists still bound tight, and she wiggles her fingers weakly before moaning again.
“Clean yourself off,” I sneer, releasing the rope, unwinding it and shoving it into my waistband again once I’ve picked my pants up. “And next time, don’t fight so much. We might have more time to enjoy ourselves.”
Her eyes are closed. She doesn’t want to look at me. I can’t blame her—I can barely face my own reflection most days.
“There can’t be a next time. This can’t go on.” Her voice is small, almost far away. Probably all that screaming she just did. “He needs to know. You can’t expect me to lie to him forever.”
“Let me worry about that,” I tell her as she rubs life back into her wrists. “Just keep your mouth shut about it. Don’t say a word.”
Because I’ll be damned if I’m going to quit her now that I’ve experienced the exquisite pleasure of her body again. My brother has never been somebody who likes to share—neither have I, but this isn’t like sharing a toy when we were kids or childish shit like that. I’m not about to give this up, which I know he’d make me do now that he thinks she’s his.
Let him keep thinking that. The longer he does, the longer I’ll be able to live out every sick, twisted desire she brings to life in me.
She’s still in bed when I try to leave her, trembling, curled in a ball.
Guilt creeps up my spine like a snake. I don’t like seeing her like this after sex. It reminds me of how much of a monster I truly am.
I know she enjoyed at least part of this, but she is confused because it was with me and not Colt. At least, that’s my conclusion.
“Do you need something?” I ask like an idiot.
“I need you to leave and not come back,” she tells me in a stern voice.
“I know you came around my cock, so don’t pretend this was so bad.”
“You are delusional,” she responds, curling into herself even more.
I grind my teeth together before going into the attached bathroom to get a wet rag. When I come back into the bedroom, she has gotten up from bed and is quickly putting her tank top back on.
“Let me at least clean you up before you put your bottoms back on.”
“What a gentleman,” she quips sarcastically, but when I come closer, she sits back down on the bed and spreads her legs for me so I can clean her up.
As soon as I’m done, she shoves me away so she can grab her pajama pants from the floor. She puts them on quickly while looking anywhere except at me.
“Don’t be mad at yourself.”
“I’m mad at you, not at myself,” she tells me, fresh tears in her eyes.
“I’m sorry,” I say honestly, making her laugh humorlessly.
She crosses her arms over her chest. “No, you’re not. You don’t care about my feelings or you wouldn’t constantly hurt me.”
“I am sorry I’m hurting you, but I can’t control myself when it comes to you. I want you more than I want anything else. I know I’m a monster. I know I’m fucked up inside and out. But I also know part of you wants me too.” And that’s the part I have to hold onto.