5. Isaac
5
Isaac
“Yall fighting again? I’m so sick of y’all niggas.”
I wanted to shrug, but I had to stay still. Victor’s my brother, and I love him, and he’d been cutting my hair since I was twelve years old, but I couldn’t put it past him to fuck my shit up.
So, I answered, “It ain’t no fight, man. I’m good on Taurus, that’s all.”
“Does Mama know?”
“I don’t know. I’m going over there later to do her errands.”
He brushed my hair harder than he needed to in the back, making me flinch. “Don’t tell her, man. You know that shit gets her down.”
“You know what gets me down? Yo heavy-handed ass. Ease up.”
“My bad.”
Two days had passed since me and Taurus had words in his office, and the anger hadn’t left me yet. But honestly, compared to some of the shit we’d been through in the past, this wasn’t even a drop in the bucket.
He was hard on me after our father died. So hard, he did shit like leave my sixteen-year-old ass in jail instead of bailing me out. He had the money, but not the will. I got jumped that night, spent four days in the infirmary, and came out hating him so much I wanted him to die.
So, this right here?
Child’s play.
“Where’s Electra?” I asked of my future sister-in-law. It was just me and Vic here in their new condo, and I could feel her absence.
“Out with her girl somewhere.”
“Yall set a date yet?”
Vic leaned over to get close to my hairline. “Not yet. Work’s been kicking our asses.”
“But that’s good, right?”
“Damn sure is. The last thing I’ma do is complain about being successful.”
Taurus had a company. Victor had a company. It was like Oprah rode through this bitch handing out companies to niggas named Jackson. I was the odd man out, which occasionally made me feel inadequate. And by occasionally, I mean every time I got reminded of that shit.
But I said, “Happy for you, man,” because I legitimately was.
“’Preciate it. Aight, what he do?”
I sighed and told him the basics.
When I finished talking, Vic blew out a sigh. “You know how he can be, man. Don’t even take that shit personal.”
“He likes embarrassing me. That nigga gets off on it. That’s real fucking personal.”
“Okay, but it was just your probation officer, right? I’m sure she’s heard worse.”
“That ain’t the point.”
“Then, what’s the point?”
I closed my eyes as hair shavings rained down around my face. “Okay. Real talk.”
“Please.”
I took a deep breath. “She’s kinda fine.”
“Okay! Now it’s making sense. I was worried for a minute.”
“Fuck you mean?”
“Taurus been fucking with you for thirty-three years. Nothing he does should ever be a surprise. Now I know why you’re so pissed. Cool, all is right in the universe again.”
“Shut the fuck up.”
“Aight. Don’t make me fuck your hairline up.”
I chuckled at that. “So you agree that shit was foul.”
“I think he meant well, but he went about it the wrong way.”
I crossed my arms beneath the plastic cape. “When you start taking his side?”
“I’ma tell you like I told him…y’all ain’t putting me in the middle of shit else. If I wanna argue, I’ll talk to my fiancée.”
I laughed, holding myself as still as possible.
As the middle son, that was his default position. I accepted my lot in life as the youngest a long time ago, so he was just gonna have to eat that. No sympathy.
“So, you gon’ holler at her?”
“My PO?”
“Yeah.”
“Nah. She could lose her job behind that.”
“How you know?”
“I Googled that shit.”
The grating buzz of the clippers stopped, filling the kitchen with silence. Vic walked around the chair to look me in the eye just before he burst out laughing.
“Yoooo…you out here doing research on the hoes?”
I couldn’t help but laugh, too. Vic was the only person I would ever tell that shit to. He was the only one who got to see this side of me.
“Listen, is she that fine?” he asked with a curious hand on his chin. “If so, I understand.”
“She is that fine, my guy.”
“Well then, what you gon’ do? Cuz yo ass ain’t never met a rule you didn’t wanna break.”
I inclined my head, unable to deny it. My rebellious streak was legendary, but there were exceptions.
“I get myself in trouble, but I wouldn’t do that to somebody else. And that’s assuming she’s even interested. She probably got a man.”
He stepped back around me and cut the clippers back on.
“You won’t know unless you try.”
“Then I guess I won’t know.”
After her non-reaction to me flirting with her at my place the other day, I considered her a dub. Which was fair. She was at work. Mind you, I’d pulled plenty of chicks on their shifts in the past, but Officer Davis wasn’t them. She was a professional.
Or she just wasn’t feeling me.
Impossible to imagine, but I’m sure a handsome face ain’t enough for a woman like her.
The front door opened just then, and Victor’s fiancée walked in with another woman trailing behind her. The two were chattering and laughing about something or other. They didn’t notice us until Vic spoke.
“Hey, baby!”
Electra stopped so fast, her friend ran into the back of her.
“Are you…are you cutting hair…in my kitchen ?”
Vic cut the clippers off again. “Yeah. This is where we always do it.”
“Always?” She turned to look at her friend, then back at my brother. “You know that’s disgusting, right?”
“Don’t y’all be washing y’all hair in the kitchen sink?”
She turned her nose up. “I don’t.”
“Of course you don’t. But I know it happens.”
She walked toward us slowly. “I was gonna cook tonight.”
“Was?”
“I’m not cooking in a kitchen that’s had a million hairs flying around in it.” She looked down at me. “No offense, Isaac.”
I gave her a nod.
“So, you gon’ let me starve tonight? Baby, that’s cold.”
“You really don’t see how gross this is?”
Vic laughed. “You just bougie, that’s all. I always clean up.”
“Okay, but no matter how much you clean, you won’t be able to get all the residual hair, and then next thing you know, there’s pieces of Isaac in my mac and cheese.”
“Oh, you’re making mac and cheese?”
“That’s all you heard?”
Vic blew out a breath. “Yall see how she treats me? I ain’t get no hug, no kiss, no ‘happy to see you, baby.’ She comes through the door fussing at me.”
“Yeah, and you love that shit,” I teased.
The friend nodded as Electra rushed over and grabbed Vic in a hug. I didn’t turn around, but it wasn’t necessary to know they were kissing and loving all on each other. I smiled at that. Arguing was like foreplay for those two. I’d never seen anything like it, but some kinda way, it worked.
I wondered what it felt like to be with somebody who fits you perfectly. Taurus had it. Victor had it.
And what did I have?
Nothing, really.
One-night stands.
Friends with benefits.
Can’t beat the feeling of knocking down a fine ass woman—for about an hour or so, and then it’s right back to nothing again.
“Isaac, I’ll be right back.”
That made me turn around. My eyes landed on the two of them wrapped in an embrace. “Yall can’t wait til my cut is done? What the fuck?”
“Five minutes,” Vic insisted, a goofy ass grin spreading across his face. “We just gotta talk about something real quick.”
“Whatever. Yall some damn animals.”
“Five minutes!”
The friend laughed. “I can’t with those two.”
I shook my head in disgust and agreement. “Sorry, I didn’t catch your name.”
“Ciara.” She rolled her neck pointedly. “We met before, Isaac.”
“Did we? My bad.”
“Yes. It is.”
I chuckled at that as my eyes busied themselves on her pretty dark brown skin, coily black hair, and curve-hugging red dress with heels to match. She was sexy as hell, but, I mean, of course she was. Electra was the type to run with other bad bitches, on some all my friends are pretty type shit.
I read people pretty well, so I knew there was nothing for me there. Likewise, I didn’t have what she was looking for. I wouldn’t say I was broke, but I wasn’t in the position to spoil anybody right now, and that was clearly the type of time she was on.
More power to her, though. If I was a bad bitch who knew I was bad, I would never fuck with a broke nigga.
Officer Davis was bad, but she either didn’t know or didn’t care that she was. She had bigger pursuits, and I respected that. So much so, I wasn’t gonna press her. It would be hard, but not as hard as it would have been if she had given me a sign that she was down.
So that was the end of that. I would not be pursuing her. Even though she was clearly still on my mind, I was gonna leave that alone.
Unless she gave me a sign.
Then, all bets are off.
“How many more stops?”
My mama tapped me on the arm. “You sick of me already?”
“Of course not. I got things to do, that’s all.”
Dunk, my weed man, was stopping by later today, and I had a very narrow window. That nigga valued his time.
“Just two more,” she said. “The post office and the drug store.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
These weekly errands were our routine now that my mama couldn’t drive anymore. Something was off with her eyesight. We still weren’t sure what it was, because she was real funny about her age and getting older. We all kinda ignored it and pretended it wasn’t an issue while knowing deep down that it couldn’t stay that way forever. Time marches on, and it waits for no man. Or woman. No matter how much you love and adore her.
My mama is my everything.
“So, you and Taurus are at it again, huh?”
Damn.
Tabitha Jackson didn’t miss nothing .
“How’d you know?”
“Savannah.”
I frowned at that as I made a turn at the light. “Why she in my business?”
“It came up when I was visiting the baby.”
“It ain’t that deep.”
“It’s always been that deep with you two.”
I grunted in response, then turned the radio on.
Mama laughed at that, but she didn’t press. She never did.
We rode in silence for a while before I worked up the nerve to ask her something that had been on my mind for a few days now.
“Mama, are you proud of me?”
“Of course I am.”
It spilled out of her mouth with no hesitation, but that didn’t mean I believed it.
“Why?”
“You turned your life around,” she said. “Think about where you’ve been and how far you’ve come.”
Well, let’s see.
In and out of jail since I was sixteen years old. Graduated from high school by the skin of my teeth. That shit came down to the fucking wire, I’m talking about not even knowing for sure if I was walking until the morning of the ceremony. But Mama was there with her banner, hooting and hollering and making me feel like I’d actually accomplished something even though it was the bare fucking minimum.
I was always smart, I guess, let my teachers tell it. They stayed writing doesn’t apply himself on every piece of paper that came home at the bottom of my beat up bookbag. Outside of art class, I just didn’t give a fuck. School didn’t move me like it did my brothers, especially after my father died. At that point, there was no point. In anything.
After high school, no college. Hopping from job to job when I wasn’t locked up. I finished my last stint a couple years ago, and since then, I’d been doing fuck all at Taurus’ company.
Was that how far I’d come?
“You say you’re proud of me, but it’s a different kind of pride, though, right?”
“Different from…?”
I pulled into a spot in front of the post office and put the car in park.
“The way you’re proud of T and Vic,” I said, turning to face her. “They never did it the hard way. They went to school, started careers, stayed on the right side of the law. Be honest; the pride you feel for them is different.”
She stared down at her hands. My mama had a round, cherubic face like an angel.
“Despite how much y’all look alike, y’all are three different people, baby. Your daddy treated y’all all the same, but I didn’t.” She looked up at me and smiled wistfully. “We used to fuss about that, but a mama knows.”
“What did you know?”
“I knew you were sensitive. And don’t take that the wrong way. I know men don’t wanna hear that, but it’s true. And there’s nothing wrong with that.”
“I mean, it’s cool. I wasn’t gon’ argue with you.”
She rolled her eyes playfully. “Yeah, you don’t argue. You just pout and go inside your head. Like a little turtle. I can’t tell you how many hours I spent trying to get you back out of there.”
“Why?”
It was a genuine question, to my mind. I can be a bear sometimes. A lot of the times. I can’t even imagine what it was like for her trying to raise my sullen ass all by herself.
“Because I’m your mama and I love you.”
That was really the answer to everything, wasn’t it? Nobody else would have put up with my shit all these years.
Her face softened, then her voice. “You’re not your brothers, Isaac. And I never needed you to be.”
It felt good to hear that, but it didn’t quite hit the spot.
“You had to have wanted more for me, though. Right?”
She sighed, turning her head to stare out the window. “I make it a point to never want more for people than they want for themselves.”
Well, shit. What the fuck do you say to that?
She exited my car and continued her errands while I sat there stewing, stinging from the shame of, once again, disappointing person I love most in the world.