24. Lolly
twenty-four
Lolly
I finish packing my overnight bag and am about to sneak out the door when I hear Jay stir in his bed.
“Going to your boyfriend’s again?”
“He’s not my—” he interrupts with a loud guffaw.
“Bah! If you two were any further up each other's asses you’d be a literal human centipede.”
“Gross, man,” I gag. “You know that movie made me physically ill.” My palms start sweating just thinking about it.
“My bad, Lolly. You know I’m just giving you a hard time. I do, however, hope that you’re using protection.”
“You know me better than that.” I roll my eyes.
“I’m not talking about your junk, jackass. I’m talking about your heart.”
“Damn,” I sigh. “I’d rather talk about that damn movie than this if that tells you anything about where my head’s been.”
Jay laughs, “Okay, I won’t lecture you tonight. Just be careful, okay?”
“I will.”
“Goodniiiiiiight,” he sings as I shut the door behind me. I can’t help but smile as I shake my head.
I haven’t spent more than a handful of nights in our dorm room over the past month. I haven’t been able to stay away from Bailey. We talk about everything and nothing. Some nights, when we’re both exhausted, we just hold each other until sleep takes us.
I often worry about how I’ll explain myself if I wake him screaming in my sleep.
If I drench his sheets in sweat.
I’ve rehearsed the conversation countless times and I’m still underprepared.
I’ve shown him so much of me. He knows who I am, but he doesn’t yet know why I am.