92. Bailey
ninety-two
Bailey
Jesus fucking Christ if I start sweating from nerves I am going to be livid.
I check the time—I have two minutes to get my shit together.
My heart pounds behind my rib cage, thoughts of music, sweat, and alcohol dancing through my mind.
This is my first time going to a club since I stopped drinking.
They say it can be done, but I’m worried.
What if none of them drink because of me? Fuck. No pressure, right?
I push those thoughts in a box and do a last-minute mirror check.
I went with my trusty old Johnny Cash shirt and well-worn jeans.
Grey Vans, thanks for asking. I grin when I find that my hair has found that sweet spot between bed-head and super model, the locks falling in perfect waves.
Not bad. I walk through a spray of cologne and head toward the door, butterflies in my throat.
How the fuck they made it up there from my stomach, we’ll likely never know.
I’m rounding the corner when a soft knock raps on the door. My cheeks warm instantly as I hurry to open it.
“Hi,” he says, eyes dancing with a myriad of emotions.
Sweet mother of fuck. Standing under the warm glow of the exterior sconce, is the most breathtaking man I have ever seen.
It’s like I’ve somehow forgotten how perfect he is and I’m experiencing him again for the first time.
Thick liner accentuates his amber eyes, two exquisite necklaces decorate his perfect decolletage, drawing my eyes further down to his bare chest. Bare. He’s fucking shirtless.
My lungs burn and I’m reminded to breathe as I meet his gaze again.
I swallow thickly. “You look…” I try to speak but I can’t stop staring.
Head to toe perfection. And I look like a broke college kid in an old t-shirt and Vans.
“Fuck, Lolly,” I whisper. He looks so delicious I’m tempted to let the fact that he forgot his wings slide.
His grin spreads into a brilliant smile. “Not yet,” he replies. “If I step one foot inside your apartment, we won’t make it to the club.”
I sputter a laugh. “They’ll understand,” I say. Seriously, fuck them.
He shakes his head, “Come on, green eyes. I wanna dance with you.”
My heart squeezes in my chest, warming me to my core.
He takes my hand in his, and a peaceful warmth settles deep in my bones. Safe with him. Safe within myself, too. I’ve done the work, and I can have fun without drinking or tossing pills down my throat. Besides, I want to remember every fucking second of this.
“Are you nervous?” He asks as we head out of the drive, his hand in mine.
“I was,” I admit. “Earlier, I was worried about being around all the partying.”
“And now?” He dares a quick glance at me.
“And now, I know I’m not alone,” I reply.
“You never were,” he says with a tight squeeze of my hand.
His words flit around us, as if they know they don’t need to land because they’ve always been true.
We ride in companionable silence the last few minutes of the drive, his music humming behind our unspoken words.
My heart rate picks up as the rainbow-painted brick exterior comes into view, the entrance alive with people talking animatedly. My stomach twists just enough for me to notice, but it’s nothing like the gnawing fear that used to follow me.
As if he can sense my unease he squeezes my hand before turning to look at me, “If at any point you get uncomfortable and need to get some air, or even leave, you just say the word.”
I nod. “Okay.”
“Okay,” he repeats before leaning in to gently press his lips to mine.
The kiss is kind, understanding, and so fucking calming. I pull away and smile up at him. “I’m good,” I promise.
“Then let’s go have some fun,” he says with a wink.
He gently squeezes my hand as we walk through the entrance, the pounding bass and overwhelming scents putting my senses into overdrive. I take a few deep breaths, in through my nose, out through my mouth, and remind myself that I’m not alone.
He leans into me and says, “They’re at a table in the back. Do you need a diet coke or anything before we head back there?”
The gesture is so small but it means the world to me. “No, I’m good, thanks.”
He winks and places a soft kiss on my cheek before leading me through the sea of bodies between us and our destination.
I spot Jay’s big ass first, then flinch as a blur of pink hair rushes toward us.
“Oh my god, hi. I’m Jinx. It’s seriously so good to finally meet you!” They say, eyes alight with excitement.
“Bailey, this is Jinx,” Lolly says with a smirk. “They’re harmless, but feisty as fuck,” he adds with a glare at Jinx.
“It’s nice to meet you, too,” I admit, hoping they don’t remember the last time our paths crossed.
Their pink hair compliments their hazel eyes, a white crop-top, beaded belly-band, and low rise jeans giving a vibe I’m actually loving.
“Liam just went to get some drinks,” Jinx says, bringing their painted nail to the mouth as they bite their bottom lip. “Your bestie is gorgeous. Like, cover of Vogue hot,” they add with a mischievous grin.
I laugh, “I know, just ask him,” I tease.
“Hey, man,” Jay says in a deep tambour.
My cheeks heat as I meet his gaze, afraid of what I might find.
Lolly steps closer to me, placing his hand on my back in support, like he’s telling me it’s okay.
That I’m safe here. With them. “Hey, Jay,” I manage.
The hairs on the back of my neck stand at attention and I fight a shiver when a chill runs up my spine.
“I’m glad you’re here,” he says.
The statement is overwhelming because I know exactly what he means, but it also feels as if he’s talking about today, too. Like he’s supportive of me being here with Lolly. Of us being here together. “Thanks,” I say with a timid smile, still weary of his acceptance. I don’t deserve it.
“Lolly, you fucking missed the show,” Jay laughs. “Jinx’s jaw broke when Liam walked in and their mouth was still open by the time I introduced them.”
“Damn,” Lolly laughs. “I’ve never seen Jinx drool before. Sorry I missed it.”
“Fuck you both,” Jinx says with a huff.
I laugh at that, wondering if Liam even noticed.
“Bays!” Liam bellows over the music and humming of the crowd.
He’s carrying empty glasses and a pitcher of beer, wearing a white button-down shirt and designer jeans that fit him perfectly. Wholly unfair.
“Hey,” I echo as he gives me a bear hug.
He pulls away from me and turns his gaze to Lolly, “Thanks for bringing my boy,” he winks. “But, I think you forgot your shirt.”
“Overrated,” he says with a grin, pulling me closer to him.
“Fair point,” Liam agrees before turning back to the table. “Alright, my good people, let’s have a drink.” He takes a seat next to Jinx and offers them a glass.
Jinx looks stunned, eyes wide as they take the glass from him, a soft smile on their lips.
Lolly steps away from me and I immediately miss his warmth. What is he doing? Maybe he wants a beer? Tasting it on his lips feels like a dangerous temptation but I’ll have to learn to live with it. It’s not fair to him.
He begins to pull his jacket off and my breath catches in my chest. He’s wearing them. He didn’t forget. Those perfect black wings unfold behind him as he saunters back toward me.
“Dance with me,” Lolly says in my ear.
“I can’t dance.” I also can barely speak now, so there’s that.
“I don’t fucking care,” he says, lips grazing my ear.
I shiver, and then before my mind can consent, my legs are following him onto the dance floor. He stops once we’re in the middle of the crowd. It’s hot but not overwhelming, and fortunately it smells as if everyone remembered their deodorant. My heart is pounding, but I don’t think it’s anxiety.
He spins me to face him, wrapping his warm hands around my back as he begins to move to the music. His hips press against mine as he pulls me to him, swaying gently like he knows exactly what I need. My skin is itching, but I can breathe.
“Bailey,” he says in a low tone, just for me.
“Lolly,” I reply, the edges of my mouth pulling into a grin.
“I want to kiss you,” he admits.
My stomach flips and my cheeks burn as I watch him watching me. Waiting.
“I want you to kiss me.” The words taste like courage I’d previously misplaced.
His eyes widen and a brilliant smile spreads across his beautiful face.
I bring my hands from his shoulders to his face and gently pull him to me, pressing my lips to his in a promise. A promise of freedom in who I am, and who we are. A vow to never hide in the shadows again, but to proudly love who I’ve become, and who I am with him.
Slowly, the world around us melts into the background—irrelevant. The kiss is gentle, appreciative and sweet. My tongue runs across his lips and he groans into my mouth, pulling me closer for a few moments before stepping back to look down at me again.
“We have to stop, these pants are too fucking tight,” he huffs with a glance toward his growing erection.
“Sorry,” I laugh.
“It was worth it,” he says. “But we can’t go back to the table like this. Jay and Jinx would never let me live it down.”
He pulls away from me, taking my hands in his as he begins to dance.
It’s captivating. I’m not even sure I’m moving, but I’ve never been so enraptured by another person’s body in my life.
The way his abs ripple with each sway of his hips is not helping my dick situation, but I was smart and wore loose-fitting jeans.
I’m fucking salivating. The way his wings move behind him, the light catching the slope of his nose, the perfect lines of his cheeks are so sexy I’m fucking leaking in my pants.
I blink rapidly, trying to break the trance he has me in, and then let myself move. It’s just a subtle sway initially, but the longer I watch him, the less I care about looking foolish. He’s so beautiful, I know that anything I do will be eclipsed by him. It’s comforting. Safe.
Time passes in songs and breaths and I lose myself with him. I don’t know how long we’ve been out here but I’m sweating and my feet are starting to hurt.
He finds my ear again, hand on my waist, “You ready to go check in before we make an excuse to get out of here?”
“Fuck yes.”
He laughs and grabs my hand, and I follow. This time, without hesitation.