11. Holly
HOLLY
I sit in the tattoo shop, trying to stop my knee bouncing up and down.
The American woman behind the desk keeps looking at me, and I find myself shrinking under the scrutiny.
How much does the brunette know? Had Kane come in to work this morning and told them everything?
God, I must look like a total bitch. And not only that, I feel like a failure.
One thing I always manage to fail at is relationships, and this is no different.
Not that Kane and I even have a relationship.
It had been one date, and I’d messed it up.
I’m not expecting anything else from him.
I just want to apologise, and doing it over the phone hadn’t seemed right.
“Can I get you anything?” the American—who I think is called Tess—asks me. “Coffee, tea? Water?”
“No, I’m fine, thanks,” I reply, shaking my head.
Another of the tattoo artists walk in and stop behind the reception desk.
He sports a shaved head and a beard. He’s attractive, in a rough-and-ready kind of way—with full lips and cheekbones to die for.
He glances over at me sitting in the waiting area and then leans in and says something quietly to Tess.
They both look back to me, and my cheeks flame with heat.
Okay, so Kane obviously told them all what happened.
Shit. I just about want to die. Maybe this was a mistake coming here. I should probably leave.
Then the door to Kane’s studio opens, and a man I don’t recognise comes out, pulling down his shirt sleeve, his biceps covered in the same cling film that had been covering my hip on Saturday, but which I’ve since removed, as per the instructions I’d been given.
Kane follows the guy out, and my heart flips. He’s just as gorgeous as I remember. The jaw-length blond hair, the broad shoulders. The gold-flecked green eyes. I’m drawn to him like nothing else, and something in my chest tightens. I wish we could start again and that I hadn’t screwed up so badly.
Mentally, I shake my head at myself. No, I’m here to say sorry, that’s all. Not try to restart things. I’m a single mother with responsibilities. I need stability, not some tattoo artist who’s too young for me.
But our eyes lock across the room, and Kane gives me a slow nod. His attention is taken with the client he’d been working on, but as soon as he passes the guy over to Tess to pay, he crosses the room towards me.
I get to my feet, pulling at the bottom of my shirt and readjusting the position of my handbag strap on my shoulder.
“Holly?” He frowns. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m sorry. It was really stupid of me. I should probably go.”
I suddenly lose my nerve. I turn from him, but he reaches out and catches me by the elbow. “No, I’m glad you came. I’ve been thinking about calling you all morning but didn’t want to feel like I was putting you in a difficult position.”
I blink. “ You putting me in a difficult position? I think I was the one who did that!”
He chuckles. “Okay, yeah, maybe a bit. But I’m glad you’re here.” He jerks his head past the reception desk. The others are all trying to look busy, while they’re quite clearly listening in on the conversation. “Come out the back, and I’ll make us both a drink, okay?”
I exhale a sigh of relief. He doesn’t seem to be angry with me, which is a good thing.
I’d half expected him to roll his eyes and ask me what the hell I thought I was playing at, but while he’s obviously been surprised to see me, he looks pleased I’m here.
Self-consciousness sweeps over me as we pass Kane’s co-workers to go out the back of the building.
I feel out of place here and know they must have been told what happened.
We move into a small room, which contains a couch, a refrigerator, and a kettle. There’s also narrow kitchen surface for us to use. Kane fills the kettle and clicks it on to boil.
“I’d offer you coffee,” he says, glancing over his shoulder at me. “But I reckon you’re more of a tea drinker.”
I smile. “You’d be correct. Thank you.”
We remain in a companionable silence while he makes our drinks—from the aroma, he’s having the coffee—and then he hands my mug to me and drops beside me on the couch. He slings his foot over the top of his knee and twists to face me.
“Why didn’t you tell me you had a son?”
He comes right out with it, not allowing me any chance to pad things up or give the well-rehearsed speech about how I’d been trying to keep my family and private life in two separate boxes.
“Why do you think, Kane?”
He stares at me, seemingly baffled. “I seriously have no fucking clue.”
Yes, I’d come up with a speech, but in the end, I discover only the truth wants to come out. I sigh and set down the mug of tea on the small table next to the couch.
“Because I thought you’d run a mile if you knew. I told myself this was going to be one night of fun, for me to feel young and sexy again. I didn’t know there would be … this.” I gesture in the air between us.
“That we’d have a connection, you mean?”
“Yeah, exactly.”
“You know, I might be a few years younger than you, Holly, but I’ve been through some stuff in my life. It’s not always been easy, but it did make me grow up quicker. I’ve done all the crazy shit, and that’s not what I want now. You judged me before you even got to know me.”
I lower my chin, biting my lip in shame. “I’m sorry.”
“So what do we do now?” he asks.
“How do you mean?”
“Is this over between us before it even had the chance to get started? We could have been something good, Holly. I felt that, I know you did, too.”
I nod and, unexpectedly, my eyes fill with tears. “I don’t know what to do. I’d never have wanted to introduce you to Dylan in the way it happened—hell, I’d probably have rather waited months rather than days before I’d introduced you.”
“You didn’t exactly introduce us,” he points out.
“Yeah, but you know what I mean. And I don’t know what Mike is going to say about it all.”
Kane frowns. “What does it have to do with him?”
I match his expression, unsure what he means. “He’s Dylan’s father.”
“And that means he gets to choose who you date?”
“That’s not what I mean.”
His eyes narrows. “What do you mean, then, Holly?”
I’m floundering. “Just that it’s something I need to consider.”
“I understand you taking Dylan into consideration, but I really can’t see how who you date has anything to do with your ex.” His tone hardens again.
“I guess I’d care who Dylan was around while he’s at his dad’s.”
“So you vet all your ex’s girlfriends?”
I think back to the multitudes of young blondes he’s paraded around and give a cold laugh. “Not exactly. But it’s different. He only has women for one thing. They never get involved in his life.”
Kane’s eyebrows lift. “Well, I think you’re allowed to have someone, too. Don’t you?”
I feel suddenly shy. “Yes, I guess so.”
Does that mean he’s still interested, even though he knows about Dylan?
“So, let me take you out again.” He smiles and his face lights up. “When are you free?”
My mind whirls. Mike said he’d have Dylan one evening during the week to make up for bringing him back early on the Sunday. Does that leave me free to be able to see Kane again? My stomach churns with excitement at the thought.
“I think Mike is having Dylan on Wednesday. Does that work for you?”
For a moment, I worried he’ll say he already has plans, which would mean our second date would be dead in the water, as I don’t know how likely it is that Mike would stick to the weekend either, but Kane grins.
“Yeah, I can do Wednesday.”
“Great.”
“I’ll pick you up around seven,” he says, as we both got to our feet. “Assuming you won’t have any more surprise children popping up at that time.”
She laughs. “No, no more surprise children. I promise.”
We stop before we reach the door, facing each other. Our bodies are only inches away, and I have to crane my neck to look up into his face.
“Good,” he says, smiling, and then his fingers lace into the back of my hair and his mouth lowers to mine, kissing me softly, slowly, his tongue pushing into my mouth so I melt against him.
God, the man knows how to kiss.
He breaks it first, touching the end of my nose lightly with his. “I’ll see you Wednesday, then.”
Feeling like my legs no longer belong to me, and my head was full of candyfloss, I leave the tattoo studio, already counting down the days.
T wo days later, I’m getting ready for my date with Kane.
Miraculously, Mike stuck to his promise to have Dylan and picked him up straight after school.
I’ve been stupidly nervous all day, my mind bouncing possibilities around.
What if he changes his mind and doesn’t show up?
What if he expects us to sleep together?
I don’t know how I feel about that. I want to, but it’s been a long time.
Will I remember what to do? Plus, I’m nervous about what he’ll think of my body.
He seemed pretty keen before, but he hadn’t seen me fully naked.
He's probably used to nubile twenty-year-olds whose bodies haven’t been through the changes of becoming a mother.
My stomach isn’t as flat as it once had been, my breasts are heavier, and I have stretch marks across my stomach and thighs.
I spent far too much time in front of the mirror while I was getting ready, sucking things in and holding things up, trying to see myself how Kane would see me.
I also wish I’d asked him where he’s going to take me.
Will we be going somewhere dressy? Kane doesn’t seem like the type of guy who wants to go to a fancy restaurant, but I don’t want to judge him either.
In the end, I settle for a pair of fitted jeans —high waisted so they don’t rub on my new tattoo— an emerald green strappy top, and a pair of heels.
I’ve brushed my hair until it’s smooth and silky, and gone with a little mascara and some lip gloss.
I know it’s the fashion these days to wear heavy makeup with a ton of contouring, but that isn’t me at all.
The doorbell rings, and I hurry down to answer it. I yank open the door to reveal Kane standing on my doorstep. He wears a pair of smart jeans, boots, and a shirt which is open a couple of buttons, exposing the tattoo on his chest, and rolled up at the sleeves, showing off his forearms.
His mouth drops open when he sees me. “Fucking hell, you look stunning.”
I smile. “Thank you. You’re not so bad yourself.”
His gaze darkens. “You’re aware that I’ve offered to take you out, but now I know where your bedroom is, I’m half tempted just to turn you the hell around and take you back up there.”
I smack him playfully on the arm. “I’m not that type of woman, Kane,” I say, though I’m teasing him. After all, we ended up in that bed after our previous date, even though we hadn’t gone all the way.
“That’s okay. Means I get to savour ever moment of being with you.” He gives me a lopsided smile, but the way he looks at me makes me think he’s still thinking about sex.
And I find that I don’t mind a single bit.