17. Holly
HOLLY
I don’t let Kane go home tonight.
I need his presence in my bed, that security of knowing there’s another adult in the house to help when the shit hits the fan. But that isn’t the only reason I don’t want him to leave. Seeing him pull Dylan out from under the slide at the park made me realise something else.
I’m deeply, madly, and utterly in love with this man.
However unsuitable he might have first appeared, he was there for me, and for Dylan, when it had mattered the most, and I don’t want him to leave. Not ever.
With Dylan safely asleep, we both undress and slip beneath the covers. It isn’t the wild, lust-filled desperation of wanting to see each other naked like when we’d first met, but it’s comfortable, and comforting, and just what I need in this moment.
Kane pulls me into his arms, and we kiss, but I have a lot of unspoken words inside my head, and think he’ll be the same. We have to talk before anything else.
“I’m sorry you got dragged into everything tonight,” I say, edging away from him a little so I’m able to look into his face.
I want to be able to see his reaction. Kane’s eyes were one of the first things I ever noticed about him, and I’m sure I’ll be able to tell if he’s only saying what he thinks I want to hear rather than the truth.
He shakes his head. “It’s not your fault. You don’t need to be sorry. I want to be here when things like that happen. I want to be the first person you think to call.”
I heave out a sigh. “I just feel like I’m always messing up. I can never do anything right, and a part of me feels like if I’d fallen for someone else then Mike wouldn’t have this huge problem with me seeing someone else, and we wouldn’t be fighting like that in front of Dylan.”
“You think I’m the problem?” he says, hurt crossing his features, and I instantly regret my choice of words.
“No, that came out wrong. You’re fantastic.
Mike is the one with the problem. I’m just constantly questioning myself all the time, wondering if I’m doing things right.
” I take a breath. “When I had Dylan, I gave up the right to get things wrong. I can’t mess up, because it’s not just me I’m messing up for. It’s him.”
He takes my hand, staring into my face. “What makes you think that this is messing up? That we are messing up? Maybe we’re just what you need.”
“But it’s not just me, Kane. Don’t you see that? I come as a package. Me and Dylan, and hell, I hate to say it, but if you’re signing up for me, then you’re going to have to have Mike in your life, too. He’s Dylan’s father, and as much as he’s an arsehole to me, I still want him to play his part.”
Kane lifts my fingers to his mouth and kisses the backs of my knuckles. “I get it, Holly. I swear I do. I’m never going to pretend I like the guy, but I can see he loves Dylan.”
I nod. “And I’ll do everything I can to make sure he stays in Dylan’s life.
I don’t want Dylan to turn around to me one day and accuse me of not doing enough.
And I don’t want him to ever feel like his father didn’t love him enough to want to be around him.
Just the thought of that breaks my heart. ”
“Hey, it’s okay.” He reaches out and rubs my back.
“I get it, and I’m sorry. But you know I’m here, too, and I know I haven’t been in your life for long—in either of your lives—but that doesn’t mean I’m going anywhere.
And I want all of this. Not just you, but both of you.
I’ve loved spending time with Dylan. He’s a great kid. ”
I sniff. “It’s not all about playing football in the park, Kane.
It’s about staying up all night with him when he’s sick and having to take time off work when it’s inconvenient to go and see school plays.
It’s trying to sort out fights with his friends, which puts you in a difficult position with the other parents.
It’s trying to get him to eat his dinner, or go to bed, and stay in bed.
” I sniff again. “As you learnt from tonight, it’s not all fun. ”
He takes my hand. “No, but it’s real. And it’s important. And it’s what I want.”
My heart swells with emotion. “You do?”
“Of course. I love you, Holly McCarty. I’m not going anywhere.”
I lean in and kiss him, and suddenly realise tears wet my cheeks. I give a small laugh and nod. “I love you, too.”
“And we’re going to be a family, okay. You, me, Dylan, even goddamned Mike.”
I laugh again. “A family.”
He kisses me. “Yes. Our family.”
THE END