Chapter 9
9
Nathan
I’m texting Nataly almost daily, now. Our conversations are always light and fun. Yet, she’s never afraid to go deeper. I’ve already sensed she wears her heart on her sleeve.
That’s something I really like about her. I grew up not fully letting everyone see in, holding my cards close. But Nataly? She opens up immediately and quickly. It opens up space for me to be open with her, too.
Yesterday, I texted her when I thought of her.
Me: The song you sang at the YA night just came on the radio and it made me think of you. I think you did a much better job.
Nataly: Ha! Thanks for the ego boost. But I could never top the original!
Me: Don' t be so quick to say no. You were awesome.
Nataly: I get so anxious going on stage by myself, like I’m afraid to mess everything up. That night turned out great actually, I was so happy with it. But inside? I was freaking out.
Me: You’re a natural, Nat.
Me: Don’t doubt it. I was impressed.
Nataly: Thanks, Nathan. I really do appreciate your encouragement. I think it’s something I’ll have to work on. I don’t know if it’ll ever go away, but it’s always helpful to have encouragement—I’m definitely a words of affirmation girl.
Me: Oh yeah? That’s your top love language?
Nataly: Yeah, I 100% need a hero sandwich if anyone is going to critique me lol!
Me: What’s a hero sandwich?
Nataly: It's basically where you start off with the good, sandwich the bad (in a nice way), and then finish off with something good too!
Me: I’ve never tried that before, actually. I’d say words of affirmation are generally down at the bottom of the list for me.
Nataly: How come?
Me: Well, words weren’t a big deal growing up. I felt like what really mattered was the action. I always knew what people thought through their actions.
Nataly: That’s interesting. I think it’s definitely a mix of the two. I find that words matter so much—they can influence your thoughts and how you do things. But what are words without action, right?
Me: Exactly .
It’s easy talking with her, and every day I feel like I’m getting to know more and more. The more I know, the more I like her. She’s so much more than just her looks. Her personality lights up everything. She’s vulnerable, yet confident. She’s bubbly, yet has some parts of her that are introverted. She longs to be out of her shell, and yet has fear. It’s been so great getting to know her as a friend, that I know that someday soon, things will change.
Nataly
Friday. Finally.
Nathan is always texting me. Daily . And I shouldn’t enjoy it this much.
But I do.
I like the way he makes me laugh—the kind of laugh that escapes before I can stop it. He remembers little things I say, like how I once mentioned strawberry pencils (especially the fizzy kind you get at the cinema) are one of my favorite types of candy, and two days later when we were at church he said:
“ So, do you hoard strawberry pencils, or do you live on the edge and buy them last minute?"
I grinned. “ I like to live life on the edge… but then if I ever get to the cinema and they’re all gone, I regret my decision immediately! What’s your favorite?” I replied.
“Chocolate over sweets any day,” he said with a shrug.
Then he added, almost offhandedly, “I’m also really into honey. We spent a lot of time at my grandparents’ house growing up, and grandad would have honey sandwiches. He’s been gone a few years now, but honey always makes me think of him.”
My smile softened. “That’s really sweet. You guys must have been close?”
“Yeah. I always looked forward to summers with them,” he said. “We would sometimes spend it at their house in Loch Lomond, in Scotland. We’d go hiking, and they’d point out different types of birds. If it rained, we’d eat our picnic in the car and just watch the scenery.”
“That sounds so lovely. You clearly cared about your Grandad a lot.”
“He was great,” Nathan said simply, before we drifted into another topic.
It’s easy. It's fun. But there’s depth. I feel like I’m getting to know him.
But it’s also dangerous.
Because every time my phone lights up with his name, I feel something—a small pull. A flicker of excitement. And I don’t know what to do with that feeling. We’re just friends, I always tell myself. I can have guy friends. No lines have been crossed. But the line in my mind might get blurred if it continues this way. And I don’t know how much longer I can keep pretending it’s just harmless.
Joel’s back from California. I’m about to meet him on the tube as he gets in.
He’s coming down the escalator, and I feel… not much.
Not excitement. Not relief. Not butterflies.
That scares me. Is it because things were weird while he was away?
“Hey,” he says, making his way over to me.
“Hey!” I smile at him.
A quick hug, and a peck. “How’s it going?”
It’s been weeks. Shouldn’t our reunion be a little more exciting than this?
“Yeah, good! How was your flight?” I ask as we make our way to the platform.
“Long, but not bad. Decent selection of movies, and the food wasn’t terrible. Picked up a couple of things at the airport, too.”
“Oh yeah? Anything interesting?” I lift a brow.
I wonder if he’s brought me anything. In my culture, we always have a present ready for our family or partners when we come back from being on holiday. Gifts aren’t my biggest love language, but I love gifts when they feel thoughtful. Not just a ‘I-got-you-a-gift-because-it’s-that-time-of-year’—I like gifts that say, ‘I was thinking of you and I thought you’d like this.’ I’m hoping he wouldn’t pick something up from the airport, but something would be nice to settle my unease.
He shrugs. “Nah, just some snacks. New earbuds.”
Oh, okay. I think if he had anything, he would’ve had it ready to go for me in his cabin bag. So, that’s a no then. It’s fine, I’m fine. I’m totally, one hundred percent, loved up girl over here.
We settle onto the train seats, and he turns towards me.
“So, I think it would be great to meet your parents properly,” he says.
Wait, what? Where did that come from?
“Oh, really? That’s out of the blue,” I reply, blinking.
I’m definitely not ready for this. Things were uneasy as he left, and unsettled while he was away. I don’t want to be pressured into letting him meet my family. Yet suddenly, he’s come back from California with this intense desire to make it happen.
Why? What changed?
I’m not ready for this.
“It’s just something I was thinking about on the plane,” he shrugs. “I’d love to meet them, and soon, too. Like, whenever we can get down to Bournemouth.”
It feels a little… overeager. Especially from someone who barely texted me while he was away. He’s never really been crazy about me. Sure, he enjoys being around me, I can tell that. But he’s never looked at me like I am his world . We care about each other, and we’ve had good times of course, but there’s always been this… distance. And now, out of nowhere, he wants to meet my parents ? Maybe California gave him some kind of epiphany? Or maybe this is just a box he thinks he’s supposed to check off. I don’t really know.
But shouldn’t he have brought something to show he missed me? Just a small token? I know we’re not really lovey-dovey, we’re probably a bit more practical, but a girl always wants to be romanced. Instead, it’s like… “Hey, good to see you. Here’s a plan to meet the parents.”
No warmth. No affection. Just... practicality.
And now he suddenly wants to meet my parents? I should be happy about that. It should be a good thing.
So why does it feel like a weight on my chest?
The more time goes on, the more I wonder if I’m settling for something that looks good on paper but doesn’t make my heart leap.
Then he’ll say something charming, or teasing, and I laugh and forget why I was second-guessing everything. Because charm is fun. Charm is safe.
Why does this have to be so hard?
In the movies, it’s obvious. The girl with the wrong guy? We’re all yelling at the screen. But in real life, the wrong guy sometimes looks right. And the line between them gets so blurry, you can’t tell the difference anymore.
We hang out for a while. He’s jet-lagged. I’m tired of pretending I’m not panicking about this whole Bournemouth thing. When I finally get home, I walk through my dorm room—and my phone lights up.
Nathan. I grin before I can stop myself.
Nathan: Hey, me and some of my friends are going out to hang tonight. You should come.
It’s casual. No big deal. Friends hanging out. Except my brain feels like a jumbled-up ball of yarn every time Nathan texts me, and I don’t know if adding face-to-face time is going to help untangle it. I can already picture what it would be like.
That smirk.
The warmth in his eyes when he looks at me.
Yeah. Probably best to stay home. Maybe a little distance is what I need right now? Especially if I’m supposed to figure out whatever my feelings seem to be doing.
Me: Rain check? I’m gonna stay in and recharge.
Nathan: Well, we’ll miss you there. But okay. Next time, no excuses.
My heart does the flip thing again. Like it’s got no business reacting to a text message. Great. I exhale, shaking my head at myself. And then my phone pings again. This time it’s my mom.
Mom: When are you coming down to Bournemouth next? We should plan something, so we can meet Joel.
I groan and flop myself down onto my bed in my dorm room. I shove my head face down onto my pillow.
Bournemouth. Only a couple of hours away by train or car. But right now, I wish it were a lot further away. Like across an ocean. Or on the moon. Or maybe like we’ve entered an Avengers movie and Bournemouth was sucked into a portal and the train just isn’t going there right now because the tracks were taken too. Oops, sorry mom, I love you but you’re in a portal and I can’t get a train so you can’t meet my boyfriend! Anything to give me an excuse as to why Joel can’t meet my parents yet. I’m not ready.
The thought of Joel sitting across from my parents, answering their questions—it makes my chest feel tight .
I backspace. Type again. Delete again.
Finally, I type it out and hit send.
Me: Maybe in a couple of weeks? Things are busy right now.
Two weeks. That buys me some time. Two weeks and I should surely know a little bit more about what my feelings are doing. Time to stop thinking about? —
Nathan.
My gaze flicks back to our chat, where his name still sits at the top of my messages. He said next time, no excuses .
And for the first time, I wonder if I even want an excuse.