Chapter 17
chapter
seventeen
The pillow in the guest room held the faintest trace of Alexander’s clean, crisp scent, suggesting he’d been the one to push the pillow under Tobias’s head.
Tobias buried his nose in it and inhaled, memories swirling back: Alexander’s salty neck, his dexterous hands shaking on Tobias’s back, the perfect circle of his mouth as he came—
A throat cleared on the other side of the room.
Tobias lifted his head reluctantly.
Sadie Greer waved awkwardly from behind a stack of towels and clothes. She had changed out of her band shirt to a faded tee that read BITE ME, which made Tobias snort.
“So,” Sadie said, dropping the pile onto the floor. “What do you do?”
“I work construction.” Tobias winced as he sat up, all his healing injuries making themselves known. “Or I did. They fire you pretty quick when you pull a no-show. You?”
“I teach music down at the community center.” Sadie picked at her sleeves, smiling to herself. She wasn’t a natural small-talker, but there was a contentment to her that set Tobias at ease. Like she had her life sorted out and was letting him have a glimpse while he was a complete mess.
“Sorry Rosaline isn’t here,” Sadie continued.
“We’ll do what we can, though. I’m okay in a fight.
So is Honey—she started actually learning techniques after she got turned back.
Even roped me into it. Can’t always rely on super strength, sweet cheeks.
” She gave a decent impression of Honey’s flirty air.
“Anyway, she’s not on Alex’s level. But she’s still pretty good. ”
Tobias leaned over and grabbed the clothes she’d dropped off. A pale pink hoodie and matching sweatpants, both of which would be pretty baggy and short on him. He would make it work. After a shower, anyway. He smelled pretty rank.
“You guys were friends?” he asked, dropping the clothes back onto the towel. “You and Alex, I mean.”
“Sort of.” Sadie toyed with her sleeves again. “We didn’t have much time together. Just spring break, senior year. He was more…I don’t know. An annoying little brother who needed to get his head out of his ass.”
Tobias laughed, ignoring the pain in his ribs. Sadie actually looked younger than Alexander, but he supposed that was the vampirism. She must’ve been Honey’s age, who looked like she was in her early twenties, like him.
Sadie paused. “Are you guys together? I smelled…you know.”
Tobias grinned as a wave of possessiveness washed over him. He was glad she could smell that they had ‘been together.’ He hoped his pack smelled it too, back in the arena. Everybody should know that Alexander was his.
“It’s complicated,” Tobias said.
The bedroom door opened. Alexander strode in, his annoyance at seeing Sadie melting to relief when he spotted Tobias.
“You’re awake,” he said.
Then he blinked, and the relief was gone.
Swept under that tight mask Tobias hated so much.
Especially since he’d seen underneath. Even before they knew each other’s names, Tobias had gotten glimpses of a sweet guy starving for connection.
That was the guy Tobias fell for. The one he’d been coaxing out ever since.
“I’ll go make some food,” Sadie announced. “It’ll be ready when you get out of the shower.”
Tobias gave her a grateful thumbs-up. He was covered in several layers of dried sweat, not to mention the burns and old blood.
Alexander stood back to let her pass. He waited until her footsteps were gone from the hall, then said, “Did she give you a hard time?”
“Sadie? Why, was she supposed to?”
Alexander looked pointedly at the bloodstains on Tobias’s shredded hoodie.
“Oh.” Tobias plucked at the ruined fabric. “I don’t think she even noticed.”
Alexander huffed cynically. “That would be a surprise. She was struggling with it.”
“What, bloodlust?”
“It’s the reason she moved here. So Rosaline could help.” Alexander stared around the room, a heavy dent between his pale brows. “This is where their ‘blood donor’ rests, after. Isn’t that terrible? They actually feed on him.”
Tobias shrugged. “If he’s down for it, who cares? Gotta open your mind, little Alex.”
“Don’t.” Alexander stared at him. For a moment he looked genuinely betrayed. Then he blinked and everything was hidden once more under that haughty arrogance.
“Sorry,” Tobias said. He reached out, gesturing for Alexander to come closer. “Hey. I didn’t mean it.”
Alexander frowned. But he inched closer, until Tobias could grab his waist and drag him in, sitting him down next to him on the soft mattress.
“Big boy Alex,” Tobias mumbled, nosing at Alexander’s neck. “You okay?”
“What?” Alexander pulled back, gaze lingering on Tobias’s mouth before turning away. “I’m fine. You’re the one who’s hurt.”
Tobias brushed his thumb under the burn on Alexander’s forehead. “I mean emotionally, dumbass. How are you doing?”
“Fine,” Alexander repeated, quieter. He twitched like he was going to lean into Tobias’s hand. Then he wrenched back, twisting to face him.
“You know I’m going back,” he said. “Right? After all of this is over and Muzzle is dead and you’re free. I’m going home. We won’t see each other again.”
Tobias bit his tongue against a growl. The wolf inside him had its hackles raised at even the mention of Alexander leaving. His human side wasn’t a big fan, either. He’d been drawn to this beautiful, isolated weirdo before he knew Alexander was his mate.
Tobias forced a loose smile. “Yeah? You’re just going to go? You’re not gonna put me down?”
Alexander looked appalled. “No!”
“Let another one go free.” Tobias dropped his chin onto Alexander’s shoulder. “Doing the same thing you got banished for.”
“That’s different.” Alexander rolled his shoulder, pushing Tobias off. “Do you want me to put you down?”
“No,” Tobias said. “I want you to admit what you actually want, for once.”
Alexander groaned, standing up and whirling to face him.
“I told you! I want my family! I want to belong again! My life has been terrible since I left. I want my purpose back, the purity of it! I want clean sheets, alright? No cockroaches. I even want that weekly clean we all complain about because it takes six hours every Saturday. I want my brother’s face, there’s no trace of him on the internet and I didn’t bring photos.
I’ll never see him again if I don’t go home. ”
His voice broke on the last word. He blinked hard and turned away, and Tobias knew he was going to run again.
“Wait,” he said, grabbing Alexander’s wrist. “Tell me about him.”
Alexander looked at him distrustfully. But the distrust was flimsy, like he had to force it. Like he knew how devoted Tobias was, everything Tobias would do for him, and was desperately trying to deny it.
He sat back down slowly beside him. “He was…I don’t know. He was Sam. Everyone else called him Samson, but I got to call him Sam. He was fast. Strong. A born leader. He was confident and funny. Nothing like me.”
Tobias nudged him. He wanted to say hey, don’t insult my…but then he didn’t know how to finish that sentence, so he stayed silent.
“It was…” Alexander paused. “It was my fault he died.”
Tobias wanted to hit something. He laughed instead. “Like fuck it was. How old were you?”
“That doesn’t matter.”
“How old?”
Alexander glared at him. But it was a glare like Tobias’s laugh: only conjured to hide what was behind it.
“Thirteen,” Alexander admitted finally.
Tobias tightened his fingers in the bedsheets, willing his furious claws back into their nail beds.
He’d gotten a brief glimpse of Alexander’s mother all those years ago, when the Whites hunted his pack.
He could absolutely picture her blaming a thirteen-year-old for their older brother’s death.
She was cold and cruel and beautiful, her eyes betraying absolutely nothing underneath.
Not like Alexander, who tried so hard to emulate her, if only his pesky heart would stop getting in the way.
The girls who invited them into their house were proof enough of that.
“Alex,” he said quietly. “That’s crap.”
Alexander shook his head. “I wasn’t fast enough.”
“You were thirteen! Fuck, man. Nobody in their right mind—” Tobias bit his tongue, already seeing the hurt in Alexander’s eyes. “Never mind. C’mere.”
Alexander pushed away his clumsy hug and stood. “Stop it! I’m not—I already said I’ll let you live. I’ll get you free, I’ll never tell my family about you, no one will come after you. What more do you want?”
Tobias should have laughed. Shrugged it off. Every instinct yelled at him to defuse the situation with a joke, like he always did. But Alexander asked him what he wanted, and Tobias couldn’t hold it back.
“You!” Tobias pushed himself to his feet, ignoring the twinge in his ribs.
“You think you’re the only guy who’s sick of being alone?
I like having you around! Shit, I want you around all the time!
I want to find a slightly less shitty apartment and find out your weird kitchen habits!
I want to watch you and Donna melt metal in her garage! What do you want?”
Alexander scoffed weakly, turning toward the door.
Tobias grabbed his arm. “And don’t say your family! Don’t say your hair, we already did that. Look me in the goddamn eye and tell me what you want.”
He waited for Alexander to push him away, yet again. For him to insist they’d already been over this, or even that Tobias needed to rest and shut the fuck up in the process.
Something flashed over Alexander’s face, desperate and pained. Then he flung his arms around Tobias’s neck and kissed him hard.
Tobias groaned against his mouth. The wolf in him wanted to hold him down like he’d done at his apartment, to cover the sheets with Alexander’s scent. Alexander’s words from last time thrummed through his head: show me how much you want me.
Like he could distract himself from his own wants by covering them with Tobias’s.