Chapter Thirteen
William
It was a disaster.
All the years I’d dreamed of what it would be like to see my mate again, to meet his gaze, to be in his embrace, to tell one another what we’d been thinking and wash away any bad feelings. But that didn’t happen. Dinner was awkward and uncomfortable, and our walk had an edge to it that led to confusion and almost something, but then it all went wrong.
Maybe it was all for the best. Until I decided to come here, I was able to delude myself in at least a small part of my mind that maybe there was still hope. And in letting go of Lars, I was saying I was ready for someone new.
But I was not.
What if I had met someone new and then come upon Lars somewhere? How horribly unfair would that be to the next person? It was time to accept that Fate had given us a chance and we’d blown it. I had to take a little bit of blame at least, since I did wait for him to contact me first. If I’d reached out sooner, maybe things would have worked out or maybe he would have come right out and said he wasn’t interested.
Lying there in the bathtub, I ran a soapy sponge over my chest, trying to relax enough to sleep. It didn’t help that every time I pictured Lars in my mind, I got hard. That had always been the case back in the day, but then I thought we were going to have a future together. No, it was just ironic.
Finally realizing that I wasn’t going to find what I needed in the tub, I got out, dried off, and slid between the sheets. The bed was so comfortable and my day had been so long that I fell asleep and didn’t wake up until the sun was well over the horizon.
The scent of bacon and toast met my nose, and it occurred to me that it would be rude to just skip out without eating if my host had gone to all the trouble to prepare breakfast. There were only two rooms rented out, after all. I listened but didn’t hear any voices, so maybe I could eat quickly, thank Franklin for trying, and get on the road before Lars made it downstairs. He’d always been a late sleeper when he could get away with it. Hopefully, that hadn’t changed.
But when I arrived in the dining room, I found my former mate seated with a plate piled with bacon and hotcakes in front of him. And since he looked right up at me, it was too late to turn back. At least without looking like a complete coward. And I did have a little bit of pride left.
“Morning.” I took my seat opposite him and unfolded my napkin just as Franklin bustled in with a fresh stack of pancakes. “Those look good.”
“They’re delicious,” Lars said around a mouthful of hotcake. “So’s the bacon.”
“Thanks.” I let Franklin set the plate in front of me and reached for the butter. “I hope everyone slept well. I can’t remember the last time I slept so late.”
“Oh, I did.” Franklin pushed a jug of real maple syrup toward me. “That’s one thing; I don’t have trouble sleeping.”
“Lars?” I wanted to include him, for courtesy’s sake. We were going to be parting soon, but there was no need to be rude. “Have a good night?”
He fixed his gaze on his plate and nodded. “It was all right.” Even at that angle, I could see the shadows under his eyes. He couldn’t lie to me. He’d been awake a good part of the night. My heart squeezed. If he didn’t care about me at all, would he have had insomnia? It couldn’t be that he was just disappointed someone else hadn’t been waiting here to be a new mate for him, could it?
I didn’t know what to do now. Leaving would be the smart thing, but my wolf insisted we stay here and be with our mate. He was so excited and didn’t seem to have any qualms about the past. I’d noticed that about him. The beast lived in the present. Whatever had happened with our mate in the weeks and months and years leading up to now mattered not at all. We were sitting at a table with our mate, and he wanted to just pick up as if there had been no time in between. Problem was, I was inclined to agree. And that made it even more imperative that I leave right after breakfast.
We ate quietly, more pancakes and bacon and a glass of fresh-squeezed orange juice, and I lingered over a second cup of dark-roast coffee, needing to leave but reluctant. We had no future, but once I walked out of here, I wouldn’t see him again.
That shouldn’t hurt so much after all this time.
“Now, I’m not sure what you both have planned for the day, but I thought you might like to take it easy today and then you have dinner reservations tonight at one of my favorite restaurants. It’s nearly noon now, so you can chill in the gardens if you like? Or go into town and walk around?”
Before I knew it, I was agreeing that dinner sounded great and an afternoon of enjoying Franklin’s beautiful property would be refreshing. Lars was staring at me as if he wasn’t sure what I was up to, but that was okay. He could come out with me and enjoy the flowers or not, as it suited him.
Suddenly, I recognized that having a mate was important, but I’d wasted a lot of experience time by focusing on him to my complete detriment. While he apparently was having a great time doing whatever he wanted the whole time I was overseas and missing him.
So, I was going to go out in the garden and admire the flowers, maybe take a short walk or a rest. And then I would be going to dinner, with or without Lars. Doing what I chose without worrying about what my alpha—not mine, the alpha—was up to.
It was an amazingly freeing feeling.
Franklin did allow us to help him carry the dishes to the kitchen, and then I marched outside and took a seat on one of the loungers. It was beautiful, and I loved it, but when Lars arrived and sat in the chair next to mine, I couldn’t deny that I was glad.
We talked very little that afternoon, sipping lemonade from the refrigerator and generally drowsing like the flowers in the dappled light. By the time we went inside to dress, we hadn’t even attempted to resolve anything, but somehow just being together that way took the edge off and made me feel good. We’d probably never see one another again, but if we could talk through things at dinner, maybe we could reach closure.
Which was why, when we sat in the back seat of the car Franklin arranged to take us to the restaurant, I didn’t mean to blurt out, “How could you forget about me? I was your mate. I loved you.”