Chapter 17 #2
“Mom, you don’t even know what you’re talking about. It was an accident.”
Mrs. Daniels charged him. “No! My son was killed because you made a mistake. You left him behind.”
“He was depressed.” The rest of Cash’s breath froze in his lungs. He’d said it. He’d only confessed it once, to Dillon several months ago, but now he was telling the people he’d sworn never to tell.
Mrs. Daniels gasped and drew up short. Abbi disengaged herself from his hold and peered up at him.
Cash shoved a hand through his hair. All those shitty nights of sleep and it hadn’t been the actual experience plaguing him, but the helpless feeling that had preceded it.
He’d turned around and Daniels’s vest and Kevlar helmet had disappeared around a corner, into a room they’d just reported an IED in.
He sucked in a shallow breath and let it spill.
“Daniels had been mentioning things here and there, like how he felt powerless to help you guys out and even if he got out of the army, he’d be no use.
He just wanted to—” Cash shrugged weakly, “—help. He wanted to mean something and he’d been getting reckless, but I never thought— God, I’m so sorry, I would’ve dragged him out if I’d known he was going to go back in and kill… ”
Cash couldn’t bring himself to say it. And he had a hard time not hating Daniels right now for putting him in this position.
Abbi’s face went ashen. “Perry killed himself.”
Cash ducked his head and it was all he could do to hold her gaze. “Yes. I didn’t say anything at the time because I was afraid of being wrong. I was afraid of being right. I was afraid of how much worse your family would take it if you knew it was intentional.”
No one moved except Ellis, who walked up behind Abbi’s parents and laid a hand on each of them.
“The money that paid off my school,” Abbi said woodenly. A strangled cry wrenched from her and tears welled in her eyes. “He thought his death would be better for me?”
She sobbed, seemed to try to hold it in, but another followed. Her mother silently wept behind her and her dad’s gaze was planted on the ground.
“He was depressed. It wasn’t your fault.”
“My son suffered from depression and no one helped him.” Mr. Daniels’s stricken tone cut Cash in two.
“We didn’t know. It wasn’t until afterward that I put it all together.”
Abbi’s dad speared him with a hard glare. “Because you were too busy having a good time.”
Cash bit down on his tongue. There was no hooking up or partying in Iraq. It was the most responsible he’d been in his life. But nothing he said would make any of them feel better.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Abbi’s ragged whisper barely cut through her tears.
“I wanted to protect you from it.”
She snarled. “You promised you wouldn’t do that!”
“Not about this, Abbi. I couldn’t let you blame yourself for this.”
She shoved her hair back and rolled her eyes skyward. “It wasn’t your decision to make. I came here to find out what happened to Perry. You knew that and you still didn’t tell me.”
No, he hadn’t. And if he had to do it over again, he wouldn’t have told any of them. The pain rolling off them was too much. He should’ve found another way to help Abbi’s relationship with her parents.
“You promised .” Her eyes glistened.
“I couldn’t do that to you.”
She spun on her heel and stormed to the house. “I’m getting my things.”
What? “Wait.”
She kept walking.
“Abbi!”
He trotted after her, past her dad and her mom crying on his shoulder, past Ellis. He looked as haggard as the rest of them. Couldn’t he at least look smug, give Cash a reason to hate him?
Cash barged into the house after his girlfriend.
“No.” Abbi didn’t even look over her shoulder as she charged into his bedroom and started throwing her things into her bag. “I’m not your mom and dad. I’m not Hannah. I’m not going to be babied like all the others in your life.”
“This is different. Your brother’s problems were way more serious than any of my family drama.”
She slammed the top closed. “Exactly. The most important thing you should’ve shared with me, and you kept it secret. You didn’t think I could handle it. I refuse to be treated like the rest of your family, and I refuse to be treated like I have been by everyone else in my life.”
“I knew you’d blame yourself for what your brother did. I couldn’t have you do that.”
“You’re not listening!” she yelled. “That’s not your choice. Of course I blame myself. But now I have the truth and I can work on healing.” She waved her hand between them. “But this is broken.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that I’m going home.” She hauled her bag up and grabbed her tote and pushed past him out the door.
Outside, her dad waited by the trunk and her mom was already in Ellis’s car with Ellis at the wheel.
Cash followed her all the way to the back of the car. “You’re leaving, just like that? Can’t we talk about this?”
She dropped her luggage and whirled on him. “I gave you plenty of chances to talk. Plenty. I begged . And yet you lied.”
Her dad loaded the bags and went around to open the back door for her.
“I’m sorry. I really am. I didn’t realize how—”
“No, you didn’t, and I think that’s worse.
I confided in you, and you ignored how important it was to me.
” She closed the distance to the open door and turned to face him.
He stood back, his feet anchored to the driveway.
“I really fell for you. But I can’t do this if I’m going to just be another person in your life to coddle. ”
She handed her car keys to her dad. “I’ll ride with Mom.”
She slid into the backseat with her mother; her dad shut the door. With one last hard look at Cash, he marched to Abbi’s car and got in.
Ellis backed around and drove off. Abbi was collapsed on her mom’s shoulder and they clung to each other. Cash watched them until they disappeared into the night with Abbi’s car trailing behind.
She’d left him. He wanted to call his mom and tell her she’d been right all along. He was no good for anyone.