Chapter 8 Secrets in the Dark #2
I blinked, Yilan’s soothing, grieving voice washing through my head like cool water on a burn.
Only then did I realize I was nose-to-nose with Jann, his face turning red and veins popping because I’d twisted his jacket, and the neck tightened around his throat.
Both our arms strained, holding each other off.
I met Jann’s eyes again and shook my head. “I’m not killing him. That is the end of the story.”
“You’re certain—you’re absolutely certain he’s worth risking the rest of us?” Jann muttered.
I shook my head. “I’m certain there’s another way to win this. I’m certain if I murder my son, I’m no better than Lucifer.”
Jann’s grip on my wrist loosened and his shoulders dropped.
“Melek, no. Removing him when he’s proven that he’s gone dark…
it’s not the same. His death is a high cost to pay—I know that.
I know it would pain you greatly. It would pain all of us.
But you wouldn’t be doing it for your own gain.
You’d be doing it to protect countless others that follow you—”
“Do not espouse the Doctrine of Lesser Sorrow to me,” I hissed, rage surging in my chest so hot and fast, I shoved Jann away from me and stalked away, clawing a hand through my hair. “God, you sound like the Golden Eyes.”
“I am one of the Golden Eyes, Melek. Have you forgotten?” Jann said flatly.
I turned on my heel to face him, genuinely shocked. “You have never been a Golden Eye, no matter what your lineage—why the fuck would you claim that now?”
A flash of alarm reached me through the bond, but I didn’t turn from Jann as my brother’s admittedly golden eyes slipped to the cave floor and he shook his head.
“I don’t claim it,” he muttered, “but it’s the role I play on your behalf.
And it grates.” He lifted that gaze to meet mine, and there was steel in it.
“The shackles of this place are closing on us. Every day the risk is greater, and the chance of discovery higher.” He stepped right up to my toes.
“It isn’t you displaying your mate in front of those bastards, like a pig on a spit, while they slaver over her like dogs craving to lick up the juices.
So, forgive me, but to hear you so quickly dismiss the only plan that’s certain to work… ”
He turned his head then and stared at his mate, who looked back at him, her eyes wide and pleading. He cleared his throat before returning his eyes to mine.
“You’re my king,” he said, his voice dark and heavy. “I’ll follow you to the death. But Melek… don’t make me regret it. Don’t force me to stand alone one day because you chose your son over the rest of us. Don’t do it.”
“I’m not. I’m choosing what’s right, over what’s easy.”
Jann’s lips tightened, but he backed away, breaking eye-contact and pacing the floor of the cave, while the women—unmoving, and apparently unbreathing—watched on.
“If you’re determined to try and fix this,” he said with a twist to his lips that spoke volumes on what he thought of that, “the only way forward is to use Hever. He has more knowledge of the Fallen than any Nephilim I know—”
“Absolutely fucking not!” Yilan snapped, leaping to her feet.
I raised a hand to caution her, but she was already marching around the fire towards Jann, eyes blazing.
“That fucker sat back and watched while Melek won the challenges, then disappeared. He was there when Lucifer came for me, and he didn’t warn anyone.
And he never reappeared to help, even in the aftermath of victory.
If there was ever a male among our ranks who had made his loyalties against us clear, it’s that bastard! ”
Jann loomed over her, speaking through his teeth. “That bastard got the rest of us through the Shadows of Shade alive when you left us without help. You think he could have done that if he was dark-hearted?”
Yilan stopped cold, just a step from him, her eyes blazing.
I hurried to slip between them, grabbing Yilan’s hand, squeezing it to reassure her, but facing Jann and warning him off with my eyes. It took him a moment, but he backed down. Then when he spoke, it was with an edge of pleading.
“He’s always held more knowledge of the mystical than anyone else. If anyone knows how to thwart a Fallen, it would be him. He’s only one step down in the bloodline himself.”
I’d heard that rumor, but wasn’t sure it was true. “If he’s so clear on this, why wouldn’t he have helped us earlier?” I asked.
“He was there when Lucifer took me,” Yilan piped up. “He had to have seen it happen—that was when the Fallen tried to seduce me, then threatened my Shadekin women if I didn’t give him what he wanted. If Hever knew how, he could have done something to help me—”
“Hever is adept at walking the line between light and dark,” Jann muttered, staring at Yilan over my shoulder. “He possesses a level of skill that I admire more every day. Be careful who you accuse of disloyalty, when they have not harmed you.”
Yilan stiffened, so I nudged Jann back and sent a jolt of caution through the bond to keep her quiet.
As I led her back around the fire to give us both some space, I questioned Jann on why he believed Hever should be trusted.
“Because, no matter how creepy he is, he’s never steered us wrong,” Jann said bluntly. “Even you consulted with him!”
“For battle, and in the fight against the Zaryndar. I’m not sure I’d trust him with my mate.”
“You don’t have to trust him at all,” Jann insisted. “I’ll find him and bring him in. I’ll handle him.”
I felt the tingle of suspicion in my mate, and shot her a glance to keep quiet.
“Do we even know if he’s here?” I asked Jann carefully.
“That spider is always around somewhere. I swear the man can move through air like the Fetch.”
Yilan and Diadre both tensed, but I squeezed Yilan’s hand to keep her silent. After a moment’s thought, I sighed. “Go ahead. But you don’t tell him we’re here yet. You just… see what he knows about Gall. Or what he advises.”
“Melek, he’s not going to believe I’m asking out of curiosity. Everyone thinks you’re near—though they don’t know how close. They’re all just waiting for you to show yourself.”
“Let them think it,” I growled. “What I don’t want is anyone knowing.”
Jann sighed. “Are you certain? There’s an argument for simply bringing the troops through and appearing—forcing them to fight. Leaving no time for the Fallen to rally defense and—”
“No,” I said through my teeth. “I’m not circling back to this, Jann. I’m not killing Gall.”
“Not even if it’s your only choice? Not even if it saves your mate’s life? Or mine?”
He’d walked away from me, towards Diadre, who watched him approach.
When he reached the chair, he stood at her shoulder, taking her hand, and I saw the pain in him.
The fear. The slump of carrying an unbearable weight.
Jann still believed he was cursed. And, if Lucifer’s claim that Diadre was pregnant was true, he also carried that.
I looked down at Yilan, tried to imagine knowing I would be dead in years, possibly months—and leaving her unprotected. Here. God, the thought made my skin crawl.
But I already have a son. He’s been battered and deceived and…
I shook my head. To my surprise, Yilan nodded.
“I’m not killing my son,” I said firmly. “That’s the end of the discussion. If you think Hever has insight, find him and talk to him. But don’t lead him to me. Not yet. I’ll evaluate his suggestions, and our mates will use their skills to test them for truth.”
“But—”
“If Hever’s on our side, he’ll be patient and willing to wait to be involved. I’m not just handing him keys that could open us up to attack.”
Jann sighed, but then shrugged. “Well, then… I guess I have my orders.”
I growled. “Jann, it has never been orders between us.”
Jann glanced at me, but didn’t respond as he offered his mate a hand and she stood—and swayed slightly. He pressed a hand to her lower back and leaned in, his eyes shadowed with concern. Diadre’s cheeks flushed, but she shrugged off the supporting hand.
“I’m fine. I just didn’t sleep last night. I think we all need rest,” Diadre murmured.
“Diadre, are you sure—” Yilan started gently.
Diadre waved her off. “We have to get back, and I’ve always struggled a little bit with the flying.”
Jann grinned as their eyes caught. “Not always,” he drawled suggestively.
For a flash I saw the Jann of old—the one full of flirtation and cutting humor.
Diadre smiled up at him, and for a moment my heart eased. These were our dearest friends, and staunchest allies. These were the two that we could trust with anything.
So why were we all at odds?
Diadre sighed as Jann led her towards the cave mouth. He nodded to me once, and I returned the informal salute. But Diadre called Yilan. “I guess we’ll see you when Jann has news?”
Yilan nodded, but hugged my arm. I grunted final instructions to Jann about how to get word to me after he’d spoken to Hever.
His eyes flashed, but he nodded.
Then they disappeared around the curve of the cave and were gone.
After we heard the whoomph of his wings as they took off outside the cave, I turned to my mate, standing at my side, to find her staring up at me, worried.
“Do you trust him?” she asked me softly.
I braced against the defensive response, and just nodded. “I do.”
“Should you?”
There was no accusation in her eyes. No anger in the bond. Only pleading and concern.
I sighed. “I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t think it was wise. Only God knows. But if we can’t trust Jann, we’re just marking time until our deaths, Yilan. He’s been at my back since I was rank and file. He’s proven himself my ally, and saved my life, time and again.”
“Never against the Fallen, though,” she whispered. “His eyes, Melek…”
I just nodded. What else could I do?