Chapter 25 Let Go
~ DIADRE ~
My breath stopped as pleasure washed through me from my scalp, all the way down to the soles of my feet.
Jann had always brought my body alive—and the matebond increased the wonderful sensations, because we could feel each other’s desire and pleasure too, but there was something new in my body. A new thrill—a new response.
He took me deep and moaned my name, and the hair all over my body stood to attention.
Then he arched those beautiful shoulders over me and eased away, sliding slowly from me in a tingling shudder that had me grasping for more.
And it didn’t stop. Gasping, groaning, gripping—we moved together.
Every inch he took, a new world of delight.
And every broken breath gasped, as he left me pleading for more.
But, despite the fact that he had my body thrilling, twitching, hips bucking, he didn’t pick up the pace. When he wasn’t kissing me, he held himself above me, watching me, his eyes dragging as slowly as his body, watching my mouth, my throat, my breasts.
I clawed and arched, pleaded and gasped—and couldn’t see past the blind pleasure he sparked in me, until it was too much. My body trembled with unspent need.
With a whispered curse, as he let his head fall, trembling when he eased out of me, I grasped both his shoulders and pushed him to my side.
His eyes flew open, and he let his weight drop. “Are you sick, Dee? Do you need—”
“I need more,” I hissed, clambering onto him with my teeth gritted as he rolled away, blinking.
“But—”
“No buts. I need you.”
I heaved at him until he was on his back. Then I crawled onto him, straddling his hips and bracing a hand on his chest to hold myself up, as I found him with the other hand and positioned him.
“Dee, let me roll you over, it might be too much when you’re—”
I shot him a glare. “You’re never too much for me, Jann.” Then I slid down on him and took him to the hilt.
Jann’s fingers dug into my hips and he swore, as I let my head fall back and leaned back with the relief of finally having him.
“God, you’re beautiful,” he groaned as I rode him, my hips rolling as surely as they ever did on horseback.
“You’re stunning. I was so scared tonight, Dee.
You have no idea. Seeing you like this now…
” He trailed off, but one hand came up to my breast, cupping and kneading, his calloused thumb playing over my nipple and sending delicious jolts through my body to meet the pleasure singing where we joined.
For a time, I closed my eyes and just swam in the joy of him, gripped his forearms and let myself rock, let my body’s thrill build.
Jann kept gasping about how beautiful I looked on top of him. Then, as my head sagged and my shoulders began to roll, he pulled his knees up behind me and urged me to rest back against them.
Which I did—and the change of angle touched something within me that was desperate. I gasped, and arched back further.
“Let go,” he rasped. “I’ve got you. I won’t let you fall.”
I did as he instructed, my hands trailing back, still riding him, but my body loose and bowed.
“Yessssssss…” he hissed. “Let go, just like that. You’re gorgeous—keep going, Dee. Don’t stop. Shit… do you feel that?”
I nodded, tightening on him as he tested the limits within me, thrilling my flesh.
His hands trailed my body—my breasts, my waist, my hips—and he described every one to me—the softness of my thighs when he pulled me a little forward and we both groaned at the new angle.
The nip of my waist when he fit his palms in it and held me down to meet him.
The soft fill of my breasts in his hands when we moved faster and they bounced with every thrust.
“…there is no softer skin than here,” he said hoarsely, teasing fingers down the insides of my thighs that were spread wide, as I settled my weight to take as much of him as I could.
My skin prickled and pebbled where his fingers teased.
“I know how you taste,” he growled. “I know the salt on the skin under your ear. I know the soft sweetness of your mouth, I know the honey of your need for me—dear God!”
I gasped, and bounced on him with desperation. He’d pressed my need higher and higher. I trembled with it, my body clenching on him.
“Please… Jann, please!”
To my relief, he stopped teasing and slowing me down, and instead growled my name, cupped one hand at the back of my neck and clasped the other on my hip, then began to pound.
I was a ragdoll in his grip, bounced and jolted, every thrust bringing a new wave of pleasure that bloomed and grew. I tried to call his name, tried to tell him, but in the end my cries were wordless, joyful keening—until I shuddered and—
“JANN!”
He bellowed a roar and thrust one final time, holding me to him as the tidal wave of need crashed over us both and we were dragged under, tumbling, swirling, pounding chaos… then washed onto the shore.
Some time later, I blinked and found myself collapsed on Jann’s chest, his hand on my back, my head tucked under his chin.
He groaned when I moved, pushing up to rest my elbows on his chest and stare down at him. My breathing still hadn’t returned to normal, but at least I could think now.
He caught a strand of my hair that had stuck to my cheek, and pushed it behind my ear. “Are you well?” he asked softly, tentatively. As if he half-feared the response.
I gave him a look. “I promise to warn you if I might throw up on your chest,” I snorted—which made my body tighten on him. He twitched and groaned, but he laughed with me.
“I love that sound,” I said, suddenly on the verge of tears. “I’ve missed it so much.”
“Me groaning?”
“No… your laughter. Jann, you used to laugh all the time—flirt and make jokes and tease… I miss that. I miss you.”
His forehead furrowed, but he didn’t break eye contact. “You miss me?”
“Yes!”
“I’m right here.”
“I know, but…”
“If you miss me, you must need more.” The devilish look in his eyes made me smile, despite the impending tears.
“Always,” I whispered.
An hour later, after a snack and a drink, and Jann’s worried questions that stole his smile away again, we were both sprawled in bed, in the half-dark of the curtains we’d pulled against the sunlight outside.
He’d fallen asleep the moment his head hit the pillow. I’d thought I would too—even if there was now bright sunlight shining behind the thick curtains—but as he’d sunk deeper and deeper into sleep, I found myself more and more awake.
I felt good. Satisfied. Relieved. Content. Only for now, though.
I’d done good work overnight—and even though Jann was so frantic, I wasn’t going to stop. I felt like I finally knew what I was here for, and how I could be useful.
But, Jann…
I lay on my back, one arm under my pillow, head turned to watch my mate breathe. It was the most peaceful I’d seen him in weeks. He was sprawled, utterly asleep. Yet one, heavy hand rested possessively on my belly. That made me smile.
The more I stared at him, the closer I got to tears, just because I was so deeply in love. I wished every night could be like this—the lovemaking, the teasing, the warm connection. More and more, the darkness and cruelty of the world around us seeped in.
Then I remembered what he’d said tonight when he was worried and angry…
…I’d do anything to keep you and our son safe. Anything.”
“Even lose your soul?”
He barely hesitated. “If it saves yours… yes.”
I went cold at the memory. Jann frowned in his sleep and shifted, but his breathing stayed even and slow.
I swallowed hard. Had it just been a performance for Caelan? Or was I fooling myself even hoping for that? Just making excuses for him?
He could have told me in our link if he was lying. He could have urged me to be careful with my words, if he worried she’d overhear. He could have done or said so many things, and he didn’t.
I knew his heart was good. I could feel it. But his fear… I worried that his fear might overwhelm the good in him.
If he got desperate, would he betray our friends to keep me and our baby safe? Or was he just fighting the demons he needed to resist?
Would he get there in the end?
I prayed so. I begged God to open his eyes.
Sighing, I placed my hand over his on my stomach, and twined our fingers. Even in his sleep, his grip on me tightened.
Please, I prayed. Give him the strength to win the battle he’s fighting. Don’t let the fear overtake him. He’s struggling. Help… we need help.