Chapter 10 August - Use me
Lavender. Roses. Jasmine. Lilacs. Honeysuckle. Daisies.
While my body begins its wake up process, my senses are smacked by the scent of all different kinds of flowers. It’s overpowering and consuming.
My eyes fly open, and they’re met with sprawled out, jet black hair that’s attached to a head tucked comfortably under my chin. An arm that isn’t my own lays lazily across my chest, where mine is wrapped tightly around a body still sleeping soundly.
Daisy.
Daisy Stiles. Sleeping with me. In a way that has never felt right…until now.
“What the fuck?” Sawyer’s voice interrupts every thought ratting through my brain.
Suddenly, Daisy Stiles is no longer sleeping with me. She bounces up faster than I’ve ever seen, snatching the comforter that covered the both of us. She pulls it up to her chin, as if she’s trying to hide something indecent.
My head swishes from side to side, Sawyer to Daisy, unsure where to land. I don’t know what to say, or what I’m supposed to be doing. This looks bad. This looks really fucking bad.
Things go from bad to worse when Margot steps out from behind Sawyer with a bewildered look on her face.
“My, my, my…” she starts.
“We were sleeping!” I yell.
“We can see that, Gus,” Sawyer says as he nods in slow motion.
“Sleeping…together,” Margot adds. She still might be in shock.
I know Daisy’s still in shock because for once in her entire life, she’s speechless. No quip remark, no sassy comeback. But damn, are those icy blue eyes blazing.
I finally try to explain our way out of this mess.
“Daisy’s mattress shit the bed. Then there was an opossum, and I fell, and well…We needed to sleep. We slept here. We just slept.”
Why the hell am I acting like we did anything else? If someone else blabbed this kind of speech to me, I’d assume they fucked like rabbits all night long.
Protecting Daisy right now feels important though.
Before Margot opens her mouth, I go off again.
“And you know what? I was cold. So, yeah. I cuddled up with Daisy for warmth. She barely tolerated it, but in the name of self preservation, she stuck it out. No further questions, got it?” I toss what little of the blanket is still covering me off and slide myself out of the bed of my truck.
I risk a look back at Daisy, who’s trying like hell to not let her mouth hang open.
Sawyer and Margot are not as subtle in their surprise.
“Yeah, okay. Well, this is an insane turn of events. But, anyway, good morning?” Margot offers.
“Good morning,” I gruffly answer. I pass by the two of them on a mission for coffee.
I unlock our food bin and pull out all of the fixings for breakfast, lining everything up on the folding table.
I start separating the bacon from its package, readying it to line across the grate we place over the fire when cooking.
I open the can of coffee grounds and take a good whiff, clearing out all of the floral still stuck in my nose.
Sawyer makes his way over and gets to work on relighting the fire next to me. “We gonna—”
“Nope,” I stop him. “We’re not gonna talk about shit. I told you exactly what happened. If you or your fiancée have a differing opinion, keep it to your damn selves.”
“Noted, you fucking grump.” Sawyer claps me on the back, unphased by my barking.
“Red and Miller still passed out?” I ask.
“Yeah, I don’t think they usually get much of a chance to sleep in.”
“That’s gonna be you pretty soon,” I remind him.
“Oh, I am well aware. But it’s nothing I can’t handle. It’s not like we let the day get away from us too often at the riverside anyway.”
Don’t I know it. I don’t remember the last time I didn’t catch at least part of the sunrise. Even today, the rays of light are barely up around us. The air still has that chilly bite to it.
“Do you know what time it is?” I ask.
“A little after six. We were going to take an early morning walk, but then we saw what was left of your tent. And then we saw the scene in your truck, and well, now we’re here.”
“Now we’re here,” I parrot.
“I’m sorry. I just gotta say it—a ‘possum, really? That’s what you came up with?” Sawyer stands up from his squat after the fire has life again.
This time the roles are reversed, and it’s Daisy coming to my rescue. She and Margot join us by the fire.
“Yes! Yes, it was actually a fucking opossum. He didn’t come up with anything! Oh my God, you can’t actually think we—”
She stops. I turn to stone. No one fills the void, and the four of us stand here waiting for someone to speak up. But no one does, and I consider stoking the coals to stick my head in the flames of the fire pit.
I’m pissed. I’m not Daisy’s biggest fan, clearly.
We haven’t gotten along in years, and just about everyone knows that.
But now I know what she sounds and feels like when she comes.
I know she still can only sleep if her hand is resting on her cheek.
And she has the audacity to pretend like she wouldn’t touch me with a ten-foot pole to save face in front of our friends?
Screw this.
“Calm down, Daze. No one here would ever think you’d get down and dirty with, what do you call me? A stray dog?” I shoot daggers at her, sinking right back into the comfortability of our feud, forgetting the quiet moments of last night where things felt like they might one day be different.
“What the hell’s going on out here?” I hear Red call from the tent farthest from us. In the next second, I hear the sound of a zipper, and she pokes her head out. “How are you two arguing already? Why is everyone awake?” she whines.
“Good morning, sleepyhead!” Margot calls in a fake sing-song voice.
“To catch you up to speed, Sawyer and I caught Daisy and Gus practically fused together in the back of his truck with his tent destroyed. They claim to have just slept. It’s actually the only thing they’ll agree on ever, it appears, because they are, to no one’s surprise, back to fighting!
” She throws her hands up and stomps off to…
honestly, who knows where. She’s not happy.
Sawyer exhales, and I feel the weight of it. “Guess we’re going for that morning walk after all. Goddamnit. Dude, can you make sure breakfast is ready by the time we get back?” He doesn’t wait for a reply. Sawyer follows behind Margot at a slight jog to catch up to her.
“Yikes, I’m just gonna…” Red closes herself back into her and Miller’s tent.
Oh no.
I slowly turn my head to Daisy, who has a twisted look on her face. One that tells me I just fucked up big time.
The bet.
No way. She owes me after last night. This cannot be actually happening right now. We were supposed to keep it together. If anything, she was going to be the one to cave first. I’m not considering this a loss. She technically threw the first punch. Right?
I don’t spare Daisy another glance, immediately throwing myself into camp chef mode. I throw the grate on top of the fire and line bacon across it. I pull bagels out and start slicing them down the middle to prepare breakfast sandwiches.
I remain silent when Daisy joins me. She starts aggressively cracking eggs into a bowl to scramble. I wordlessly shove the bag of shredded cheese towards her to add in. There’s an edge to every move each of us makes, and yet we keep completely to ourselves.
When Red and Miller finally emerge however long later, Daisy has already started pouring coffee into everyone’s mugs on the picnic table, and I’m assembling the sandwiches at my little makeshift station.
“Morning, guys,” Miller greets us with a yawn. His hair is standing up in every direction, and I don’t think he realizes both his shirt and sweatpants are on backwards. But I’m the one being accused of participating in nefarious activities last night. Cool.
“Morning!” Daisy calls, pretending nothing is wrong. “How’d you guys sleep?”
“Like the dead. It was incredible. Is anyone going to clue us in on the show we apparently missed last night?” Red hikes her head in the direction of Daisy’s tent, the front flap wide open to show a deflated air mattress flat on the ground.
And my tent…in shreds, flapping in the chill breeze of morning.
I lower my head, prepared to repeat the same story no one here is going to even bother to entertain as the truth, but Daisy beats me to it.
Daisy slams her palms on the picnic table. “This is the last time we’re doing this. My mattress had a hole. Enter Gus and his tent. Then we meet Mr. Opossum. Cue Gus shredding his tent. We manage to get maybe three hours of sleep in the bed of his truck. The fucking end, got it?”
Miller’s head begins to nod vigorously.
Red simply picks up a mug and sips on black coffee. “Noted. We can head into town later and pick you up a new air mattress.” She turns to me. “And you, a new tent, I suppose.”
I wave my hand. “Honestly? I liked sleeping under the stars. I’m good with it for another night.”
I see Sawyer and Margot emerging from a walking trail. I pick up my sandwich and wrap it in a paper towel. I scoop up my mug, too.
“Bacon, egg, and cheeses for everyone. Add whatever toppings you’d like.
I’m taking off for a little. I haven’t seen the lake this time of year in a while.
” I take a bite of my breakfast and don’t wait for anyone’s response.
I head in the opposite direction of our site, off to find even a hint of the peace I felt laying next to Daisy last night, shaking off how pathetic that makes me.
“I’m sorry.”
I whip my head around to find Daisy standing behind me, both of her hands clasped together tightly in front of her, eyes on the ground, feet gently patting loose dirt side to side.
She’s nervous, uncharacteristically shy.
I guess all of this tracks when my brain catches up to the two words she just muttered.
“Come again?” I ask.
It’s been hours since I’ve talked to anyone.
I decided to spend the morning alone, not trusting myself to not kill the mood of those around me.
Sure, I’m used to going tit for tat with Daisy, but I’m not used to feeling gross about how she publicly rejects me with ease.
Not when things seem to have shifted in private, even just a little.
It’s not right, and it’s fucking with my head.
“Don’t make me say it again,” she huffs.
“Why shouldn’t I?” I step towards her. She doesn’t move.
I look to make sure none of our friends are within earshot.
“I’m good enough to fuck. But wait, only once.
” I bark out a laugh. “I’m good enough to make you a bed to sleep on when you’re stranded.
I’m even good enough for some nostalgic remember whens in the dead of the night, right?
But you can’t twist your nasty thoughts into something decent for me in front of our closest friends? Not even one time?”
I’ve had a lot of time to think today, and my mind hasn’t strayed once for any other topic other than the complexity that is Daisy Stiles.
I don’t know what shifted. If it really was the sex, or maybe the stars.
Or maybe at some point, I realized my issues with her were never real, just an act I thought I had to keep up for the balance of the world.
Now I feel like I’m crawling out of my skin with it all. It’s too much.
I’ll give Daisy credit. She doesn’t back down. She squares her shoulders, letting the earlier nerves melt off her body.
“I deserve that,” she says. My eyes watch her swallow slowly move down her throat. “I am sorry.”
“I gotta know,” I breathe, taking another step towards her.
We’re only inches apart now. Her eyes line up with my chest, but she raises them to meet mine, jutting her chin out.
“Which part? Which part pains you so much you feel the need to offer apologies? Because the Daisy Stiles I know would normally never.”
“All of it.”
“Not good enough,” I balk.
Daisy looks up to the sky. I can’t help another frustrated laugh escaping me. “No one up there is gonna help you with this.”
Her brows furrow, and that little crease in between makes its familiar appearance.
“I’m sorry. I used you for sex. I shouldn’t have done that.
I don’t…I can admit, I don’t regret the sex.
I’m not ashamed. I just don’t want to complicate things with them.
” Her arm gestures in the direction of our group of friends lounging around the fire pit.
“And I’m sorry for how I acted this morning.
I felt cornered in a glass box, on display for everyone. ”
“You always assume everyone is judging you.”
“You do.” It’s faint. I can barely make out those two words, but they crush me all the same.
“Yeah, well…” I want to lighten the mood, take back my pressing for an apology. “It’s always been different with us, right?” I offer her a crooked smile.
Daisy’s face softens, just a little. Then she takes a step back, shuffling on the ground with her little fucking tennis shoes again. The dirt is already ruining the bright whites of them. “Please don’t brood all day. I think it defeats the purpose of Margot dragging us all out here.”
Accepting the fact that my question will remain unanswered, I move on. “I wasn’t dragged. I love coming here. But, I know. I’m good. I appreciate…this.” I don’t explain further. She doesn’t ask me to.
“Shit,” Daisy exhales. “Oh, and I have some semi-bad news. We went into town, and because the camping season is practically over…” There’s that weird hesitation again.
“Daze, out with it.”
“They only had one air mattress and no tents.”
“Oh,” I say. That’s it. Oh.
“This man offered to let us borrow one of his when he heard us inquiring with the cashier, but I felt really weird about that. I didn’t accept. I said no. But if you’re uncomfortable, I can go back. I mean, I didn’t get his name or anything—”
“Daisy,” I stop her. She looks up at me, hands twisting together this way and that again. “I said I was fine to sleep like I did last night. I meant it. Feel free to join me if you want.” I raise my hand to cup her shoulder, but my palm hovers about an inch away.
Daisy doesn’t like to be touched.
I take a step back, separating us further and feeling the air change with it. I turn to finally walk back to join our group, putting everything before right now behind us. “And Daze?”
Ocean blue eyes find mine instinctively, a curious gleam in them.
“Use me whenever you want.”
I don’t wait for a response or any form of acknowledgment.