Chapter 27 #2
Red picks up the other two boxes, handing me one.
“Let’s go! You can use Penelope’s bathroom. She’s sleeping in my bed with Miller.”
“This is a waste of money,” I say with a laugh as I follow Red up the stairs. But I don’t argue my point further because there’s no use. This is just a game, and when I get eyes on that negative line, all will be over.
Before I shut the door to Penelope’s bathroom, Red’s hand lands on the wood. “Don’t look at the result! We need to record them all at the same time. Just pee on that end”—she points to the pink capped side—“and shove the stick back in the package and meet us back in the living room.”
“Thanks for the detailed instructions, Gwendolyn,” I reply sarcastically.
“Whatever. See you in a minute!” Red tiptoes into her dark bedroom.
I hold the stick in my hand to inspect it.
In my thirty years of life, I’ve never actually been subjected to a pregnancy scare of any kind.
My period might be a bitch, but she’s reliable.
So I’ve never felt the need to actually take a test, aside from the times I’ve peed in a cup as a part of my routine physical at the doctor.
I shouldn’t be nervous. There’s nothing to be nervous about. I mean, it’s a game, really. I’m just an active participant in the night Red put together for us. For funsies.
So then why is this stupid piece of plastic shaking in my hands?
I dismiss these out-of-character nerves, do my business, recap the stick, and wrap it in a piece of toilet paper. After washing my hands, I exit the bathroom and quietly make my way back downstairs to the kitchen where Red and Margot are already huddled around the island.
“Stick in cup, please!” Red demands, holding out a plastic red cup that’s normally reserved for jungle juice or beer from a keg at house parties.
“How long do we wait?” I ask, hopefully not sounding as panicked as I feel.
“Usually, like, two minutes. We should be good to check pretty soon,” Margot says, absentmindedly reading the instructions on the back of one of the boxes. “Why?” She looks up with a sly grin. “Worried about the results?”
“I’m not worried,” I scoff.
Why would I be worried?
Red positions her phone so the screen is facing us, camera app already pulled up. She sets the cup rattling with our three pee sticks in the frame. She checks the time in the clock above the stove.
“Okay, Margot, you can go first since well…” Red gently urges Margot forward to reach into the cup. “Just tell us what one says!”
Margot pulls out a test and laughs while showing the camera the little pink plus sign. “Pregnant! Shocker! Wonder who this one could belong to!”
“Okay, Red, you go now,” I encourage.
Red practically bounces forward, dramatically plucking one of the tests out. She waves it around before letting us and the camera see…
“What?” Margot and I screech, forgetting the two sleeping Caswells upstairs.
Another pink plus sign.
But Red’s not in the least bit shocked. Nope, Gwendolyn Bozelli is holding that positive pregnancy test high, proudly showing it off with tears streaming down her face.
“Surprise!” she yells. “Oh my fucking God, talk about the hardest secret to keep of my damn life!”
Margot is blubbering, unable to control a single emotion. Red wraps her up in her arms and signals me to join them.
“You’re having a baby?” Margot asks.
“Merrymount’s resident café owner officially has a bun in the oven.
Confirmed!” Red reaches for the small drawer beside her and pulls out a sheet of ultrasound pictures.
We don’t break from our group hug while we stare at the little black and white images.
A tiny spot in the middle has an arrow pointing to it that says baby.
“Not twins, just the one,” Red explains. “They’re perfectly healthy, whoever they are. On track for a May delivery. You don’t think I’m raining on your parade, right?” Red turns her face to Margot.
“Shut the fuck up, Red.” Margot laughs in between tears. “Are you kidding me? Not only am I now getting my own two kids, but another niece or nephew? And they all get to grow up together? This is like, the best day of my life!”
“Congrats, Red.” I kiss her cheek, so unbelievably happy to see one of my oldest friends in the world have one of her biggest dreams come true. I don’t know anyone who deserves it more. Penelope and this unborn Caswell hit the jackpot with her as their mother.
The three—six, if you count the fetuses—of us continue to hold each other, still crying, while we look in awe at the ultrasounds. Minutes pass until Red realizes her phone is still recording.
“Oh shit, we have one more test!” Red breaks free from me and Margot and scoops up her phone. “Hold on, let me stop this video and restart. I’ll edit them together later,” Red says.
“There’s no need. It’d be anticlimactic.” I laugh.
“Sorry, Daze. You can’t skip out of pregnancy roulette!” Red counters with Margot nodding along next to her.
They don’t want me to feel left out, and I want to hug them all over again for how much they love me despite my inability to let anyone truly in.
Except for August, my mind betrays me with an intrusive thought.
“Oh, what the hell, fine. But you better cheer for this negative as loud as you cheered for the positives,” I joke, grabbing the remaining test from the cup.
I give it a glance that doesn’t really register in my brain before turning the results to face the camera.
Margot and Red both stop their girlish giggling.
I look at the test again.
The plastic bounces off the ceramic tile flooring when I drop it.
“Daisy…” Red whispers, letting a gentle hand rest on my shoulder.
I shake her off immediately. “Give me another test. Your pee must have contaminated it, or something.”
“I don’t think that’s how that works, Daze…” Margot offers quietly.
I whip around. “I need another test. Right now.”
Red recovers faster than any of us.
“Yeah, yeah. Of course. Hold on, I have a drawer full in the bathroom down here.” She disappears into the small half bath off the hallway and comes back empty handed. “I left two on the counter for you.”
“Thanks,” I mumble before locking myself in the bathroom.
I hear Margot and Red whispering to each other just outside the door. Part of me wants them to fuck off. The other part of me is extremely thankful I’m not alone right now.
Memories of the last couple of weeks flash through my mind as I repeat the process of taking these Godforsaken stupid tests.
Nausea. Sore boobs. Fatigue. Mood swings. Nightmares. Hot flashes.
All things that could so easily be chalked up to period symptoms.
All things that sickly and twistedly could also mean fucking pregnancy.
This is all one big joke of a misunderstanding. Like I said, their hormones probably rubbed off on my lone baby-free stick.
I lay both tests face down on the counter and set a three-minute timer on my phone. Red said two, but I’ll use the extra sixty seconds for good measure. Just to be sure it’s done confirming that I am indeed, not pregnant.
Because I can’t possibly be pregnant.
A light knock on the door causes me to jump.
“Daze?” Red’s hesitant voice travels through. “It’s gonna be okay. No matter what. You’re okay.”
“I’m fine,” I say through gritted teeth with my arms braced, hands gripping the porcelain edge of the sink.
“Can you let us in?” Margot asks.
I close my eyes and reach out to unlock the door. One of them turns the knob and lets it fall open, but Margot and Red don’t leave the doorway.
“Daisy, look at me,” Red coaxes.
“No.”
“You’re in shock. Totally understand—”
I whip my head to face them and cut Margot off. “I’m not in fucking shock. It was a bullshit, faulty test, okay?”
“Daisy,” Red reprimands with a stern voice. A motherly voice. “I’m gonna let you process this however you need to within reason. But you’re not lashing out at us. You hear me?”
I nod once, guilt immediately washing over me.
Red steps into the small space to pick up one of the tests. “I’m going to check this one. And then the other. And then we’ll discuss next steps. Sound good?”
“None of this sounds good,” I whine and sink to the floor.
The silence that follows tells me everything I need to hear and exactly what I want to refuse to believe.
“I have to go,” I breathe, standing up and snatching the two tests up in my hand.
“Daisy, wait.” Red chases after me as I dash into the living room to gather my belongings. I’m at the front door, slipping my boots and jacket on when she finally reaches out and grabs me. “Daisy.”
“Please don’t,” I whisper.
“Don’t what?” Red questions.
“Don’t say it. Don’t say it’s okay. Don’t say that I’m…That I’m…”
Red shows me mercy, crushing me into a bone tight embrace. “I love you, Daisy Daf.”
The old nickname from our childhood hits me like an arrow straight through the heart.
“I love you, too, Gwennie G,” I breathe.
When we separate, I make sure to hug Margot before I leave.
She wipes her tears, and I let her assure me that everything in life has a funny way of working out.
A single laugh escapes me hearing how much she truly is Melanie LeClair’s daughter.
I clock it as my last laugh of the night once I reach the bitter and painful silence of my car. Being alone with my thoughts feels like the last thing I need, but I can’t bring myself to run exactly where I’m supposed to.
Facing August right now, holding this secret, this thing that never should have happened, feels impossible. Saying the word, thinking it—I can’t handle it. I’m falling apart.
I reach for my phone, and when I see the last text that came through, I officially want to melt into nothing.
August
I don’t like how we left things and I don’t like when you’re not sleeping in my bed. I don’t like a lot of what we’re doing…or I guess what we say we’re doing, to be honest. Rules be damned. Text me. Call me. Come back to me, Daze.