Chapter 34 #2
My skin heats with refueled rage at the thought of my stepdad and every sick thing he’s done in his pathetic life. I wish I hit him harder. I wish I had more time.
“Don’t I get a fucking phone call?” I ask the empty room.
Don’t even know why I bother. I don’t have anyone to call.
Sawyer’s probably busy with Katie. I saw the look on Daisy’s face.
I’m alone.
I was always supposed to be alone.
The last two years were me playing pretend. A short-lived fantasy of a life that was never meant to be mine.
I have nothing but time to shift through memories and moments that feel like a knife to the chest with every flash while I sit here and wait for whatever comes next.
Family dinners with Beth and Sawyer that end in stomachaches from laughter and a movie on the couch.
Late nights under the stars with Daisy, sharing secrets and stories neither of us would have had the courage to voice in the light of day.
It was simple, but it was everything.
And now it’s gone.
The door clicks open, and I whip my head to see Beth Rivers enter. She looks fucking exhausted and she’s standing here in sweatpants. Beth hates leaving the house in sweatpants.
“My boy, what did you do?” she asks. Her voice is filled with worry and confusion.
I’ve done nothing to earn her concern.
I try to stand and quickly remember the cuffs are attached to the metal table in front of me, jerking my body so I’m forced to sit back down.
“Have you talked to her? Is she okay?”
Beth seemingly ignores me, clicking her tongue at the marks the handcuffs are leaving, brushing what I’m assuming is dirt off the back of my shirt, and kissing the top of my head. She sits down at one of the two chairs on the other side of the table, and when she sighs, her shoulders droop.
“I guess I shouldn’t be surprised your first concern is Daisy. She’s the why behind all of this, isn’t she?”
“This isn’t her fault,” I snap.
“No, my boy. I’m sorry, that’s not at all what I meant,” Beth assures me gently, a lot more gently than I deserve. “But between the look on your face right now and the sobs the rest of us heard coming out of her when you were driven away…I don’t think they’re unrelated.”
“They’re not,” I mutter.
“I’ll give it to you straight, August. Mark sent me in here to get your side of the story. He’s a smart man, guessing you wouldn’t be willing to talk to anyone else.”
I grunt to acknowledge she’s at least mostly right.
“I need you to tell me what happened. Word for word. Anything that can help me help you. Please.”
I offer nothing, focusing on a speck of paint on the wall behind Beth.
“August,” Beth sighs. “You got away from him. You had everything under control. I can’t believe you would decide to throw your future away on that waste of a man for nothing. Not after all of the progress you’ve made.”
“Maybe I did,” I grumble.
Beth’s smack on the table causes me to jump in my seat. “Don’t lie to me.”
I don’t want to. It’s one of the last things I want to do, but I made a promise to Daisy that I’d keep her secrets. I have no intention of breaking it.
Another painful exhale from Beth. “Okay. Let’s work around the roadblock. I’m gonna do the talking, and you’re gonna nod that thick head of yours, mmkay?”
I solemnly lift my head and do as Beth tells me.
“I know bits and pieces of Daisy’s history. You do too?”
Nod. With how much time Daisy and I have spent together, it was impossible not to get an idea of what she’s been through, even if she hasn’t told me outright. I put the bits and pieces she did give me together some time ago.
“Was something of that regard brought up tonight?”
Minutes pass by and Beth never breaks eye contact with me. I finally dip my head in confirmation.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I’m sorry for it all. I think I already know the answer, but I gotta ask, are you willing to—”
“I’m not saying shit, Beth. Everything I needed to say, I did with my fists tonight. I appreciate you coming down here and trying to help me, but I’m a lost cause. I told you that the night Sawyer dragged me to your house.”
“Tell me what I do and don’t know again, August. Watch where that lands you. You might throw some deadly punches, physically and verbally, but I’m not scared of you. I love you, nothing will change that. So, drop this little woe is me act, sit up straight, and do as I fucking say.”
My mouth falls open.
“Roy antagonized you. He baited you into a fight.”
“That’s not what happened,” I try to correct.
“Shut up, Gus.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Roy bit off more than he could chew. Most importantly, he threw the first punch.” She emphasizes the last five words pointedly.
“Why are you helping me with this?” I ask. My head is spinning, and it’s sure as shit not from Roy punching me. He got one swing in, and if a bruise even forms, it’ll be gone in a day or so.
Beth looks at me like I slapped her in the face.
“Because you’re my family, August. I protect what’s mine. Besides, Roy is very well aware of the damage he has caused over the years, and I will be reminding him of the same when I pay him a visit next. You might be content right now to rot in a jail cell, but I’m not having it.”
The chair makes a scraping noise when she pushes back from the table and stands.
“Finish up your pity party, I’m going to handle this with Mark. Despite the mess you made, and I know I’m not supposed to say this, so if you ever quote me, I’ll deny it. But—I’m proud of you.”
“You loved her then, and you love her now,” present day Beth says, pulling me back to the here and now.
“I don’t think I ever stopped,” I admit.
“Me either, to be honest. You gave the whole enemy thing a real shot, I’ll give ya that.” She laughs.
“I thought she deserved better than what she had here. I still kind of think that.” I shrug, crossing my arms over my chest.
“That’s what love’s all about, my boy. You want and hope for more for them.
You know there’s a chance they might leave searching for it.
But you gotta give them your all and the best version of yourself while you have them.
Because when it ends, you gotta make sure you did everything in your power to make the time spent together worth it. ”
While I’m letting Beth’s words settle, she continues. “My Dale didn’t leave me by choice. I think we all know that. But our time together here did come to an early end. Do you know what got me to accept that?”
“No, not really.”
Beth doesn’t talk about her late husband often. She’s just recently started coming around to casually bringing up her daughter, Nora, Sawyer’s mom, and Drew, his dad, in conversation. I think the loss of the love of her life might still be too painful. But maybe she’s proving me wrong right now.
“All of the good we packed into the shortened amount of time our paths did cross. The big moments, like when we brought Nora into the world, and her wedding to Drew. Or the day we became grandparents. The small snippets, too. Like when Dale would wink at me across a crowded room, making me feel like we were teenagers smitten with each other all over again. I miss him every damn day. But even if I was given a book on our life, and it ended the same way it did, I wouldn’t change a thing.
That’s real love, August. I think you have that. Or you could, if you let yourself.”
“I don’t want to fuck it up.”
“Well, you will,” Beth counters with a smile.
“Fuck-ups are inevitable in all areas of life. But they’re not always irreversible.
You have a strong woman who has always seen exactly who you are and accepted it.
Maybe not kindly.” Beth chuckles. “But acceptance without the demand for change, nonetheless. You have a baby on the way that needs the kind of unconditional love only you two can offer. Fight for them.”
“I am. Hunter and Chase, too.” I stand up straight, letting the after-effects of Beth’s confidence in me seep into my bones. “But as much as I want to blow up, find her, and drag her back, I feel like I need to give her this space.”
Maybe I don’t believe in myself yet, but Beth does. I think she might have always believed in me. I’ve just been too stubborn to see it. I want to prove her right, not wrong.
“I agree with you, for what it’s worth. Lock shit down here. Show her what she has to come home to when she’s ready.”
“Thanks, Beth.”
She shimmies herself to the edge of the bench and stands. She pats her hand on my arm as she passes me to dispose of her cup in the sink. Beth remains silent until she reaches the front door and puts her jacket on.
“I love you, August. Love yourself enough to let everyone see what I see.”