Chapter 37
I’m cursing every higher being in the sky that could possibly exist, rethinking every half-ass plan I constructed, and questioning just about all of the decisions I’ve ever made that led me to pushing my way through millions of people in the fuck show that is New York City.
Again.
But then it all washes away when I see a flash of black curls abruptly stop in the middle of the busiest crosswalk I’ve found myself in. People crash into my shoulders. I hear muttered words of annoyance at the guy—me—blocking the flow of things. But none of it matters.
Because against all odds, even though it seems virtually impossible, Daisy Stiles, in a puffy yellow coat that I’ve never seen before, is standing in front of me. Too perfect to be true. But she is. This moment here is real.
“Hi.”
“Hi,” she greets me back, almost breathless.
“Get out of the fucking way,” a pedestrian barks, shoulder checking me while blowing by.
“Shit, we should—” I start.
“Get out of the fucking way?” Daisy finishes with a smile on her face that almost knocks me on my ass. I watch fresh tears form on her lash line.
“Come here, darling.” I hold out my arms, and when she crashes into them without a second thought, I realize I could be anywhere in the world, anywhere at all, and if I had Daisy in my arms like this, it would feel like home.
Daisy huddles into me as I lead us both out of the middle of the street. She directs me down a block, and then another until we’re back in a place I actually recognize.
“I’ve come back here every day,” Daisy tells me, gesturing to a bench in Central Park. I let her sit down, and only when she pats the seat next to her do I join her.
“Looking for your friend Bart?” I guess.
“How’d you know?” Daisy laughs while her eyes scan the area, surely still hoping to spot the pigeon.
God, that laugh. It’s been so long since I’ve gotten to hear my favorite sound in the world.
“Because I know you, Daze. Always have.”
“Is that how you knew I was in New York?”
I laugh, because it really is humorous to me that she thought that no matter where she ended up in the world, I wouldn’t find her. I’ve been pulled in Daisy Stiles’s direction for as far back as I want to remember.
“Can’t explain it. I just had a feeling.” I shrug. “Daisy, I just wanna say—”
“I forgive you, you know.”
“You shouldn’t,” I admit.
“That’s not your decision to make.”
I lean towards Daisy, pressing my forehead to hers. I breathe in my favorite kind of flowers, wild and mine at the same time. Always.
There was never going to be a world where Daisy didn’t pull me and I wouldn’t be inexplicably drawn to her. We gave it a good fight, both of our stubborn asses prolonging the inevitable defeat. But giving in feels better than any win in the goddamn universe.
My worn hand cups her soft cheek. My thumb grazes where I know there’s a cloud of pink that’s darkening with every passing second.
My pinky rests on the point of her neck where I feel her heart beating a million miles a minute.
I finally open my eyes to a sea of blue ocean water, the kind that would shock your whole body upon contact.
Those eyes. Fuck.
“Don’t.” The word barely reaches a whisper. If my ears weren’t somehow programmed to hear and recognize that voice anywhere, I’m not sure I would have caught it.
“Don’t?” I breathe. I’m a man of my word. I won’t take anything she’s not willing to offer, but I’m begging. I’ll get on my knees right now to show her how badly I need to kiss her.
I’ve never been so sure of anything in my fucking life. This is it. This is where things work out for me, for her, for us. We finally found ourselves on the same page of this never-ending book. I’m so close to tasting Daisy’s lips, over a decade of waiting has built up to this moment.
But, maybe not. Actually, definitely not, seeing as how her single command has halted me.
The loss of her is immediate when she pulls her head away from mine. Some remaining dormant part of my heart cracks when I see the doubt plastered across that perfect face.
“I—” She closes her mouth. When she opens it again, no sound comes out.
And then she clamps it shut again. I wait for Daisy to finally find that voice of hers again.
“I don’t want you to kiss me if you don’t mean it.
I meant it when I said I forgive you. But I don’t want to give you that part of me if you’re going to run away with it. ”
I shake my head in disbelief, giving myself a minute to pull my thoughts together before I say something stupid. Fucking this up isn’t an option.
“Daisy.” I roughly grab her, pulling her onto my lap to straddle me.
Her body doesn’t fight me in the least, molding to mine so naturally.
Her arms snake around my neck and those dangerous eyes search my face for answers I haven’t made clear enough.
Yet. “I made a promise to you, and I broke it. Smashed it to pieces, actually. And I broke your heart, along with mine, probably in more ways than one. As much as I want to change that, I can’t.
I’ll never be able to give you that first kiss you deserved all those years ago.
But I want to be your last, if you’ll have me. ”
“Is this some grand declaration of love?”
“I don’t know what that’s supposed to look like, if I’m being honest. But if you need me to stand here or get on my knees and tell you and anyone else who can hear that I promise to love you and this baby with everything I have in this heart that I thought died a long time ago, I’ll do it.
I’ll beg to carry your tote bag around every day until my legs don’t hold me up anymore.
I’ll vow to treat Hunter and Chase like my own, because I love them almost as much as I love you.
I’ll insist on putting your towel in the dryer every single time I hear the shower running, so it’s warm when you get out.
I’ll coach soccer or man the camera for every dance recital.
I’ll fight you for the title of our kid’s biggest fan in anything they do.
I’m promising you everything, Daisy. Forever.
And my everything might not be fancy or grand but—”
Lips pressing into mine cut off my train of thought. Daisy’s lips.
Daisy Stiles is kissing me.
It starts off slow and curious. Unfamiliar territory for the both of us.
I take a second to catch up, and then I’m practically mauling her.
I hold her as tight as I can while I take everything I’ve been missing all this time.
She opens for me, and I glide my tongue across hers, desperate to learn and taste every bit of her.
My ears are ringing, and my chest is heaving as I moan into her mouth.
She’s a Sunday morning with raindrops pitter-pattering against the window and you have absolutely no where else to be.
The last first kiss. A promise is a fucking promise.
“August, oh my God, August,” Daisy murmurs. Her palms frame my face. “That was…You…Did you practice that?” she asks, and I laugh.
“No, darling. That was all straight off the dome. Doesn’t make it any less real, and it doesn’t make me unsure in any way. We had time before and we wasted it. I don’t—I can’t do that anymore.”
“You love me?”
My fingers tangle in the curls falling down her back. “I love you. Every damn inch. Love me back, Daze. Can you do that?”
She pinches my cheek. “I’ve tried for over ten years to pretend that what I felt for you was hate instead of love.
I thought if I ever got too close to that flame, it’d burn me to ashes.
And maybe if I gave in sooner, it would have.
Maybe it was never time wasted, just time spent leading up to this moment, right here, right now.
I. Love. You.” A pause in between every word for a kiss.
“Oh, thank fuck,” I say on an exhale, and Daisy giggles. “What’s so funny, Daisy darling?”
“Your mustache tickles.” I pull away from her face, but she drags me back to her. “No! I love it.”
“I love you,” I tell her again.
“You’re going soft on me, Gussy.”
I’m not gentle when I nip at her neck. She digs her nails into my back in answer. “Teasing me like that only gets me hard, Daze. You know that.”
She grinds her hips into me, and I’m sure as shit she’s feeling how not soft I am right now. God, I’ve missed her.
“I have to tell you something. It’s my last secret,” she says into the sensitive crook of my neck.
My world spins, but I don’t get dizzy. I know that no matter what she admits right now, nothing will change. I love Daisy for everything she is, flaws and all. Because I know she loves me right fucking back in the same dark and twisted sort of way. I rub her arms up and down.
“Lemme hear it, Daze.”
She leans back to be eye-level with me. “You never broke your promise,” she says in a hushed tone. She closes her eyes. “That was…I’ve never been kissed. Until now. Until you.”
“But…” I search her face for any hint of a joke I’m missing or a piece to the puzzle I lost somewhere along the way. This doesn’t make sense. She hasn’t—She couldn’t.
“How?”
Those blue eyes slowly open back up for me, and I know to my bones she’s giving me a truth in the form of an honor I’ll carry for the rest of my life.
“Everything else was taken without my permission.”
The blood in my veins turns to ice at the mention of her past. I’ve never wanted to single-handedly change anything more. But I keep my face neutral. Daisy isn’t a victim. She’s a survivor, and I’ll treat her as such.
“This was my one thing that I got to keep and protect and hold onto. I got to be the one to give it away. I picked you, August. I picked you then, and I pick you now. I’m so fucking glad I waited.”
She buries her face in my neck, and I hold her while quiet sobs wrack her body.
She’s not looking for a response, so I don’t offer one, just a place for her to let everything out.
I feel tears spilling out of my own eyes.
It’s a new feeling I’m still getting used to.
I never want to let her go, and I wait until she’s ready to pull back.
“I’m sorry for crying all over your shirt,” she says after sniffling.
“Oh, this?” Without thinking, I reach my right arm over my shoulder and grab at the fabric on my back, swiftly pulling the long sleeve tee over my head, tossing it on the ground.
Passersby whoop around us.
Her palms run up and down my bare chest. Daisy traces a few of my tattoos and then her fingers grasp the hair there and starts kissing a trail all the way up my neck. I moan when her lips meet mine again. This is something I’m going to have a lot of fun and take my time getting used to.
“I take back my apology. I’m glad the shirt’s gone,” she says in between kisses.
We probably look ridiculous. I don’t give a single fuck about any of the people around us. I don’t care that it’s definitely not warm enough to be without a shirt. The biggest city in the world and it feels like we’re the only two who exist.
“Daisy?” I prompt.
“Yeah?”
“So, here’s the thing. I didn’t know how this was gonna go. You very well could have told me to go fuck myself, and I would have. But I didn’t book a hotel in case I had to run back to Merrymount with my tail between my legs. So.”
“I’ve been blowing through my savings staying in a hotel a couple blocks in that direction.” She tilts her head. “But the truth is, I don’t want to stay in the city another night. I want to go home. I’m sick of looking up at lights.”
“Home?” I ask.
“Merrymount. Wherever you and the stars are. That’s my home, August.”
“Say less. Let’s go pack your bags, baby. We’re outta here.”
“Oh, they’re packed and sitting by the door. We’re ready to go.” Daisy’s hand rests on her belly.
I place mine on top of hers, remembering how it felt to feel the twins move inside Margot, now knowing it’s my baby inside Daisy.
“It’s still pretty early,” Daisy whispers. She remains quiet, probably trying to not freak me out.
“I’ll feel kicks first from the inside. It hasn’t happened yet.” My eyes shoot up to meet hers with worry. “Totally normal!” she assures me.
“What have I missed?” I ask.
Daisy leans her head into my chest and I feel her laugh. “Not much, to be honest. A lot of me gagging, but not puking. That would give me some relief. She’s not too keen on making things easy for me.”
“She?” I croak. I’m holding back a wave of tears right now.
“Oh!” Daisy pulls back. “I—We don’t know yet. I just…It’s dumb, really. I’ll be happy with either, obviously I just want them to be healthy and happy but…”
“You’re hoping for a girl?” I question, letting a teardrop escape from my eye and slide down my face.
“Yes,” she exhales while wiping the tear with her thumb. “I’d love a daughter, August. I can picture her and everything. A part of me wonders if it’s intuition, or if I’m just crazy.”
“You might be crazy, but you’re never wrong. You’re growing our daughter in there, Daze?” I press my forehead into hers again. I haven’t moved my hand from hers, with no plans to do so.
She nods against me, tears spilling down both of our faces now. “I think so.”
“Then I gotta get my girls home.”