Chapter 36
36
Where did you get to last night? I missed saying goodbye. I’m at the airport ready for my flight home boo!
I was wide awake when Liv messaged me later that night. I saw my phone light up and for a crazy moment thought it might be Jake asking to talk. I couldn’t face telling Liv what happened between us so I just replied to say I’d call her when I got back to London. I really didn’t want to, though. I definitely wasn’t up to hearing a ‘told you so’.
The night had passed with me staring at the ceiling or the clock, and then it was time to get ready for my early flight, and panic set in because Jake and I were meant to be travelling to the airport together. Plus we’d be sitting in neighbouring pods for the flight home.
How the hell was I meant to face him after our argument at the party?
Slowly, feeling like a zombie, I threw my things into my suitcase, annoyed with myself for napping with Jake yesterday when I should have been packing, and then I had a lightning-fast shower. I tried really hard not to think about him while I stood under the hot water but how could I forget our steamy shower together? I cursed the man for being so hot. I knew it would be a long time before I forgot how his touch had driven me crazy. Or how much of a wrench it had been to leave his embrace. How good his arms felt around me. How much his kisses had thrilled me. And how when he’d looked at me, the rest of the world had disappeared. He’d made me feel things I wasn’t sure I’d ever feel in real life. The stuff of a romance novel.
Or so I had believed at the time.
It had all been fleeting, though. It was gone in a flash. Pulled away from me like ripping the duvet off a bed when it’s time to change the sheets.
And now I was back to believing romance was officially dead. And I’d never find the kind of love I read about in books.
Maybe I had been right after all – it just didn’t exist.
My hair was still damp as I pulled on a dress and boots and packed my hand luggage but I didn’t care. I went down to the lobby in a daze, checking out at reception then walking towards the doors to wait for Jake and the car I’d booked to take us to the airport. I sighed under my breath though when I saw Hayley sitting in one of the chairs with her laptop. She waved me over as soon as she saw me. How did she look so perky at this time and after the party as well?
‘I was waiting to see you and Jake before you leave… Ah, there he is.’ She waved over my shoulder. I tried not to but I looked back and my eyes met Jake’s briefly. His face was expressionless so I kept mine the same. He reached my side and I forced myself to keep my gaze on Hayley although I desperately wanted to know if he was looking at me. ‘I’ve arranged the meeting with your publishers, Jake, and added it both to your calendars. I’ll need you there, Freya, in case they want any information about the conference before I got here. Get as much rest as you can once you get back so you both can be on your A games in that meeting. I will get you a great deal, Jake, after the success here.’ Hayley smiled with satisfaction. ‘Hadn’t you both better be getting to the airport?’
I shook myself out of my trance and glanced at my phone. ‘Yes, the car has arrived – it’s waiting for us outside. I’ll see you back in the office then, Hayley,’ I said, my heart sinking at the thought of having to go to this meeting with them both. I kind of hoped I wouldn’t have to see Jake for a long time once we were back in London. No such luck.
Hayley just nodded then went back to working on her laptop.
I glanced awkwardly at Jake. ‘Okay then.’
‘We should go,’ he replied.
‘Yep,’ I said and I set off for the hotel doors, feeling Jake close behind me. My body felt so attuned to him after all the intimate time we’d spent together. It seemed so strange to feel so distant from him now.
Outside, the driver of our car took our bags and then held the door open. I slid across the leather seat and Jake sat beside me, instantly pulling out his phone. So, I turned to look out of the window, wishing his scent wasn’t as appealing as it was. We set off for the airport and the journey reminded me of the one here. I had planned to be super professional with Jake. That had failed completely but I was determined to not fail this time. I didn’t want him to think I was at all bothered by what had happened. Was this a little bit childish? Perhaps. But we needed to go back to how we used to be otherwise Hayley was going to smell a rat, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to let him derail my career now.
As we drove out of the city, my heart felt heavy with having to leave New York. I had loved being here. I wished it wasn’t now tainted with memories of me and Jake but I vowed I’d return one day and replace them with better ones. I watched as the skyscrapers rolled past the window; the morning sun was just becoming visible in gaps between the imposing buildings, casting a pale glow over the city. Jake had dulled my shine at seeing New York on the way here with his grumpy attitude, and now beside me again, he was doing exactly the same thing. And it pissed me off.
Jake cleared his throat then. ‘How do you feel about Hayley wanting you at this meeting?’
Involuntarily, my head turned around. He was looking at me and the sudden eye contact made my breath hitch.
‘I know things are…’ For a second, his confidence seemed to fail him and he trailed off before clearing his throat again. ‘But it would be good for your career, wouldn’t it?’
‘I didn’t think you’d care about my career now,’ I replied. I shrugged. ‘But yes, I have no choice. And we have to get back to being professional with each other so we might as well start as soon as possible,’ I said, turning back to the window.
There was a short silence. ‘Okay.’
We didn’t speak for the rest of the journey to the airport. I ached with wanting to erase our argument but even if we could get past what happened last night, I wasn’t sure there was any point. My career needed to be my focus now. We were miles apart even next to each other in this car, and that made me hold back from reaching out to him either literally or figuratively. Maybe Jake felt the same way as he didn’t make any attempts to speak to me either.
Once at the airport, we got out, grabbed our bags and made our way through all the checks to the first-class lounge. It was still early and the airport was quiet, which suited me as my head ached. I grabbed coffee and a pastry and sat down, hoping I could sleep on the flight.
Jake went to the buffet and when he came over, hovered near my table, unsure whether to join me or not. I stayed silent as I watched, wondering what he was going to do. Jake started towards me then but he didn’t see there was a slight bump where the lino floor turned into carpet tiles and his shoes caught the line. He tripped forward, the tray shook and as if it was happening in slow motion, it slipped out of his hands, sending the coffee, plate of scrambled eggs, sausage, bacon and beans, and the pot of fruit and yoghurt all over the floor, shattering the plates and the cup, and even though Jake managed to right himself and stop falling to the floor along with it all, he did get splashed by the baked beans.
Everyone in the lounge looked over at the noise.
Jake cried out ‘fuck’ as his trousers got covered in food. And I bit my lip hard to stop myself from laughing. The sight of Jake like this was priceless, though. I had embarrassed myself spectacularly in front of him on the way here and miraculously, the universe was throwing me a bone for once and this time, it was him.
Jake looked at me biting my lip. ‘Don’t say anything,’ he growled before turning and half-running for the toilets. A member of staff came over to clear up the mess with an annoyed titter. I turned away and let out a snort. We had talked about my falling over in front of him as a meet-cute situation. Things could have been very different if we’d just met this morning. I would have likely swooned at meeting someone so good-looking and equally as clumsy and chaotic as me.
But I knew this was an anomaly. Jake wasn’t like me.
Still, I would remember this moment and if I felt sad about us ending whatever had started in New York, this would help.
If only just a little bit.
* * *
The flight from New York to London was a parallel of the flight from London to New York. Jake and I sat in our separate pods and did our own thing for the hours spent in the sky. Before our trip, I didn’t know that Jake could be different to the man I thought he was when we first met. Back then, he said he was bitter from his dad’s betrayal, and I completely understood why. Like me wondering if love was all a lie, Jake had thought love was real and then that belief had been shattered. By the person closest to him. It had made him cold, reserved, stand-offish even.
But in New York, he had finally been honest with me and himself, then his readers. All of that felt completely pointless now because when I looked over at him on the plane, he had shut down again. Maybe I had just imagined him changing. Or it had happened but after our agreement, he had gone back into his hard shell?
Jake closed up his pod soon after take-off so I couldn’t even glance over to see what he was doing. I tried to sleep or watch a film on my screen but I was too restless for either. I couldn’t even enjoy first class the second time around.
When the plane started its descent to Heathrow, Jake opened his pod and put his seatbelt on without looking over at me. That told me he hadn’t been thinking about me on the flight like I had been thinking about him. I put my seatbelt on, looked out at the fluffy clouds over London and resolved to put him out of my mind. I would think of him as someone I had had a fun holiday fling with, and that was it.
‘You are a good girl, aren’t you, Freya?’
I shook my head to try to clear it of dirty thoughts about our time in my hotel bed. Great sex didn’t equal a great relationship, did it?
The plane dipped again and the approach to Heathrow began. I breathed a sigh of relief that soon, I would be off this plane and back in my room in my flat, far away from Jake. And when I next saw him, it would be for work, and I needed to go back to being just professional with him.
And not think about being in Jake’s arms ever again.