Chapter 15
That Thing You Do
“Lizzy, I need you to do that thing you do so well.”
“What is that, Jane?”
“Talk to Mr Jameson for me.”
Elizabeth stared at Jane in consternation. “You must be more specific. The gentleman has called on you for 7 weeks. I like and respect him very much, and his situation is felicitous. You are doing well. What in the world could I possibly talk to him about?”
The ladies sat comfortably ensconced in the Gardiners’ drawing room in Cheapside, after a good breakfast, a romp with the Gardiner children, and an hour on the lawn in the warm March sunshine.
Jane lowered her gaze. “I do not know how to say this, Lizzy. You remember the rage cannonball you fired when that other so-called gentleman left me in Meryton?”
Not liking the direction, Elizabeth quietly said, “I suppose. Our parents are still recovering. Do you regret it?”
“Of course not! It was exactly what I needed to do at the time, and it produced the correct result.”
“What are you saying? Speak plainly, Jane.”
“After I chastised our parents within an inch of their lives, I felt happy… truly happy. Complete. I was… I cannot say what… perhaps vindicated. In a way, it made the whole situation easy. I had been a good girl who did as I was told, always did my best, always… well, you understand. That rage meant I could blame all the world’s problems on our parents. ”
Elizabeth took her hand. “And now?”
“Now I realise that, at 22, I have never truly taken responsibility for my actions. I enjoyed 5 minutes as a wolf after a lifetime as a sheep.”
Elizabeth frowned and spoke heatedly. “You are the only one who kept us sane in that household. You were the eldest, the peacemaker, the better part of all our characters. You have never said an unkind word in your life. We all depended on you—probably to an unfair extent, and to our own detriment.”
“And yet what did that gain us? Being the peacemaker in the family did nothing but allow Lydia and Kitty to run rampant, because I, and you in later years, always smoothed things over. Ignoring our mother’s worst suggestions and working to minimise the damage her gossip created merely encouraged her, like a spoilt child who was never disciplined.
I think all this has done more harm than good. ”
Alarm, perhaps even anger, rose in Elizabeth.
“Your deportment and behaviour were set in stone when you were a small child. Perhaps now you should be thinking about it, but punishing yourself for the way you lived the rest of your life is unfair and unhelpful. Kitty and Lydia are fine now. Your set-down was a reckoning for them, and they are both growing into admirable young ladies—slowly and unevenly, mind you—but relentlessly. I will assert that you said just the right thing at just the right time, and there can be no two opinions on the subject.”
“But there can be! That phrase is overused. There could be dozens of opinions.”
“I will admit precisely 2: mine and wrong.”
Jane gave a little laugh, and Elizabeth was happy to see her humour restored just a little.
“Let us return to my point. There is another in our family with a talent for saying just the right thing at just the right time.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean Mary and William’s incredibly successful marriage. During the preparations for the wedding, we saw her fall in love with her husband right before our eyes, yes?”
“Of course, but I cannot pretend good intent or special knowledge of what might have happened. I do not count it among my proudest moments. I manipulated the poor man. I treated him ill and disrespectfully from the moment he arrived until his proposal. It is a testament to his fundamental good character that he does not hold it against me. I would if I were him.”
“So, if I asked our brother his opinion of your actions, he would agree that you did the wrong thing, but it coincidentally worked out as it ought, so all is forgiven?”
“It is not a subject I would discuss.”
Jane poked Elizabeth’s knee until her sister raised her eyes.
“With respect to William at least, I am nowhere near as timid. They visited London in February, and I asked him directly, in plain English.”
“You did not!”
“I did!”
Elizabeth blushed. “What is his opinion?”
Jane took her hands. “He told me that, even if you did the right thing for all the wrong reasons, he would be happy. A man so violently in love with his wife as he is with Mary would be happy for any situation with such a good outcome—but he strongly denied it was so.”
“How so?”
“Right or wrong, Lizzy, our new brother believes you have a natural affinity for such things. You recognised that he and Mary would do well, despite a dearth of tangible evidence in favour of that outcome. All you had was Mary saying she was interested. You recognised that he was in a stubborn mood and would need strong persuasion in the right direction, but not strong enough to break him. He believes he acted badly, but you did the right thing to bring about the correct outcome. He thinks you can fool yourself all you want to, but you have a talent that was well applied. It is a skill you possess that others lack. You have the ability to see to the heart of relationships and understand what is missing. Perhaps it is part and parcel with your mathematical ability.”
Elizabeth shook her head vigorously. “Suppose you throw 10 numbered stones on the ground, put grain on each, and ask a chicken to pick the answer to 2+3. It would be right 10% of the time, the same as a stopped clock is right twice a day. That is all I did. He could just as easily be married to Charlotte Lucas or Louisa Goulding now, if we depended on me to set things right. If I were as clever as you think, I would have dissuaded him from proposing in the first place, or advised you better about that other so-called gentleman.”
“I do not repent the loss of that unnamed man. That was a bad fate narrowly avoided… but it left me… well—”
“Left you what?”
“I should not tell you this—”
“Then do not.”
“No! I need to. You see… I am left… damaged… timid… unsure of myself. With that other man, I acted exactly as a lady is taught to act. I did not flirt or show overt signs of my regard, assuming he could see them. Now I see that may have hurt me, but I still have difficulty believing in my… worthiness.”
“Bite your tongue, Miss Jane Bennet! You are the worthiest woman I know.”
“Perhaps, but sisterly affection more likely clouds your vision. However, that brings us to Mr Jameson.”
Elizabeth did not like the topic in the least but seemed unable to stop it.
She whispered resignedly, “Go on.”
“He was engaged a few months before I met him.”
Elizabeth started at the news. “What happened?”
Pain crossed Jane’s face; whether from embarrassment or some other emotion, Elizabeth could not guess.
“Her father overheard her speaking to another woman. She said outright that she had seduced him, but was accepting him only for his position in life. His intended boasted that she would not necessarily feel the need to be faithful once she had done her duty by producing an heir.”
Elizabeth stared in consternation.
Jane continued calmly. “He is not gentry, but he is a successful tradesman. He is well off, and he expects to buy an estate someday. The situation resembles that of another man we once knew, except that Mr Jameson earned his own success. His intended was only thinking of him for what he could give her.”
Elizabeth stared in horror. “What happened?”
“Her father broke the engagement. I do not know what happened to the lady, but doubt it was pleasant. Mr Jameson accepted the change quietly, which I think was generous of him. His reputation and his confidence were damaged, while the guilty party’s remained mostly intact, since crying off an engagement is one of the few privileges women have.
He was harmed by her attitude but did not have it in him to be vindictive. ”
Elizabeth took her hands. “So, you have two people, both recently abandoned and—”
“And both unable to move past our hurt. We both like each other, and likely more, but neither of us can get past this barrier of unreasonable fear. We cannot get to the next step, so we muddle along betwixt and between.”
Elizabeth sat back and considered it for some time.
“Are you certain this is not merely two people carrying identical hurts and hoping two wrongs make a right? How can you expect to solve the next big problem in your life if you must run to your sister for help?”
“I am not certain of anything. I know only that I cannot manage to start the conversation we need. Perhaps a better analogy would be a broken leg. I would expect someone with a broken leg to be as strong as ever in time, but not if they disdain a crutch while they heal.”
“So, I am to be your crutch?”
“Please, Lizzy!”
Elizabeth thought a few minutes more before she reluctantly grumbled, “All right. I do not like it, and I think it is officious interference at best… but… I will try! I promise nothing.”
Jane jumped across the sofa and hugged her sister, who stared at the floor, wondering what she had got herself into.
“Tell me about your Mr Jameson. You have been surprisingly short of candour and detail in your letters.”
Jane coloured. “I trust you, Lizzy, but I do not trust everyone at Longbourn. I did not want rumours floating around Meryton, and you know as well as I do that the privacy of your letters can never be assumed.”
Elizabeth nodded morosely, then shook off her feelings; it was time to get to work.
“You met him at an assembly some weeks ago, correct?”
“He was in a corner with a scowl that could challenge your Mr Darcy.”
“How can you put those three words together in a conversation, let alone a sentence? He is far from my Mr Darcy. I barely know the man, and I am not enamoured of the part I do know.”
“If you say so. He did stare at you a great deal.”
“Stop trying to deflect. So, he looked uncomfortable?”
“I must confess, he attracted me almost immediately,” Jane admitted sheepishly.