Chapter 48
Raging Waters
“Jane, can I presume that you are in love with your groom as a wife should be in love with her husband?” Elizabeth asked as she dressed her sister’s hair.
The bride had acceded to some of her mother’s wishes by allowing herself to be paraded around the neighbourhood for a week in exchange for one promise.
On her wedding day, she would have a light repast with her family in the morning and lock herself in her room with Elizabeth.
The sisters were not to be disturbed by maids or matrons, family or friends, sisters or misters.
Even Mary was banned. This last morning belonged entirely to the very last bit of sisterly conversation they would ever have before Jane changed from maiden to madam.
They had already bathed, and the young women sat at their dressing table for the last time while Elizabeth fixed Jane’s hair in a simple yet elegant arrangement.
The simplicity matched their shared aesthetic sensibilities, not to mention Elizabeth’s extremely limited skills, so it all answered as it should.
In the mirror, Jane met her sister’s eye and asked impertinently, “We seem to be looking at each other in the same mirror. How does it feel?”
Elizabeth laughed. “I think I might hit the colonel with a stick next time I see him.”
“Why a stick? You used that expression several times in the last month, but I swear you never used it once in your life before Rosings.”
Elizabeth sighed, searched her mind for the number of times she had used the expression, and was surprised by its frequency.
“I confess, I had it from Mr Darcy, who had it from a tenant. We theorise that a stick is the right compromise between a willow switch and a rock. He said… that if he could go back in time to the Meryton Assembly, he would beat his younger self with a stick.”
Jane laughed gaily. “You seem to have acquired many things from your time at Rosings.”
“I suppose so. We also have Anne. Can you believe I at first thought you two did not like each other? You have been like two peas in a pod. I imagine she disclosed the two-people-in-a-mirror story.”
“Not all of it… only the lesson.”
Elizabeth sighed, but brightened. “Let me tell you another thing I acquired with Anne. We have a rule for questions. When people try to distract from answering a question by asking another, we put the original question in reserve and eventually work our way back to demanding an answer.”
Jane smiled. “I have no objection to answering. Yes, I love my groom more than I can possibly describe. Something fundamental has shifted inside me.”
Elizabeth studied their joined reflections. “What is it like?”
Jane considered a moment, as if to get the right answer, or at least identify the right question. “What is it you want? Do you want to know what it is like after the transition, before, or during?”
“All of it, of course. We have an hour.”
Jane laughed at the sheer lunacy of reducing her roiling thoughts and emotions to a mere hour, sat a minute in thought, and began. “Do you remember when we watched the dam fail at the Palmerston farm?”
“I remember Papa’s thrashing after we watched it.” Elizabeth laughed. “You would almost think we were in some danger.”
Jane chuckled; she remembered the experience very differently. She had been terrified, while Elizabeth was thrilled. At the time, Jane considered their position beneath a tall oak a few hundred yards from a failing dam, and decided to allow her sister the thrill, despite her own fears.
“You remember that a small section fell out of the top first, and water started rushing through. It ate away at the earth, and each time it carried more away, the tear grew bigger and bigger.”
“It is called a cascade. The rate of erosion increases with each increase in the flow, which causes even more flow, which causes even more erosion, until the entire dam collapses. It is lucky it was not a very big one and there was not much below it to be damaged.”
“For me, falling in love was like that,” Jane replied with a wistful smile. “When you came through London, we were at the point where the dam might well have held. The water stood right at the top, but the rain was abating. You dug the first ditch across the dam with your little boxes.”
Elizabeth shook her head. “You overestimate my usefulness. The dam was doomed from the start. I might have dug a trench on one side, but the other side might just as well have failed a week or two later anyway.”
Jane had no wish to argue the point again.
“Whether it would have or not is unimportant. Once we passed the threshold, the water started running, and from there it gradually wore down our fear, apprehensions, and confusion. Keep in mind that I was fighting not only my abandonment by that man, but years of Mama’s expectations and a hidden fear that I might repeat her example.
That dam collapsed in less than an hour, but it might just as well have taken a week or stopped eroding altogether. ”
She paused a moment. “I think for some people, the entire dam fails all at once, and for others, the flow wears it down until there is nothing left, with no big event to mark the change from not in love to in love. For us, there was just one day when we both knew. After that, it seemed like nothing would ever be the same again.”
Elizabeth smiled. “I am truly happy for you.”
“And you, Lizzy? Is the dam you furiously repair every day beginning to show signs of damage?”
Elizabeth closed her eyes to examine her feelings and give a clear answer.
At long last, she met her sister’s gaze in the mirror. “I do not know if it is doomed, but… in some ways… well… there might be a trickle of water flowing over the top, but I have no idea how strong the dam is.”
Jane smiled radiantly. “That is good news. I know it is confusing and frightening, but it is worth the turmoil. After you meet again in October, you will finally be at peace. You can work towards love, or away from it, but you will at least know. Until then, enjoy your summer of freedom and your trip to the Lakes. It might be your last.”
They laughed far more than the jest called for, and all was right with the world.
“May I presume to advise you for once, Lizzy?”
“I would find it refreshing. Lately, everyone seems to want my interference, and it is—I am not complaining, mind you—but sometimes it is… fatiguing.”
“Sometimes a dam gets damaged, half the water flows out until it reaches a new level, and all is done. You have a dam half what it was, but it might stay half a dam forever. Do not do that, I beg of you. We once swore we would only marry for the deepest love. If you never find yourself in that state, then do not marry that particular beau. If, after a year, you find yourself not in love, then put the whole thing out of its misery and start anew somewhere else, older and wiser.”
Elizabeth stared down. “What if I cannot, Jane? It is my greatest fear. What if I am not capable? We both know there is something different about my head. Whether it is not quite right, or merely different, is a matter of conjecture, but you cannot deny the difference.”
“Hypatia was different. Agamede was different. Michelangelo was different. I would have you no other way.”
Elizabeth hugged her sister.
“Does your Mr Darcy know about this difference?”
“Yes.”
“He might be cleverer than he appears, if he inferred all that.”
“He is cleverer than we gave him credit for, but it was unnecessary. I told him the entire story at Rosings, warts and all. He called Charlotte’s plan medieval.”
Jane smirked. “The man I saw in Gracechurch Street was repentant, but he was most assuredly not intimidated. The man who called on Papa was not afraid. The man who repaid every possible debt of civility is not overly proud. If you have not scared him off yet, it cannot be done.”
“He is not afraid, but that does not necessarily mean his dam has collapsed, or that mine will follow.”
“We shall see in a few months. I reserve the right to say I told you so.”
They laughed, and decided they had better return to their task if Jane was to be the happiest woman in Meryton in a few short hours.