Chapter 9
NINE
LUCAS
Steam filled the bathroom, forcing the mirror to become foggy with condensation as all three of us stepped inside the large walk-in shower.
Years before, when Aspen and Ryder had first moved into this house, I had wondered why the bathroom was so large for just the two of them. Sure, with our rank in the Marines, housing with luxuries wasn’t uncommon by any means—either provided or built. But from a friend’s eyes, it still felt unbelievably excessive and I had given the poor man a lot of shit for his choices.
Ryder and I both gently nudged our girl into the shower, each delicately supporting her weight. Like the assholes we were, it would be our luck for our girl to tip over and fall into the glass or tile. Everyone wanted a tall, beefy man, until they realized the exact amount of space they took up. Let alone the two of them.
I made a mental note to myself to apologize to Ryder about the shower bullying. I certainly wasn’t complaining anymore.
Aspen stared at the tile in a daze. In complete honesty, I was surprised she had even let us take her to the shower to take care of her. If I had been in her shoes, I would have gone into a coma. She was properly and utterly worn out, and while I vowed to myself to treat her nothing short of a queen, I also felt like showing off my feathers like a peacock.
I kept that tidbit of information to myself, though. Knowing Aspen, she would have smacked me upside the head. Probably Ryder, too, for even being in the same room as me.
Tiredly, she mumbled, “You don’t need to treat me as fragile,” and we both chuckled together. It was cute that she thought she had a choice in the matter.
“Shut up, angel,” Ryder said, placing a delicate kiss to the side of her head.
Watching them didn’t even feel intrusive, like it had in the past.
It felt like I was present, without a care in the world.
God, I was a ruined man already.
As we let the hot spray of water cover us all, I grabbed the dark green loofa from one of their designated shower hooks, as well as the soap bottle that held little illustrations of cherries and flowers, before kneeling before her and beginning to lather the soap into my skin. Her body, mostly, took the brunt of the water, with the tiles taking the rest.
The cold air hit my back, forcing goosebumps along my skin, but it didn’t bother me in the slightest.
Looking up, I watched as Ryder held nothing but complete and utter love in his gaze, all the while lathering shampoo into Aspen’s hair. I suppressed the emotion in my throat and switched to massaging soap onto her other leg, ensuring an even distribution on her calves, just as bubbles started falling on the tile beneath us from Ryder rinsing the suds out of her hair.
Aspen finally spoke and both of us snapped our attention to her face. “What does this mean, guys?”
I looked at Ryder, the emotion coming back into my face. I was always good at putting on a face of bravery during a mission —like tonight. But my best friend still knew me, as I knew him. He read it easily and nodded his head.
He wanted this to be a thing, too. He didn’t want this to end tonight.
I didn’t think any of us did.
But this was new for Aspen. Hell—it was new for all of us, but she held the power at the end of the day. If she wanted to pull the plug on it all and go back to Ryder, she could easily take a morning contraceptive and we would move on with our lives.
I would respect that, too. It was her choice.
I loved her like family. If she would let me in, I would love her more, but my respect for her, her relationship, her health, and more was of my utmost priority right now.
Ryder sighed and went back to tending to her hair. He reached for the bottle of conditioner and began lathering it into the ends of her hair next, finger combing all the knots from our activities out of her scalp. I nearly wanted to pout.
She looked good with sex hair.
“Let’s talk about that tomorrow, angel. We’re all tired. Nothing is gonna be decided tonight, okay?”
She frowned slightly and a pang hit my chest. The insecurities and doubts whooshed in. After a few moments though—her savoring Ryder and mine’s touch as he massaged the base of her scalp and I moved to the top of her thighs—she nodded her head. “Okay, baby.”
My face pinched as I stood up, groaning myself this time.
I was getting old. It felt like my joints needed W-40.
I had one more year in my contract with the Marines—the same as Ryder—and I had already debated retiring, rather than renewing for another term. Regardless of how much I loved serving for our country, my body could only take so much. Though, as it often goes when you serve, you question the lines of when is enough, and if you’re truly at your limit or not.
It felt like I was officially reaching mine, though.
And more than that—if Aspen decided this is truly what she wanted—I would be choosing her and our child without a second doubt in my mind. And, from our conversation earlier, I knew Ryder was in the exact same boat as me.
Aspen opened her eyes at the sound that left my lips, and a look of concern filled her face as she stared at the both of us.
I tried my hardest to ignore it, though.
Receiving her caring analysis felt like too much until I knew how she wanted to proceed.
Moving the soap to her abdomen and chest, I rubbed both hands against her front as Ryder moved behind her, taking the brunt of the water as he took care of her back. I couldn’t help but pay special attention to her stomach, though.
In the back of my mind, I knew it would likely take a few tries for anything to happen. The human body was truly one of science, and while miracles were more than possible, I knew better.
But a part of me couldn’t help but hope for it.
This entire night started with the notion that Ryder wanted to become a dad, but as time continued, I think I realized I wanted it just as much.
Finally, as we decided Aspen was clean, the both of us went to clean ourselves up, only to be stopped by a gentle hand on both of our stomachs. Aspen reached for the soap herself and began taking care of us, in tandem, exactly as we took care of her.
Of course, dirty thoughts entered my mind.
Especially as she got down on her knees in front of the both of us.
I had to stifle my groan as I fought the thoughts back. Definitely not the time.
Finally, as we all found ourselves clean, we got out of the shower and towel dried before walking over to the bed. Aspen looked at it and us hesitantly, wondering how to broach the topic of us all sleeping together. I was thankful Ryder broke the silence that clouded all three of us. “In the middle, baby girl. Let us both hold you tonight.”
She smiled and repeated the same words from earlier, though happier this time. “Okay, baby.”
Even with her happy answer, the insecurities of never repeating this night plagued me. And as we all laid down, exhausted and closing my eyes, I couldn’t help but ask, “Did you have fun?”
Aspen snorted, and one of my eyes popped open as I stared at her. She was firmly in between the two of us, somehow wrapped in Ryder’s arms while her legs were intertwined with mine. The sound was far from ladylike, and yet amused me all the same. In a mocking tone—likely to poke fun at Ryder—she leaned up to grab the large throw blanket at the end of the bed and muttered, “Let’s talk about it tomorrow.”
I chuckled.
She was lucky I was in my aftercare mentality, or I would have spanked her again and demanded an answer out of her mouth. Though, instead, Ryder and I both watched as she quickly fell asleep, completely and utterly at peace.
And I couldn’t help but long for something more, myself, yet again.
I nearly jumped out of my skin as Ryder’s voice sounded in the small kitchen, breaking me from my thoughts. “Can’t sleep?”
I hummed and brought the glass of water to my lips. “Apparently not.”
Truth be told, I was surprised that I wasn’t able to sleep. I was completely and utterly exhausted. The bags under my eyes felt like they were carrying groceries themself, and it only made the ache blooming throughout my skull worse.
I looked at the stovetop clock, reading 0400 hours, and looked back at Ryder, eyebrow quirking. “Why the hell are you awake so early?”
“Habit.” He shrugged.
“Mmhmm. And why are you in…jeans and a winter coat? Are you bailing out on your girl already?”
He rolled his eyes, moving to lean leisurely against the wall directly across from me. “Not even funny.”
I snorted, bringing the water to my mouth again.
It was all fun jabs, at the end of the day.
I knew he wasn’t going anywhere. Not like that.
He filled the silence once more. “I’m gonna go get my girl some Christmas gifts. Do you wanna come?”
The thoughts in my head went eerily quiet. “You’re…inviting me…to Christmas shop?”
He paused. “Yeah? Is that weird?”
“You’re inviting me to Christmas shop for your girlfriend, at four in the morning, after I just fucked the daylight out of her.”
“Correct.”
I wanted to rub my temples so bad. This was truly so much to process in the span of twelve hours. “I don’t know what I’m doing, bro.”
“What? Not making me call you Daddy?”
I glared at him. He was so not fucking helpful. I assumed my expression truly did convey the conflict I was feeling, because he shrugged off the wall and walked towards me. I breathed in deeply as his expression turned firm, and even allowed him to hold the back of my neck firmly, possessing me.
He had done this many times before, when I needed a pep-talk in the field. That time felt far more intimate, though, in the dark quiet of his kitchen.
“We’re good. Our friendship is good. Our girl is good. Get your head out of your ass.”
A piece of vulnerability tore through me. Without Aspen here, I felt like I could say it to him. It was easier coming off my chest when I knew it wouldn’t put pressure on her. “She could reject us, man.”
“She won’t.”
“How do you know that?”
“I just do. When you love someone as much as I love her, you know things you probably shouldn’t and you know the exact choices they’re about to make before they even make them. I know her. If she wasn’t even considering it, she wouldn’t have let you touch her at all.”
I breathed in deep again. His words helped the panic swirling around in my head. A part of me was pissed off that he was always so good at that. “And…our baby?”
“The angel sleeping upstairs or the hypothetical?”
I groaned. “You know what I’m fucking talking about.”
He cracked a smile. “We’ll figure it out. Now, quit fucking moping in my kitchen. Either go get some clothes so I can shove your ass around inside a store, or go cuddle our girl.”
I debated it for a moment.
Probably more than a moment.
Finally, when Ryder’s patience for me was beginning to run thin, I asked, “Where the fuck do we find Christmas presents on Christmas morning, in the middle of the night?”
His eyebrow quirked as he finally let me go, moving to grab his truck keys from the hook on the wall. “Hell if I fucking know.”
I laughed, one of genuine, friendly fun as I went in search to find a jacket.
And…pants.