Chapter 8 Zachariah
Zachariah
It's game day, the second of the season. Our last game went better than we expected; I played my damn heart out. But despite the fact that I have been putting in the work, showing up every day and the Timber Wolves have been undefeated for two years, I still don’t have any offers yet.
I’m actually only one of the few in our school who have expressed serious plans for football in the future, doing everything needed to walk that path, but for some reason it's not giving me the outcome I expected by now and something about the fact that I still have no offers makes me feel on edge.
I mean, I’ve been chatting with college coaches and scouts all summer.
Hell, I’ve been in conversations with some of the best college coaches since sophomore year, even.
But I don’t have a single wind of interest my way.
I’m not doing something right and I don’t know what it is.
It scares me. I’ve been doing this for as long as I can remember.
And if I don’t have football, I don’t know what I have. I have nothing.
When CPS took me from my birth mom all those years ago, they wrote down in the reports that I only requested to take one thing with me.
A little blue Nerf football. In all honesty, I truly believe I picked it up at the store one day, being three and all, and my mom didn’t blink an eye as we walked out of the store with the unpaid merchandise; mine and hers.
I can’t really remember that far back to prove that claim but for some reason the story just sounds right.
Either way, my love for the sport began at a really young age.
I wasn’t able to play until the summer after fourth grade, where Brayden and I got put into flag football together.
He had already been playing for a year or two before me, but it was my first time and I knew from the moment they handed me my first set of flags, I’d never want to do anything else with my life.
And now, I don’t know what I’ll do if I’m not able to play college ball. I guess there is still time, so I’m trying not to be too hard on myself about it. But I can’t help but worry because I don’t really have a backup plan if this doesn’t work out. That’s why I need to stay focused.
I finish my run on the treadmill, trying to fulfil the rest of my workout since Coach cut practice short. I grab my towel and sling it over my shoulder before picking up my water bottle from the bench and at the same time, I see my phone screen light up.
It’s a text message from Cadence.
A small grin curls on my lips; my mind travels to earlier today, seeing her in the hall as we walked past each other in school.
Something we do often but lately, it's been different.
I've been noticing her a lot more than I want to, than I'm used to and I just can’t seem to keep my eyes off her. I had to practically force myself to look away from her during lunch. It’s been damn near impossible to not look at her.
Not to think about her. Not to feel something for her.
It’s dangerous. And I haven’t really been able to explore that thought before. I never dared to. So, it’s kind of bold of me to allow them to brew now knowing that nothing can ever come of it.
But she's always just there and I'm finding it harder and harder to keep denying the truth.
Hey, I’m bored.
I chuckle. That’s random. Maybe she meant to send it to someone else and sent it to me by mistake.
Though, if that’s the case, then who did she mean to send it to?
I don’t know why I find myself feeling a bit curious and maybe even bothered by that thought.
But regardless, the text landed in my inbox so I might as well use it to my advantage.
lol okay. What do you want me to do about that?
I text her back before picking up the rest of my things and climbing the stairs up from the basement to the main level of my house.
My parents aren’t home, they work long and busy hours; my mom as a nurse and my dad as a lawyer.
But even if they were home, I likely wouldn’t be.
I’m just as busy with school and football.
And just so I didn’t need to rely on my parents for the things I want or need, I also work when I can down at the auto shop with Trayvon, the best tight end ever to hit Harper High’s fields.
His dad owns the shop, B-Right Auto, so whenever there’s down time during summer and the off-season, a few of us guys usually end up there.
My parents have given me literally everything I could have ever dreamed of, especially coming from the situation I was rescued from.
I never knew my birth father and the last time I saw the woman who carried me for nine months was supposedly the day she abandoned me in that apartment.
I don’t remember her at all, so really, my adoptive parents could have just told me I was their birth child and I’d believe it.
But they took on roles as foster parents because they couldn’t conceive of their own.
I was lucky to end up with them, lucky they chose me.
For a while when I was young, I thought I’d never be loved again and that’s not something any child should have to believe.
I thought I’d always have people who’d come into my life and then leave me.
And when they took me in and made the decision to adopt me, it was like the stars aligned and everything made sense.
I had to go through what I did to land on the right path.
Finally, I had a family who loved me and who didn’t plan on leaving me.
And then Sophie came along. She was their miracle baby. They were told they’d never be able to have kids so when they got pregnant with her, it just felt more and more like everyone was where they were meant to be. Everything was working out.
But then she was gone. The accident took that away.
It was the hardest day of my life. That whole year sucked.
It still sucks. One day, everything was happy and bright, nothing could go wrong.
And then in a blink of an eye, it’s like the lights to the world were shut off.
Sometimes, they still feel dim. Like it will never be bright enough again.
There are only a few things I cling to these days that help me feel less empty. Football and…
Idk I just thought I’d tell you.
A text from Cadence comes through and even though I was headed for the shower, I stop to respond to her.
Okay then haha. How was school?
Fine, I guess. I’m glad I’m home now.
How long you plan to be there for?
Not long actually. Ryen and I are going shopping for this party we’re going to this weekend. And then of course we'll be at the game.
Wait… Bray’s party?
Yes, sir. We decided to watch the movie a different time.
Well, I’m glad you’ll be going.
What are you going to wear?
Umm idk yet. I don’t really want to dress up but you know Bray is making a big deal about it since it’s his eighteenth birthday and all.
He’s dumb.
Maybe I can help.
Help what?
Shit. I don’t know why I said that. I’m not really thinking.
It’s kind of hard to when having a conversation with her like this feels natural even if it isn’t something normal for us.
But something calms me a bit when I’m talking to her, something that kind of feels like this quiet hope.
Like the big, difficult shit doesn’t matter much.
I look at myself in the mirror, standing in the bathroom as the water I started a moment ago runs.
I know I shouldn’t be doing this. I know that I have no business entertaining whatever this is with Cadence.
But if anything, I can still be a friend to her.
And friends help other friends decide what to wear to parties, right?
Forget that she already stated she was going with Ryen.
I type out my response.
Help decide what to wear…
I watch as the little dots bounce up and down, up and down. It feels like it takes forever for her response to come through, only for me to feel disappointment but also relief at the one-word answer.
Oh…
Or not. Just a suggestion.
No, I don't mind.
I guess I can send you pictures of my options.
Only if you want. I probably won't get to them until after the game though.
I am going to get us both in trouble. I should have just told her never mind. But I don’t want her to never mind. Call me fucking selfish.
Well, Ryen is waiting on me and we better hurry, but maybe I'll see you at the game?
Sounds good. Have fun Cadence.
I set the phone back down and look at myself one more time in the mirror.
The fog from the hot water starts to cover the glassy surface as I yank my shirt off over my head.
I don’t know what the hell it is I’m doing with Cadence but whatever comes from this, I know one thing is absolutely for sure . . . her brother can never know.
Friday nights always carry a sense of euphoria with the lights illuminating the field, the people in the stands wearing numbers and names of their favorite players, and the adrenaline that comes with being on field and hearing the crowd go crazy.
But I’ll never get used to the feeling that students and parents and people I don’t even know show up to these high school games and know my name.
They cheer for me. Granted, they cheer for the team as a whole as well but hearing my name chanted amongst the rest of the cheers is a wild feeling.
I hear it being shouted from the stands along with Brayden’s name and a few others on our team, of course.
And then you also have the other side where names from the visiting team, the Panorama High Panthers, are also being called out.
Pressure builds in my chest when I take a glance out, seeing a smear of faces screaming and people jumping up and down. My heart pounds in my chest when I look over at Brayden who nods at me, a signal to be ready.