Chapter 13 Cadence #2
“I don’t have any offers. I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong but for some reason, I don’t have a single offer, Cadie.” He turns to look at me, and I can tell there’s more to his problems than just this. But for now, I’ll let him focus on this and I’ll do what I can to ease his worry.
I turn my body to face him, and take my other hand to grab his.
Now both of our hands are wrapped up in each other’s as we face one another, his head bent to look down at me; I really am a little one compared to him.
I didn’t realize just how different nearly a whole foot really is; his six-two to my five-four.
I take a deep breath and pull my eyes up to his, and I have to do my best not to let myself seem too lost in the way it feels to be looked at by him.
But it’s damn near impossible. I feel like the room stops spinning and my heart is about to beat out of my chest. This feels like a dream.
But I have to shake off the nerves and do my best to comfort Zach.
“Can I tell you what I think?” I ask as I look up at him.
He nods his head.
“I think that everything happens for a reason. Just because you don’t have any offers right now, doesn’t mean that no one wants you.
It just means that something better is coming along and good things take time,” I start, looking into his eyes as he looks down at me.
“You can’t let yourself feel defined by time, Zach.
Someone like you is someone worth being patient for. I promise, they’re gonna want you.”
I feel in my heart that what I said is true.
I can’t possibly know or understand the feeling that he’s going through right now, and that’s because I don’t have something as valuable as this dream of his to potentially lose.
And even if I did, I still don’t think I’d be able to compare my experience with his.
I’ve known Zach for most of my life and nearly all of that time he has spent on this one sport.
This dream. And he’s really good at it. Really damn good.
And I know it's something he doesn't want to give up on so I wonder just how long he's been sitting with this feeling if it’s got him experiencing so much doubt like this.
“Hey,” I whisper to him, feeling the depth of his silence. I know it’s not because he’s not listening to me but because his feelings have probably been festering like this for far too long and good things probably seem impossible right now.
“I think you’re so talented, Zach. Even if you don’t think anyone else sees it, just know that I do.” I tell him as I reach up with one hand and gently press it against his check. He immediately melts into my touch and wraps his hand over mine, both of us now holding his face together.
“Cadence,” he growls out and a shiver breaks down my spine. Never, and I mean never, have I ever been this close to a boy before. Let alone, the one that I happen to be pretty much madly in love with.
“It’s going to be okay. It might not feel like it now, but I promise that everything will work out the way it’s intended to, Zach. I believe in you,” I say to him and his eyes fall over mine. “But you have to believe in yourself too.”
Every bone in my body feels like Jell-O and it’s taking so much in me to not fall victim to this feeling, the one where I am consumed by whatever euphoric feeling is clawing up my spine right now.
Holding him like this while he gives me a piece of the vulnerability he’s worked so hard to disguise, it feels special.
But I've always known there was pain hidden beneath the surface.
It's one of the things that draws me to him, honestly.
"Have you gotten any acceptances?" he asks, and I worry that my answer might make his feelings worse. I haven't really talked about college with anyone. In fact, I still haven't even told my parents yet.
I suck in a breath of air and I lean into him a bit, painting a small smile on my face as I look into his eyes. "Yeah, a few," I say.
"MICA?" he questions and my brows raise.
"How did you-"
"I might have seen your application on the kitchen counter a few months ago," he starts and he lifts smile over his lips. "I'm proud of you, Cadie. I know how much you love photography."
His words cause my heart to swell with so much revere, appreciating how he seems to pay attention to minor details.
"You know I might be photographing the homecoming game?" I ask him and his smile widens.
"That means you'll be closer to the field," he states and now it's my turn to smile.
"Correction, Mr. Loft. I'll be on the field." I giggle as he brushes his fingers against my face, still holding me by my cheek.
We stay like this for a few beats more and a thought forms in my mind; I could reach up on my toes and press my lips to his.
I could kiss him. And I think I want to.
But I’m just not sure if I’m brave enough to take that risk yet and I don’t know if it’s something he’ll react positively to.
I mean, I'm sure he will. But maybe now is not the right time so I shake the thought loose and instead I drop our hands and take a step back to breathe. I can tell that he takes a deep breath too, and I can already see him relax a bit more, letting go of the tension he’s been holding onto.
I smile, feeling hopeful that I might have helped in some way.
His silence is enough when his eyes tell me that he appreciates me.
But I know this is just the beginning. And I want to dive deeper into what else is bothering his mind, but right now, I decide to do something a little out of pocket, eager to take his mind off all this stress.
I jump on his bed, as if it were my own and I’m comfortable doing so, and reach over to his nightstand for the remote.
“Come,” I pat the space next to me. “Sit. We have decisions to make.”
He furrows his brows at me, a look of confusion and mischief tangling in his expression.
“What do you mean?” he asks and I giggle, flipping through his streaming services.
“I’m gonna turn your world upside down, Mr. Loft. We’re going to find out if you’re team Conrad or team Jeremiah.” I smirk, finding the show I’m looking for and hitting play.
Zach just grins at me, like he knows he’s in for something he’s probably going to dread. "What are you dragging me into?" he asks playfully and I give him my best puppy-dog look, channeling my best Ryen skills, before he decides to finally take the spot next to me.
I don’t even hesitate, snuggling up next to him as the show starts and I can already feel it, his sadness is fading. His body warmth settles against mine as we relax into each other—not holding each other, but just sitting close.
I turn to look at him, wanting to study his features up close but he turns at the same time, our eyes connect in an instant.
“What are you thinking?” I ask him, eager to get another glimpse inside his mind.
He pauses for a beat, his eyes fall from my eyes to lips and I do my best to disguise the way my body reacts to that.
“Just how stupid I was for not going for what I wanted sooner,” he tells me and I tilt my head at him, wondering what the heck he’s talking about.
“You started football when you were like nine, Zach. I’d say you took on what you wanted pretty dang early,” I assure him but he just stares at me. Damn near burning his dark honey pools of lava into my soul.
“I wasn’t talking about football, little one.”
My breath hitches. He’s not talking about football. I repeat, he’s not talking about football. I turn my head toward the TV, needing to escape his eye contact, and I can hear a slight chuckle come from beside me.
“What are you thinking?” he asks me and I have to swallow the lump in my throat before I can answer. And I give him just as bold of an answer as he gave me.
I turn to look at him one more time.
“That I wish I would have kissed you earlier,” I admit and I can tell his body reacts to my answer just as mine had.
“So then why didn’t you?” He reaches out and brushes the loose tendrils of hair from my forehead, pushing them behind my ear. My whole body sets ablaze with goosebumps, and again I have to take a deep breath before I can respond
“The truth?” I ask and he simply nods his head right as the show kicks on.
I face the TV, feeling too much by the way he’s looking at me, and I answer him. “I’ve never had my first kiss before.”