Chapter 17 Cadence
Cadence
Ispot Brayden. He’s sitting in the same spot he usually is at lunch. I start to make my way toward him, not really sure how I'm going to approach him or what I want to say. but then I spot Drake sitting next to him and I stop. Dang it.
I watch as everyone starts to stack their trays and gets ready leave and that’s when I realize that lunch is almost over.
Maybe it’s for the best. I don’t really confront him in front of the whole school anyway, but I know I do want to confront him, at least while I still have the adrenaline rushing through me.
I pull out my phone and start heading back toward the lockers as I type out a text to him.
Have you been talking about me?
I realize it sounds like girl-drama, but I don't give myself a second more to overthink it. I lock my screen and join the crowd. I’m not sure why I’m letting this get to me so bad.
Maybe because I didn't know that my brother was essentially controlling my dating life for the last four years, if what Zach told me was true.
Maybe because he gets to jump around from girl to girl and hypocritically demand that everyone avoid me?
Maybe this is why Zach was so adamant in the beginning, telling me that Zach would get mad and that we have to keep it a secret. That makes me even more frustrated.
My phone vibrates in my hand and I unlock the screen.
hello to u too, sister dearest
I don’t even breathe as I type out a response to Bray, walking toward an empty cove in the hallway as I focus on what I want to say.
Have you been telling your little football guys to not talk to me or to not ask me out?
no. I’ve been telling the football guys and every guy in school
I feel my chest start to tighten.
What? Why?
because ur my little sister
And?
and . . . I don’t want to have to break someone’s nose for hurting u
Don’t you think that’s a little excessive?
well . . . no. not really.
What if I want to date? You know you’re ruining that for me?
I hardly think so Cade. If anything I’m saving u. I’m not gonna sit back and watch any of these idiots treat u like shit just because they think u look good
What if he really likes me? What if I want to go to homecoming with him?
wait, who asked u to homecoming
Drake.
that fucking asshole
do u want to go with Drake to the dance
No.
okay then. So what’s the big deal
What if I want to go with someone else? And you're just out here making sure that I don't stand a chance.
who do u want to go with
Shit. I didn't think that far.
I type out Zach’s name. I stare at it for a minute and then delete it.
There’s no way that’s the right way to come clean about his best friend.
But maybe now is my chance. I know Zach and I have talked about it briefly.
But with the way things are going, I’m thinking that coming forward and being honest sooner rather than later might be the best move.
Besides, my feelings for him just grow every day and I can’t imagine I’ll be able to hide that from anyone much longer.
I don’t know yet.
I push send and wait, thinking about what he would be saying right now if I really did drop Zach’s name.
listen Cade I love u. but these dudes are no good for u. the only person I would ever consider letting anywhere near u is Zach
My jaw drops. There’s no way he just said that. Maybe this is my opportunity. Maybe I really can tell him and maybe he won’t be bothered by it at all if he’s practically suggesting it himself.
What?
he’s the only guy I trust but . . . that’s weird, ya know. He’s kinda like a big brother to u
But you’re saying you’d let me go to homecoming with Zach?
I mean, I guess I don’t see why not. he’s ur friend as much as he is mine
Right…
it’s not like u guys like each other or anything
Yeah, no. That would be weird
Shoot. I shouldn't have said that. Why did I say that?
I start typing another text, feeling my pulse vibrate against my neck as I swallow the lump in my throat and hit send.
But what if we did?
did what
Like each other. I mean, it wouldn’t be so crazy right? You said it yourself, you trust him.
uh because he’s my best friend and the only guy in the school who isn’t a fuckboy
I stare at the text. I don’t understand why Bray is so hellbent on me not dating guys at this school. And I’m also starting to not understand what the big idea is about me possibly dating his best friend. My heart starts to ache, because I’m starting to see that there may be no hope.
But then another text comes through.
Cade do u like Zach
What? What makes you ask that?
what u just said to me
I don't have anything to use as a valid response.
I hate lying and I feel like I'm already doing so much of that just to see Zach.
To protect Bray and avoid whatever negative reaction he might have.
I don't want to keep lying and sneaking around all the time, as fun as it's been.
I just want to focus on my happiness for once.
But I can't stand the thought of disappointing my brother.
He's the best one out there, even if he is a controlling asshole sometimes.
He's just looking out for me, just as Zach said.
But why can't looking out for me also mean allowing me to be happy even if it is with his best friend?
I’ve never really had it hard, and I know that in the grand scheme of things, this is not something to be so hung up about.
But for so long, Zach has been the only boy who has ever caught my attention and my little girl crush has turned into something that I desire more than I can fathom.
Part of me feels like my heart could break if I had to think about giving him up and we’re so close to not having to hide anymore.
I don’t want to keep taking steps backward.
listen, I won’t have a problem with u two going to hoco, hypothetically speaking. but if u have a thing for him then that’s a different story
How so?
it’s kind of weird
I take a deep breath, feeling defeated by this conversation.
But I know that I have to try and get him to come around to the idea that at least Zach and I might be spending more time together or something; especially since we really are spending more time together.
Maybe that wil help him realize that it's not such a bad idea if we dated.
Anything to get him to not be so upset when we finally do decide to tell him.
Would it really be so bad if he made me happy?
I can’t believe I just sent that. I can’t believe I just freaking sent that.
I watch as the text dots dance, the time passing feels like torture as I wait.
u know I want you to be happy Cade
but with Zach
idk. tbh I don’t know how I’d really feel about that
I don’t know what to say. I don’t get it. Zach is a good guy. He said it himself. And if he knew how happy he made me, then maybe he'd understand.
Because Zach truly does make me happy. We might have had a few bumps these past few weeks, but those things are bound to happen the more we figure out how to navigate this new territory we've entered into. For so long, I've had to pretend. And based on what he's told, so has Zach.
I watch as Bray types out another text.
listen, if he wants to step up and make sure ur not alone for the dance, cool. but I’m firm on the other guys, Cade. no one else takes u to the dance
You’re not my father, you know that right?
lol ur right. dad would tell u no dating till ur married
I hear the hall bell ring, I realize that class has started. Shoot. I’m never late to class. I step out of the cove and rush down the hall.
At least I got Bray’s approval of me and Zach going to the dance together. But then it hits me, I don't even know if Zach wants to take me to homecoming or not? We haven’t talked about it, and I didn’t get a chance to say anything else before I stormed away from him earlier.
But that kiss. I can still feel it buzzing on my lips.
I rush into class, grateful that no one really pays any attention to me as I sneak in and take a seat in the back. I take a deep breath as I wonder how things just went from slightly complicated to overly complicated. And how am I going to fix it?
All I know is that I can’t wait for this weekend.