Chapter 21 #2
“Tell him what?” I ask innocently, hoping maybe this is about anything but my scent matches and newly formed pack.
“I brought you a salmon bowl,” my brother grumbles. “I was hoping we could talk.”
“I don’t want your salmon bowl of shame,” I quip, and Piper sighs.
“It’s not a salmon bowl of shame, Maeve. It’s a salmon bowl of communication.”
“There’s nothing to communicate,” I say.
“Since you came in here screaming about your scent matches, I think there is something to talk about,” Avery says, his eyes narrowing. He reaches behind counter and presents me with a takeout bag. “Have lunch with me?”
I stare at the bag before snatching it out of his hand. “Are you asking me, or telling me?”
He purses his lips. “Telling.”
Piper whistles. “Uh oh, someone’s in trouble,” she teases, and I glare daggers at her.
Alvin watches it all curiously, his dark grey tail swishing back and forth.
“You want to go sit on the bench?” Avery asks, not unkindly.
But by the twitch in his eye, I can tell he’s upset, which makes my stomach sour.
Upset Avery makes me upset.
Even his scent is off—usually, he smells similar to me, with subtle chamomile—but he’s just wrong, like someone dropped charcoal all over him.
Yuck.
I try not to pout as we head behind the building to the lone bench, feeling like a chastised child.
We sit in silence for a minute while I dump soy sauce on the rice, then stab a piece of salmon with my chopsticks.
Avery doesn’t look at me. He just stares far ahead, his jaw clenched.
“You’re mad,” I say finally, and he nods.
“You didn’t tell me about Fang,” he says finally.
“It’s not his fault. He’s my scent match, Avery. My actual scent match.”
“You didn’t tell me about Logan, either.”
“What—was I supposed to?”
When Avery finally turns to me, the anger is gone from his face, replaced with exhaustion. “You just met Fang less than a month ago. He was supposed to be your teacher. Not…” he motions with his hand. “Not your scent match, or whatever.”
“Yeah, but you can’t stop something like that!” I argue. “I mean, it happened to you with Piper. You know how special it is.”
“Yeah, but I didn’t invite Piper on a trip without telling my brother.”
“We got snowed in! It was supposed to be a one-day trip. Not last a whole week. What, you think I control the weather now?”
I’m tempted to throw my food in his face, no matter how childish it would be.
Why can’t he see how wonderful this is?
“Why aren’t you happy for me?” I whisper. “This is a good thing.”
My throat closes up, and when tears fill my eyes, Avery groans and runs a hand through his hair.”
“Of course I’m happy for you,” he murmurs.
“No, you’re not. You look like someone died.”
There’s a heavy, dreadful moment of silence.
“It was irresponsible, Maeve.” His tone is laced with disappointment.
I blink.
“What?” my voice is garbled, the sounds fighting to come out.
I will not cry.
My brother, my champion, the person that has always wanted the best for me, is suddenly lecturing me like I’ve done something wrong.
“What the hell are you talking about?” I demand. “What was irresponsible?”
The salmon bowl is getting closer and closer to being tossed in his face.
“I signed you up for the music class to help you,” he says, sighing. “And instead—”
“He is giving me lessons still—”
“And Logan is forty years old—”
“So what, he’s a little antisocial—”
“I have no problem with Ivan—”
“Good, you shouldn’t!”
“But you’re moving too fast. Ivan mentioned something about you all staying at Logan’s packhouse.”
Ivan and his big mouth.
“Yeah, which is normal. You know, because I have a pack.”
But Avery shakes his head. “You’re moving too fast, Maeve.”
“No, I’m not.” I place the bowl down next to me and curl my hands into fists. My nails dig into my palms, and I will myself to not burst into tears. “Don’t do that. Don’t question my choices. I’m an adult.”
If my brother thinks that I’m making the wrong decision, it makes this infinitely harder.
He means the world to me.
“You’re twenty-four years old—”
“Yes, and I’m not a kid anymore!” I snap, sounding like a petulant child, proving Avery’s point.
His smile is grim. “I just don’t know if you’re ready for this.”
I chew my lip. “It’s not your call. If anything, I need your support, not your doubt.”
He remains silent, his lips formed into a thin line.
I try to appeal to him with logic.
“You know how incredible this is,” I insist. “You see Omegas all the time with packs that aren’t scent matches. Yet you and Piper are scent matches; Blair and her pack are matches. Why aren’t you celebrating mine? Please be happy for me. I can’t believe you’re reacting like this,” I mumble.
“There’s a reason you didn’t tell me,” Avery says.
“Yes, there is. I wanted to wait until the right time.”
“And when would that have been? Until after you had all moved in together?”
“Why are you acting like this?” I demand. “Why are you acting like my father? You’re not, Avery. You’re not my fucking parent!”
My shout echoes through the parking lot, and Avery flinches like I’d slapped him.
“Aren’t I?” he asks carefully.
The wind blows around us, and an empty can of cat food rolls around on the gravel.
I should probably pick it up, but I just observe its journey from the parking lot to underneath a tire.
“No,” I murmur. “You’re not.”
“Hmm.”
It’s a lie, and we both know it.
We’ve never specifically talked about it before.
Avery is my big brother. He kept me fed when our parents were gone and just forgot we existed.
My older sister, Willow, left as soon as she turned eighteen, but Avery didn’t.
Avery stayed behind in that dirty house for me.
Avery is the one that signed my permission slips at school.
And Avery is the reason silent tears fall down my cheeks at his disappointment.
“What happens if the worries get bad, again?” he asks carefully. “Do they know what happens in your head?”
I flinch. “Ivan does. Logan saw it once.”
His question isn’t meant to hurt me. It’s a reasonable thing to ask, especially with the way my thoughts have been progressing recently.
But it stings just the same.
“Please just be happy for me,” I say. “Please. I was happy for you with Piper.”
“Of course I’m happy,” he lies.
My brother lies to me.
He doesn’t approve of my relationship, my actions, or my choices.
It’s one of the worst feelings in the world.
Embarrassed, I stand from the bench, leaving Avery behind, and head back into the rescue. Piper is there, a sympathetic look on her face when she sees my tears.
“Oh,” she says softly. “I’m sorry, Maeve.”
I shake my head and wipe a tear away quickly. “It’s fine.”
“He’ll come around,” she promises. “I’ll talk to him.”
“His intentions are good,” I sniffle. “That’s the worst part.”
“I know they are,” she says. “He just worries about you.”
“Do you think I’m doing the right thing?” I ask softly. “We were talking about moving in together.”
Piper chews her lip, looking thoughtful. “You are embracing the love in your life,” she says slowly. “I didn’t. I fought it as hard as I could.”
I swallow. “Yeah?”
“I was abusing my suppressants, just so I wouldn’t go into Heat. I didn’t want to deal with the emotional or physical toll it had. It was just a reminder of how lonely and miserable I was. I told you that, right?”
I shake my head slowly. “Kind of.”
“I didn’t want a pack,” she chuckles. “I hated Poe at first, by the way. In my eyes, he was the worst. He called cats pests, you know.”
“Oh, hell no.” My sadness is replaced with fury. “I’m glad he didn’t say that to me.”
Her lip quirks. “Me too. But the thing is, Maeve--I was hesitant about everything. I second guessed the people that mattered the most to me in life. For a time, the only person I opened up to was Blair. I was miserable. You wouldn’t have liked me, back then.”
“I’m sure I would have.”
Not like Piper?
That’s insane.
She’s great to my brother. She loves him for who he is, and they complement each well.
So why can’t Avery be happy for me? Ivan, Fang, and Logan…well, they haven’t said the word love, but they like me for who I am.
But they also haven’t known me long enough to get tired of my worries, so what if…
“Also, he can relax.” Piper interrupts my insecurity spiral and frowns. “Avery acts like there’s not an age gap between him and me. It’s ridiculous that he’s holding you to a double standard.”
“Exactly! That’s what I’m saying.”
Avery’s words still sting though.
What happens when my pack sees me at my worst and decide I’m too much to deal with?
“You found your Alphas, Maeve, and you’re embracing it. You’re accepting the goodness that comes into your life—something I couldn’t do for a long time. I’m not going to judge it.”
I nod. “Thanks, Piper.” Her words don’t make me feel better, though.
“Ladies!” Mari booms, entering from the back, holding a long string in her hand. “We have to make sure that nothing is left over from that broken shipment of cat toys—these are dangerous to the kitties!”
I swallow, and Piper notices my nervousness.
“It’s fine,” she says quietly, low enough that Mari can’t hear. “Everyone is fine. We cleaned up all the strings.”
My limbs become heavier. It gets harder to breathe.
What if what if what if
“Obviously not, if you found more,” I mutter, as Avery enters through the front door.
The irrational panic swirls in my mind again, and my brother is just another reminder of how messed up my head is.
He stands next to me, and Alvin chirps at him.
“Hey—” he starts, but I walk away, heading to the back.
I need to look for any more strings, just in case.
And as I scour the floors, my pulse racing, I realize I’m only proving my brother’s point.
Ivan, Fang, and Logan don’t know how bad it can get in my head.
If they did, maybe they wouldn’t want to move in with me anymore.
Maybe Logan’s packhouse is just wishful thinking.
My inner Omega, ashamed and saddened, cries invisible tears.