Chapter 25
MAEVE
It’s been the longest day of my life.
I woke up in Ivan’s arms, terrified something was wrong, and then had my fears confirmed with Alvin.
Now, I’m stuffed full of sushi while Fang gently rinses violet hair dye from my head. At the same time, he keeps his Alpha purr going, which makes the experience unique and enjoyable.
We’re both naked in my shower, but what we’re doing is different type of intimacy than sex. He keeps his hands in my hair, while my hands stay on his chest or above.
“You know,” he adds conversationally, shampooing my hair. “Almost every tattoo I have was when I hit a low point in my brain.”
“Really? You have so many.”
He barks out a laugh and tugs on my hair playfully.
“Exactly. And I can tell you where my head was at and why I picked the particular design. I got my tattoo of Eevie right after she passed. I wanted something to solidify her memory with, and everything felt too intense. The throb of the needle kept my mind focused. And when there’s not a tattoo, I’m at the guitar or the piano. I try to create.”
“You mean, you don’t run away, cry, tear up blankets, and curl up into a ball on the floor?” I tease lightly.
Fang brings the showerhead to my hair, and I sigh as the water pressure soothes my scalp.
“I’ve done all four,” he murmurs, pressing a gentle kiss to my mating gland, which makes me shiver. “Now, let me take care of you, sweetheart.”
And after the day I’ve had, it’s hard to argue with him.
He still doesn’t comment on my nest, which I appreciate, even when we enter my bedroom again.
I decide to let my hair air dry, despite the frizziness that will come with it.
Fang’s words help. They’re kind, understanding, and he makes it clear he sees me. He has his own version of spiraling, but he’s learned better coping mechanisms than I have.
I still don’t feel right, though.
I know I have to go back to the rescue, and I can’t keep having these moments where I run away.
I’m so tired of being scared.
“Your scent has changed, you know,” Fang adds conversationally. We end up in my front room as he takes out the nesting blankets from their packaging.
“What do you mean?”
“The three of us could scent you from outside the apartment. We could sense your distress and panic. It was fucking horrifying,” he adds, unfolding a gorgeous emerald green velour blanket.
I eye it with delight, already anticipating the sensation on my body.
“Ivan made me promise not to break your door down. Apparently, you wouldn’t have liked it. ” He shoots me a smirk.
“I’d been more worried about the security deposit, honestly.”
He waves his hand. “We would have crossed that bridge when we came to it. But,” he adds, “you’re smelling like yourself again. And it makes me incredibly happy. Like, ridiculously happy. If you could see inside my brain right now, you’d probably throw up, for more than one reason.”
I laugh harder than I have in at least a week. I laugh so hard that tears fill my eyes and stream down my cheeks, emotions mixing until I let out a hysterical sob.
Then, Fang is pulling me into a hug and letting out a massive purr.
“I miss…purr…parties,” I hiccup into his chest, and he laughs.
“Sorry,” he says fondly. “I can only offer my own purr, baby. I’m sure you’ll get more soon.”
A knock interrupts my sniffles, and a voice calls out from behind the door.
“Maeve? Fang?”
Leaving Fang’s embrace, I unlock the door and yank it open with a fierceness. I immediately throw myself into Ivan’s arms, who was waiting to catch me.
“Hi,” he whispers into my hair.
Wrapping my arms around him, I inhale his scent greedily.
Apples in the summer, the happiest memories of my life…
I breathe in my best friend, the most patient and encouraging man I’ve met in my entire life.
The one that championed me having a pack and has had my back since the day we met.
“Sorry,” I whisper.
“No need,” he promises. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m full of sushi, and my hair is purple again,” I murmur into his chest.
“So, better?”
“I would say so.”
When I pull away, his warm eyes are looking down on me fondly. “You scared the shit out of us,” he admits. “Piper and I heard your tires screech out of the parking lot.”
“I ran away,” I say shamefully.
“But you’re here now.” He presses his forehead to mine and sighs. “When you feel like running, try to remember that I’ll run with you. We all will.”
I was so busy being buried in Ivan’s apple scent that I didn’t realize the other aroma that swirled around him.
Sweet, delicious bourbon wafts down the hallway to my apartment, and I turn to see Logan, his expression soft. There’s a hint of worry in his eyes as he regards me.
“Hi, Maeve,” he says gently.
His hair is all over the place, sticking up on the sides, as if he was tugging at it. His button-up shirt is wrinkled, and it’s the most disheveled I’ve ever seen him.
“Hi, Logan,” I say sweetly. “Come on in.”
When the three Alphas are in my apartment together, and the pack scent swirls around me, my inner Omega breathes a sigh of relief.
I purposely ignore the warning cramp that pulses in my womb, though.
I can’t process what my body could be hinting at, because it would be far too soon.
“How are you feeling?” Logan still eyes me with trepidation, like he’s worried he’ll spook me.
Like I’m a feral cat he’s trying not to startle.
“Better,” I say. “But I’m embarrassed.”
“There’s no need to be embarrassed,” Fang says over his shoulder. Him and Ivan have busied themselves with the pile of new nesting blankets, murmuring to each other.
My heart swells as I realize they’re rebuilding my nest for me without pointing out my shameful actions.
“Alvin’s alright,” Logan says, his words stilted as he swallows. “It wasn’t an obstruction. There was no more string in him; he just threw it up. It happens a lot with cats.”
“I know that,” I admit. “Cats will eat tape, string, anything they’re not supposed to.
” I laugh bitterly and shake my head. “That’s the worst part.
I had all this knowledge, yet I still…I still got lost in my head.
I was convinced it was the worst-case scenario.
I could sense it in my body, and…” my voice trails off.
I can’t look at Logan anymore, only at the carpet next to me.
Logan’s right hand twitches at his side and his fingers flex, as if he’s stopping himself.
“You can hold my hand,” I tell him softly.
Immediately, he takes it, squeezing me with his firm grip.
“I wanted to tell you,” he admits. “I wanted to reassure you and I couldn’t. I’m sorry.”
I look up at him, meeting his anguished eyes. “Logan, what—”
“You ran off so quickly, and I was scared.”
My eyes widen. “Scared of what?”
“Scared that I would never be able to find the words to bring you back. To show you that no matter what, it would be okay. I don’t want to mess this up, and I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Fang huffs. “If I hear one more ‘I’m sorry’ out of either of you, I’m going to lose it.”
Ivan snorts.
Before I can tell Logan he’s being ridiculous for blaming himself, he continues. “Have you heard of box breathing?” he asks.
I frown. “I think so.”
“When I operated on Trooper, I was terrified,” he says.
“I didn’t know if he would make it. I didn’t know if there would be complications from his amputation, and it was the first time there was a fear in me that I couldn’t put into words.
He was just a stray cat that needed the operation. Ivan was there.”
“I was,” Ivan says. “But I didn’t know you were terrified.”
“Box breathing kept me going. It was the first time in a long time I was truly scared. I was a…unique kid,” he says quietly, only to me.
“When I was little, I was terrified of a lot of things. And my first therapist taught me how to inhale for four, hold for four counts, then exhale. It got me through my childhood, and it got me through Trooper’s operation. ”
“I didn’t know you were in therapy,” I say.
“Not anymore. As a child, I was. I’m a big fan of your idea of kitten therapy.” He smiles softly and squeezes my hand. “I’m a big fan of everything you do.”
I narrow my eyes. “Not today, you weren’t,” I say.
“Not today.” His smile is still gentle. “But most days. And no matter how scared you get, it won’t change.”
His eyes fall to my lips, and he clears his throat.
“Logan,” I say.
“Yes?”
“You can kiss me, whenever you want.”
“Okay.”
Tentatively, he leans down and presses his lips to mine.
I smile against the kiss. It’s sweet, gentle, and loving.
There’s no passion behind it, just careful devotion.
“If it ever gets hard again, like it did today, I’ll box breathe with you whenever you want.”
I beam. “I like that idea.”
And with their scents swirling everywhere, the combination of apples, leather, and bourbon, my inner Omega is at ease.
Maybe I didn’t have to run away, after all.
Maybe I didn’t have to be ashamed of the turmoil in my mind.
I don’t have to suffer alone.
They remake my nest.
I allow them to do it, pleased to be pampered in such a way.
A nest is vulnerable—it’s the most precious spot I have, especially when I’m in Heat.
Ivan, Fang, and Logan make it with care.
Every blanket is thoughtfully placed, every pillow arranged then rearranged to be as comfy as possible.
Fang’s sweatshirt, along with a sweater from Logan and a shirt from Ivan are placed along the blankets too, marking the area with their scents.
Once I think it’s prepared, Logan reaches into a bag and pulls out a plush cat resembling Bean. My mouth drops open as he blushes and places it at the top of the bed, the cream-colored stuffed animal perching on my new thick pillow.
“Oh, Logan,” I whisper, my heart aching with his tenderness. “Thank you.”
His shy smile is adorable. “I know how much you like Bean,” he admits. “I thought you might want to have him with you.”