Chapter 2
“Ican’t believe we’re doing this,” I mutter as Stone parallel parks his beat-up Jeep across from a storefront with blacked-out windows and a neon sign that says “Adults Only” in hot pink letters.
“You can still back out,” Stone says cheerfully, killing the engine. “Just say the words, and you’re free to do your own stinky laundry and sit on your shitty chair for the rest of your college days.”
“I hate you.”
“Love you too, buddy.” He grins. “Come on, let’s go get you a little something special.”
The bell above the door jingles, a tinny, cheerful sound completely at odds with the dim, grim reality of the store.
The air inside smells like stale plastic and cheap cherry lube.
A girl with pink hair and more piercings than I can count glances up from her phone, bored, as we step inside. Her name tag says “Lexi.”
“Can I help you?” she drones, popping a bubble with her gum.
“Yeah,” Stone says, completely unfazed by the wall of dildos behind her. “We’re looking for a buttplug.”
Lexi’s face stays perfectly blank. I’m sure she’s seen it all in here.
“Any particular kind?”
“Something for a beginner,” Stone says, clapping a hand on my shoulder. I flinch away like I’ve been electrocuted. “And it needs to stay in during vigorous physical activity.”
Her lips twitch into a smirk. “Vigorous physical activity, huh?” she says, her eyes flicking between us. “Got it.”
She leads us down an aisle that seems to stretch on forever, shelves lined with things in shapes and colors that absolutely do not exist in nature.
My face is on fire. I’m a six-foot-two, two-hundred-pound linebacker.
I’ve faced down guys twice my size on the field without breaking a sweat.
But this… this is a whole different kind of terror.
“Okay,” Lexi says, stopping in front of a display. “Here are the beginners. I’d recommend something silicone, non-porous, easy to clean. And one with a flared base, so it doesn’t get, you know… lost.” She winks at me. I think my soul just left my body.
“Hmm,” Stone says, tapping a thoughtful finger against his chin. “Too small.” He points to a delicate pastel pink thing the size of my thumb. “This is more like a toothpick. He’s a big boy. He can handle more.”
Lexi’s eyes flick down to the bulge in Stone’s sweats, and I’m sure she thinks we fuck each other on the regular.
Stone points to a dildo the size of a baseball bat. “Do people actually use these?”
“Some people like to work their way up to that, yes,” Lexi says dryly.
“Work their way up,” Stone repeats, turning to me with this gleeful look. “You hear that, Jay? It’s a journey.”
“Can we please just pick something?”
He laughs and turns back to the display. “Okay, okay, no need to get your panties in a twist. Let me see… Oh, I like this one. What do you think, Lexi? Will this do the job?”
She plucks a purple plug off the rack and hands it to Stone. It’s shaped like a teardrop, at least three inches long and fairly thick. My asshole clenches involuntarily.
“You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“What?” Stone says, all innocent. “It’s got a flared base. She said that’s important.”
“There’s no way that thing is fitting inside me.”
“Sure it will,” Lexi pipes up, looking at me with this mix of pity and amusement. “Just use a lot of lube. You’d be surprised what the human body can handle.”
Thanks for nothing, Lexi.
“Let’s get this one,” Stone says, pulling out his wallet. “And a bottle of your best lube. Something that won’t irritate the skin. He’s got sensitive skin, my Jay.”
“Dude, the fuck?” I manage to get out through my clenched teeth.
“I’m just looking out for you, buddy.”
We follow Lexi back to the register, and she starts ringing us up. Stone is bouncing on the balls of his feet, which looks ridiculous for a guy his size—six-five and built like a brick wall. He’s enjoying this way too much. I, on the other hand, feel like I’m being led to my execution.
“So,” Lexi says, popping her gum. “First time using one of these?”
“First and last,” I mutter.
“That’s what they all say,” she says with a wink. “Then they come back a month later looking for the next size up.”
She slides the lube across the counter. “Water-based is good. Doesn’t degrade the silicone. And you’ll want this.” She adds a small spray bottle. “Toy cleaner. Very important. This one’s on the house.”
This girl must think I’m actually into this stuff.
Like I’m going home to have the time of my life with my new purple friend, and I’ll be back next week for that baseball bat dildo.
Well, joke’s on her. After tomorrow’s practice, this thing is going straight in the trash.
Or maybe I’ll save it and give it to Stone for Christmas. A used buttplug. That would teach him.
“Alright, that’ll be sixty-eight fifty,” Lexi says, sliding the items into a discreet-looking bag. “Will that be cash or credit?”
“Credit,” Stone says, handing her his card.
Seventy bucks. For a piece of silicone and some lube. Stone could’ve bought a new pair of cleats for that. Or a week’s worth of groceries. Or a thousand other things he actually needs. Instead, he’s bought my dignity for the next twenty-four hours.
“Here you go,” Lexi says, handing Stone the receipt. “Have fun with your… vigorous physical activity.”
“Don’t you worry,” he says with a wink, taking the bag from her. “We will.”