Chapter Eleven
Lorcan
My own squeaky toy. A squirrel, no less.
I was in seventh heaven. Whatever that meant. I squeaked it again.
Cody grinned.
I want to make him smile like that all the time. The thought didn’t scare me as much as it might have earlier. I squeaked the toy a third time.
He reached over and scratched my scalp.
I rested my hands on his thigh and leaned into the touch.
He continued, turning the scritches into long strokes as he feathered his fingers through my hair. “My good boy.”
My heart expanded, and I preened. I wanted to be a good boy.
I wanted someone to recognize that, under my gruff exterior, lay someone who sought the approval of others.
In my mind, Stephen had always provided that.
In reality, upon deep reflection, I saw that wasn’t the case.
His rare praise had always come with a laundry list of “except” and “if you’d only” that devalued it.
“Do you want to play some more?” Cody eyed me. “I have a ball, but I worry both about your knees and my downstairs neighbors.”
I squeezed the toy again. As much as I wanted to play fetch, he was right.
Not so much about my knees—but definitely about his downstairs neighbor.
I removed the toy from my mouth—mindful of the slobber.
“I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but it’s too bad we’re not at my place. I have a ground-floor apartment.”
“With carpets?”
“Ugh. Yeah.”
He cocked his head.
“Stains.”
“We should have it steam cleaned before we play.”
I liked how he said we. I liked how he left open the possibility of more. I liked what we were doing. After putting the toy back in my mouth, I squeezed it.
He grinned.
I continued to do so until my jaw hurt a little. Gently, I removed it. Then hesitated.
“You can wipe it on the bathrobe. Or my sleep pants. I’m not fussy.”
Chuckling, I wiped the slobber onto the bathrobe. Then I held the toy against my chest.
He patted his knee. “Would you like a cuddle?”
I nodded vigorously. Then I turned and lay down so I could place my head in his lap. I faced away from him, but we still had a strange intimacy between the two of us. I sighed.
He stroked my hair. Then his hand drifted lazily down my shoulder, along my flank, then to my ass. He repeated the movement over and over again.
“If you keep that up, I’m liable to fall asleep.”
“Are you staying the night? Your clothes are dry, if you want to leave.”
During my shower, he’d moved the wet clothes into the dryer.
I didn’t meet his gaze. “Do you want me to stay the night?”
He feathered his fingers through my hair again. “Of course I do. I want you to feel like you’re always welcome here.”
Welcome.
Were we moving things too quickly? Should we slow down? Or was full-steam ahead the right approach?
I didn’t know. “I’d like to stay. I don’t want you to feel obliged, though.”
His fingers stilled. “I appreciate you looking out for me. I promise to never say something I don’t mean.”
“That’s a big commitment.” All the times I’d said something to Stephen that I hadn’t meant flashed to my mind.
I don’t mind if we watch another superhero movie.
I don’t have any needs you’re not meeting.
Or, most importantly, it doesn’t matter why I have a stuffed animal and a tennis ball in the back of my drawer.
Why he’d been snooping was a bit beyond me.
I certainly wasn’t going to explain my intense desire to be a pup.
Without a moment’s hesitation, I’d known he wouldn’t understand. He would ridicule me.
“That’s true.” Cody feathered my hair again.
“But I try to be honest in everything I do. Would I say something honest if it would hurt the person? Not directly, no. Because sometimes the unvarnished truth is too much to handle. I might find more-tactful ways of couching something—but I won’t lie to them. ”
That reassured me. “I don’t want to overstay my welcome.”
He chuckled and his stomach pressed against the back of my head in a comforting way.
“I’d ask you to stay until Monday, if you could.”
I stilled. “Well…”
“Oh. Okay. Please stay until Monday. I know you’ll have to go home at some point, but if you could come back and stay, that would be lovely. I want to get to know you, and I think the best way to do that is to immerse ourselves. But that might be too much for you to—”
“I’ll do it.”
He let out a sigh—almost as if he hadn’t been certain what I’d say. “Are we going to play all the time?”
Again, he chuckled. “As much as you want. I’d love to take you to the pet store in the mall just down the hill. I think we might find you something special. Although I bought some other things as well last night. I wasn’t certain what you might like.”
My heart did a little pitter-patter. “Maybe…maybe you can show me first? I mean, if that’s okay. I might not need anything else.”
“Puppies always deserve toys.”
I rolled onto my back so I could face him.
Probably squishing his cock in the process, but he didn’t complain.
“I don’t want to ask too much. You’ve got bills to pay. Things you should be saving for.”
His smile appeared a little lopsided as he again stroked me. This time up and down my chest.
I nudged the robe open more.
He used his fingernails as he scratched the pelt of hair on my chest. In my younger days, I’d been embarrassed about just how hairy I was. Stephen said he didn’t care—but I’d always questioned that.
Clearly Cody was quite pleased with it.
He squeezed my nipple.
My breath caught and my cock twitched.
As he cradled my head, he lowered his face so our noses almost touched.
I arched my neck.
Our lips touched.
Sweet. Tender. Heartbreaking.
He was such a generous soul. Even from the little I’d glimpsed of him, I knew he gave his everything no matter what he was doing. Now, he was offering me a chance to be myself—my true self—for a couple of days. He pulled back.
I grinned. “I accept your offer. Yes, I should go home tomorrow morning to grab fresh clothes for Monday and maybe pajamas.”
“Oh.” He shrugged a little. “I figured I could jack up the heat and you could stay naked.”
My cock chubbed. “Naked?” I swallowed.
“Just a thought. Most puppies don’t wear clothes in the house. I mean, unless they want to or unless it’s cold.”
“Most puppies don’t wear coats unless it’s cold outside.” I tried to suppress a grin.
He laughed. “Point well made. I’m going to say that you need to be wearing clothes when you go outside.”
I pouted even though I’d totally been joking. As much as I loved the idea of being a puppy, I wasn’t going to walk down the street on all fours and bark at other dogs. “I suppose that’s fair.”
He kissed me again. “Completely fair.” He trailed his fingers down my chest again. Lower even more than before. He gently caressed my navel. “Do you have any thoughts of what you might want to do tonight?”
I angled my pelvis so my very interested cock became visible.
“Oh.” He feigned surprise, but I knew he hadn’t been unaware of my growing enthusiasm for all things sleepovers and pet stores. “I think I might be able to help you with that. I need to brush my teeth.”
“Ick. So do I.” The spaghetti sauce had chunks of mushrooms, zucchini, and onions, great for the flavor, but I could still taste a bit.
“I’ve got a spare toothbrush and a new tube of toothpaste in the drawer under the sink in the guest bathroom.”
I cocked an eyebrow.
He laughed. “I like to be prepared for every contingency. No one’s ever stayed over before, though, so they remain unused.”
“Optimism?”
“Quite possibly.” He pressed a kiss to my lips. “I’ll admit I didn’t see you coming. But I don’t regret you for a single second.”
I hoped he’d continue to feel that way, even after I’d been around for a while. I hoped he wouldn’t tire of me. I knew I wouldn’t tire of him. With that thought, I rolled off him and stood. I held out my hand.
He took it, allowing me to pull him up. He gazed at me with soft-blue eyes and a tender smile. After a moment, he grasped the back of my neck and pulled me in for a kiss.
This one wasn’t gentle and sweet. This was open mouths, tongues twining, fighting for dominance, all-encompassing, and hot as fucking hell.
He grabbed my ass to pull me closer and pressed our cocks together. With just the flimsy fabric of his sleep pants and the terry towel of the robe I wore, not much was left to the imagination. He pulled back. “To hell with dental hygiene—let’s take this to bed. Are you a top or a bottom?”
I searched his eyes because I wanted to answer the question correctly.
He shook his head. “Don’t try to guess what you think will please me. In truth, I’m vers, so I don’t care which you pick. Be honest with me—as well as yourself.”
I cleared my throat. “I only ever bottomed with Stephen.”
“Are you saying you want to try topping?”
“No.” I scrambled for the right words. “I’m a bottom.” I tried to inject confidence in my words.
He cocked his head. “I’m fine with you bottoming—if that’s what you want.”
“I know you won’t hurt me. That’s what matters, right?”
He kissed my forehead as he rubbed my back. “I will never hurt you. At least not intentionally.”
Which mostly soothed my nerves. But he left open the possibility of hurting me—which was probably him just being cautious.
Although he might be prodigiously careful about hurting me physically, a lot of damage could still be done emotionally.
Should he choose to do it. I couldn’t see him intentionally inflicting pain—but then I wouldn’t have believed Stephen capable and look what he’d done to me.
“Brush your teeth and come to bed. I’ll be waiting.” He caressed my cheek and then sauntered out of the room. Purposefully, I was certain, jiggling his ass.
I hotfooted over to the spare bathroom, located the toothbrush and paste, and brushed my teeth.
I pissed and, of course, washed my hands.
Then I gazed into the mirror. What does Cody see in me?
With the wrinkles. The grizzled face. I felt old in a way I’d only done since Stephen left.
Before that moment, I’d still believed myself spry.
In my prime. Perhaps not sexually—things had become a little routine—but I still had strength and stamina.
These days I struggled to feel that way about myself.
And sitting here isn’t going to get you laid.
No, it wouldn’t. So I splashed cold water on my face, ensured the sink was still pristine, and turned off the light.
As I crossed the condo, I turned off the rest of the lights.
We hadn’t shut the blinds, so the city lights twinkled.
I’d never lived anywhere other than a city, so I couldn’t fathom what true darkness looked like.
I’d once suggested camping—Stephen had turned his nose up at that. Obviously, we’d never gone.
Cody is a psychologist at a camp for kids. Maybe he knows about camping with tents. Or maybe the camp had cabins. Would be interesting to find out.
When I entered Cody’s bedroom, my breath caught.
Oh yes, please. That and more.