Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
Lorcan
Ieyed Cody. “Who did you say is coming over?” Somehow, I’d survived the rest of the week.
Riley had given me an advance on my pay yesterday, and this morning, Maddie had installed winter tires.
To prove how serious I was about Cody, I put my all-season radials in his storage locker.
Quite a tight fit with his in there as well.
Plus, he had a pair of skis and a mountain bike.
Proof, if I needed it, that he liked to keep fit.
I’d also found a couple of pairs of Speedos in his drawer.
So a swimmer as well. I couldn’t wait to see his ass in those.
“Arnav.” He handed me a bottle of root beer—my favorite. “Rayne, Everett, and their German Shepherd, Champ.”
“Right, of course.” I perched on the edge of the sofa. His sofa. Our sofa. I was still trying to wrap my mind around the fact I was moving in—even though I’d brought all my clothes this afternoon and had hung them in the closet in the spare room.
Cody wanted them in his walk-in closet. He wasn’t a clothes horse—so he had plenty of room.
I pointed out many of my clothes were dusty. Even with washing, they weren’t pristine. His clothes were… Well, they all looked like new. He took damn good care of his things. For now, I’d won that argument.
“I know Arnav. I don’t know Rayne or Everett.”
Cody sat on the couch next to me. “Okay, so first I have to tell you something. I have permission from all parties involved.”
I eyed him warily.
He feathered his fingers through my hair and then tweaked my nose.
In the way I loved.
“So, this is sort of a Pumpkin conversation. You don’t have time to put on ears and paws, though.”
I pretended to pout. Even if we were exhausted, I got to play puppy for at least a half hour every night. That time was precious to me. It meant everything.
“The Pumpkin part is the puppy part. I—” He hesitated.
“Whatever you need to say, just blurt it out. I’m not feeling patient tonight.
” I was only half joking. He’d been on edge through our dinner of teriyaki chicken breasts, asparagus with melted cheese, green beans, and fresh buns.
I’d made a joke about great buns, and he’d laughed. So that was something.
“I’m wondering if you might want to go back to Club Kink. On puppy night.” He held my gaze.
“Sure. I mean—” I considered. “I’m not ashamed of being a puppy.
Am I going to announce it to the crew? No.
” At Cody’s urging, I’d gone to the Springs last night with Riley and the gang.
I’d had a good time. Except the Springs was next to the cop shop.
And I could see our condo from the front door.
The longing to be home with Cody had nearly brought me to my knees.
You’re always free to bring someone with you. Riley’s words still bounced in my head. Agatha, our plumber, had brought her husband Jim. Two more-opposite people I couldn’t imagine. Did I want to bring Cody to meet my coworkers? Was I ready for that?
I steeled myself. “I want to go to pup nights—but only if you’re comfortable. I don’t want you doing something that doesn’t…” Am I expressing myself correctly? He was there, so that must mean he likes it. But if he doesn’t, then that’s fine as well.
He pressed a thumb to my frown line. “I’d love to show you off as my pup. But there’s something you might need to know.”
I cocked my head.
“Okay, so you know my boss from the summer camp, Jai, is a puppy.”
I nodded.
“His handler—and husband—is Demetrius.”
“Yes, I remember.” The striking couple I’d seen that first night.
“You saw their kids. Obviously, they don’t share that part of their lives with the children.”
“I understand.” Does he think I’ll out them? I’d never.
“I think I’m trying to say that people can still be kinky and have kids.”
Oh Jesus. Is he going to tell me he wants kids? That was a conversation I was completely unprepared for.
“Okay, so we’ll go to Pup Night again. There’s one at the end of the month—between Christmas and New Year.”
I nearly shook with excitement. Hold it in. He’s still got something important to say. “That’s decided. What do you need to tell me?”
He took a breath. “That Foster’s a puppy and Arnav’s his Daddy.”
I blinked. Closed my eyes. Tried to make sense of what he’d just said. Foster’s the puppy and Arnav’s his Daddy. Right. Straightforward. Easy to conceive.
Except thinking about my lawyer that way threw me. And thinking of the easygoing construction foreman who was currently on leave to take care of two children in desperate need of loving sort of threw me too.
“Lorcan?”
Cody tipped my chin so I could meet his gaze.
“Foster and Arnav explicitly gave me permission to tell you. Although they might not make it to Pup Night for a while, they regularly attend. They often go with Jai and Demetrius. The first night I went, back in the autumn, they were all there. I found the courage to tell them I wanted to be a Daddy.”
“Oh.” I frowned. “So, if we go, then…”
He nodded. “We might run into them. Heck, we often go together as a group. Saves on gas and we enjoy ourselves. With Foster and Arnav having the kids, though, things will look different. I was thinking—” He swallowed.
“I thought we could volunteer to babysit one night for them. They have a playroom in the basement. I thought maybe they could go down there for a bit of time, and we can watch the kids. But that’s a lot to ask. You certainly wouldn’t have to come.”
“Malika and Joshua?”
“Yeah.”
“I don’t know much about kids.”
“I can teach you. I’ve had some experience. And if we can’t handle it, the guys are right there.”
“Do you think they’d trust us?”
He smiled. “Yes. I can’t explain how close I am to them. The five of us have really bonded. Is it a little weird that my boss is a puppy? Maybe. But it’s also so clear that’s his happy place. I’ve taken Keegan and Alaina to the movies a couple of times—to give Jai and Demetrius a break.”
“You love kids.”
He stilled.
“You want kids.”
He held my gaze.
“Cody.” I closed my eyes for a moment before opening them again. “I’m fifty-three years old.”
“I know.”
“I can barely take care of myself these days.”
“You know that’s not true. And you’re not alone anymore.
I know it’s going to take time for you to acknowledge that.
To feel safe with the idea that I’m in it for the long haul.
That I don’t care if you’re gray and your knees crack.
I want you, Lorcan. From the moment I saw you, my heart was found. ”
“This is—” I swallowed.
“Too much?”
I nodded.
“So we’ll take it one step at a time. You have an appointment with Justin on Tuesday?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you want me to come? For some or all of it? Or none. You need to do what you think is best.”
“You said Justin knows.”
“Yes, I told him. Do you remember that I asked your permission?”
Slowly, I nodded. “Kids?” That might’ve come out as a squeak.
He held my gaze. “I need to make something very clear, Lorcan. Kids aren’t a deal-breaker for me.
I just always thought I wanted to be a dad because I’d do so much better than my own.
That I wanted to prove that I could be gay and a father.
Slowly, though, that need for vengeance—if that’s even the right word—has eased.
” He caressed my cheek. “Look, I’m not saying this right.
You come first, Lorcan. That’s what being in a relationship means. ”
“I thought it meant compromise.” I want to. I really do. But I don’t think I can.
“If you agree to have kids with me because you think it’s what I want, and it’s not what you want, then that’s far beyond compromise. Kids are a life-altering decision. Frankly, I’ve got a lot of pressure with my job. I’m responsible for other people’s well-being. That means being focused.”
“And I unfocus you.”
He blinked. “I’m not saying that. Not at all.
Far from it. I know I’m coming home at the end of the day to someone who’s supportive of me.
Of my career choices. Just like hopefully you know I’m supportive of you.
In every capacity.” He rubbed his face. “I didn’t see you coming, but I’ll never regret you. Regret us.”
“You’re saying that now, but you’ve got the rest of your life. And you want kids. Cody, I just—”
His phone rang. He pulled his hands from mine and checked the display. “Fuck.” He answered. “Hey, come on up.” He pressed nine, and the phone clicked off.
“They’re here?” Butterflies exploded in my belly. I still didn’t understand who Rayne and Everett were, and now I knew my lawyer was a Daddy. That was a true mind fuck.
“Yes. You’re going to be okay. Uh, why don’t yet get drinks? I think ginger ale, root beer, and fuzzy orange—just don’t ask me who goes with what.”
On that note, I laughed. “And you?”
“Actually, why don’t I offer hot chocolate? I can whip up a batch while we talk.”
But I need you to be with me. Not in the kitchen. Even though it’s ten feet away.
A knock sounded on the door.
He pressed a kiss to my lips. Then he rose and headed for the door.
I took a deep breath and followed him.
The first man in the door was Arnav. For the first time in our acquaintance, he wasn’t wearing a suit and tie. Still, he held out his hand.
I shook it. “Uh, let me take your coat.”
“Sure.” As he removed it, the next man stepped in.
A handsome Black man with very short hair and a wide smile. Just a bit taller than myself. He held out his hand. “Everett Williams. I’m also a lawyer.”
Okay. So I’m totally out of my depth.
“I’m just a PI.” The third man of the group stepped into the condo. He had dark-blond hair and the most stunning eyes I’d ever seen. A tawny-brown that reminded me of whisky. He was followed by a huge German Shepherd.
“Oh.” I eyed the dog who I could’ve sworn grinned.
“I’m Rayne Williams. And this is Champ. He’s a rescue with a heart of gold. He loves people. Um, Cody said this was okay.” He grinned with the most dazzling smile I’d ever seen.