Chapter 19 #2
Perhaps Renald had persuaded himself that her father’s death had been an act of justice, or even an act of God, but that was not true. The king had had no reason to kill Clarence of Summerbourne, not when he left so many other men untouched.
He must have wanted to be rid of a thorn in his conscience, and seen that he could reward a faithful follower. He had achieved both by forcing a man untrained for war to fight a champion.
That injustice made it murder, murder grown from guilt and greed. To make it worse, Renald had killed again in an even more cowardly way to prevent the news from blocking his marriage.
She stopped dead then, however, remembering the point about her grandmother.
Neither of them had needed to kill poor Ulric. The news he carried wasn’t secret. It just hadn’t yet arrived.
Even if Renald had seen Ulric arrive, and had wanted to hide the truth until after the wedding, he could have had his men quietly seize the man and tuck him away. It would be the sensible thing to do, and she knew well by now that Renald was not a stupid man.
Claire slumped down on a bench.
All he’d ever needed to do was delay the news.
As he had by slowing Ulric’s journey.
As he had by watching her and by keeping her out of the way in case one of the guests carried news or rumor.
As he had by threatening the earl.
Therefore, unless there was some other, unsuspected motive, Renald would not have killed Ulric or have had him killed!
Her surge of relief was heartbreaking, for the main problem remained. He had still killed her father, and that could never change.
And, she realized with shock, that took away her one hope of getting free of this marriage without destroying her family!
What now?
She hadn’t the slightest idea.
After a dazed time, she decided she had to do something or go mad, so she dug up some special plants and carried them to the graveyard. There, she carefully transplanted them around her father’s grave—marigold, gillyflower, and joy-of-the-ground.
She remembered to draw water to give the transplants a good drink.
She’d plant a crab apple near the grave to keep away evil, and chervil, fennel, and waybroad against dark spirits.
Though she knew her father was gone, was dancing joyous in another life, she’d keep to the old ways and guard his grave.
She paused, bucket in hand, back to the old dilemma. She could only do that as wife to Renald de Lisle.
“Claire?”
She started and turned to find her brother beside her, solemn but unexpectedly steady, despite an angry bruise on his temple.
“Quarterstaff?” she asked, determined not to make a fuss.
“I was slow to duck.” He didn’t seem to hold a grudge about it. “Claire, should we hate Lord Renald?”
She wasn’t ready for this subject, but she knew what it was like not to have anyone to talk to. She drew him over to a bench. “In the eyes of the world, Lord Renald did nothing wrong. But he killed our father. It has to change the way we feel about him.”
He sat there, slumped arms on knees. “I hated him when I first found out. Now I don’t know. But I think I should.”
It so nearly mirrored Claire’s feelings that she just shrugged.
“Josce said—earlier—that the things you like someone for don’t change.”
“But other things can smother them.”
He looked up, pushing a curl out of his eyes. “I told him I hated him. Told Lord Renald. That I wanted to kill him. So we fought.”
So, that was what she had witnessed.
“I prayed to God I’d be like the Brave Child Sebastian. But nothing happened.” His shoulders drooped more. “I’ll be stronger one day.”
Claire put a hand on his shoulder, eyes stinging. “Ah dearest, don’t. Don’t cling to hate.”
“But you hate him. I saw you arguing with him.”
“Arguing isn’t hate.”
“You don’t hate him?” He looked at her. “So are you going to stay married to him?”
Hope rang in it. Hope she hated to crush. “No, love. I can’t do that.”
“Why not?”
“Because he killed Father.”
“It wasn’t his fault.”
Oh, Thomas. She didn’t know if it was a longing for security, or a genuine liking for Renald de Lisle, but he was fighting to change her mind, and she wished she could let him.
“No one else thinks Father’s death was wrong,” he protested. “In ordeal by battle, God speaks.”
She bit her lip. She wanted to ask if he could truly think their father wrong about the king, but she hesitated to plant treason in his mind. “It can’t have been fair. Not Lord Renald against Father.”
“It’s to the death, you know. If Father had won, Lord Renald would have died.”
She’d known, but she hadn’t really thought about it. She suppressed a shiver. “He was never in any danger. Unlike Father. Thomas, have you thought? No one else ended up in a court battle. Not Lambert. Not Salisbury. Not even the evil de Bellême!”
“Are you saying it was all a ruse?” He looked so totally bewildered that she knew she should have held her tongue.
“You’re not to speak of this to anyone,” she said, looking him straight in the eyes. “It’s dangerous. Do you understand?”
“Yes, but—”
“I’m going to try to find a way out that will let us live our lives in decency. But we can’t stay here. Not after what happened. You do see that.”
He sighed. “I suppose so. But what sort of way? What will we do?”
She put it into words for the first time. “I’m going to seek an annulment.”
“And then what? Won’t that mean we’ll be poor?”
She sighed. “Perhaps Mother’s family will take us in.”
It wasn’t much comfort, and she wasn’t surprised when he paled. “Go to France!”
“It’s better than nothing. But for now, we have to go on as usual. Don’t you have work to do?”
“No. Josce’s in the church. Crying. Did he not know what Lord Renald did?”
“It’s not that.” Claire looked over to the wood and thatch church wondering if she could do anything to help.
“He was supposed to be showing me how to clean mail. So I went to the hall and asked Lord Renald, and he said to do as I wished.” That clearly struck him as unusual enough to be worrying.
It showed Claire how much Josce’s act had upset Renald. Was there one happy soul in Summerbourne today? “Then you’re free for a while,” she said. “Why not go and find some friends.”
A few days ago, he’d have run off joyfully, glad of freedom. Now, he hesitated, then wandered off deep in thought. Claire could have wept for all the changes that reflected.
Could she just discard her scruples, and make everyone’s lives simpler? No. It would not even work. If she lay in the bed with Renald with her father’s death still between them, she could imagine nothing but evil coming from it.
She contemplated the silent walls of the nearby church. Josce had faced a choice between following his conscience and obeying his lord’s command. As she did. As her father had. As Renald had.
Only Renald had chosen obedience.
Those who refused, suffered.
Sent home horseless would carry deep shame. She knew Josce would rather be whipped to the bone. Depending on the nature of his father, he might end up whipped to the bone as well. It would be hard to find him another lord to serve.
She was tugged by the need to intervene, to avoid another tragedy, yet held back by her desire to avoid her husband. She particularly didn’t want to ask him for any favor.
Why should she care, anyway, about a warmonger-in-training?
She checked on the weaving and made sure the empty grain bins were being scoured as thoroughly as they should be.
She spoke to the bee master about honey and the warrener about rabbits.
She went out—though there was no need—to make sure the fishpond weirs were handling the flow of water well.
She even allowed herself some time watching the fat golden carp gliding through the water.
It did no good. She couldn’t escape the call. With a sigh, she returned to the manor, to confront her husband, her enemy, and to argue for clemency.
He was not in the solar, so she went to the office, where she found him with Brother Nils and Peter the Woodsman.
“Yes, my lady?” Renald’s expression was unwelcoming and the atmosphere in the small room hung like icicles.
Claire fought against a pressing instinct to flee. “I wish to speak with you, my lord. Privately.”
“I’m busy at the moment. I will come to you when I can.”
Two weeks from now? “It is urgent, my lord.”
His lips tightened, but then he said, “Brother Nils, take Peter with you and check the true state of the coppice wood.”
Both the clerk and the woodsman seemed grateful to escape.
“Yes?”
He was sitting on a bench beside the window, broad and dark against a bright tapestry.
“I want to talk to you about Josce.”
“No.”
This time she would not let that flat no stand. “Yes.”
He stared at her. “You are a very foolish woman.”
Tremors were starting, but she made herself ignore them. “I am doing what I have to do. As my father did. As Josce did.”
“Hardly. You are only breaking an oath in the most marginal sense. For which you should be grateful.”
Claire took a deep breath. “I wish you to mitigate Josce’s punishment.”
“Did he seek you out to ask for this?”
“No! As far as I know, he has obeyed you and is in the church.”
“As well for him. I would be within my rights to whip him before sending him home. As you see,” he added, “I am already being merciful.”
She didn’t trust her legs, so sat on a small stool by the unlit brazier. “Renald,” she said, deliberately using his name, “please cloak your anger and listen.”
He shook his head, but spoke more gently. “You are a woman, Claire, with a woman’s soft heart and strange sense of right and wrong. Josce understands that what he did was unforgivable.”
“He did not follow your order. Are your orders always right?”
“They are always to be obeyed. As I obey the orders of my liege.”
Like orders to kill. “Orders aren’t always right,” she said, and she wasn’t entirely talking about Josce anymore.
“Then the blame rests on the one with authority.”
“Even before heaven?”
“Even before heaven.”
Was that his excuse, his salvation? That the lord took on the sins of his vassals following his orders, just as the husband took on the sins of his wife?
She wanted to ask if he felt that made murder right, but she remembered that she’d come here to plead for Josce. “Forgiveness is at the heart of our faith, Renald. Can you not forgive?”
“Perhaps I have. But I cannot have one so close who does not obey my word.”
“So you would do whatever your king commands?” She spoke without thinking, for she could answer herself. Her father’s death was answer. Of course he would. Angrily, she threw at him, “Would you kill me if he ordered it?”
His gaze fixed on her, completely blank. “No,” he said at last. “But I would expect my death from it.”
“Please,” she said, knowing tears were swelling in her eyes. “You are supposed to be teaching not destroying. Is there no other way you can handle this?”
“I thought you didn’t want violence in Summerbourne.”
Claire shuddered, hoping she was right about Josce’s wishes. “I’m not a fool. Sometimes punishment is necessary.”
Suddenly he rose and stalked over to open the door, to order a man to go to the church and command Squire Josce to attend him.
Here, thought Claire, swallowing. Renald was going to make her witness the punishment, knowing it would be punishment to her, too.
He sat again on the bench and they waited in silence.