Chapter 14
“Real love is the love that sometimes arises after sensual pleasure: if it does, it is immortal; the other kind inevitably goes stale, for it lies in mere fantasy.”
Giacomo Casanova
Audrey savored the kiss Julius pressed to her forehead, reluctant to open her eyes and admit their night was over. He had made slow and passionate love to her one more time before pulling her into his arms to sleep. Audrey had lain awake for an hour, enjoying the unity of his heart beating against her cheek as he had drifted off. She had recorded how he felt, the warmth of his bare skin against her body, the shape of his torso with her hand. Every ticking second had been bittersweet while she had resolved not to think of what came next but just be present.
She had a dreadful feeling that she would be ever so lonely when she left for Stirling. Separating from Julius after the wonderful time they had shared left her heart hollow.
At least she had gotten her one perfect night.
Audrey’s eyes flickered open to find Julius peering down at her in the morning light, his green-brown eyes reflecting the glow of sunrise.
“Good morning,” he whispered.
She realized this was what it would be like to be married to Julius. Waking up with the sunrise to greet him before embarking on the adventure of the day. Yearning pierced her very soul. “Good morning.”
“Filminster and Abbott will be here soon.”
Audrey nodded, accepting this aberration of a week was ending and it was time to return to Lord Stirling’s home. Swallowing hard, she sat up with a sheet draped over her front.
“What of Patrick and Rose?”
Julius paused mid-rising, his blond hair lit up by sunlight from the window. “I will speak with them, but they are far too fond of me to gossip. That we were here will never be shared. You witnessed their joy that you had rescued me from the brink.”
“That is a relief.” Her response was tense. Anguish at confronting the scandal back in the real world was tying her stomach in knots.
He cocked his head back to glance at her, his expression indecipherable. “I will protect you, Audrey. Your reputation will be restored.”
She averted her gaze, her eyes misting with trepidation over the coming days. “There is nothing to be done. I … do not regret … anything.”
Julius reached out a hand, cupping her cheek and coaxing her to look at him. “I have a plan to take care of you. I …” He halted, staring at her as if he wished to say something. Audrey waited, wondering what he could have in mind that would save her from ruin, but he released her to rise from the bed. “I have a plan, which we will discuss. Do not distress yourself over Lady Astley.”
He walked over to the washstand to clean himself. Audrey sighed, getting out of bed to search for her crumpled shift. She pulled it on before finding a robe in Julius’s wardrobe. Picking up her mourning gown, she silently left the room.
Returning to her own room down the hall, Audrey washed up while her thoughts remained on what was to come. Despite Julius’s assurances, she did not think there was anything he could do to mitigate the approaching crisis. Certainly he could not plan to wed her. She was a mere doctor’s daughter from Stirling, a wholly unsuitable match for the heir to an important earl, if Julius were inclined to wed at all.
Failing a wedding, she was ruined beyond redemption. Despite his assurances, Audrey knew she was in deep trouble, and she hoped the earl would support her in planning a future. She still held hope that they could prevent word from reaching Stirling and she could resume her life in the village with no one the wiser about her London adventures.
Flapper chirruped from his cage, as if to provide solace to her maudlin thoughts, making her heart squeeze even tighter as she dressed. She had succeeded as a physician, it would seem, but lost her heart along the way.
Crossing the room to collect his cage, she placed it on the dressing table before taking her seat. Opening the cage, Audrey reached in to lift the little starling. She unraveled the dressing on his wing, placing it aside to inspect the wing with gentle fingertips.
Tears sprang into her eyes as she placed the unbound bird back in the cage. As expected, Flapper was ready to take flight, not unlike the buck down the hall. For just a second, Audrey considered keeping the bird in the cage.
The needs of the patient outweigh any other considerations.
Audrey sniffed, wiping the moisture from her lashes. “I know, Papa, but who will mend my heart? Is there no remedy for me? Is the physician not a patient, too?”
She chided herself for being selfish. It was time for the bird to fly free.
Gazing up at her mournful reflection, Audrey brushed out her hair and pinned it up before jumping to her feet. Taking hold of the cage, she departed her bedchamber to go to the garden, lest she convince herself to keep the bird against its will. Flapper could not serve as a memento of her time with Julius. He deserved his freedom. She had not rescued him to break his spirit and turn him into a pet.
The garden was still cast with shadows as the sun made its way across the deep blue sky. It was a perfect day for a little bird to find its way home. Setting the cage on a bench, Audrey sat down by a neat box hedge and swung the little door open. To her dismay, tears threatened again as she reached to take hold of the trembling bird. It was as if Flapper knew his time had come.
She set him down on the grass. Audrey wanted him to test his flight nice and low so he was not injured yet again. The bird hesitated in a mild state of confusion, waddling forward with shrill chirps. Then Flapper extended his wings in the manner of a newly birthed lamb attempting to stand.
Audrey watched, nibbling on her lip and hoping that her assessment had been correct. She was sure the wing was healed, but the wild creature had been caught in a cage and binding for three weeks. Did Flapper recall what he was to do?
The bird peered around, cocking his head back and forth, before turning to stare at Audrey herself. For the briefest moment, she thought the creature was going to return to her, but the wings extended once more and, without warning, the bird took flight. Wheeling through the air, Flapper took a few dips, and then he was gone.
Audrey stared in the direction he had flown for endless minutes, the ever-threatening tears finally streaming down her face. They dripped off her chin to run down her neck, and work their way into the fabric of her gown. She was a complete ninny for weeping over a tiny bird but, somehow, his departure symbolized the end of her adventure in Town. Soon, she and Julius would gather their things and head home to Lord Stirling’s. The townhouse might be just across the street, but it felt more like a journey of hundreds of miles. A journey from a beautiful fantasy land back to grimy London.
Soon her single night with the handsome lord who had stolen her heart would be a distant memory, and Audrey cried for all she wished could be. She wished she could remain by his side. She wished Julius could be her husband and escort her on more visits to the places of men. Taverns, perhaps. Dance halls, certainly. She wished she could visit those places with him, share conversations with him over meals, return home to join him in his bed. That they might have babes with his strange blond and brown hair running about their home, dressed in unexpected colors selected by the odd gentleman who had sired them. That he would make her smile when she was sad, and laugh when she was happy, and that she could take care of him. Provide him counsel, keep him and their children out of the hands of quacks, perhaps together choose a new crusade to pursue.
She supposed one day there would be a woman who tamed the wild spirit barely contained within his earthly form. Audrey just wished it could have been her.
Julius was still mullingover his proposal to Audrey when he reached the door to the alley to await his friends. He could tell she was tense this morning, anticipating her return home and the awaiting controversy. Opening his mouth to inform her of his intent, he had realized he still did not know what he was offering her.
A marriage in name only would allow her to pursue her goals in medicine. In fact, as a married woman, she would be far more acceptable as a healer than an unwed girl. Not from his personal standpoint, but most people were rather unyielding in their social expectations.
But, somehow, sending her off to Stirling as his estranged wife was not sitting well.
And, to make matters worse, he was not ready to let her go. He had enjoyed holding her in his arms the night before.
Marriage leads to indifference.
He sighed. The thought of his delightful friendship with Audrey descending into ambivalence was unpalatable. Nay, if they stayed apart, they could maintain their mutual regard. Yet … perhaps … he could visit her from time to time to take care of their mutual needs. She was a passionate lover, and he had little interest in returning to his prior carnal arrangements.
Making love to a female he considered a friend had been a new experience, and he had never envisioned being the sort to marry and keep a mistress. He recalled being rather appalled when he had attended a house party in Somerset the year before and a scoundrel of the upper classes had set his sights on a debutante connected to Lord Saunton’s family. Both he and his chum Brendan had warned the beef-witted boor that Lord Saunton would not tolerate such behavior toward a young lady under his protection.
Julius was still reeling at the idea of marriage. He had sworn it would never happen, but it was the honorable thing to do since Audrey had discarded her reputation to see to his longevity. Considering her assertive behavior in bed the night before, he could not make a muddle of his proposal. She would hardly be passive with her words if he botched it. Which was why he needed to be concise and clear about what he was offering. Unfortunately, he was still vacillating about what the offer was precisely.
Checking his timepiece, he leaned against the wall, drumming his fingers while he tried to think about what to do about Audrey. Soon they would leave, and he should settle the matter with her before they departed from Aunty Gertrude’s.
Julius was not accustomed to such indecision. Under normal circumstances, he got a notion in his head and concluded if he was interested or not in pursuing it. This state of affairs with Audrey was different. Her welfare notwithstanding, Julius was having difficulty grasping what his own desires were when it came to the unusual female.
He did not want a marriage, but he wanted to marry her. He did not wish to answer to anyone, but Audrey had proven an excellent chum who tempered but did not attempt to curtail his objectives. Not to mention, it would be terrible to cause misery for a dear chum. A chum who had saved his life a week ago.
His wound ached in reminder of what he owed Audrey. Is that what plagued him? A sense of obligation to the avenging angel who had chased his would-be assassin away? Mayhap his debt of honor to protect her from salacious gossip obfuscated his thoughts so. Perhaps the best thing was to offer to wed her with the provision they live apart. Then the sense of duty would dispel so he would have a clear head.
A brief rap on the door alerted him that Abbott had arrived. Julius swung the door open, stepping aside to let the other heir in, and shutting them in with a brisk click of a lock latching.
They waited for Brendan, the rustle of leaves in the morning breeze the only sound. Neither dared discuss anything where they might be overheard out in the alley. Julius took the interlude to settle his worries. Proximity to Audrey and his friendship with her were clouding his mind. They would wed. He would escort her to Stirling to settle her in and then … he would return to London to sort through his thoughts.
He could abstain from women for a while. When he knew how he wished to conduct himself in the future, he and his bride would concede to an acceptable compromise. His future activities need not shame him if they agreed on the terms of their marriage.
Julius’s anxieties molded into a decision. He just needed some time to restore his equilibrium before he amended their arrangement.
“Are you going to let Filminster in?” hissed Abbott in reproach. Julius blinked, glancing up to find Abbott waving with irritation toward the door. His eyes flared in dismay, recognizing that he had missed the muted knock. He gestured to Abbott to move out of sight and opened the door to reveal Brendan disguised as a groom. The baron scowled at him in rebuke, stalking in without a word.
After the door was secured, the three men headed into the mews to find the tack room. Brendan spun on his heel as soon as they entered, throwing up his hands as an irritated question.
“My apologies. I was woolgathering,” Julius mumbled.
Brendan’s chestnut eyebrows rose to his hairline in surprise as he shot a look at Abbott.
“About a certain young woman?” he proffered.
A surge of umbrage made Julius straighten up in defense. “Certainly not! I just … have news to impart!”
That Brendan had guessed where his thoughts lay was galling. He was not some insipid youth pining over a female. Just because these two buffoons were besotted with their brides did not mean he was following suit. Nay, he was cut from a different cloth than most.
The fact that he had sated his lust, yet still desired Audrey, still felt the impression of her beneath him—that was neither here nor there. Once he put things right, life would return to normal.
“We need to finish this. I believe I know who murdered the baron!”
This proclamation had the desired effect. Brendan and Abbott inhaled in a surprised chorus.
“How? I thought you were resting yesterday?”
“I was. That is when Aud—Miss Gideon recalled a detail from the day of my attack.” Julius pulled the leather-bound books from his coat pockets. “She recalled that the hound who attacked me had a pattern lining his coat. Tartan. From the Campbell Clan.”
Brendan frowned, combing his fingers through his hair with a thoughtful expression as he appeared to search for a memory. “One of the men had a mother?—”
“Scott! His mother is a Campbell. A Scottish peeress, in fact!”
Abbott balked, ever the voice of dissent. “It could be a coincidence.”
Julius tutted. “I observed that the servants in the Scott household have uniforms lined with the same tartan. Aud—Miss Gideon identified them from a pattern book.”
Brendan whistled through his teeth. “This could be it!”
“I think it is.”
Abbott stalked over. “There must be a way to confirm it.”
Julius nodded. “I agree. I think we should question Stone and Montague as to their whereabouts on the night of the coronation. If they possess alibis, we can rule them out to focus our attentions on finding evidence against Scott. Unearth Peter Scott’s marriage to a woman from the Continent in whatever parish records are relevant to his family.”
Brendan rubbed his neck, staring at the ground beneath their boots. “You are that confident?”
Julius grinned, spreading his arms out in exuberant emphasis. “Gentlemen, I am coming home.”
Much later,after the sun had set and London was in darkness, Audrey and Julius sat in the large drawing room at the top of the stairs—the one that faced the street and overlooked the entrance to Lord Stirling’s townhouse.
Neither of them had spoken since entering the room ten minutes earlier. Audrey would have paid more attention to the fact that Julius was more subdued than she had ever seen him, but she was subdued herself. Outright melancholy, in fact.
Her valise sat at her feet, along with the empty birdcage that reminded her that her first patient was gone. Flying free through the skies of London while Audrey contemplated her lonely future. She crossed her fingers within the folds of her skirts.
Please allow me to return to Stirling unscathed.
It was her last chance to escape. She needed to leave London as soon as possible to avoid the agony of parting from Julius. When they walked across the street, their unusual friendship would be over. She would never be alone with him again after they left Lady Hays’s. It would be agonizing to brush past him in the hall from time to time, or perhaps sit across from him at the dinner table, but pretend they shared no relationship. That he did not hold her heart from this day. That he had not woken her from the slumber of mourning, the endless melancholy of grief, to reveal a new world of exciting adventure.
Audrey swallowed the lump in her throat, staring out at the shadowed street while they waited for the guards who would protect them.
She wanted to savor her last time alone with Julius, but her stomach coiled with dread. There was no knowing what crisis she would face come morning when news of their return got around. Audrey picked at her skirts in agitation.
“Audrey?”
Looking away from the window, she found Julius staring at her with a strange expression.
“I … wish to inform you?—”
The sound of carriage wheels interrupted what he wished to say, both of them spinning back to the window to see who had arrived. Two carriages stood out on the roadway, several servants disembarking from the dark interiors. As they approached Lord Stirling’s front door, passing under the street lamp, Audrey noted they were unusual choices for footmen. Their heights were disparate for one, several of them shorter than the rest when they were usually hired to be similar in appearance.
“The Johns are here.”
Her brow wrinkled as she threw Julius a questioning look.
“The guards from Markham House. They each call themselves John for some reason. I suppose they wish to hide their identities,” he explained.
Audrey drew a deep breath, rising from the settee. Leaning down, she picked up her valise and birdcage. “It would seem we are ready to leave.”
“We need to discuss the future. The plan I mentioned.”
Audrey nodded, but she had to admit she was rather overwrought at that moment. She wanted to get this parting over with, and deal with the scandal as a separate issue. The truth was, she was feeling rather fragile, and discussing the looming gossip was not foremost on her mind. Right now, she wanted to return to her room and nurse her breaking heart.
“In the morning, perhaps. It … has been a long day.” It was all she could offer in the way of explanation.
Julius reached out, attempting to take the cage from her hand. “In the morning, then. May I … assist you with that?”
Audrey shook her head, drawing back. She needed to get accustomed to fending for herself. Papa was gone, and Julius would be off on his adventures without her. “I can manage. Shall we?”
Julius nodded, reaching up to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear. The sweetness of his gesture pierced her heart with longing, but she squared her shoulders, determined not to stray into wishful thinking. They left the drawing room, descending the main staircase. The mood was gloomy. Neither of them appeared to be thrilled about their return home. Audrey wondered briefly about the cause of Julius’s pensive tone, but she was struggling with her own despair, so did not pay it much mind.
They reached the front door, and Patrick was there to open it.
As Audrey stood in the doorway contemplating the house on the other side of the street, she fought back a black cloud of depression. She welcomed the weight of the cage and the valise tugging on her arms. They helped her focus on the here. She did not want to think about how this was so much like the night she had arrived in London as a grieving daughter, only to return a dejected female who had lost her heart to the gentleman standing at her side.
It had been a glorious few days, but now she was waking from the strange dream she had been caught in. Audrey just hoped she could leave for Stirling soon, and that the scandal would not follow her there. She needed time to grieve anew while she picked up the pieces of her life and tried to work out what would make her happy.