Chapter 29
Twenty-Nine
Ethan found Marcus sitting at the piano in the music room, but not playing it. It wasn’t the first time he’d caught Marcus staring at the black and white keys, seeming unwilling to touch them but also unable to walk away.
Seventy-two hours had passed since the destruction of the Black Wolf clan, not that Ethan remembered much of it.
The Varik brothers fed. Ethan managed to tolerate Marcus feeding off a stranger only because Ethan knew he couldn’t meet all Marcus’s needs.
Of course, later that night when they were both showered and wrapped around each other, Ethan was more than happy to supply Marcus with a nightcap, hoping to wash the taste of the other man from Marcus’s tongue.
For the past two days, Ethan had done little more than eat, sleep, and fuck Marcus. There was almost a desperation to Marcus’s touch now, and nothing Ethan said or did could banish whatever thoughts were haunting him.
Whenever Marcus wasn’t in bed with him, he was on the phone with the remaining members of the Ministry, explaining what had happened, or he was sitting at the piano. Ethan wanted to give him time to work it out on his own, but the melancholy seemed to be digging its claws deeper and deeper.
Ethan had to admit that he had expected to feel a bigger sense of relief and accomplishment at finding and destroying his family’s killer.
He was glad Minerva was gone, unable to torture more humans.
But the small, hollow part of his heart where his family resided was still there.
He still missed them. Still ached over the lives that Macy and Lucy wouldn’t ever live. That would never go away.
But he had a new family. The Varik brothers would never replace his birth family, but they gave him a place where he finally felt like he belonged. It was a home. Something he hadn’t had in so damn long.
The old pains were never too far away, but Marcus and his brothers made life a little easier, more tolerable. Definitely more entertaining. His only hope was that he’d be able to help more humans now that he was on the inside of the vampire world, protect them from the pain that he’d suffered.
But right now, his focus was on the pain Marcus was struggling with.
Taking a deep breath, Ethan strolled into the music room and dropped down onto the bench, beside Marcus. The vampire straightened and managed a small, wan smile.
“Did you have a good nap?” Marcus asked.
Ethan shrugged. “The falling asleep part is always the best.” Marcus lifted an eyebrow in question and Ethan continued. “Your arms are wrapped around me.”
Marcus nodded and looked back at the piano. “I think it’s dinnertime. Shall we order something?”
“Later. I want you to talk first.”
“About?”
Ethan nudged Marcus with his elbow. “You’re not the clichéd, brooding grumpy vampire. You haven’t actually touched the piano since that night. You just sit here and stare at it. What’s going on in your head?”
“Too much.”
“Okay, but you gotta give me something.” Reaching over, Ethan slid his hand under Marcus’s and threaded his fingers through his. “Is this about your mom?”
“Some. I’m torn on how I should feel about what happened. I’m angry that anyone would hurt her, try to hurt both of you. She was the sweetest, most gentle woman. She loved her sons and music. She dreamed of giving only beauty to the world.”
Ethan’s hand tightened in Marcus’s. “I only knew her for a couple of minutes, but she seemed pretty amazing to me. And looked so much like Rafe and Bel.”
Marcus nodded. He blinked and a tear rolled unchecked down his cheek. “But I can’t forget that she was also capable of so much pain and torment. She physically hurt all of us. Came so damn close to killing Bel. I don’t think he ever forgave her for that last attack.”
“It wasn’t her.”
“No, but it still happened, and we have to live with the memory. The fear of it happening all over again. Of not being able to stop her in time.”
“It’s over.” Releasing Marcus’s hand, Ethan twisted on the bench to face Marcus.
He reached up and cupped Marcus’s cheeks with both hands.
“You and Bel and Rafe and Winter, you succeeded. You protected her and each other. You and your brothers are the most amazing people I’ve ever met.
You’re loyal and brave and so fucking loving.
Even after everything you went through with your mom, you still loved her.
After all your fights and frustrations, you still love your brothers and they love you.
You guys are there for each other in a heartbeat. ”
Marcus closed his eyes and nodded. “I feel guilty, because there is a part of me that’s also relieved.
She tried not to show it, but I think she was unhappy.
I think she missed Aiden without truly realizing he was missing.
I think she knew she was hurting us but wasn’t sure how.
I’m just glad she’s not in pain anymore. ”
Ethan released Marcus’s face and wrapped his arms around his lover’s neck, pulling him in for a tight hug.
Marcus held him back, lowering his face to his shoulder.
Silent tears fell on Ethan’s bare skin. It was the first time Marcus had really spoken about his mother since her death.
Ethan understood the mixed feelings that came with losing family suddenly and violently.
For years, the only things he’d been able to feel were anger and hatred.
It had probably been what kept him from finding a new home with a foster family.
“I love you, Marcus. So very much,” Ethan murmured.
Marcus’s arms tightened, and Ethan wished they weren’t sitting on a piano bench, but in bed so he could snuggle that much closer.
He wanted to be sure that Marcus always felt loved and cherished.
The weight of his strange family weighed heavily on his shoulders.
He’d protected his brothers and mother for so long, but who did he have to lean on?
Ethan wanted Marcus to know he’d never have to carry that weight alone again.
“I love you, Ethan.”
Releasing him slowly, Ethan pressed a tender kiss to Marcus’s lips and then leaned back, putting his elbow on the top of the piano. “Is that what’s been on your mind? Keeping you from playing?”
He wasn’t really surprised when Marcus shook his head, his eyes dropping to the keys. “No.”
“Is it the fallout from Minerva and the Ministry?”
“In part.” Marcus licked his lips, still not looking up at Ethan.
“You haven’t changed your mind about the Ministry, have you? You said they were corrupt, and that change was needed to protect people.”
“No, I still believe that.” He looked up and touched Ethan’s cheek.
“My worry is that things are going to get a lot worse before they get better. The idea that I could sit on the Ministry along with other members of my family is a silly fantasy. If I’m going to upset things and remove other vampires, how is anyone ever going to trust me?
What makes me different than the bastards sitting on the Ministry now?
” He paused again and looked at Ethan, fear clear in his blue eyes.
It finally hit Ethan what Marcus’s final consuming concern was. Him.
“You’re worried about the violence. People trying to stop you.”
“More importantly, I’m worried about you being in the path of danger.”
“Are you worried about your brothers?”
“Yes, of course!”
“But?”
“They’re vampires,” Marcus admitted softly.
His lips thinned as he pressed them together and he stared at Ethan for a second.
It was like he was trying to steel himself for the hard truth he wanted to deliver.
Ethan smiled at his adorableness. He was making this so much more difficult than it needed to be.
“Ethan,” Marcus started again, his voice stern.
“You’re human. In comparison to vampires, you’re weaker and your body frailer.
Without Bel’s poison, which is a completely different problem for us, you would never have been able to reach me.
You and Bel would have been overwhelmed.
There will be other attacks. You could be grabbed during the day while running an errand.
I’m not the only one with a human assistant.
No matter how hard I try, I can’t promise to keep you safe. ”
“No one is asking that you do.”
“But I need you safe!” he snapped in desperation. He exhaled and closed his eyes. “I need you safe. I can’t lose you.”
“Well, you realize there is one very easy solution to this problem.”
Marcus frowned at him, his face darkening like a thundercloud. “Don’t make light of this. There is no—”
“Change me.”
Marcus’s mouth hung open for a second. When he finally managed to speak, his voice was barely above a whisper. “What?”
“Make me a vampire. Make me like you.”
“Are…are you sure?”
Ethan leaned forward and quickly kissed Marcus again. “Yes. I’m sure.”
Marcus grabbed Ethan’s hand and squeezed it.
“I’m being very serious, Ethan. I know Bel is working on what he thinks of as a cure, but there’s no guarantee that he could ever turn you back to a human.
This is forever. No more walking in the sun.
Dependent on blood to survive. You’re fully a part of the vampire world, with all the violent chaos that comes with it. ”
“This isn’t a snap decision for me. I’ve been thinking about it since we start—well, since the first time we kissed.
” Ethan looked down at Marcus’s hand, feeling the heat steal across his cheeks.
“It started as a sort of ‘what if?’ thought rattling around in my brain. What if we dated? What if something happened to me? Would I want you to change me? Would I want to take a chance on being with you forever even if it meant no more sunlight and a slight diet alteration? The answer always came back yes.”
“But the violence and the Ministry?”
Ethan snorted. “Have you taken a good look at human politics recently? We’re not doing much better.”
Marcus smirked at him. “You do have a point.”