Chapter 19 #2
Rafe smiled. His mother loved that little spot hidden away in the forest that surrounded Aiden’s manor. She seemed at peace there among the trees and the golden sunlight peeking through the leaves. She’d loved that spot just as much at night, but only when Aiden was at her side.
They’d not questioned too much as children why they only ever saw Aiden after the sun had gone down.
At the time, they saw only Julianna’s love for him, so they naturally trusted him as well.
And what adventurous child didn’t love the prospect of playing outside with their new stepfather after dark?
He lifted his head and really looked at Aiden for the first time in too many years.
He didn’t think it was possible, but his father appeared to have aged when vampires didn’t age.
Circles underlined his eyes, and he swore there were new wrinkles stretching out from the corners that had never been there before.
He was still the strong, powerful figure he’d always been with his dark hair and golden eyes, though.
Aiden had likely been in his early thirties when he’d been turned, but there was something about him now, more than just his power, that lent a new weight to his age.
“She loved you, you know? Even after…” Rafe’s voice drifted off. “She never stopped loving you.”
“I know.”
“I’m so sorry—”
“Don’t,” Aiden cut him off sharply. He softened that word with a crooked smile. “Or you’ll be getting more apologies from me. Do you and your brothers want more—”
“No, definitely not. We’ve never blamed you. You tried. You were the only fucking one trying anything to save her,” Rafe said, his voice breaking a bit at the end.
He and his brothers had spoken about it numerous times while they were all human and then again when they were turned.
None of them had ever blamed Aiden for what happened to Julianna.
She’d been dying, and they took a chance.
Aiden had been clear that there were risks, though Rafe had a feeling Aiden hadn’t considered her insanity one of those risks.
Aiden reached across and wrapped his fingers around Rafe’s wrist and squeezed.
“Then no more apologies on either side. Hate me if you wish, but I can’t entirely regret the outcome.
I still have four amazing sons.” He paused and his smile returned, becoming something far lighter than Rafe had seen on Aiden’s face in a very long time. “And one very interesting son-in-law.”
A low chuckle rumbled up Rafe’s throat. “You’ve met Ethan.”
Releasing his wrist, Aiden grabbed his drink, threw back half of it, and settled in his seat. There was something strangely lighter about him now. As if he too had shed some old weight.
“I’ve spent a great deal of time talking to Ethan over the past night.
It’s a bit like talking to you and Bel at the same time.
Brilliant and a bit wicked, particularly if Marcus happens to be in the room as well.
” He paused again and shook his head as if brushing aside a thought before looking up at Rafe again. “I’ve never seen Marcus so happy.”
“It’s an odd match, but he fits among the Variks as if he were born to be one of us.”
Aiden grunted, and his eyes narrowed as if he was trying to read inside of Rafe’s brain and the thoughts Rafe was attempting to avoid at all costs. Thoughts of Philippe.
“Are you going to stay for a while?” Rafe asked, then inwardly winced. It was painfully obvious he was changing the subject.
“Here to stay. I have four sons that need watching…and possibly some fatherly advice.”
It was on the tip of Rafe’s tongue to state that he and his brothers were all grown and did not need watching over, but he swallowed back those rude words, hating himself a little for even thinking them.
One look at his own life proved he could use all the fucking help he could get. Jesus, his ego truly was ridiculous.
When he met Aiden’s gaze again, he saw only concern and love, but he couldn’t get the words free.
“Tell me about Philippe.”
A harsh bark of laughter had Rafe uncomfortably jumping to his feet. He snatched up Aiden’s nearly empty glass as well as his own and carried them back to the bar. “Who told you there was something going on with Philippe Arsenault?”
“Marcus.” Aiden followed him and stood on the other side as Rafe refilled their glasses. This time there was significantly more alcohol than blood. “But I think some of that might have been Ethan whispering in his ear.”
Rafe kept his eyes on the bar as he pushed Aiden’s in front of him and grabbed his own.
He could feel his heavy, knowing eyes on him, reading him even if he never said a word.
And he wanted to. He wanted to say a hell of a lot of words, but it was going to be a fucking mess, and he’d just gotten all that shit boxed up in his head again.
“Rafe,” Aiden said firmly. “Tell me about Philippe.”
He wasn’t going to say anything. Just brush off Aiden’s request. Make a joke.
But opening his mouth was like a dam breaking.
Everything came pouring out. All the feelings and worries he’d finally packed away came tumbling out.
Every memory. Hell, he was pretty sure he was damn lyrical just talking about Philippe’s eyes, but none of it could be stopped.
He wanted to say it was like purging a poison, but there was nothing poisonous about Philippe.
If Philippe Arsenault was a disease, then Rafe wanted it. He wanted to be infected with all Philippe’s laughter and joy and sweet concern. He wanted his compassion more than he wanted his next meal.
God, he was disgusting when it came to talking about Philippe.
But Aiden didn’t smile or snicker. He didn’t tease. He simply nodded, taking in every one of Rafe’s words as if they were helping to heal his own wounds. And maybe caring for his sons did help to take away the ache of losing his love.
When he was done, Aiden gave him a sad little smile. “Breathe, son. Just breathe.”
Rafe shook his head. “Even if he doesn’t hate me for failing him.”
“You haven’t failed him. You’ve not given up. You haven’t failed.”
The first little shred of hope blossomed in his heart. Yes, he and his brothers most definitely needed Aiden there with them.
“And if he loves you as he says, then I don’t think he’s stopped,” Aiden continued. “If he has stopped, he’s certainly not worthy of your love.”
Lifting his glass to his lips, Rafe took a small sip and smirked at Aiden. “You know, I had no idea you were so good at this fatherly advice thing.”
“And there’s the son I know and love.”
Rafe snorted. He really couldn’t argue. It was the first hint of normal he’d felt in a week.
“Even if he loves me and we figure out who is trying to destroy his clan, where does that leave us? He’s the head of the Arsenault clan.
I am a Varik. I can’t stop being a Varik. I won’t. We’re two separate clans.”
“Vampires have changed clans before.”
Rafe glared Aiden, barely holding back his temper at such a suggestion. “I am a Varik. I-I couldn’t even live with myself if I had to choose between my new clan and my brothers. My family.”
“And Philippe?”
Rafe’s anger evaporated in an instant. “Change clans?” The hope was born in one heartbeat and died in the next. “He’s the clan leader. He would give anything to protect his people. They come first for him.”
Aiden made a little humming noise as he stared down at his glass. He turned it with the tips of his fingers, making the light catch and dance along the facets of the cut crystal. “Marcus spoke with me about your suggestion of the Variks officially becoming a clan. Your brothers all agree with you.”
“Really? And you?”
The smirk rising on Aiden’s lips reminded him of one he’d seen in the mirror too many times.
“I never expected to be a clan leader. Never wanted to be.” He glanced up at Rafe and his smile became a little more self-deprecating.
“But I think that was more about laziness on my part. Lying to myself that I didn’t want the responsibility. ”
“Just a touch ridiculous since you’ve been incredibly responsible and protective of the Varik brothers even before we were turned.”
Aiden sighed and raised his glass as if toasting Rafe. “The lies we tell ourselves so we can get through the night.”
Rafe clinked his against Aiden’s, understanding that sentiment all too well.
“Marcus is finalizing the paperwork tonight and sending it off to the Ministry. I shall take my place as the head of the Varik clan, while Marcus will continue as my spokesman and clan advocate since he already handles the Ministry so well.”
Rafe laughed. “I’m sure Marcus was thrilled with that.”
Aiden’s smile took a slightly evil cast. “He was willing to take on the role if it meant I took over the job of watching over a certain twin and his social media accounts.”
“Yep,” Rafe said, popping the P loudly. “You got screwed on that deal.”
But it was a lie and they both knew it. He would rein himself in for Aiden. Hell, he’d kill his social media accounts completely if Aiden could come up with a solution for his current Philippe dilemma. He just wanted Philippe.
“Give him time,” Aiden said softly, as if he could read his thoughts. “If Philippe loves you as you believe, then he is trying to puzzle out the same problem as you. He needs to figure out what is best for all the people he cares about, and that includes you.”
Rafe nodded, not trusting his voice again.
Stupid emotional roller coaster. Life was so much easier when he didn’t feel anything except love for his brothers.
He understood what Aiden was telling him.
He was just afraid that when Philippe made a list of what and who was most important to him, Rafe wouldn’t make the cut.