Chapter 12
chapter twelve
I’d blown Callum off this morning in favor of going to the clinic so I could have an STI panel run.
The lady who took my blood was really nice, even though I was incredibly difficult due to my deathly fear of needles.
All it took was spending a few days in the hospital to give me that phobia. I’d never had it before then.
Now? I went pale at the mere sight of them. I was pretty sure it had to be in my chart at this point, with how many times I’d passed out from getting blood drawn or getting a shot.
I looked down at my phone, opening the notification while I waited for the walk signal to turn green.
Cal
Come to fire and ice.
Maybe another day. I have plans
Cal
Asshole. Thought you valued our friendship.
I do. I value you, and I value our friendship, but I have plans
Cal
Same guy?
I rolled my eyes at the message.
Don’t start. That’s mean
Cal
Nope. Call me later.
Maybe I won’t. Since you don’t value our friendship.
Cal
Ass.
He loved me. He had no choice but to love me.
I finally got to Pride and Pages, looking up at the pink outside and trying to conjure up some courage to go inside. I wondered if Forrest would be wearing his glasses again. I kind of hoped he was.
After far too long trying to convince myself to open the door, I finally did, listening to the chime as I walked in. The guy I’d seen the other day with the shimmery lips looked up, smiling. “Welcome to Pride and Pages! Is there somewhere I can point you to, or are you browsing?”
“Um,” I shifted on my feet. “I was looking for Forrest, if he’s available.”
“Sure! He’s gathering some stuff in the back. Let me see if he’s good to come out.”
“Okay. Tell him Jack is here.”
He went off to the side, going behind a door that read ‘Employees Only.’ I took the chance to browse through some of the books on big tables at the front. They had a lot more copies of the same book on them, like they were being showcased for something special.
It didn’t take long before Forrest was walking up to me, glasses sitting on top of his head with a big smile. “Hey. Andros told me some cutie was looking for me out here, and I knew it had to be you.”
Rolling my eyes, I set one of the books I’d picked up back on the table. “I told him to tell you Jack was here.”
“He did. He also said you were some cute guy named Jack. To what do I owe the pleasure of seeing you here? I didn’t know you were coming.”
“I should’ve texted. Sorry.” We’d finally shared phone numbers after our last day together. We hadn’t texted much, though. “I was out already and thought I’d stop by. Maybe we can have lunch or something?”
“Aw.” Forrest put a hand over his heart. “Are you asking me out on a date?”
I lifted a brow at him. “A friend date, handsome. A friend date. But I want you to show me around properly first.”
“There isn’t much to see, really. Just the bookshelves with the different categories. We have some cute stationery items for sale, too.”
I pointed at the tables in front of us. “What’re these for?”
“Oh, yeah.” He picked up the same book I just had.
“These are spotlights. I work with a couple of indie authors every month to see if they want to do a spotlight in the store. They provide me copies of their books at no cost to me or at a discounted cost, I try to sell them, and then they get all the proceeds. If it goes well, I stock more of their works on a regular basis, and they get royalties like normal.”
I blinked at him for a second. “Wait, do you have to keep up with every author’s sales and how much they’re owed?”
“Me? Not as much anymore. I’ve been able to hire someone to do all that for me. I keep up with the stock; she handles the royalty payments and accounts management.”
“That sounds like a lot.”
He shrugged. “It used to be. I’m very fortunate to be able to hire people to help out with this kind of stuff, though. Takes a lot of of pressure off me for admin work. You know how it is.”
Shaking my head, I moseyed over to one of the front bookshelves. “I don’t, no.”
“What do you mean?”
“I do everything myself. I haven’t hired an accountant or admin or anything like that. Just Mav and Melissa.”
“Jesus Christ.” He whistled. “Why would you do that? You’ve been open far longer than me, right?”
One of the books caught my eye, kind of like Double Coverage had. I reached for it, touching the front of the cover. This one felt more matte beneath my fingertips, rather than glossy and smooth like the other one. “I’m a bit of a control freak.”
“Uh huh.”
I turned around, glaring at him. “I am.”
“That’s really hard to imagine, honestly. From the way you act when—”
“Shh!” I interrupted him, frowning. “Don’t start. I may let you have all the fun in bed, but I don’t like letting other people do most things for me. I’d rather do it myself so I can have control over it.”
“Interesting.”
I sighed, grabbing the book from the shelf. “I wanna buy this. Where are we going to go for lunch?”
He smirked at me. “You tell me, Mr. Control.”
Should I have taken it as an insult? Probably not. He was having fun. But it almost got under my skin. He had no idea the things I worried about daily solely because I felt the inescapable need to oversee every little thing and make sure it went the exact way I needed it to.
If I didn’t do it, it wouldn’t get done right. So, I did all the expense reports. I did all the stock. I kept up with the accounts. Hell, I didn’t like having someone else make my coffee because I couldn’t trust that they’d do it the way I needed them to.
Pushing the thought away, I let Andros check me out and put my new book into a bag. Forrest followed behind me as I made my way back to the front and stopped, putting a hand on my hip. “There’s a little place right by the boba shop down here. Let’s go there and eat.”
“As long as they have heating inside, I’m cool.” He started to pat his pockets and the neckline of his shirt. “I didn’t bring my jacket today. And I seem to have lost my work glasses.”
“Work glasses?”
“Yeah. I’ve got a pair I keep here and a pair I keep at home. I lose them all the time, but two is harder to lose than one.”
I tapped the top of my head. “They’re up here.”
His brows came together as he felt the top of his head and pulled them down. “Oh. Yeah, that makes sense.”
“You need one of those beaded things you can wear around your neck. That’s what my grandma always wore.”
“No offense to your grandma, but absolutely not. I may be bad, but I’m not that bad. Besides, I don’t wear them all the time.”
“Should you be?”
“Oh, most definitely. I have really shitty vision.”
I smiled, looking at the gorgeous brown of his eyes. I wanted to keep staring into them and fantasize about how they looked when he took control of me. There was always so much confidence and power in them. “I like them on you. They’re kinda hot.”
Curling his lip, he shook his head. “I’ve never liked how they look on me. No matter the frame or color. They’re also fucking annoying. Let me leave these with Andros, and we can go.”
Now that I knew he had a pair at home, I was absolutely going to beg him to wear them for me. Did I like admitting that? No. But who was I to resist something like Forrest in his glasses?
“It kind of makes me sad that you’re an only child.” Forrest reached across the table to grab the ketchup. “My favorite pastime is annoying my little brother. I think his is annoying me and annoying our mamá, too.”
I shoved a fry into my mouth, not eating it yet. I liked to lick all the salt off first before I bit into it. It was a habit I’d picked up from my dad. “Maybe Callum is secretly my little brother, then.”
“How long have you guys been friends?”
“A few years now. Our friendship had a weird start, honestly.”
He tore a piece of his sandwich apart. “Do tell.”
All the salt was gone from my fry, so I finally plopped it into my mouth.
“Well, I was at the hospital. My grandma was really sick near the end of her life. She had double pneumonia, it turned into sepsis, and her body couldn’t handle it.
” I picked up another fry, looking at all the salt crystals on it.
“She’d just flatlined. I went into the hallway to cry because I didn’t want her spirit to see me lose my shit.
I was absolutely hysterical. As I stepped out, I heard crying from the other side, only to find Callum standing in front of me, sobbing his eyes out as well.
He looked horrified that some random person was seeing him break down like that.
I asked him why he was there. He said, “Grandpa,” I said, “Grandma,” and we… cried together. The rest was history.”
“Holy shit. I’m glad you guys found each other for that. Did his grandpa pass as well?”
Shaking my head, I leaned back against the booth seat. “No. He had a fall, but he ended up being okay. He did recently pass, though.”
Forrest frowned. “That must be really difficult. I’m so sorry for your loss. And his.”
I pursed my lips together. “I’ve had time, and he’s had me and Tobi. It’s going to be difficult for a long time for him, but we’ll make sure he gets through it.”
“That’s good. I’m really glad.”
“Yeah. Me too.” I stared at the milkshake in front of me.
I wanted to reach out for it, but I’d already let my eyes unfocus, and it felt too good to make them focus again.
I didn’t want to move, either. Remembering the absolute mess I was after Grandma died always brought back this enormous weight on my chest and body, like something was physically weighing me down.
Maybe my body didn’t want to forget how that felt, just like it didn’t want to forget that day in the ocean.
A constant reminder of what it was to lose control. Control of life. Control of death.
Fuck, the milkshake looked good. I took a deep breath, content to keep staring at the glass like it had some magical wisdom in it. “We need to clean his papa’s house out soon. He’s going to end up needing to sell it, but I’m not sure if he’s ready to.”
“Does the house still have a mortgage?”
“From the way Cal was talking, I think so.”
Forrest hummed as he chewed. “I’d ask. If it’s paid off, he wouldn’t have to rush selling it. He could keep it for as long as he wanted to. Otherwise, he’ll have to pay for two houses every month, but if he’s got the means, then he should go for it.”
That was true. I’d assumed the house was still being paid off, but I didn’t know if that was Callum’s childhood home or if it was newer. “I’ll talk to him about it. I hadn’t really thought of that before.”
“My Papi died when I was a kid. Mamá hadn’t worked since I was born, so she was in absolute shambles.
We had to move, and I don’t remember a whole bunch, but I do remember how sad and stressed she was.
She had to sell the house really quickly because it was too much for one person with two kids, but I know she would've kept it if she could.”
I finally forced my eyes to focus, looking at him. “Shit. I’m so sorry. That must’ve been hard being that young.”
Shaking his head, he picked up his lemonade and shook the glass, making the ice shuffle around.
“I really was very young. Young enough I don’t remember him very much.
I mean, I missed the idea of him for a long time, you know?
I grieved not having the same experience as the other kids my age who had a living father.
But it got easier as I got older. We keep an eye on Mamá and try to be there for her as much as possible.
I actually need to set up a dinner with her and my brother soon. ”
“That’s really good. I’m glad you guys are close to her like that.”
“I worry about her. We both do. What about you?”
I finally picked up my milkshake, twisting the straw around in the glass. “What about me?”
“Are you close with your parents?”
Grimacing while sucking on a straw wasn’t the easiest thing I’d ever done, but I’d somehow done it. “Loaded question. The short answer is no.”
“And the long answer?” He raised an eyebrow.
“Let’s just say there’s more than one reason why I left California.”
“Will you tell me about it someday?”
I glanced away, not sure if I really wanted to answer that.
I didn’t want to promise him too much of me.
For all I knew, we’d end this whole thing between us tomorrow, and it’d be like nothing ever happened.
That wasn’t what I wanted, but it was another thing outside my control.
Another reason I didn’t do relationships.
Another reason why this whole thing was one big, giant mistake I couldn’t bring myself to run away from.
Sliding back in the seat, I shrugged. “I guess we’ll have to see.”
“I guess I shouldn’t be asking on our first…friend date, huh? It’ll probably take a few, won’t it?”
“At the very least. Oh, um. I went to the clinic this morning.”
“Oh?”
“Yep. Should have my results in a couple of days. I’ve been on PrEP consistently, though, if you were wondering about that.”
He flashed me a big, gleaming smile. “Good. Me too, and I’ve always used condoms. But we can talk more in depth about this when we discuss the other big things.”
I tilted my head. “Other big things?”
He leaned forward and winked at me. “Sex, Jackson. The benefits part of our arrangement.”
Goddamn it. My name was a weapon on his tongue, and I’d given it to him. I bit the side of my cheek to keep any reaction at bay. “Right. When exactly are we going to have that discussion?”
“I’ll be off work the day after tomorrow.”
“I can be there by eight PM.”
He shifted backward from the table. “Good. I should head back to work, but look for a text from me. Fill it out before we see each other again, and if you have any questions, text me.”
“Fill what out?”
He was already standing up from the table. “You’ll see. Bye, Jack.”
I watched him leave, wondering if the fluttering in my chest was a side effect from the ocean or if it was a side effect of liking Forrest. Not that I really liked him all that much. No, that wasn’t me.
At least, I didn’t think so. I just didn’t have any control over how I felt around him.