Chapter 23
chapter twenty-three
The hotel room was fucking huge. Jack wouldn’t tell me how much he’d spent on it, but I knew it had to have been a couple hundred bucks for one night.
We had to drive a little backward into a different city to get here—Newton, which I think was the name of the city River said the new Fire and Ice location would be in.
He said he’d be working there within the next couple of months, last I checked.
Jack dropped our bags onto the bed, turning and putting his hands on his hips. “This is a lot fancier than I thought it was going to be.”
“Oh, yeah. It’s really nice. How much did you say it was again?”
He glared at me. “I’m not telling you. You’ll just goad me about it being too much and shit.”
Well, he had a point. “What can I say?” I wandered to the bathroom, opening the door and peeking my head in. “Oh, wow. It has a jacuzzi.”
“It has a what?”
“Jacuzzi.”
“There’s a shower, though, right?”
I stepped further in, feeling the side of the wall for the light switch. “Uh, yeah, there is. Just also a big-ass mirror, two sinks, a jacuzzi, and way more space than necessary.”
I heard Jack sigh from behind me. “Like your bathroom. I asked for a room specifically with a regular tub, but what are you gonna do? Make people listen to you?”
I almost asked why it was such a big deal, but then I remembered. Of course, it was a big deal to him. Flicking the light off, I turned to him and leaned against the doorframe. He was so handsome. So beautiful.
He was mine.
No more friend dates. No more pretending like the sex was only sex. No more convincing myself that I could do this without feelings, because now there were feelings. All the feelings.
His lips turned up as he glanced away from my gaze. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Because I can. Because I’m still trying to process that someone as gorgeous as you is really mine.”
“I’m yours, Forrest. Just yours, okay?” He shoved his hand into his pockets, fishing for something as he walked to the balcony. “I’m going to smoke.”
It was dark outside now. We’d spent most of the day driving. If he were anyone else, I think I would’ve gotten bored and murdered him on the way. Sitting in a car for hours on end sounded like a nightmare, yet it was easy with him.
We’d talked about everything and nothing at the same time, taking turns picking music from his phone’s playlist. I doubted he’d do that with anyone else, seeing as he said he struggled with control.
I’d never noticed it outside of him saying once that he was a bit of a control freak, which made me think that maybe he gave me more than he even realized.
He loved when I took, and I loved when he gave. My favorite pastime.
I stared at his silhouette from behind the sliding glass door, watching the smoke leave his mouth and go into the air around him. I realized I wanted to be there. I wanted to mix with the smoke, breathe him in, and take all his worries away.
I thought I’d lost him for good.
But no. We were just starting.
I slid the glass door open, stepping outside into the warm night air, closing it behind me.
The stars were barely visible in the sky from all the city lights shining everywhere.
Jack was glowing, though. Like some sort of beautiful angel sent straight from heaven to show me that hope still existed. Hope was human. Hope was worth it.
He pushed his cigarette into the ashtray balancing on the railing, turning around to face me. “Hey, you’re going to smell like smoke.”
I stepped forward, crowding him.
“Forrest, seriously. I already smell like it—I don’t want to cover you in it, too.”
I kept going until his back was against the railing and he was looking up at me. “Then I guess I’ll smell like you.”
I loved watching how his eyes flicked between mine. They were full of wonder and awe, staring straight into the soul inside of me that wasn’t even mine. It was his. It’d been his since the start, just like Mamá had said. “Forrest…”
Cupping his cheek, I leaned down until our noses touched. He smelled like cigarette smoke, cologne, and something fruitier. Fresher. Was that what love smelled like? “Why do you like it when I take your breath away? I’d think it’d be difficult with your past.”
“Not with you.” His eyes fell closed as he leaned into my palm.
“When your hand is around my throat, or when you have your palm over my nostrils and mouth, it feels like freedom. Like… Like magic.” He whispered the word, shaking his head.
“I trust you, Forrest. I couldn’t trust the water.
I couldn’t control the water. But I trust you, and I know you’d only take what I can handle. ”
My heart stuttered in my chest. “Magic,” I repeated. “That’s what magic feels like for you?”
“Just being with you feels like a little piece of magic.”
His eyes opened, and I got lost in them. How beautiful they were. Being around him was like magic for me, too—like I’d told him in Pride and Pages the first time he’d come in. There was no other way to explain it all. It was magical. Inexplicable.
I brought our lips together, wrapping my other arm around his back. I held onto him tightly so he wouldn’t fall over the balcony railing. Jack reminded me of what life was supposed to feel like. He reminded me of what living was meant to stand for.
Every human soul had a purpose. My papá’s was to help Mamá raise us until we didn’t need him anymore.
River’s is to annoy the fuck out of me until the end of time.
Jack’s grandma’s was to love him as a whole, no matter what achievements he did or didn’t make.
Mine? My purpose was to find Jack. Love him. Care for him. Kiss him.
I believed that because it felt undeniably true. Every second and every moment was something new and something worthy.
I pulled away, grabbing Jack by the shoulders before forcing him to turn around. His stomach pressed into the railing as I plastered myself over his back, whispering close to his ear. “I love you, Jackson Manning.”
He whimpered softly. “I love you, too. So much.”
“Are you going to be a good boy for me?”
“Always.”
“That’s what I thought. Stay still.” I slid my hands around to his front, undoing his pants the moment I reached his button and zipper.
Slowly, I hooked my fingers in the waistband of his jeans and underwear, pulling them down enough to let his cock and ass out into the open. I could feel his breathing stutter against me as I pressed my clothed erection against him.
“Put your hands on the railing, bend, and push your ass out.”
He did as I said, arching his back so beautifully for me. Holding his ass cheeks in my palms, I spread them, looking down at his gorgeous hole. I wanted nothing more than to wreck it. Feel him writhe and whine beneath me. I wanted to be inside him. Take him apart from the inside out.
“Wait here. I’m going to get lube and a condom, and I’m going to fuck the ever-loving shit out of you.”
I moved away to go inside, but he stopped me. “Wait. Um, don’t get a condom.”
I froze, turning back toward him. He was such a sight to see, bent over and half naked like that. Fuck. “Are you… Do you want me to come inside of you?”
“Please. Please, Forrest, I want you to mark me.”
My eyes rolled to the back of my head, groaning just from imagining it. Fuck. I absolutely wanted to mark him. I wanted to make him mine. Mark his skin, mark his insides, and mark him as mine for the rest of eternity.
I opened the door and damn near sprinted to my bag, thankful that I’d brought some stuff just in case. I was hopeful, even if I wasn’t certain. Determination did wonders. I looked down at the pack of condoms, smiling to myself as I left them right where they were.
The moment I was behind Jack again, I opened the bottle of lube, used one hand to spread his cheeks, and poured some directly onto his hole. He hissed a little at how cold it was but stayed completely still.
What a good boy.
Leaning forward, I ran my finger through the lube, gently pressing my fingertip against him. “Are you going to let me take you, Jackson?”
His head fell forward, and his hands gripped the railing tighter. “Yes.”
I slowly pushed my finger in. “Are you going to give your control to me?”
“Yes.” It was breathier. More like a moan than anything.
“Are you going to let me ruin you?”
“Please. Please do.”
“My beautiful slut.” A second finger. He could handle it. I knew he could.
He took it greedily, arching his back even more. “Oh, God. I’m yours, Forrest. I’m yours.”
“Yes, sweetie. You’re all mine.” I wrapped my other hand around his throat, putting the slightest bit of pressure there. “Every inch of you. Every part of your very existence. You’re mine, Jackson. All mine. Now, until forever. Right?”
“Forever. Forever. Oh, fuck, more, please. I need more.”
“More?” I tsked. “You’ve barely even had two fingers, sweetie. Don’t tell me you’re getting greedy already.”
“Yes, I’m greedy. Always greedy for you.”
I ran my hand back, sliding it up through his hair and gripping the strands there.
I nudged his head forward, letting him take the lead on how far, so he wouldn’t get too unbalanced.
“Look below us. Do you think anyone can see you? Do you think someone is looking up right now and thinking about how goddamn slutty you’re being? ”
He moaned loudly, his hole clenching around me. I pulled my fingers out, gaining a pathetic whine from him. “Hold on, baby. I need to pull my pants down, too.” I made it quick, though. He wasn’t the only desperate one here.
I was so fucking hard. So unbelievably ready for him. I let my pants and boxers fall to my ankles as I held my cock, pouring lube all over myself. It dripped onto the balcony floor, surely making a mess before I could start to spread it out.