Chapter 24
chapter twenty-four
I took my time pulling Jack’s clothes off. The shower was already running, just waiting for us to get in it. He held onto my shoulders as I dropped to my knees, pulling his pants with me. He raised his legs one by one, letting me pull them off and throw them to the side.
“Turn around for me, sweetie.” Slowly, he turned like I’d asked.
The moment his ass was in front of my face, I pressed on his lower back, urging him to bend forward.
I pulled his ass cheeks apart, taking in the gorgeous view of his sweet, used hole.
There was still a shine around his rim, wet with my cum and the lube I’d used on him.
“So beautiful. Full of my cum like you’re supposed to be. ”
“I love it,” he whispered.
I moved forward, pressing a soft kiss to his hole, soaking in the shiver he gave me. I squeezed his ass cheek one last time before standing back up. “Come on. Let’s get in the shower.”
Jack looked so happy and content, bordering on sleepy, but we needed to clean up.
I was more than happy to help him wash the day off.
With his hand in mine, I walked us over to the clear glass shower door, pulling it open.
It was spacious—big enough to fit both of us with plenty of room.
There was a showerhead jutting out at the front and a detachable wand off to the side.
He went in first, letting me lead him toward the spray of the showerhead. I stepped in after him, watching how his eyes closed as he let out a content sigh. He looked up into the stream as the water pushed his hair back.
There was more gray in it than there had been when we first started seeing each other. He hadn’t grown his mustache back out, but I wondered if it would’ve had more gray in it too, or if it was the lack of dyeing it.
Either way, I couldn’t help but reach out for him, sliding my palm up his wet arm and shoulder. “Let me help you, sweetie.”
He let me, wordlessly, simply keeping his eyes closed as I grabbed the travel-size bottle of shampoo.
I poured some onto my hand, lathering it between my palms before tugging him out of the spray of water.
Turning him until his back was facing me, I gently scrubbed the shampoo into Jack’s hair, making sure to coat the roots.
The way he leaned his head back toward me was enough to make me fall for him again.
Something so simple, yet full of trust. Jack trusted me with so much of himself, and I’d never take advantage of that.
“Rinse it out, sweetie.” I took that opportunity to grab the loofah and small bottle of body wash, pouring some of it onto the loofah.
Once Jack had the shampoo rinsed out of his hair, I wrapped an arm around his neck and shoulders, bringing his back against my chest. “Let me wash you,” I whispered into his ear.
“Mm, you know just how to take care of me.”
“Of course I do. You’re mine, aren’t you? Gotta make sure you’re all taken care of.” I slid the loofah across his chest and down his stomach.
“Are you going to let me wash you, too?”
“If that’s what you want. But you can’t use this on me.” I washed across his upper thighs. “These things get caught on stuff easily.”
“What stuff?”
I pulled back a bit, scrubbing along his upper back downward. “Like nipple and dick piercings.”
He hissed. “Oh, yeah. No, that makes sense. Is there a washcloth?”
I got my hand sudsy and wrapped my palm around his cock, giving him a gentle stroke. “I don’t think so. Just use your hands if you want.”
“Oh, I want.”
I chuckled and slowly ran my hand over his ass, making sure to get between his cheeks. “Hand me the wand, would you?”
Such an obedient boy. I took it from him, gently spraying over his shoulders first. He seemed much more relaxed. I didn’t know how I hadn’t noticed before. He usually helda lot of tension in his shoulders and back, like he was always preparing for something to fall on them.
How long had he been holding the entire world up on his shoulders?
How long had he been afraid of letting go?
I couldn’t help but crave to ask if it was since the drowning or if it’d always been that way.
From what he’d said, it sounded like his parents had set him up with an impossible standard from the very start.
After I’d gotten everything off him, it was my turn. His fingers massaged my scalp in soothing, gentle motions, lulling me into something far more peaceful than rest. It felt the same as when I held him in my arms and fell asleep by his side.
I turned to him, letting him explore my skin with body soap on his hands. He seemed to be enjoying himself—that is, until he glanced at the jacuzzi. His face fell immediately, his gaze flicking off to the side.
I tilted my head, slowly reaching out for his chin. I took it between my fingers, slowly lifting it. “Would you get in if I got in with you?”
Water dripped from his hair down his face, stopping right above his upper lip. I wanted to lick it off. Drink whatever had touched his skin because his skin was mine, and I was greedy. “I don’t know about that.”
“Why?”
“Sounds terrifying.”
“Sure. But being around me feels like magic, right? We don’t have to be in there long. I’ll hold you the entire time, and maybe something magical will happen. Maybe you’ll be okay, since I’m there.”
The green in his hazel eyes damn near shined as he found my gaze. I thought I saw a twinkle in them. A twinkle of something close to hope and courage. “I don’t know, Forrest. I might freak out.”
“Do you trust me?”
“Implicitly.”
“Then trust that I won’t let anything happen to you. If you freak out, I’ll still be there. I promise.”
He grabbed the wand, pouring the water over my chest. “I’ll try. I guess.” One of his fingers went over my nipple, gently knocking the barbell through it. “As long as you promise to hold me.”
“I’ll always hold you, sweetie.”
“I believe you.” He put the wand back, turning toward me to cup my face. His lips were so soft against mine; I never wanted him to pull away. It felt right. It felt like…
Fuck, it felt like freedom with sparks of magic. Just like he’d said.
I stepped out of the shower, dripping water all over the tile floor as I walked to the jacuzzi. It took me a few seconds to figure out how to turn it on, but once I did, it started filling up rapidly. Jack was off to the side, staring at it warily.
When it was less than halfway full, I turned the faucet off, not daring to let it fill up too much.
This was supposed to be good for him, not terrify him.
I opened my arms, smiling. “Come here, honey. Let’s get in together.
” He glanced from the jacuzzi and back at me, obviously uncertain and afraid. “Do you want me to get in first?”
A small nod.
“Okay, I can do that.” I stepped over the ledge, sticking my feet into the water.
I stayed that way and held my hand out. “Want to come grab my hand? I’ll help you in, and I won’t let you go.
I promise.” He took a small step forward, then paused.
I could see his chest rise and fall quicker than before as the anxiety started to take over, but he took another step.
“You’re being so brave. I’m proud of you. ”
“I don’t feel brave. I feel ridiculous. I’m forty years old, yet I’m terrified of a fucking jacuzzi.”
“You have a fear because of a horrible experience when you were younger. Would you say I was ridiculous if the roles were reversed?”
“No.”
“Then don’t be mean to my boyfriend.”
He laughed, taking another step. “Boyfriend. It sounds juvenile, doesn’t it? At my age, anyway.”
“Well, does ‘partner’ sound better?”
Another step. One more, and he’d reach my hand. “No, not really. I think I like when you call me your boyfriend.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” Final step. He took a deep breath before taking my hand, holding onto it tight.
“That’s it, honey. You’re doing so well. You’re safe, and I’m right here.”
“Yep. Safe. Mhmh.” He slowly let me help him in, staring down at the water.
I quickly took his chin with my other hand, forcing him to look at me instead. “Isn’t this nice? It’s warm, and I’m right here with you.”
He shook his head but let me pull him down further into the water. Only a little.
I held him the entire way down. It was slow work, but we got there. I held him through every shaky breath and uncertain whine from his mouth. Though I saw fear flash across his eyes, he fought it, gripping onto me for guidance.
The moment we were both seated with his back against my chest, I pulled him as close as possible. His heart was pounding, but I had him. He was safe, and I kept reminding him of that. Just whispers of encouragement to push through the memories flashing across his mind.
I kissed the back of his ear. “You did so well, baby. I’m right here. I’m with you. I won’t let anything happen to you, okay?”
“I know,” he whispered. “I know. I know I’m safe with you.
” The back of his head settled on my shoulder as he tilted it back.
“I have nightmares every night. They went away for a while, but they came back, and I’ve had them almost every single night since.
They’re always the same, and I rarely ever get any sleep. ”
“Are they about the drowning?”
“Mhmh. Always. It’s just a replay of the same thing over and over. Every second. Every moment. Every feeling. I never die in them, but I get close. When I wake up, it’s like I never even fell asleep in the first place. I’m more exhausted than when I fell asleep. I get maybe three hours, tops.”
I pressed a kiss against the side of his head. “I’m so sorry.”
“I’ve never had one when I fall asleep with you.”
“Really?”
“Really. I fall asleep, stay asleep, and have the best fucking sleep of my life. I always feel so damn rested the next morning.”
“That explains how you sleep for so long when you come over.” I ran my hands over his chest, taking a moment to feel his skin underneath my palms. “I wonder why they don’t happen when you’re with me.”
He turned his head, nuzzling into the side of my neck. “Because I feel safe.”
My heart sped up a little bit at that. I got to be his safe space? The place where he could sleep peacefully? I squeezed him a little. “I’m glad I can do that for you. I hope it stays that way.”
“Well, if it doesn’t, I know you’ll help me through it either way.”
“Of course.” I sighed, looking up at the ceiling. I couldn’t believe this was where we were now. After spending far too long thinking we were destined to be nothing more than friends with benefits, I got to love him.
After Mamá and River had seen me so broken. After sobbing into my pillow all night long, wondering where I’d gone wrong. I thought maybe I’d simply gotten my hopes up for no reason. I was crushed.
Absolutely fucking crushed.
“Can we get out now? I, uh. I’m not sure how much longer I can handle it.”
I started to help pull him up. “Yeah, sweetie. You did really, really good. Let me get you dried off.”
“Thanks.”
I helped him out and unplugged the drain. We hadn’t even used the jets, but maybe one day he’d use the ones in my bathtub at home. Baby steps.
Grabbing a towel, I started to dry him off, going over his shoulders and chest first. His hair was starting to dry already, so I didn’t bother with it.
When our eyes locked again, I thought back to Mamá and River and how I’d cried to River about how much I was going to miss them.
The way Jack looked at me like I’d hung the moon for him.
“When we get back, will you join me, Mamá, and River for dinner? I want you to meet them. Officially.”
He froze for a second, staring at me blankly. I started to wonder if I’d done something wrong at first, but then his lips turned up in a smile. “Yeah. Yeah, I’d love to. Do you think you’d be willing to meet Callum and Tobi officially? I know Tobi still feels awful about what happened.”
“Absolutely. I want to meet everyone important to you. But Tobi doesn’t need to feel bad. I know he was trying to protect you.”
“He’s a good guy. He’s been through a lot. Like, a lot.” He shook his head. “He and Callum both have. I’m really fucking proud and happy about how far they’ve come.”
“I don’t doubt that for a second. I’d love to meet them and all of your other friends, too. I hear about them through Riv, but just snippets. They sound like a solid group of people.”
He smiled. “They are. They really, really are. I didn’t realize that becoming friends with Callum meant I’d inherit all these awesome people as friends, but I’m seriously thankful.”
I wrapped the towel around him, pulling him into a hug. Resting my chin on top of his head, I couldn’t help but thank the universe for making all of this possible. “I’m thankful you have them, too. I’m thankful I found you.”
“Me fucking too. I’m getting tired. Can we cuddle?”
“You never have to ask. Let’s go.”
The bed was huge, too, but that didn’t matter.
We found the center of it, curling into each other immediately.
With Jack in my arms, I found a home I didn’t realize I’d been missing.
Funny how that worked. We never knew what we needed until we had it, and we never knew what we missed until we didn’t.
Jack’s breathing evened out within ten minutes of being in my arms. He didn’t stir. He didn’t twitch. He fell asleep and stayed that way with his face pressed into my chest, right where he belonged. It seemed I’d taken his nightmares again.