11. Chapter Ten
Chapter Ten
Jackson
I glance into the living room at the sound of my daughter’s laugh. A smile reaches my lips when she covers her face with the paper she’s working on and beside her, Lisette laughs before tickling her side.
“You know that’s not what that says.” She takes the paper from her before sounding out a few words with her. “We can be done for the day since you gave it a try.”
Isabelle races over to me as I turn to grab some seasoning for the meat.
“Daddy, can we start baking for KC’s tea party?” She turns to Lisette excitedly. “KC is our new neighbor. She goes to my school too. Daddy, did I tell you that?”
She glances at me before whipping back to Lisette before I can answer. “She made a big order with my bakery today.”
Lisette raises her brows amusingly as she sits at the island counter.
Isabelle races off to the fridge before she can reply. She’s grabbing the clear container we keep the eggs in, but I swiftly take it from her.
“Let’s do it when I finish putting everything on the stove.”
“Why not now?” She grabs the eggs again, but I put them back in the fridge.
“Because I can’t bake and prep dinner at the same time.”
“Well, duh, that’s why I’m going to bake.” She turns back to the fridge, but I lift her into my arms, and she fills the kitchen with her laugh when I flip her upside down and rest her on my shoulder.
“What did I say about saying duh to me?” I poke her side and she laughs up a storm as she wraps her arms around me. “Now you have to stay like this forever.”
I let her go and she holds me tighter as I season the meat.
“I’m going to fall,” she voices with a laugh, and when I look up at Lisette, she’s biting back a smile.
“Whenever you set her free from her upside-down punishment, I can bake with her,” she teases, and in a quick move, my kid raises her head in excitement. I quickly bring a hand to her back before she can fall.
“I can bake on my own, but you can help with the small stuff.”
“You can’t bake on your own.” I set Belle down and mess up her hair. “Stop it with the duh,” I tell her more seriously before looking up at Lisette. “You don’t have to bake. I’ll get to it in a second.”
“It’s fine.” She shrugs. “I don’t mind and I literally have nothing else to do.”
Before I can convince her otherwise, Isabelle is handing her the eggs. “Let’s get to it.”
“Someone’s bossy,” Lisette mumbles and a crease grows between Isabelle’s brows.
“Well duh , I’m the boss of my bakery.”
“Faith,” I deadpan and she turns to me slowly. “It’s rude. Enough with the duhs.”
“Okay.” Her brows slightly raise. She’s about to take a step away when she lifts a finger. “Is that a fact or opinion?”
I hold back my smile, using all my strength to keep my face neutral. After I spoke to her dean, we’ve been working on what’s facts and opinions in our day to day life. Clearly she’s a smartass.
“What do you think?”
She taps her chin, a small smile on her face. “I need to get my notepad with the order for KC’s party.”
“That is a fact.” I nod once.
She goes off to get it in her bag, giggling quietly.
“You’re so strict with her.” Lisette bites back a smile and I get back to making dinner.
“I don’t think I’m necessarily strict. I’m parenting her.”
When I glance back at Lisette, she shrugs. “What would I know?”
My eyes squint as I study her before I turn to put the food on the stove. “Do you disagree with my parenting?” I voice, not offended, but simply wanting her opinion.
I think I’m doing just fine raising Isabelle alone, but she doesn’t have a woman figure other than my mom. I’m always open to parenting advice, especially from women.
“It’s not my place to disagree. I’m not her mother and I wouldn’t know anything about parenting since I didn’t have a good one. I wasn’t judging if that’s how you took it.”
“I didn’t,” I clarify. “I just appreciate insight from women.” I turn back around and she nods.
“That’s great but my insight doesn’t count for much. Ask Vidia, she has a great relationship with her mom.” She shrugs.
I study her for a beat, and while I don’t know her very well, she seems to not care about much. I find myself envying that of her. She carries herself like she doesn’t have a care in the world, and granted, she doesn’t have the responsibility of a kid or job to worry about but still, the world feels so chaotic and she sits here like she’s just floating by.
“Okay.” Isabelle walks back in, pulling my eyes away from Lisette. “Should we start the cookies first or the cupcakes?”
Lisette uses her hands to gesture that she doesn’t know. “Well, duh , you’re the boss. You decide.”
I shake my head at her and she bites back a smile when Isabelle turns to me.
“What? So she can say it?” She looks between the two of us and I let out a defeated breath.
“You’re just like your brother, making my life hard.”
Lisette tries to bite back a laugh but a snort escapes her.
“She was joking,” I tell Isabelle. “Go ahead and tell her what to do, boss.”
She thankfully lets it go and starts bossing Lisette around the kitchen.
I don’t get more than fifteen minutes of peace when I hear Isabelle gasp and knowing it isn’t anything serious, I turn around slowly to peek at wherever they’re doing.
Lisette runs her finger along the edge of the bowl they’re mixing the cupcake mix in before dragging her tongue up her finger and as my eyes watch her movement, my heart rate quickens.
My eyes fall on her throat as she swallows. After a beat, her tongue darts out of her mouth, and again, she licks the last bit off her finger and I feel my face heat when her eyes meet mine, a smirk growing on her face.
“You’re looking at me like you want some.” She dips her finger in again before holding it out to me, and as I register she’s eating raw batter, I quickly wipe her hand, careful not to touch the batter with my bare hands
“You’re going to get sick.” I turn on my heels and I drop the napkin in the trash.
“Does it taste good?” Isabelle voices, and as I turn on my heels, she dips her finger in the bowl. I feel my eyes bulge as she tries to eat it and I quickly grab her hand to stop her.
“No!”
She slightly jumps and immediately my heart sinks for yelling.
“Sorry.” I kiss the top of her head before picking her up and rushing her to the sink. “I don’t want you to get sick, penguin. Please don’t touch or eat the raw batter.”
I wash her hand twice and as I’m about to add soap to her hand a third time, she pulls away.
“Daddy, they’re clean. I don’t need to wash my hands so much. Remember?”
I bite my tongue as I watch her turn the water off. “Just two more—”
“Daddy, I promise they’re clean. No more.”
I remain holding her, my eyes on her dirty hands. “Penguin—”
“The deal was two times, Dad.” She pushes away.
Setting her down reluctantly, I watch her carefully as she walks back to the kitchen island and climbs the stool.
“Now, where were we?” She looks down at her recipe sheet and with every second that passes, I’m sweating more and more.
“Isabelle, can I please just wash your hands two more times?”
She looks over at me and gives me a knowing look, and as much as I want to leave her alone, I can’t push it aside. Understanding crosses her face as she lets out a soft sigh.
“Daddy, let’s practice happy thoughts. My hands are very clean.” She smiles at me, but her words only make me more uneasy.
“We can practice after, baby. Please, okay?” I grab her before she can object and finish cleaning her. After the fourth wash, I let out a calming breath before setting her down.
“ That feels better.” I nod to myself before kissing her. “Thank you.”
Her brows slightly furrow as she looks up at me. “Daddy, we were only washing our hands two times. What happened?”
I feel like shit as I watch her confused face. “I’m sorry.” Kneeling down to her eye level, I take hold of her small hands, kissing them gently. “Nothing happened, penguin, it’s just the raw food…”
She looks like she doesn’t understand, and it only makes me feel worse for putting her through this.
“Okay.” She shrugs before walking off, but I pull her back.
“I’m sorry.”
She smiles at me before leaning over to give me a light kiss. “You don’t need to say sorry, Daddy.” She lifts her hands. “Now they smell extra good. Thank you.” She walks off and I smile to myself as she climbs her stool again.
When Lisette walks past me, I somehow remember her presence and I feel my face heat in embarrassment. She heads for the sink and I cook beside her silently as she washes her hands.
“May I ask why the raw eggs didn’t bother you?” she voices gently before washing her hands again.
I steal a glance at her as I watch her wash her hands. “They did… that’s why I cracked the eggs for her and then washed my hands.”
She adds more soap to her hands and my heart rate slowly lowers.
“I keep them in the clear container because the ones they come in bother me.” I don’t know why I explain, but I feel the need to.
She nods in return before I notice her washing her hands for the fourth time.
Biting back a smile, I turn to meet her eyes. “Thank you.”
She nods once before walking back to Belle and I want to tell her to drink something to wash out the batter she ate but I bite my tongue and mentally repeat to myself that she’ll be fine.
“So,” Lisette starts, and I turn to her before leaning on the counter. I wait for her to make a joke about my obsession with food contamination or for an excuse that she has to leave after that show, but it never comes.
“I need to have more…” she pauses as she searches for the right word. She settles on, “structure.”
“Structure?”
“Yes, I need a routine. A reason to get out of bed and tutoring fits perfectly into my empty schedule, so what days should I come over?” She pulls out her phone, I’m assuming to add it to her calendar, but her words make me falter.
“You don’t have another reason to get out of bed?” My voice comes out softer than I intended, and she steals a glance at me before she focuses on her phone again.
“Perks of depression.”
Before I can say anything, Isabelle raises her head from what she’s doing and sets the measuring cup down. “What’s depression?”
Lisette looks over at me for an answer and Isabelle looks between the two of us. “It’s when you’re really sad,” I say.
“Why are you sad?” Isabelle asks softly and Lisette’s smile seems more sincere now.
“I wish I knew, sweet girl.”
I can see the confusion on Belle’s face, so I better explain. “Sometimes when someone is depressed they don’t know why. It’s like when I don’t know why I need to wash my hands so many times, I just need to in order to feel better. Until it feels right. ”
She nods slowly and I can see her understanding as I go on, knowing she’s more than smart enough to grasp my words.
“People who have depression feel lonely, and the things that usually make them happy don’t. You don’t have the energy to do anything and their mind is mean to them.”
Belle looks over at Lisette, her brows furrowed. “Even ice cream doesn’t make you happy?”
Lissette and I stifle a laugh before I kiss Isabelle’s cheek.
“You know how I have my OCD?”
Belle glances back at me and nods in understanding.
“Well, depression is a disorder too.” I shrug. “Some people have it and the same way we have extra patience with Daddy, we give extra love to people who are depressed. We remind them of how important they are in case their brain tricks them into forgetting.”
I personally think it’s good explaining these things to her. She’s a curious and very smart kid. With my OCD being impossible to hide, she picked up on every little thing I did. Rather than letting her grow up confused, I taught her why I am the way I am. She’s going to find out about these things eventually, and if I can make her compassionate to people who are different, then I will.
When I glance over at Lisette she smiles at Isabelle, but I can see now that she’s just hiding behind her smiles and jokes.
Isabelle nods before leaning over and hugging Lisette. “You’re so important,” she exclaims. “Without you, I would fail my test.”
We all break into a laugh before Isabelle kisses her arm. “Do you feel better yet?” She peeks up at her, her arms still around her and Lisette lets out a quiet laugh.
“Almost.” She squeezes her tighter before kissing her curls. “You’re great at giving hugs.”
“So are you.” Isabelle pulls away before tapping her arm four times. “I won’t let your brain trick you.” With that, she turns back to her cupcake tray and Lisette watches her, almost in awe.