13. Chapter Twelve
Chapter Twelve
Lisette
I let my eyes fall shut as I raise the volume on my speaker, desperately trying to get the music to drown out my thoughts. I focus on the lyrics and beat of the song while ignoring the weight in my chest and the desperation eating at me for a drink.
I look back at my canvas and get back to the painting I’m working on. Glancing at the crocheted flowers Jackson got me, I mix some more white into my paint to match the shade of purple of the yarn.
After another half hour of trying to drown my feelings in my work, the painting is complete. I set my brush down and tilt my head to the side to examine it. I glance at the flowers beside the canvas, and both are nearly identical.
“Not bad.” I nod to myself as I rise from my seat, but a second later, the weight is back in my chest again.
Walking into my room, I head for my turtle tank and Piglet swims over to me. “I need you to support my emotions right now, bud.” I put my hand into the tank and he swims into my hand. “You’re such a good turtle.” I smile down at him as I scoop him out of the water.
Settling with him in the living room again, I place him in a bucket with some water. Grabbing an older incomplete canvas, I sit at the easel with it.
After a few songs, the painting looks more put together. A faint banging at the door catches my attention, and as I pull my headphones off to listen, it sounds like the damn police are outside. I tread to the door lightly before going still at the sound of someone crying.
“Open the door!”
“Harmony?” I quickly swing the door open and when her eyes meet mine, her tears are traded for anger.
“If I didn’t think you’d beat my ass, I would slap you right now.” She storms past me before throwing her school bag at her feet. It’s still early in the morning, so she’s cutting and I roll my eyes as I imagine Ana’s call.
I shut my door before turning to her. “Yeah, I’d kick your ass, so keep those manicured hands to yourself.”
She looks at me like she’s going to hit me anyway and my smile doesn’t waver.
“What is your problem?”
“Me?” She nearly shouts. “I’ve been knocking for ten minutes. Why were you ignoring me and why did you block me?” Tears start to form in her eyes again, but I’m beyond confused.
“I had my headphones on. I didn’t know you were knocking my door down and I didn’t block you. I was calling you all day yesterday.”
Her brows furrow before she pulls her phone out of her pocket. She looks over at something as her shoulders sag. “It says I have you blocked…”
I let out a scoff as I take a seat in front of my canvas again. “Ana took your phone didn’t she?”
Harmony mumbles a few curses, and since I’m not the responsible older sister between the three of us, I don’t say anything about her language.
I pick up my paintbrush again as she settles on the couch beside me.
“Who got you these flowers?” She touches them gently, but I don’t miss her numb tone.
“My sugar daddy.” From the corner of my eyes, I can see her go still before she steals a glance at me. I stifle a laugh and she visibly relaxes.
“Hey, I wasn’t judging.”
“Mhm.” I roll my eyes at her. “I’m tutoring a family friend. Her dad got them for me.”
She nods in thought as I return to working on my painting.
“You kept them, so I’m assuming he’s hot and not a creepy older guy you’re working for.”
I bite back a smile. “He’s the guy you said was hot a few weeks ago.” I turn to her. “Nice car, expensive suit, and tie.”
Her brows furrow before her eyes widen and she sits up in her seat. “No way. I’ve been stalking him all week and now you tell me he’s a family friend ?”
I’m about to answer her when my brain catches up to what she just said. “What do you mean you’ve been stalking him? You saw him for five seconds, how did you find him?”
She lets out a scoff as she leans back in her seat again. “I can find anyone, Lis.”
That’s not concerning. Choosing to change the topic, I tell her how I know Jackson, and she’s far too invested in this man.
“So he likes you?”
I let out a laugh. “The flowers were a joke. He does not like me.”
She looks like she believes otherwise. “He paid attention to what you said about not liking real flowers and went out of his way to get you crocheted ones? He likes you.”
“He does not.”
She shrugs before focusing on my painting, and when I see her brows furrow, I turn back to the canvas. I keep my eyes on the drowning girl, but nothing looks wrong with it.
“What?” I look between her and the painting as I watch her smile disappear.
“You told me you paint as escapism.”
The pain in my chest intensifies but I don’t say anything as I continue adding more detail to the water on the canvas.
“Are you having a hard day?” she voices gently.
“Every day is a hard day; it’s an addiction.”
I can see her nod in the corner of my eyes. “Are you still sober?”
I can feel her watching me as if her life depended on my answer.
“Yeah, Harmony, I’m sober.”
Her shoulders ease as she nods again. “Mom isn’t.”
I don’t respond because I have nothing nice to say and she clearly already feels like shit.
“When I went to hang out with her that day Ana called you, she was high as a kite.” She pulls her legs onto my couch as she watches me paint. “She thought I was you.”
I go still.
“We don’t have any pictures of you at the house, but Ana says I resemble you a lot when you were my age.”
“Yeah.” I clear my throat before straightening my back. “It’s creepy.”
She goes quiet again and I swallow my feelings as I turn to her.
“What happened?”
Her eyes meet mine before she sits up. “She yelled at me. She kept calling me your name and yelled about how I need to stop hanging out with those lawyers and how they’re snooping around her life.”
Dread begins to eat at me as my heart sinks. Memories of my childhood come in flashes and I force myself to look back at the painting, picking up the brush instead of the bottle in my pocket.
“What lawyers were you with?”
“Mom.” When I notice her brows furrow I try again. “Kathrine Hale is a lawyer and Isaac is with the Bureau. When they adopted Sire, they were looking into adopting me. She was never their biggest fan.”
I steal a glance at Harmony and I can see her confusion. “Why didn’t they adopt you?”
“Your mom still had her parental rights over me. If she signed them away, the court would question her ability to care for you and Ana. Your grandma wasn’t giving you up and it was just too messy. Kat didn’t want to break up the family more than what it was, so I just lived with them without court permission.”
“And Mom… let you leave?”
The reminder adds a simmer of anger inside me, salt in the fucking wound. “Yup.” I turn back to the painting, but as I add blue in the wrong place, it pushes me over the edge. I shove the canvas away before standing up, my breathing heavier.
Pressing my palms to my eyes, I take a minute to calm my breathing. “Sorry.” I voice when I register Harmony’s silence.
“It’s okay.”
I pick up Piglet from the bucket of water and settle on the couch beside Harmony.
“I’m supposed to hang out with her again tomorrow.” She picks at her nails and I shake my head at her.
“Why are you doing this to yourself? These visitations aren’t court-mandated. Ana is your guardian and your therapist is an idiot for suggesting you bond with her.”
“I’m the one who wants to see her… my therapist didn’t suggest it.”
I feel my back straighten when her eyes fill with tears.
“I know you hate her, but she wasn’t always like this. She was sober when I was younger. It wasn’t until a few years ago that she relapsed.” Her eyes meet mine now. “I want my mom back.”
I feel my brows furrow as I focus on her. “When was she sober?”
Harmony wipes her tears before sniffling quietly. “When I turned seven Grandma got sick. Mom got clean, and we lived with her again.”
I shake my head at myself. Angry that I’m letting her words hurt so much.
“What?”
I swallow the lump in my throat. “If she was clean when you were seven, that means I was fifteen…” She was clean and never came back for me.
I muster up a smile as I sit up. “You’re cutting school and I’m not in the mood to hear your sister’s mouth.” I rise from the couch. “Get your bag, I can drop you off.”
She lets out a sigh and remains sitting. “Can’t you let me stay?”
“And stand in the way of your education? I’m a drug addict, but I’m not an evil person, Harmony.” I walk over to her bag and scoop it up. When I turn to her, she doesn’t even crack a smile. “My offer to drop you off is standing for the next ten seconds. Get up or walk to school.”
She rises from her seat before snatching her bag from me. I put my turtle back before heading down with her and the car ride is silent as I shove all of my feelings down. With each red light, my eyes fill with tears as images of her with a sober mom come to mind.
It isn’t until we pull up in front of her school that Harmony turns to me, her eyes soft and the clearest of blues. “I’m sure she had a good reason for not going back for you. Maybe she knew you were happy with the Hales.”
I plaster a smile on my face as I unlock the doors. “Don’t cut class for useless boys. They’re not worth your education.”
She keeps her gaze on me for a second before climbing out. I watch as she disappears into the building before my shoulders sag and everything in me breaks. My eyes begin to water as a lump too big to breathe forms in my throat. I rub the scars on my thighs, but it’s suddenly all too much and I feel like I can’t breathe.
Rushing out the car, I lean against the door as I gasp for air. I can barely see as my vision blurs, but I don’t let myself cry, I don’t let myself feel any of it. Instead, I pull the bottle out from my pocket and let the burning liquor force the lump down my throat.