26. Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Five
Lisette
“Y ou know you deserve better than this, right?” I keep my eyes on Harmony as she looks out the window. Her eyes bore into the house that her boyfriend’s location led us to.
“What do you think he’s doing with her?” She sounds so defeated and it really does crush me.
“He’s probably cheating on you, babe.” I rip the bandaid right off. “No one goes to their ex’s house at midnight for a chat. This is weird and we shouldn’t be camping outside her house; just end things. The sex wasn’t even good.”
When she sniffles quietly, I roll my eyes before pulling in a breath for strength. Tapping her back softly, I channel my inner Sage. “It’s okay, babe. You’re going to get through this.”
She turns to me slowly, her brows furrow. “I know I will, he’s just a boy who can’t kiss.” She rolls her eyes before wiping her tears. “I’m just on my period and pissed off that I let him take my virginity.”
“Oh thank God.” I let out a breath. “I was really hoping I didn’t have to tend to your broken heart.”
She stifles a laugh before glancing at the back of my seat. “You’ll bail me out of jail if anything happens, right?”
I watch her carefully. “Of course, I will.”
She nods once before grabbing the bat in my back seat. Without another thought, she climbs out of the car and marches for his car. I know a baseball bat plus a cheater’s car equals a lot of damage, but when she bashes his windshield my jaw drops.
His passenger window is next and the blaring car alarm doesn’t slow her down. She reaches into the car, and when I see the pocket knife she pulls out from the glove compartment, I put the window down.
“Don’t slash all of the tires,” I warn. “Insurance will cover it. Pop three of them and we’ll come back for the fourth when he gets it fixed.”
A smile grows on her face.
The lights to the house turn on, but Harmony doesn’t flinch and I can’t help but smile at how badass she is. I guess Ana did something right with her.
Standing at the hood of his car, she pulls out her lipstick before writing xoxo- H.
I stifle a laugh and she climbs back in just as someone opens the front door. They yell something at us, but I’m driving off before they can see us.
“That felt good.” She’s bouncing in her seat and I can’t help but laugh at her.
“Let’s get you home before your sister notices you’re missing.”
On cue, her phone goes off. When she pulls it out, her face falls. “Fuck.”
I shake my head at her, but we don’t say anything as I speed to her house.
When I pull up, Ana is standing outside. She looks so different and I know I haven’t seen her in nearly ten years, but I was envisioning her as the twelve-year-old I last fought with. Her hair was so long growing up, nearly down to her knees but she has it cut to a bob now, making her look so much older.
She looks tired, like she’s been up all night looking for her sister, and a part of me feels guilty until her eyes meet mine and I register her anger.
“Don’t tell her where we were. Just say you had cravings and I took you for milkshakes.” I unlock the car, but before Harmony can climb out, the house door swings open.
My eyes lock on those blue ones and I’m stuck in place. The wrinkles on her face are more prominent than when I last saw her and the years of drug use are obvious as half of her face droops.
“I didn’t know she was here,” Harmony whispers and I think she turns to me, but my eyes are locked on the woman we shared a womb with.
She marches for my car and with every angry step she takes, my heart exhilarates.
“Harmony, get the hell out of my car.” I reach to unlock the door again, but my hand lands on the lock as Harmony pulls on it. She unlocks it, but the minute she opens the door, her mom is in front of us.
I break into a sweat at the smell of her. The liquor and cigarette scent drowning me with memories I wish I could forget.
“Where the hell did you take her?” She bites out and a voice I haven’t heard in over a decade sends a chill down my spine.
I try to say something, but when I open my mouth, nothing comes out.
“Are you drunk or stupid?” she drawls before looking in the back of my seat. “Where’s that rich family you’re always with?”
Harmony steps out before grabbing her hand. “Mom, come on…”
Elaine snatches her hand as she steps closer to me. “Did they come to their senses and cut you off?” She looks around my car before her eyes land on the water bottle on the door.
She snatches it and I feel my hands start to shake as she watches me. Images of her beating me come in flashes, the phantom pain aching through my back.
Unable to pull my eyes away from her, I watch as she takes a whiff. A smirk grows on her face before her eyes meet mine.
“You have some nerve drinking and driving with my baby girl in the car.”
I shake my head in response, willing myself to deny it, but nothing comes out.
Beside her, Harmony’s eyes dull as she looks between me and the bottle. “What? No, she’s sober.”
Ana steps between them, pulling Harmony’s hand. “She’s a liar.”
A knot grows in my throat as I shake my head again. “I’m clean.” I surprise myself with how strong my words come out.
Elaine looks over at me again and the anger in her eyes shakes me to the core, forcing my eyes to fall. “Do the Hales know you’re driving around drunk in their car?”
I shake my head, a tear falling on my cheek. “This is my car.”
She lets out a bitter laugh. “Who’d you fuck to get it?”
“Mom!” Harmony steps in and when I glance over, she’s pulling at her arm. “She’s your daughter too. What is the matter with you?”
“She is no daughter of mine.” She shoves Harmony away so hard, she nearly falls.
“Hey!” I sit up in my seat. “Keep your hands off of her.” I snatch my seatbelt off, but Harmony quickly steps between us.
“I’m fine.” She looks at me, silently begging me to stay put.
Elaine shoves her out of her way again and I bite my tongue. “You ruined everything.” She takes a swig of my liquor before throwing the empty bottle at me and as the small drops land on me, they nearly burn like acid.
“You couldn’t stand being a part of this family.” Her words slur as she leans against my car. “You ran after that little boy every chance you got, but you know what? I’m glad you were off getting high with him rather than doing that shit in my house. You have no one to blame but yourself and him.”
My vision blurs but I hold my tears back. “Sire isn’t to blame for my addiction. You are.”
She reaches into my car so fast I barely have a chance to defend myself as she grabs a chunk of my hair.
“Get off of her,” Harmony cries.
I don’t know what comes over me, but I finally snap out of the shock and grab her hair in return before punching her head.
She pulls me harder and I think someone is dragging her out of my car, but I keep my grip on her hair as I keep hitting her. Even when she releases my hair, I still keep a strong hold on her.
“If you lay a finger on my sister again, I’m going to kill you.” I swing at her one more time, the blow landing on her mouth.
She stumbles out of my car, Ana’s arms around her as she spits out blood.
“This is who you want to give another chance?” I point at her sorry excuse of a mother. “You hate me so much, but she gets to walk in and out of your life? You’re pathetic, Ana.”
“Don’t throw stones from a glass house, Lisette.” She looks at me in pure disgust. “You really expect us to believe you’re sober with a bottle in your car? Where are the pills?”
“Close my door,” I bite out.
“You’re no better than her.”
I go still.
“I let her back in because she’s my mom and she’s sick .” When I notice the tears in her eyes, I realize she’s the same little girl I last saw all those years ago, desperate for her mom.
“You left us,” she continues angrily. “You don’t deserve to be saved. Not by us at least. Go with the Hales, you chose them, right?”
“They don’t want her either.” Elaine lets out a bitter laugh.
Harmony steps forward, tears trickling down her face. She tries to climb back into my car, but they both pull her back before shutting the door. I focus on her teary eyes, but they pull her away from my car.
I don’t want to leave her again, but when she nods, I drive off.
I stare at the pill in my hand, my stomach turning when nothing comes to mind as to why I shouldn’t just swallow it.
Don’t swallow it. Crush it and sniff it instead.
Looking up at the ceiling of my car, my leg shakes in anticipation. Sniffling quietly I wipe my tears before focusing on the building beside me. I almost look down at my hand again until my eyes focus on the brunette sitting on the ground.
I can spot a drunk person from a mile away, but my eyes narrow as I realize it’s Erin and she’s high . Slipping out of my car, I close the distance between us.
“Long time no see, stranger.” I kick her foot, and when she looks up at me, dread pulls at me because she looks really bad and I don’t want the responsibility of helping her. Not because I’m a bad friend, but because I want to sit next to her and get just as high.
“You here for a meeting?” I nod at the building behind her. “Come in with me.”
She laughs to herself and I force a smile as I pull her up to her feet.
“Fuck off, blondie.” She shoves me away with the bit of strength she has.
I take a step back. “I’m not going to knock your ass out for hitting me just now because you’re high, but I’m not going to let that slide twice so watch it, Houdini.”
She rolls her eyes before stumbling. I catch her and walk with her.
“Is this why I haven’t seen you in weeks?”
She nods in return as she leans her head on me. “Do you want to smoke?” She shuffles in her pocket but I force myself not to look down.
“I don’t smoke, Erin.”
She laughs again as she hangs her head low. “Right… you’re an oxy girl.”
I swallow the bitter taste in my mouth as I pull the door, and I struggle to do so while holding her up, but I get us inside.
“Have you tried smoking it? It’s way better than sniffing.”
I plaster a smile on my face, really wishing I slept off the urges and just stayed in my damn bed. “I haven’t…”
“You should.”
“Erin, please stop.” I scan the room for Winter, frantic to get the hell away from this girl. When she gets too heavy, I sit her on a nearby chair.
“Why are you here?” She glances up at me, her skin pale, and her lips dry.
“Winter holds night meetings.”
“Why are you here?” she asks again before leaning to the side and I catch her before she can fall.
“I feel myself spiraling,” I find myself admitting.
She smiles and as she looks at me, it’s as if she sees right through me. “Bay said you found a new boy toy.”
I roll my eyes as I sit in front of her, and by some miracle, she doesn’t fall over. “Bay is full of shit.”
Erin nods to herself before pushing her hair out of her face. “Don’t fall in love, blondie.” She seems to be warning me. “It hurts.”
I focus on her and my heartstrings pull for her. “What happened, Erin?”
She stares behind me, zoning out as a single tear silently falls on her face. When she starts leaning over again, I pull a chair over and let her lay on both of them.
I catch Winter behind her and rush over. When she sees me making my way over, her eyes fall on Erin before her shoulders slouch. She opens her mouth, but I beat her to it.
“I have a pill of oxycodone in my pocket,” I blurt. “I need you to tell me why I shouldn’t take it.” I search her eyes, desperate for the wisdom and fucking strength.
“I can’t tell you that.” She shakes her head.
“Please, Winter.” My voice breaks.
She takes my hand, but I pull away.
“No.” I take a step back. “ No . I don’t need your riddles right now. I don’t need you to tell me I need to find my reason to stay clean on my own. I don’t have one, okay? I can’t think of one, so I need you to tell me not to do it. Tell me I matter to at least you.”
She tucks her white hair behind her ear as she slowly takes a seat, rubbing her old knees. “Sit with me, child.”
“Winter.” I look up to the ceiling as tears start to fill my eyes. “I can’t do this anymore.”
“You know what your reasons to stay clean are.” She tries to remind me. “You print out pictures of your reason every time you get the urge to get high.”
I shake my head at her, my eyes still on the ceiling as I command my tears not to spill.
“Whose picture did you print last?”
I squeeze my eyes shut.
“Whose picture, Lisette?”
“Isabelle’s.” I swallow the lump in my throat. “I just came from printing a picture of Isabelle, Jackson, and me baking at their house.” My words come out just above a whisper as I will myself to keep the tears at bay.
“Why them?”
It takes me a second to calm my breathing before I look down at her. “I’m happy with them.” I shrug. “Things that keep me happy are things I want to be sober for.”
She tsks at me as she shakes her head. “Would you go ahead and just cry?”
I silently shake my head, the lump in my throat growing. “Just let it out,” she voices gently. “It’s okay to feel it.”
Spinning on my heels, I rush out and head for my car. I don’t drive in any particular direction, I just keep going and keep shoving down the pain.
It feels like I’m driving for hours, but as the house light turns on above me, I realize I’m in front of Jackson’s place. I almost turn around, but the red light in his camera comes on and I know he already knows I’m here, so I climb out of the car.
With the red light from the doorbell still on, I know he’s looking at me in the camera and I force a smile. “I would flash you, but I don’t get naked on camera for free.”
After a beat, his voice sounds through the camera. “You better be joking.”
I bite back a smile as I hear his footsteps coming towards the door. When he swings the door open, he smiles down at me in his marvelous suit. His tie is absent and the first few of his buttons are undone. I take in his ruffled hair and it’s clear he was working late.
“This is the part where you tell me you’re joking.”
“Are you shaming sex workers?” I slip past him and I smile to myself when I feel his heated gaze on me.
“Not at all.” He walks beside me. “They can do what they want, but you won’t be participating in the fun.”
I halt my steps as I turn to him. “Until you step up to my brother and fuck me like you own me, I’m not doing a single thing you tell me to.”
His eyes narrow as he watches me, and I quickly find myself regretting my words. He takes a step towards me, his eyes full of something dangerous. I take a step back and he stalks towards me until my feet hit the couch.
“Sit.”
I’m sat without a word.
“Lean back.” He nods for the back of the couch and I scoot back. A smile touches his lips as he rests a hand beside my head and slowly leans in. My eyes are on his lips until he tilts my chin up. “What was that about you not doing a single thing I tell you to?”
I scoff at his smirk. “That was for my benefit, JJ. Are you going to reward me, or should I go somewhere else?”
He cups my face before rubbing my bottom lip with his thumb. “Why do you look like you were crying, sweetheart?”
I try to move out of his grasp, but he holds me tighter.
“What happened?” He looks at me, trying to get something I’ll never give.
“Are you going to give me what I want or not?”
He watches me carefully before placing a gentle kiss on my lips. It’s soft and safe and not what I want, but he pulls away before I can deepen the kiss. “You’re clearly upset and I’m glad you’re here. We can talk if you want to or we can sit in silence, but if you came to fuck out your feelings, it’s not happening.”
I move his hand away before standing. “Thanks for not wasting my time.” I take a step, but he grabs my arm.
“Lisette, wait.”
I pull my arm away but he steps in my way.
“Stay,” he pleads.
“Jackson, I’m not staying if we’re not having sex.” I spell it out for him. “I’m not going to sugarcoat it for you and act like I came here for anything else. I think we can both agree we’re too grown for the games and PG-13 shit.”
His shoulders slouch in defeat. “Can you just talk to me?”
“I didn’t come to talk .” I snap, tears building in my eyes again. “I don’t want to feel it, Jackson. I want to feel something else. That something is not here and that’s fine. I’ll see you for tutoring when I get back from my trip.”
“What trip?”
“Sage has a fashion show, we’re going to Paris.” I register how monotone my voice comes out, but I’m too tired to care. I try to step around him, but he gets in my way again and I let my eyes fall shut when the tears don’t stop.
I feel his arms wrap around me and I break. Everything in me shatters as a sob rips out of me. My knees go weak, but he doesn’t let me fall. I cling to him as he lifts me into his arms.
We settle on the couch, and I wrap my arms around him before every thought spills past my lips.
“I don’t want to do this anymore.” I shake my head when the pain intensifies and he rubs my back before smoothing my hair.
“You’re okay, I got you.”
I cry harder and he holds me tighter. “I can’t. I don’t want to be here. I’m so fucking done.”
I feel him go still before he pulls away. Holding my face in his hand, he wipes my tears. “What does that mean?”
I shake my head, but as I try to pull away, his grip tightens.
“I’m only going to ask one time,” he starts gently. He seems to hesitate now before he pulls in a breath for courage. “Are you talking about killing yourself?”
I don’t respond, but when the tears build in my eyes again, he pulls my head to his chest. “You’re going to stay the night here and we can talk to your brother in the morning.”
I quickly shake my head as I pull away. “No, I’m fine.” Sniffling quietly, I rise to my feet. “I need to go.”
I take a step, but he wraps an arm around me. “That’s not happening, sweetheart.”
I look between his eyes and he looks down at me like he’s ready to tie me down.
Before I can object, he plants a soft kiss on my lips. “Please stay. Sleep it off and we can talk in the morning.”
I nod in return and I suddenly feel numb as he walks me up to a spare bedroom. Slipping into the bed, I focus on the door as the tears start up again.
Jackson kneels in front of me before wiping my cheek. “Are you going to be okay in here?”
I know what he’s asking and I only nod in return. He watches me before slipping into bed beside me. “I’ll stay until you fall asleep.” Wrapping an arm around me, he pulls my back to his front.
I let my eyes fall shut, but as tired as I am, I can’t fall asleep as the memories of my bio mom assault me. I bite back a cry as I squeeze my eyes shut.
Tracing my steps back, I think of the last time I saw Sire. We were attempting to make tres leches for his girlfriend. He was happy, his smile comes to mind as we threw frosting at each other. I try to think of the last time I said I loved him, and when it comes to mind, I go through the rest of my siblings, checking them all off.
I need to say bye to Harmony. I can’t leave things that way. I decided I’ll see her one last time.
“Lissy?” Jackson whispers, but I keep my eyes closed. He lets out a soft breath as he soothes my hair. “You don’t deserve this.” He sucks his teeth before planting a kiss on my cheek. “I’m here for you, baby, just let me in.”
He kisses my cheek before climbing out of bed, not knowing he’s too late.
When the door shuts, he leaves me with nothing but the white pill in my pocket.