38. Chapter Thirty-Seven
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Jackson
T here was a shift in the air at some point while I was talking to Lisette, but I noticed too late.
We ate dinner with an awkward stiffness and I kept replaying our conversation in my head, trying to pinpoint what I said that made her walls go up.
My parents didn’t make a return, which doesn’t surprise me. I know my mom was too prideful to come back, so I’m going to have to go see her tomorrow or tonight if I value my sanity and don’t want to hear a lecture from my dad.
I feel bad for losing my temper with her, and while I don’t think I’m in the wrong for setting boundaries, I can’t say that to her. If I want her to speak to me again, I'll have to accept defeat. It’s not healthy, but it’s how she is.
I only said what I said because I know her, and I know she’ll go behind my back and find Skye. If she does, I meant what I said about keeping her away from my kid. I just can’t tell her that either because she’ll disown me or say I’m an ungrateful, disgraceful, and a thousand Spanish curse words of a son.
I shake my head of my thoughts as I focus on the story I’m reading Belle, but when I look down, she’s fast asleep. I lean over to kiss her.
“I love you, princess.” I tuck her in before planting one last kiss on her nose. “My sweet girl,” I whisper to her as I kiss her cheek and force myself to leave before I carry her to my room. I’m aware I have an unhealthy attachment to my kid, but I don’t care enough to do anything about it.
Walking past Lisette’s door, I find myself stopping in front of it. I glance down and notice the light is off, but she might have a lamp on. Before I can talk myself out of it, I knock on her door.
“Yeah?”
I take that as a come-in and crack the door open slowly. Peeking my head in, she stares back at me from the bed in plaid shorts and a black sports bra.
“Hey,” I greet as I lean against the door frame.
“Hi.” She smiles over at me and my heart flutters .
“I’m not disrespectful to my mother or a momma’s boy,” I state and her smile widens.
“Thanks for the clarification.” She nods appreciatively. “Seventy-three percent of my subjects fail that test,” she teases.
A smile grows on my face at her words and I push off the door to be closer to her. “Was that what made you get weird?”
She shakes her head softly, but it’s clear she knows what I’m talking about. “It’s nothing.”
“It’s something.” I stand in front of her, and when she looks down at her phone, I tilt her chin up.
“You were going to marry her.”
I feel my brows furrow before it clicks. “I wasn’t going to marry her. My parents pushed the idea on us after she got pregnant, and she said she didn’t want to get married. I didn’t even give it much thought,” I tell her honestly, and while that sounds bad, I was more focused on becoming a dad. Skye didn’t want marriage and I never pushed it. End of story.
“But if she wanted to, you would’ve?”
I let out a defeated sigh as I lay at the foot of the bed. “I would’ve given her anything, as I would anyone I love.”
“This isn’t helping your case.” She looks back at her phone and I stifle a laugh.
“You’re upset because I had a past relationship? It was five years ago and I was with her for three years. She had my baby. I think it’s unrealistic for me to say I didn’t love her and never once thought about the idea of marrying her.”
She only nods and I bite back my smile as I grab her ankle. She tries to fight me off but I pull her harder until she’s in front of me.
“This jealousy act is making me think you also L word me.”
“Ew.” She rolls her eyes. “I like kissing you and it’s just becoming harder to do so when I hear you were engaged to the love of your life a few years ago.”
I bark up a laugh at her fake annoyed face. “I was not engaged to her. Stop making up things in that pretty head.”
“Notice how you didn’t deny she was the love of your life?”
I shake my head at her. “She wasn’t. I’m a sucker for romantics. My true love wouldn’t have ended like that or at all for that matter. It was great until it wasn’t. I moved on.” I focus on her eyes for a moment before my gaze drops to her lips. “I’m crushing on this new girl. She’s got a smart mouth on her, sarcastic as shit, and breathtakingly beautiful.”
A smile grows on her lips. “So there’s two girls I need to look out for?” She nods. “I’m a good fighter, so you better keep these bitches hidden.”
I bite back another laugh before stealing a kiss. “Shut up.” I kiss her one more time, more firmly.
“I didn’t hear any traumatic stories,” I remind her and her eyes fall to the side.
“I’m starting to think you lied about having a negligent dad. Do you simply call me daddy because it’s a kink?”
She breaks into a laugh, and everything softens at the sound and sight.
“You couldn’t catch me dead calling you daddy in bed.”
“Is that a challenge?” I tease and she laughs again. “What if I begged for it?”
She moans and I bite back a laugh. “I do have a begging kink.”
“Noted.” I nod. “I’m assuming the daddy issues is where the praise kink comes from?”
She nods while biting her lip and I break into a laugh.
“No, I actually do have a praise kink.” She turns more serious. “Tell me I’m taking it well and I’m a goner .” She lets her head fall on the stack of pillows as I actually do take note of that.
“I really do want to know about your dad. Or about how you became an addict. Or these.” I run my thumb along the scars on her thighs. “Whichever you want to start with, but if it’s neither, then I’ll wait.”
Her eyes meet mine and she looks as if she doesn’t understand me. “Why?”
“Why what, love?”
A smile creeps onto her face before she bites it back. “Why do you want to know?”
I study her, trying to decipher if she’s just trying to push me away or genuinely doesn’t know the answer to that.
“Because I want to know everything about you, Lisette. Your past doesn’t define you, but it made you who you are and I want to get to understand that.”
Her eyes dart down to the bed before she plays with the string of her pants. “It all sucks,” she states matter-of-factly. “And it’s going to make me sad, so I’m going to need a feel-better kiss after everything I share.”
A smile creeps onto my face. “Fair enough.”
Her eyes meet mine as she wears a smile of her own.
“Sounds like it’s gonna be a lot of kissing,” I voice.
“A shit ton,” she adds.
I nod to myself as I reach for a pillow to get comfortable. “Okay. We’re not having sex though.”
Her brows furrow before a hint of disappointment flashes through her face. “I didn’t mention sex. Do you not have enough self-control to kiss me without needing to attempt to impregnate me?”
A snort escapes me at her choice of words. “Trust me, I’m not getting you pregnant.”
Another furrow pulls at her brows. “Don’t sound so offended now.”
I quickly correct myself at her tone. “I didn’t mean it like that. Our babies would be adorable, but I don’t want any more kids. Plus, I already feel like shit for kissing you behind your brother’s back. I’m telling him about this before I sleep with you.”
Her eyes meet mine, a smirk growing on her face. “Can you finally admit you want me?”
“Of course I want you.” I steal a kiss. “How else would I test that daddy kink?”
She breaks into a laugh before tossing a pillow at me, but I catch it and rest it behind my head.
Her laugh sobers and when she realizes I’m waiting for her to open up, she starts to shut down. I give her a second but she doesn’t look like she’s planning to say anything.
I lean over and quickly capture her lips with mine. She immediately melts into me as I crawl on top of her, but before she can deepen the kiss, I pull away.
“That was a freebie.” I kiss her nose. “You can share now.”
A smile touches her lips before she pulls in a breath. “The dad thing isn’t all that interesting. He was a drunk who only spoke to me if it was to pass him a drink or get out of his way.” She shrugs as if growing up like that was the least of her worries.
“Then he left and in came a new man for my bio mom. This one liked to hit me though.” She forces a smile. “I spent half my life seeking validation from older men to compensate for being ignored by the fathers around me, but I am really good in bed thanks to the experience.”
Her face scrunches. “Not that I’m a whore or—”
I shut her up with a firm kiss.
She pulls away first this time and gets comfortable before toying with the buttons on my shirt. “Can we turn this into a strip confession? Lose a piece of clothes for everything I say?”
I steal a kiss while her eyes are on my shirt. “No, baby.”
A smile lights up on her face as her eyes dart up to mine. “Don’t call me that.”
My brows furrow before I catch what I called her. “Why not?”
“Because it’s too intimate.”
“And love isn’t?” I mindlessly brush a hair off her face as I focus on her long lashes.
“Love is hot. Baby is intimate, personal, boyfriend .”
“God forbid I become that.”
“Glad we’re on the same page.” She taps my chest twice before trying to move, but I pull her back down and pin her in place with my hips between her legs.
“Was your mom the same or is she great and named you after her?”
Her eyes dim as she goes back to playing with the buttons on my shirt. “That night I came here was the first time I saw her in over ten years.”
I watch her throat bob as she swallows.
“She was so mean to me.” Her eyes water and it crushes me. “I nearly drove off the road three times on my way to my AA center…”
I go still as I study her. She keeps her eyes on my shirt and I hate her mother for making her believe she’s anything less than perfect. Leaning forward, I capture my lips with hers, kissing her with enough love for the both of us.
When I pull away, a somber smile grows on her face. “She hit me… a lot, and she used a lot of drugs when she was pregnant with me, so I was born already dependent on drugs.” She shakes her head at her words like she hates herself. “She set me up for failure.”
I tilt her chin up before catching her lips with mine. “You didn’t fail though. You’re doing great.”
A smirk grows on her face as she rubs her fingers on my beard. “Say that last part again, but whisper it in my ear.”
I bite back a laugh as I bury my face in her neck. I kiss her gently before biting her ear and she squirms under me.
Holding her tight, I plant a soft kiss on her cheek. “You were really upset after seeing her.”
She lets out a scoff. “That’s an understatement.”
I nod to myself as I focus on her. “The overdose… was it an accident?”
Her eyes cut up to mine. She studies me before nodding. “I told you I didn’t have the will to fight anymore, and that was true, but I didn’t try to overdose last week. I wouldn’t leave without saying bye to my baby sister.”
I thought her answer would make me feel better, but it doesn’t since she doesn’t add how she no longer wants to die. Before I can push for more, she goes on with a teasing smile.
“I guess the sleeping with older men thing can count as a trauma dump.” She shrugs mindlessly before pointing at her lips, and I kiss her gently.
When I pull away to look at her, she gazes at me before cupping my face in both hands and rubbing my beard. Her eyes travel down to whatever she’s doing with my facial hair and I keep my eyes fixed on her as I count her lashes.
I noticed her beauty a long time ago, but as she’s this close, I realize so many small details on her face I missed before. The scar above her eyebrow, the beauty mark on her eyelid and chin. My eyes scan the rest of her face, trying to memorize every inch of her.
“Do you care about how many men I’ve slept with?”
“No, sweetheart,” I answer mindlessly, my eyes on her brows now.
“Really?” Her brows furrow and I kiss the crease in them.
“Is this another test?”
A smile grows on her face. “Maybe.”
“Well, I honestly don’t care.”
“Do you wanna know what age I lost my virginity?”
“Nope.” I kiss her again and she’s biting back a smile.
“Why don’t you care?”
I shrug.
“How many girls have you slept with?”
I bite back a smile as I see what she’s doing here. “Somewhere in the triple digits,” I lie.
Her jaw drops, and I fight with every fiber in me to hold back a laugh.
“Are you slut shaming me, little Miss Lost Her Virginity To a Man Twice Her Age in Middle School?”
She breaks into a laugh before shoving my chest. “I did not lose my virginity in middle school.”
“But he was twice your age.”
“He wasn’t.” She shoves me again with a laugh and I kiss the crease of her neck. “I was a willing victim, but he wasn’t twice my age.”
“ Willing victim ? Jesus Christ,” I mumble and she breaks into a laugh.
I kiss her behind her ear gently. “Shh, you’re going to wake up Belle.”
She stifles her laugh as she wraps her legs around me, and I pull away to see her smile.
“I was fifteen…”
“Uh-huh.”
“And he was nineteen.” She watches for my reaction, like she’s waiting for me to judge her or get upset, but I do my best to conceal my face.
“That’s kinda cray cray…”
She throws her head back with another loud laugh and I can’t help but join her.
“Did you lie about your age?”
She nods her head disappointedly. “You know me so well.” She sighs and I kiss the somber look off her face.
“I can probably guess your body count,” she says.
I shake my head at how persistent she is. I know she only wants to know if mine is higher so she can feel better, but she won’t since I’m sure it isn’t, which isn’t a bad thing.
“Go ahead,” I suggest, deciding I’ll agree to any number she throws.
“Okay.” She shifts under me as she gets ready. “Wait, how old are you and how old were you when you lost your virginity?”
“Seventeen and thirty-two.”
Her brows shoot up. “You’re thirty-two ?”
“Yes…” I search her face for what the problem is, and she shakes her head disappointedly.
“You’re seven years older than me, Jackson Jones. This isn’t helping my track record.”
A laugh bubbles in my throat.
“I thought you and my brothers were in college at the same time?”
“I took a few years off before going to college.” I graduated the year before Sire and August, and I guess it worked out that I took a few years off to decide what I wanted to do because I definitely wouldn’t be here if I went to college straight out of high school.
Her eyes narrow as she watches me. “Are you into younger women?” She looks intrigued now, but I shake my head.
“I’m into you.” I steal a kiss, but she quickly pulls away.
“So yes.”
“No,” I counter. “But I’m into you.” I kiss her again, and she tries to pull away, but I kiss her harder, pulling a laugh out of her.
“You should be in me.”
“Alright.” I sit up. “We’re done. Thanks for sharing. You did great.”
She fills the room with her laugh again as she pulls me back down on her. She kisses my neck with a quiet laugh and I let out a soft sigh.
“I should go to my room.” I pull away because I really want to be inside of her and I meant what I said about us not having sex.
I don’t miss the disappointed look on her face as I rise from the bed, and I’ve never caved so quickly.
“I’ll stay five more minutes.” I lay on top of her again and her smile returns.
“You could just sleep here,” she suggests nonchalantly, but she watches my reaction like she cares a great deal. “You’re just down the hall. No difference.”
A smirk reaches my lips. “If there’s no difference, I can sleep in my own bed.”
She shrugs, but I see right through her. “If you want to leave, go ahead.”
“Do you want me to sleep here?” I tread lightly.
“Yes, but I don’t want us to sleep.” She raises her brows twice and I break into a laugh.
“Enough,” I warn.
“Okay, Daddy.”
“ Lisette .” My eyes fall shut as I rest my head on the bed beside her face and I hear her giggling under me. I let out a defeated sigh as I stand from the bed and pull my shirt off.
She looks way too excited and I quickly shut down her feral thoughts.
“I’ll stay if you behave,” I warn her and a smirk grows on her face.
“Let’s negotiate,” she teases. “I’ll agree to behave if you agree to sleep naked,” she says, cheery as ever.
“Absolutely not.” I don’t admit that I don’t have that much self-control.
“I had a feeling you were going to say that.” She keeps her tone cheery and I laugh at her sarcasm. “My second offer is me sleeping naked.”
“You seriously need to stop trying to seduce me. Are you ovulating or something?”
“Yes,” she confesses and we’re hysterical. I close the door when we get too loud, worried Belle will wake up.
When I turn back to Lisette, she’s already gazing up at me with her pretty eyes.
“I’ll sleep in my boxers and you can sleep shirtless,” I offer and she smiles brightly before slipping her sports bra off and I immediately regret this negotiation.
My eyes fall to her breasts and I let out a content sigh.
“Don’t try to get touchy with me.” She rolls her eyes playfully as she climbs under the covers.
“Me?” I start as I slip my pants off and she watches my every move with great focus. “You’re the one acting like a cat in heat.”
She erupts with a laugh before burying her face in her pillow.
I slip onto the bed beside her and she immediately turns to face me.
“Hi.” She smiles up at me.
“Hi.” I smile down at her, leaning on my elbow.
“On a scale from one to ten, ten being most likely, how likely are we to have sex tonight?”
I turn my back to her and she stifles a laugh from behind me. She taps my back twice but I don’t turn.
“Go to sleep,” I mumble, fighting back a laugh.
“Answer me, JJ.” She pokes my back again and I shake my head at her.
“Four.”
“So I have a chance?” I hear the smile in her voice. “What can get me to a six?”
I let out a sigh and she pokes my back for an answer.
“If you were completely naked.”
“Wow, just a six? What if I told you I just got waxed?”
“I’ll tell you I don’t care about body hair.”
She’s quiet for a beat before I hear her let out a content sigh. “He’s a man , ladies, and disappointments.”