46. Chapter Forty-Five
Chapter Forty-Five
Jackson
W hen I turn over, a smile touches my lips at the sight of Lisette in my bed. She looks so pretty in my shirt. Like she’s mine .
“How long have you been awake?” I lean over to kiss her forehead and she simply shrugs as she stares off at something. “Your brother is bringing Belle in a few. Do you want to get up and make breakfast with me?”
She simply shakes her head before turning around.
I feel my brows furrow before I wrap an arm around her waist and bring her back to my front. “Are you still tired?”
I nuzzle my face in her neck and I don’t feel her shake her head or hear her even acknowledge my question, so I pull away to steal a glance at her and she’s watching my closet door.
“Are you okay, baby?”
She doesn’t answer.
“Lissy?” I turn her face to me, forcing her eyes to meet mine.
“I’m fine,” she mumbles, moving her face from my grasp. “I’m just tired.” She turns again but her voice is lacking all emotion.
“Too tired for sex?” I tease, my hand crawling down her stomach but when she doesn’t reply, my heart aches. “Are you physically tired or mentally tired, sweetheart?” I ask gently.
She lets her eyes fall shut as she gets more comfortable. “I said I’m fine. I didn’t sleep the other night. I’m just tired.”
I study her before choosing to believe her. “Okay.” I kiss her nose before rising from the bed.
I brush my teeth and grab my phone before heading downstairs. Just as I enter the kitchen I get a message from Rome. I read over the post someone made about him being at the gallery. In the comments some people say he was there just to make himself look good, but the majority of the comments are commending him for turning a new leaf and how he seems sincere, which I guess isn’t entirely a lie.
I watch his text bubbles but go still as I think of Sire on his way here. As images of him crashing his car with Belle in the backseat flash through my mind, I hold my breath as I rush to the front door. I tap it once, but when that doesn’t feel right, I tap it three more times before I let go of my breath.
I wait a beat for the next intrusive thought, but no more come, so I turn back to the kitchen. My phone goes off and I swipe it off the counter.
Rome B
ITS WORKINGGG
WE’RE BACK IN BUSINESS BABY!
While he’s constantly messing with me, I notice a change in his attitude. Like he really does want to be better and granted, it’s because the alternative is losing everything but it’s a start.
Tucking my phone away, I get to cooking.
I was going to let Lisette sleep longer, but something feels off and I don’t think it’s my OCD, so I head back upstairs with a plate of breakfast.
I walk in quietly, in case she’s sleeping, but as I expected, she’s awake. Her head is on the bed rather than the pillow and she stares off at something in the distance, lost in her thoughts.
When I get closer, I notice a wet spot next to her eyes.
I set the plate on the nightstand as I kneel on the floor in front of her and wipe her tears. “What’s wrong, baby?” I whisper.
She shakes her head. “I’m fine.” She sounds so distant, a weight settles in my chest.
“Remember when you said you don’t like it when I say I’m not mad when I really am?” I wipe another tear. “Well, I don’t like it when you say you’re fine with tears in your pretty eyes. If you’re not okay, that’s okay, sweetheart.”
She shakes her head again. “It’s not okay.”
“It is,” I whisper, leaning forward to kiss her nose.
“I want to be okay.”
“I know you do.” I soothe her hair and my throat nearly closes as another tear trickles down her face. “Let’s have breakfast.” I kiss the tear off her face.
“I’m not hungry,” she mumbles, voice vacant of any emotion.
“I know.” I climb into the bed and pull her up so she’s leaning her back against my chest. I grab the plate and hold a fork full of eggs for her.
“Don’t make me do the airplane on you,” I tease and she shakes her head before taking a bite. “Good job.” I kiss the side of her face.
“Are you going to make me brush my teeth?”
“Yup.” I kiss the back of her head before offering more food.
“Can I stay in bed after?” she asks, her mouth full of food.
“I’m going to ask you to come down when Belle gets here, but if you aren’t feeling up for it, then you can come back upstairs.”
She nods before taking the fork from me as I massage her back.
“What did my brother tell you?”
I know what she’s asking, but I only kiss the back of her head. “Is there a reason why you didn’t want him to tell me?” I ask gently, trying to figure out if she doesn’t want me to know about her disorder because it’s me or because of her own feelings.
She moves her food around, and when she takes too long to take another bite, I scoop up a fork full of food and bring it to her mouth. She takes a bite before leaning her back against my chest again.
“I share too many qualities with her,” she mumbles and I know who her is. “I just really didn’t want to have that too. I like to believe I’m just depressed and it’s not bipolar depression.” She says it like it tastes bad in her mouth. “Then days like this hit and I just hate it here.”
I kiss her again as I hold her close. “You can share her qualities and be nothing like her, reina. Two things can be true at once. You’re not your mother’s daughter,” I try to reassure her.
She remains quiet and I focus on her as she rubs the scars on her thigh. “I remember so vividly doing this the first time.” She runs her finger along an older scar a few times. “I was sent to an alternative school to finish the end of fifth grade.”
She shakes her head at something. “I got into one too many fights.” She stifles a laugh now, but it sounds weird. “August and Sire purposely got into a fight for a week straight to be sent to the same school as me.”
I bite back a smile as she shakes her head at her brothers.
“I was so happy to be there though. No one knew who I was.” She shakes her head at something else now. “Everyone at our main school knew who my mom was. She was the neighborhood crazy lady and word got around quickly.”
Her words are so emotionless now and I hold her closer as I let her get it off her chest.
“The new school was going well until she came to pick me up early. She was having a good day and picked me up for a mommy and daughter date.” She pauses. “I remember being so anxious, I threw up all the lunch we had, and then her mood plummeted and she was back to her mean self.”
She keeps her finger on her scars, pinching them until her skin turns red. “When I got home, I was so angry that she was my mom. I hated that I couldn’t live with Kat and the twins. I cut myself to upset her. She hated the sight of blood, so I was going to leave a mess in the bathroom, but when the blade dug into my skin… it was almost euphoric.”
When I hear her sniffles, I set the food aside and turn her so I can hug her. She wraps her arm around me and I plant a few kisses on the top of her head.
“Do you want to hurt yourself now?” I ask gently.
She only shrugs in return, so I simply hold her.
“How do I help on the high and low days, baby?”
She shakes her head. “Just be you.” She looks up at me and I press my lips to hers. After a beat, she pulls away and I wipe her tears.
“Please don’t shut me out.” I kiss her cheek. “If you want to hurt yourself, we can find something else for that euphoric feeling, okay?”
She nods, but I can’t tell what she’s thinking.
I press my forehead against hers. “Just say PG-13 and I’ll understand,” I suggest, understanding that voicing otherwise might be too hard.
She nods again, a small smile on her lips. Turning around, she settles on my lap. She presses her back to my chest again as I finish helping her eat.
There’s a knock on the door downstairs and I kiss her neck before getting up. “Go brush your teeth. I’ll have breakfast with Belle up here.” I kiss her nose before going downstairs.
When I open the door, a smile I don’t even need to force reaches my lips as Isabelle leaps into my arms.
“Good morning, Daddy.”
I hold her tight as I blow a raspberry in her neck. “Good morning, my sweet love.” I kiss the top of her head as I hold her in one arm. Pulling away, I look over at Sire, who doesn’t look happy to see me.
“Thanks for dropping her off.” I shift my weight between my feet uncomfortably.
He turns to Belle and trades his glare for a smile. “Tell Daddy that joke I told you.” His smile grows.
I turn to Belle, suspicion pulling at me.
She stifles a laugh as she clears her throat. “Knock knock.”
My eyes narrow. “Who’s there?”
“Lettuce.” She laughs harder.
“Lettuce who?”
“Lettuce in. It’s fucking freezing out here!”
Sire breaks into a laugh with her. I bite back my smile as I nod at the pair, taking this as my punishment for going out with his little sister.
“How about the other one?” Sire asks proudly.
“Knock knock.” Belle laughs, barely getting her words out.
“No, I think we’re done. Thank—”
“Who’s there?” Sire answers.
“Cow says.” Belle giggles.
Sire nods at me and I roll my eyes at him as I entertain his joke.
“Cow says who?” I mumble.
“No, you fucking dumbass, cow says moo .” Isabelle is hysterical in my arms and I can’t help but laugh.
“Thank you for that, Sire.” I set my daughter down and nod behind me. “I made breakfast, can you add whipped cream and syrup to our pancakes?”
She nods and kisses her uncle goodbye before heading off to the kitchen.
When Sire looks at me again, his smile fades. “Is my sister here?”
I nod slowly, trying not to give away just how bad she’s doing because I don’t want to worry him. He still looks tired from watching her the other night and I feel bad for leaving Isabelle with him, knowing she probably woke him up early.
“She okay?” He watches me carefully.
A smirk pulls at my lips. “She slept real good,” I tease, hoping it’ll distract him, and it sure does.
His jaw ticks. “Let’s ask Belle to tell you one more joke.”
“No more. Goodbye.” I try to close the door, but he puts his hand up before his eyes harden on me.
“I’m not going to do the whole intimidating brother thing because outside of my family, you know me better than anyone.” He watches me carefully. “I like you a lot.” He seems to be giving up now. “Don’t fuck this up because I would hate to make your daughter an orphan and lose my best friend.”
I bite back my smile. “That’s not going to happen. I told you I got her.”
He watches me carefully before nodding.
“I didn’t sleep with her,” I reassure him, not wanting to be any more on his bad side than I already am.
He offers me his hand and a smile creeps onto my face as I do our handshake, accepting this as his silent approval.
After bidding him goodbye, I head to the kitchen for my kid and her sailor of a tongue.
“How was it with Uncle Sigh, other than the cursing?” I ask Belle as I lift her into my arms again.
“It was great . We made snowmen out of marshmallows, then ate them.”
“Before bed?” I ask and she nods, watching me carefully for a reaction. “Whose idea was that?” I ask casually as I grab both of our plates, shaking my head at how much syrup she put on her plate.
“I can’t remember.” She shrugs, whipped cream on the corner of her mouth and a smile touches my lips.
“Can’t remember, huh?” I tease, stealing a kiss on her cheek. “You’re so precious.”
“Why thank you.” She smiles brightly and I kiss her again before heading out of the kitchen.
“Guess who’s here,” I whisper.
Her entire face lights up. “KC?” she says her best friend’s name and I stifle a laugh as I tell her to guess again. She taps her chin before her brows shoot up. “Lissy?”
“Yup.” I nod as we climb the steps.
“This is the perfect time for her to be here.”
“Is that so?”
“Absolutely.” She plays with my beard as she rambles on about needing Lisette to use her art skills to frost a cake for her. When we walk into my room, she kicks her shoes off before I climb in next to her and we eat as she rants about the cake she wants to make.
When my bathroom door opens, Lisette looks miserable, but when she notices Isabelle, a smile lights up her face and I choose to believe it isn’t fake.
“Hi, my sweet girl.”
And there goes my heart, pounding at a concerning rate. Nearly racing towards the woman in front of me who fits with us so perfectly.
“Good morning, Lissy.” Isabelle stands on the bed and I hold our plates so the food doesn’t spill as she runs across the bed to Lisette. “We have a lot to talk about. This cake I’m thinking about is just the bestest idea.”
She leaps in the air and Lisette catches her right in time before nuzzling her face in Belle’s neck.
“Oh, I missed you, baby.” It looks like she squeezes her tighter and as I watch her holding my kid, calling her baby, my life feels complete.
“Want to hear a joke?”
I let out a defeated breath as I slap a hand on my forehead.
“Of course I do.”
“Knock knock.”
“Who’s there?” Lisette answers.
“Cow says.” Belle steals a glance at me, motioning for me to be quiet.
Lisette’s brows furrow. “Cow says who?”
“No, you fucking idiot, cow says moo .”
Her jaw drops before she breaks into a laugh. I shake my head at them but can’t help but smile.
“That’s a bad word.” Lisette’s jaw drops again as she turns to my defeated face.
“Yeah, that’s why it’s funny.” Isabelle laughs harder. “You should’ve seen your face.” She holds her belly as she laughs on the bed, and I can’t help but join her.
“Oh.” She suddenly freezes. “I need to use the bathroom!” She squeezes her legs together as she laughs.
“Did you just pee yourself?” I hold back a laugh as I glance between her legs.
She’s hysterical as she climbs off the bed and I throw my head back with a laugh as she hobbles to the bathroom.
“Stop laughing,” Lisette and I call out between laughs when I realize she’s indeed peeing herself.
“I can’t hep it.” She runs off and Lisette breaks into another laugh before crawling onto the bed.
When our laughs sober, she scoots over to me. “Thank you for before.” She kisses me gently. “I’ve had people leave me after finding me like that and you made me brush my teeth, so…” She shrugs. “We can do more romantic stuff because I really enjoyed our date.”
A smile touches my lips and I quickly kiss hers.
“Daddy,” my kid calls out from, I’m hoping, the toilet. “I think me and a little bit of the floor needs a shower.”
Lisette laughs beside me as I shake my head with a smile.