57. Chapter Fifty-Six
Chapter Fifty-Six
Lisette
“Y ou’re acting like a little bitch.”
My loud gasp fills the air as I pull away from hugging Isabelle. I’m still carrying her as I turn to Jackson to see if he just heard that. The sun has already set, but I can see his glare with the way his headlights illuminate him.
After napping together, we spent the day waiting for the alcohol to leave my system. As much as I want another drink, I’m glad I get to hang out with Isabelle for a few hours. We just got back from picking her up from her grandparents’ house and I stayed in the car as Jackson went to the door, but I didn’t miss the judgmental look his mom shot at me through the window. I have no idea what I did to that woman, but that’s for future me to feel like shit about.
I bite my cheek not to laugh at Jackson’s glare. I turn back to Isabelle and a smile grows on her face when she sees my smile.
“That’s funny?” Jackson focuses on her and I raise my brows at Isa when she looks at me. “We’ll see how funny it is when you have to go to bed straight after showering.”
I raise my brows further and try to keep a straight face, but when her brows furrow, I need to bite my tongue harder.
“Today is movie night,” she counters.
“Today will be movie night for only me and Lissy if you curse again. Cut it out already or you can cancel your sleepover with Uncle Sigh tomorrow, too.”
“But—”
“Faith,” Jackson warns and they have a stare-off before Isabelle turns to me.
“He’s so mean to me. It’s just a word .” She rolls her eyes and I can feel Jackson’s glare from behind me.
“Come here.”
I stifle a laugh as I hurry into the house with her before Jackson can yell at her. “Stop making him angry.” I kiss her cheek before snuggling my face in her neck and her laugh fills the air as she tries to push me away.
“Why are you kissing me so much?”
“I missed you.” I hug her tighter and she lets out an exaggerated groan.
“You’re crushing me!”
I’m not, but I hold her tighter before pulling away. She acts like she can’t breathe and I let out a laugh as we settle on the couch. Her dad walks in after us and drops my art supplies on the ground by the entrance of the living room. We decided I’d paint with Belle until she needs to go to bed, and as much as I want to sleepover, I don’t set myself up for disappointment by asking him.
“Daddy.” Isabelle looks over at him with a smile.
Jackson looks over at us, his bored look set on her. “Don’t ask me for anything. You were not behaving nice in the car ride here and I don’t appreciate that.”
She raises one brow dramatically as she holds her chest. “ I don’t appreciate the attitude.”
He shakes his head at her as he walks over to me. I expect him to take her from me, but he instead, brushes a hair behind my hair. “You hungry?”
I bite back a smile as I shake my head. I can feel Isabelle watching us and I slowly turn to look at her.
“So…” she smiles at me, and it’s clear as day she wants something.
“Leave me alone.” I stick my tongue out at her before tossing her aside and climbing off of the couch. She laughs from behind me as Jackson flops beside her.
That familiar feeling tugs at the pit of my stomach and as I try to push it away, a wave of heat flashes past me. My heart races and I try to calm my breathing as I walk to the kitchen, desperate for a minute alone to collect my thoughts.
I pace around the kitchen island twice as I weigh my options, silently fighting a mental battle to stay here with Isabelle rather than running off.
“Hey.”
I jump out of my thoughts, turning to Jackson, who’s leaning against the island, watching me carefully.
“What’s with the pacing?” His eyes narrow as he scans my face.
I shake my head mindlessly, pulling my hand away from my mouth to answer him. “I’m fine.” I muster a smile but the concerned look on his face only deepens.
He closes the space between us and pulls my fingernails away from my teeth. “I’m going to ask you again, and I need you to answer me honestly this time.” He looks into my eyes before he nods.
“What’s with the pacing?” he asks again, his tone just as gentle as before.
I shake my head as I bite at my nails again. “I really thought I could do this, Jackson.” I press my palms to my eyes as my heart rate quickens again and I can feel myself nearly drowning in sweat.
“I thought seeing her would help, and it did . I swear it did. I just—” I cut myself off as I take a step away from him, but he grabs my hand before I can put more distance between us.
“You’re going through withdrawals.” He nods in understanding and I let out a breath of relief for not having to admit it.
“I just need to shut it up.” I nod quickly at the idea. “I’m just going to step out to get my head on straight.” I lean forward to plant a kiss on his lips. “I’ll be right back.”
I force a smile as I move to go around him, but he steps in my way.
“Can you promise me you’re going to come back sober?”
I go still and I feel him watching me, but I keep my eyes on his shirt. All of my emotions are being pulled at once and I settle on anger as I look up at him.
“Do you think I won’t? Because you said you’ll be my solace and this doesn’t feel like that,” I bite out.
I wait for him to fight back and give me an excuse to leave, but his face remains neutral. “This is the withdrawals, so I’m going to let the attitude slide, but if you don’t lower your voice, we’re going to have a problem.”
I open my mouth, but it quickly falls shut at the sight of his glare.
He nods once as he continues. “Withdrawals or not, nothing you need to say needs to be said over the volume I’m currently using. Do you understand that?”
I roll my eyes at his Dad tone, but as I try to walk away, he steps in my way again.
“Remember the reason you came here,” he whispers before kissing the top of my head.
Everything in me wants to fight and push him away so I can escape for another high, but before I can think about that option, he wraps his arm around my head, pressing my forehead to his chest.
I let my eyes fall shut as I breathe in his scent.
“What do you do when you normally feel like this?”
The first few things that come to mind are none he’ll let me do.
“Paint.” I settle on. I nod to myself as I think of my healthier coping mechanism. “I listen to music and paint.”
“Okay.” Jackson pulls away to kiss the top of my hair. “So let’s listen to music and paint.”
I nod in response and after another minute of collecting my thoughts, he takes my hand and pulls me into the living room. Isabelle sits beside me as her dad sets a playlist on and we get to painting.
The first half hour is torture, but eventually, I drown my feelings in the acrylic paint and bleed my pain onto the canvas.
“You should add—”
“Don’t.” I move Belle’s brush away from my canvas. “I’m not adding to yours. Don’t add to mine.”
Her brows pull together as she looks over at me and I silently curse myself for the harsh tone.
“You don’t want my help?”
“No thank you,” I voice more gently before pinching her cheeks
She studies me as if she can’t understand English. “Why not?”
I look down at the monstrosity on her canvas. Jackson stifles a laugh before pinching my waist and I bite my tongue as I choose my words wisely. “I just want to do this one on my own, but we can do one together later.”
She shrugs in return before turning back to her painting. When I finish mine, I lift it to get a better look.
“How do you pick what you’re going to paint?” Jackson questions from behind me.
“I kind of just start and whatever I’m feeling ends up on the canvas.”
He’s silent as we study the girl in my painting, curled up on a bed with a dark, large figure crawling towards her, nearly consuming her.
I let out a tired breath as I drop my canvas onto the table. I feel a tug on my shirt, and when I turn to Jackson, he nods for me to get closer. I almost tell him I’m fine, but instead of lying, I sit beside him.
He wraps an arm around me as I lean my head on him.
“How’s your leg?” He keeps his voice hushed, although I’m sure Isabelle isn’t paying us an ounce of attention.
“Honestly… my other leg wants a matching scar.” I gently run my finger along the bandage.
He squeezes me tighter and I pull in a deep breath before laying my head back and turning to him. He took his shirt off a while ago and I keep my focus on his chest.
“In case you wanted to skip a workout day, I prefer dad bods.” I trace his abs and in the corner of my eyes, I can see his smirk.
“Well then, I’ll be sure to get rid of the gym downstairs.”
I bite back a smile before leaning forward to kiss him. My lips press against his hungrily, and just as I deepen the kiss, he pulls away. He glances to the side and I remember Belle is still here, but she keeps her back to us as she paints.
I nod in return as I lay back again and a bitter feeling fills my mouth. I can sense the waves of anger and sadness pulling at me in every direction and I’m starting to become spread out too thin.
“Can we go upstairs?” I ask quietly as I trace his lower abdomen.
His stomach dips and I bite back a smile as I look up at him but he shakes his head. “Not for what you want, reina.”
My shoulders sag. “Please? I need to feel something else, Jackson. I need a different distraction.”
He shakes his head gently, his eyes full of sympathy as he watches me. “You know that’s impossible with her here,” he nearly whispers.
“I can’t be here.” I give up.
He nods in return as he takes my hand, kissing the back of it gently. “I’m not letting you leave.”
I let out a frustrated breath, but as I try to stand, he wraps his arm around me. “You can stay or call one of your siblings, but you know you shouldn’t be alone, and I know you want to go upstairs, but I don’t feel comfortable sleeping with you like this.”
I shake my head at him as I rub my temples.
He leans over for the markers. “Here. Draw something else.”
I bite my tongue, holding back on a chain of curses he doesn’t deserve.
Opening the markers, I mindlessly draw on his ribs. After a few minutes, Isabelle pulls up a chair to sit in front of us. I expect her to start drawing on her dad like I am but she turns to me instead.
“What happened here?” She rubs the scars on my thighs before her eyes land on my other leg and her brows pull together. “Are you bleeding?” She cringes as she looks at my bandaged leg and Jackson stops her from reaching for it.
“Not anymore,” I reassure her.
“Did that hurt?” She sits back down as she rubs my scars gently.
“Yeah, a little.”
She inspects every scar I put on myself and Jackson reaches for her again, but I push his hand away before he can stop her.
“I like how this feels.” She nods to herself as she rubs her tiny fingers along my leg.
“You think so?” I touch my leg and they feel horrible, every bump reminds me of the pain that made me cut as deep as I did time and time again. “I think they’re turning ugly,” I admit quietly.
She shakes her head gently before picking at one of my bigger scars. “I have a scar too.” She points at a faint line on her knee. “Daddy says scars are reminders of how strong we are.” She opens one of the markers mindlessly and draws a star around one of my scars.
A soft smile touches my lips and I feel my throat closing as she traces a rainbow on another scar before adding more stars. I watch her with teary eyes as she adds a piece of herself to the ugliest part of me.
“You’re so precious.” I quickly wipe my cheek when a tear falls. Mustering up another smile, I tuck a loose hair into her bun before holding her chubby face in my hand.
She smiles up at me before doing a double take. “Does it hurt?” She lifts the marker from my leg, but I quickly shake my head no.
“I just love you so much.”
She looks like she doesn’t understand me as her brows furrow. “You don’t have to cry, I’m right here.”
A soft laugh escapes me as I pull her onto the couch with us. I hug her close and her body goes limp as she lets out a groan.
“Ugh, too many hugs today.”
I stifle a laugh before kissing her cheek.
“Ugh, so many kisses. Stop being a little bitch.”
My cry mixes into a laugh as I bury my face in her neck. She taps my back gently and after a beat, I collect myself and pull away to look at Jackson who’s on his phone with a glare.
He starts calling someone on speaker and after a few rings, Sire answers. “Hey, did Lis call you?”
I feel my brows furrow as I pull away from Isabelle, but Jackson ignores him as he looks at his daughter. “Isabelle just canceled her sleepover with you.”
“No, I didn’t,” she counters, reaching for the phone, but Jackson keeps her back.
“How come?” Sire asks on the other end.
“I didn’t cancel Uncle Sigh.”
Jackson puts a hand up and she crosses her arms on my lap as he talks to my brother. “She keeps cursing so there won’t be any sleepovers.”
Sire is quiet and I watch as Jackson gives his best scold to Isabelle.
“Did she call you a little bitch?” Sire asks and I can hear the smile in his voice.
“Yes,” Jackson bites out and I need to hide my smile from him as I imagine the kick Sire is getting out of this.
“Well, she’s sorry so—”
“She’s not sorry,” Jackson counters.
“I am,” Belle says, and I step in when I realize she’s about to cry.
“She’s sorry. Stop it, JJ.”
“Don’t start crying now.” Jackson keeps his eyes on her and my heart crushes as I pull her into my arms. “Put her down.”
“No.” I glare over at him. “She’s sorry and she’s having her sleepover. Stop it.” I hold her tighter and before Jackson can voice a complaint, Sire speaks up again.
“Is that my sister? I told you to call me if you heard from her. Are you two home?”
It sounds like he’s moving around on the other end. I shake my head before Jackson can answer. He opens his mouth but nothing comes out as he decides whether or not he’s going to lie for me.
“Hello?” Sire voices when no one says anything.
I snatch the phone from Jackson before moving Isabelle so I can stand.
“I’m fine.”
The rustling on the other end stops and Sire is quiet before he responds. “You scared the shit out of me, Lis. Turn your location back on.”
“I don’t see why you need it.” I walk further into the house as I listen closely and I catch the sigh he lets out.
“You’re angry,” he states more than asks.
I let out a scoff at his words. “Let me tell you you’re just like your mother and see how much joy you’ll be filled with.”
“I only said that because—”
“Because you wanted to hurt me,” I finish for him.
“Because you needed to hear it,” he counters. “You want to get high right now, don’t you? You’re probably pushing Jackson away. Picking fights and barely tolerating Isabelle. They don’t deserve that and you’re going to hate yourself for hurting them when you’re sober. Come stay with me.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” I shake my head at his words. “I’m not taking it out on Belle and I’m not tolerating her.”
“Not yet you’re not.”
He’s right .
The doubt yells at me and I hang up on him.