Chapter 37
Jason
I drove straight to my dad’s house after leaving Mila’s apartment this morning, not wanting to be alone with my thoughts running wild.
That was six hours ago—six hours of silence from Mila, each one stretching my anxiety tighter.
Then, finally, her text message came: three simple words—I’m ready now.
I didn’t hesitate. I told my dad and Jake I’d be back, then left faster than the speed of light.
Now I’m back for the second time today, ready to drop to my knees and beg Mila to forgive me.
The kiss she saw wasn’t my fault, but it was my fault for trusting that Elena wouldn’t stoop that low as to throw me under the bus like that.
Deep down, I always knew she was up to something.
I just never imagined she’d be this vindictive and cruel.
It felt like she’d been waiting for the perfect moment to sabotage, maybe even destroy, my relationship.
And I’m terrified she’s succeeded this time.
I hear the sharp click of the lock, and the door creaks open slowly.
Mila stands there in an oversized hoodie and leggings, her hair swept into a messy bun.
She’s still breathtaking, even if her eyes, red and glazed, tell a different story.
I can tell she’s been crying. And that fucking crushes me.
I never wanted to be the reason for her tears.
I wanted to be the one to wipe them away.
But seeing her now, I know I already failed her.
I’ve broken my promise never to hurt her.
“Hey,” I say softly, as she offers me a sad, fragile smile.
“Hi, come in.” She steps aside to let me in, then gently closes the door behind us.
We linger by the entrance, just staring at each other.
I search her face, trying to read something—anything—that might tell me she’s angry or hurt.
But all she gives me is a soft, unreadable expression, and it leaves me more uncertain than ever.
“Thanks for seeing me. I’ve been worried about you all day,” I say nervously. She reaches for my hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. “I’m fine now.” She exhales heavily. “Come on, let’s sit down.”
I give her a small nod, and she keeps hold of my hand as she leads us to the couch.
We walk in silence, but my heart pounds loudly with every step, a knot of unease tightening in my stomach. Why does it feel like I’m about to have my heart torn out?
“Would you like something to drink?”
I shake my head, offering a faint smile as I sink onto the couch. “I’m okay, thank you.” I’m not sure I could keep anything down right now. Not with my nerves all tangled in knots.
Mila draws in a sharp breath before settling into the spot beside me. She angles herself, facing me, but her gaze stays fixed on her hands, which fidget anxiously in her lap, fingers sliding over each other in restless motion.
I watch her in silence, waiting patiently for her to speak. But as the minutes stretch on and she remains quiet, the tension between us only thickens. Finally, unable to take it anymore, I break the silence first.
“Mila, I want to start by saying how deeply sorry I am. I’m sorry for how much it must’ve hurt to see what you did this morning. But before you say anything, please… I need to explain what really happened—”
She shakes her head and raises a hand, cutting me off before I can say more. “Jason, I’m going to stop you right there.” Her voice is firm, yet gentle. “You don’t need to explain anything, because I’ve already figured out what happened.”
My brow furrows. “You have?”
“Yes.” She nods slowly. “I know you didn’t initiate that kiss.
I saw you push her away the moment she kissed you.
It was clearly Elena’s cunning plan to hurt me.
And, to be honest, it worked. She hit me exactly where it hurt.
But Jason, I’m not angry with you. I’m just… confused and maybe a little scared.”
I take her hand in mine, needing to just feel her against my skin. “What are you confused or scared about?”
“Everything,” she says. “My feelings. This relationship. You, me… Elena.” Her voice trembles, as if she’s trying to keep all her emotions from spilling out at once.
“Sometimes my mind slips into these dark places when you’re not around.
And lately, it’s been happening more than I want to admit.
It’s like the moment I’m alone with my thoughts, I start imagining the worst—like you leaving me heartbroken just to go back to Elena. ”
She pauses, her eyes downcast. “I know that’s not fair to you, because I know you’d never intentionally hurt me. But there’s always this one insecure thought lingering in the back of my mind, and most days, it’s so overwhelming it almost feels like I can’t breathe.”
“Baby, you know I’d never go back to her. You’re the one I want, the one who matters to me—to Jake. Whatever you’re feeling, we’ll get through it together.”
“I know, Jason. And I know you’d do anything for me. But that alone won’t stop the negative thoughts from flooding in. It won’t quiet the fear or the anxiety that creeps in the moment you’re not around.”
She takes a shaky breath. “You’re already stretched so thin—running a business, raising Jake on your own. And with the way I am right now, I’d only be adding to the load. And that’s not fair of me to do that to you.”
I swallow hard, my next words coming out choked. “Mila, you’re not added weight.
That’s not how I see things at all. I’d much rather you lean on me whenever you need to, as long as I know that you’re okay.”
“But what is that really teaching me? That I need you around all the time just to function? Just to breathe? You might not see it the way I do, but it’s not healthy, Jason.
It isn’t healthy to be this dependent on you, to always feel like I need your reassurance, or for you to save me all the time.
How can I ever gain back my power if I can’t even stand on my own two feet? ”
I shake my head even though what she’s saying is true. “So… what are you trying to tell me?” I ask, as intense anxiety floods through me.
She sniffs, her eyes quickly filling with unshed tears. “I’m saying that maybe… maybe I’m just not ready after all.”
I shake my head again, more fiercely this time. “No, baby please,” I plead, shifting closer and tightening my grip on her hand. “I don’t want to lose you.”
She lets out a quiet sob, tears slipping down her cheeks. “You won’t lose me. But I need to sort out what’s going on in here.” She taps her temple lightly with her index finger, then places a hand over her heart. “So I can be free in here.”
I let out a shaky breath as my heart begins to crack—not just for us, but for her and the battle she still fights every day because of what Dean did to her.
I worried when we started this relationship that it might be too soon for her, that she needed more time to stand on her own before stepping into something new.
But I was too selfish, too focused on what I wanted, blind to the fact that she still needed time to fully heal. And for that, it’s all my fault.
I pull Mila onto my lap and hold her close as she trembles and cries, wrapping my arms around her like I can shield her from her pain. I gently rock us back and forth, pressing soft kisses to the crown of her head.
After several minutes her sobs begin to fade, and the tension in her body slowly eases.
“Mila, sweetheart… can you look at me?”
She slowly straightens and meets my gaze, her expression a quiet storm of sorrow and fatigue.
“Is there any way I can fix this? What can I do to help?”
“I just need time and space to work through some things. I still have a long way to go before I can fully be ready.”
“I can give you that, if that’s what you want. But I just don’t understand why we can’t still be together.”
“Because I need to do this on my own, Jason. I can’t focus when you’re close by.”
I exhale a heavy sigh, searching for the words that might convince her we’re better and stronger together. But deep down, I know it’s already too late. Her mind is made up. Nothing I say will change that.
I trace my thumb over the back of her hand, her eyes following the movement. “I’m sorry for rushing you into this when you weren’t ready. That’s on me. I should’ve known better, I should’ve put your needs first, and I didn’t. For that, I’m so incredibly sorry.”
I lift my hand to cup her cheek, and she leans into my touch without hesitation. If this is what she really wants, then I know what I have to do, even when it kills me inside.
“As much as this hurts, if this is what’s best, for you and for us, then I’ll give you what you’re asking for.
Just remember, I’ll always be here for you, in whatever way you need.
That won’t change. And when you’re ready…
come back to me, okay? I’ll wait as long as it takes.
” I pause, my voice soft but sure as I say the next words. “I love you, Mila. I always will.”
Her eyes well up once more, and a deep, hollow ache settles in my chest, the kind that comes when you know you’re about to lose something you love.
For the next fifteen minutes, we sit in silence, holding each other tightly like it might be the last time.
And maybe it is, if Mila decides in the end that she doesn’t want me anymore.
But I can’t let my mind go there. Not now.
She’s already carrying so much, and the last thing I want is for her to see how scared I really am.
When Mila shifts slightly and murmurs that she’s getting tired. I know it’s her gentle way of asking for space—of telling me she needs to be alone.
The air feels thick, heavy, making it harder to breathe as we move towards the door.
She fumbles with the lock, but before she opens, I pull her into one last embrace. She clings to me tightly, as if trying to mould herself to my body.
Leaning back, I press a tender kiss to her forehead and meet her beautiful, sad eyes.