Chapter Ten
From: Alex Maxwell
To: Jess Martin
Subject: Your feedback
Jess,
Thank you so much for the detail and attention with which you read my novel. If anything I say in this email seems less than grateful, I apologise in advance. I am genuinely impressed with, even touched by, the care you took. (As well as intrigued and somewhat amused by the colour coding.)
However, I must disagree with several of your observations. The women are not just there in the background. They play an important role, even if they don’t narrate per se.
The scenes you have inserted, even allowing for the fact that they are first drafts, do not work for me as either a writer or a critical reader of the novel as a whole.
As for the repetitions you suggest may grate on a certain kind of reader, they are what’s known as anaphora and epistrophe – deliberate figures of speech to create a certain style.
I must also re-iterate that having all the passengers survive seems profoundly unserious, and something that belongs in a romcom novel with a cartoon cover (no offence intended) rather than in the kind of thoughtful literary fiction that my readers have come to expect from me.
Along the same lines, though I admit the jokes you’ve inserted do represent the right sort of dark humour for the story in question (and though, I further admit, they raised a smile with this reader), they are nonetheless inappropriate for this kind of work.
All best,
Alex
PS: I trust your ankle is healing well.
From: Jess Martin
To: Alex Maxwell
Subject: Your feedback
Hi Alex,
My ankle is doing much better, thank you. I appreciate both the peas and the RICE advice. The offending boots have been temporarily confined to the naughty step in the shoe cupboard to think about what they’ve done.
It really was a pleasure reading your novel – I wasn’t just saying that to make any constructive criticism more palatable.
I’m sorry that we disagree so much on so many fundamental elements of the book and on how we can work together to elevate it. How do you propose we move forward?
Best wishes,
Jess
From: Jess Martin
To: Alex Maxwell
Subject: Your arrogance
Alexander,
Obviously, I’m never going to send this, but just typing it is helpful to get it off my chest. Maybe it’s the writer in me – the writer that you clearly don’t think exists or has any value, but that’s your prerogative.
It isn’t charming to phrase an email like a character in a Dickens novel would. Get with it. This is 2026.
My suggested scenes had clearly written all over them ‘obviously, you can write these much better, this is just a broad-brush suggestion’.
Also, saying ‘no offence’ after something offensive doesn’t make it any less offensive.
Also, also, your constant use of Latin is not endearing or impressive. It’s irritating and pompous. It so happens that I have an A Level in Latin, but I don’t feel the need to constantly brandish it around like some kind of blunt weapon.
Also, also, also, I know what anaphora and epistrophe are, and I understand the Rule of Three. I just don’t necessarily think a novel is best served by making constant use of the same figures of speech over and over again. Yours certainly isn’t.
Your name, by the way, is an anagram of Relax, Edna. I wish you’d take that advice. Maybe you’d be happier. Maybe we all would.
Yours disrespectfully, because frankly that’s all you deserve,
Jess
From: Jess Martin
To: Alex Maxwell
Subject: Jess Martin has attempted to recall an email
From: Alex Maxwell
To: Jess Martin
Subject: Too late
J,
It is nice to know what you think of me. Not that I was really in any doubt, but if those doubts had existed, it would have been a relief to have them assuaged.
A.
From: Alex Maxell
To:
Subject: My arrogance, apparently
Jessica,
At least, I assume it’s Jessica. Although I wouldn’t put it past you to be above having an actual full name. Full names are very normal and boring, after all.
I actually am never going to send this to you, because I am not careless enough to accidentally press send.
See how I haven’t added your email address into the required field?
That is to doubly make sure that if I do accidentally press send – say, because fury is preventing me from thinking logically – I am protected from my own stupidity.
One day, we will look back at this whole débacle and laugh, and laugh.
(I’d normally add a third and laugh but wouldn’t want to offend your sensibilities by overdoing the Rule of Three.) What larks!
We could have been rich and famous, both of us successful authors and perhaps even friends!
But instead we are both stubborn and arrogant in our own endearing ways.
It will make for a great story. Though perhaps we’d rather have the success, fame, and friendship*? I suppose we’ll never know.
*Yes, that’s an Oxford comma. Deal with it.
All my worst,
Edna.
(What is this relaxing of which you speak?)
From: Jess Martin
To: Lily Saunders
Subject: FW: Too late
Lily! Help!! Look what I accidentally just sent to Alex.
Now what????
J xx
From: Lily Saunders
To: Jess Martin
Subject: FW: Too late
Lol. xx
From: Jess Martin
To: Lily Saunders
Subject: FW: Too late
What’s that supposed to mean???
From Lily Saunders
To: Jess Martin
Subject: FW: Too late
I’m surprised you don’t know what lol means in this day and age. xx
From: Jess Martin
To: Lily Saunders
Subject: FW: Too late
I do know what lol means! I just don’t know what it means as a response to what I’ve written. I’m genuinely in pain here. Help me!!! Please??
J xx
From: Lily Saunders
To: Jess Martin
Subject: FW: Too late
Sorry, J. I was teasing, but I see now that this is not a teasing kind of situation.
Sadly, short of inventing time travel, I don’t think there’s much either you or I can do about this. Agree it’s mortifying, though.
Your name on a book would be pretty cool!
And you’re always saying you’d love to treat your grandparents to a cruise – maybe the money from this novel could help with that?
I suppose what you need to think about is whether you want the book deal badly enough to put up with Alex (and with the embarrassment of his knowing what you think of him).
As I understand novel writing, it’s not a quick process – you’d be spending a lot of time together.
Maybe weigh that up, alongside the benefits.
Seems to me that there’s a lot of pride at stake on both sides. Maybe some prejudice too. Make of that what you will.
I have to run, but call me later?
Toodle-pip, my lovely! Try not to stress, it will all be fine. Eventually, anyway xx
From: Alex Maxwell
To: Nathan Thomas
Subject: Impossible
Nathan,
I cannot work with Jess. She is impossible.
Alex
From: Jess Martin
To: Nathan Thomas
Subject: Update
Hi Nathan,
First of all, I want to say a massive thank you for entrusting me with the mission of working with Alex Maxwell. It was a huge privilege for me to be invited to take part in the project, and despite a shaky initial meeting, I was more than happy to go ahead and take on this assignment.
However, it’s become apparent that we are deeply incompatible, both as people and as writers, and that the aforementioned mission is, in fact, impossible.
I hope you’ll be able to find a different solution for improving this novel, which I do think shows a lot of promise – I enjoyed reading it.
All my apologies, and all best wishes,
Jess Martin
From: Nathan Thomas
To: Alex Maxwell; Jess Martin
Subject: Meeting
Dear Alex and Jess,
Thank you for your separate emails updating me on the situation. I propose that we meet at your earliest convenience.
Would 9 a.m. this coming Monday suit?
Kind regards,
Nathan